It’s time for a new episode of the To Love, Honor and Vacuum podcast!

And Happy Valentine’s Day! This one has lots of fun things about making sex great, getting over hurdles, and more.

I hope you all will listen, but if you don’t have time, I’ll have some links and rabbit trails below so you can read all you want as well!

And consider this podcast “extras”. If you want to go deeper into what I talked about in the podcast, here are some more things to help you.

But first, here’s the podcast:

Main Segment: How Can I Be Sexually Confident?

Whether you’re British, Southern, Mennonite, Lutheran, Baptist, Kenyan, or whatever–you can be a sexually confident woman (and I’ve heard all of those excuses as I’ve been speaking–“but that’s just not who I am!”)

You were created to be sexual, and you were created to express that in marriage. Passion is part of who you are. And in this segment I’m actually getting a little more theological to talk about how to we can develop sexual confidence.

Over this week I’ve given lots of practical tips on how to get more adventurous in bed and have some more fun, but I wanted to look at it from a different perspective today and talk about what to do if you just feel lost in this whole thing because you’re just not a sexual person.

A few things I mentioned in the podcast segment: First, if you grew up with a church culture that told you that sex was all about him–no wonder you’re not sexual!


If you grew up feeling like you were a stumbling block to guys, that your body was somehow evil, that sex was all for him–well, it’s no wonder that you don’t feel like a sexual being! But that is not how sex is, and there is a better way of talking about sex.

And if you’ve never really experienced pleasure during sex, here are some posts that can help, too!

Millennial Marriage: How millennials approach marriage differently

Rebecca and I were looking at an article about how millennials are doing marriage so differently, and often getting married at a much later age.

Here’s what we were talking about:

John Gottmann–How Millennials are redefining marriage

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with getting married later, but I do think that it should be because that’s what God has for you, not because you’re deliberately leaving marriage until later so that you can live your life first. I do think that that gives some dangerous priorities that may show up later.

Reader Question: My Husband Won’t Talk During Sex!

A reader writes:

Sex is 2-3 times a week and is physically great for both of us. But he won’t say anything when we are being intimate, not even “I love you.” I have tried explaining to him how happy this would make me, and how much it increases feeling if intimacy for me, but he is unwilling or unable to do it. I’m an INFP and he is an ENTJ …so I’m thinking he just isn’t comfortable expressing his feelings. How can I help him? He’s definitely one to resist if he feels nagged and I don’t want to make him feel bad because he is a great husband. But on the other hand, living my whole life without feeling tenderness in the bedroom makes me so sad. Can I press the issue? Or do I just need to look for the other ways he shows his affection and leave him alone

Great question! And I promised her that I’d link to my MBTI and marriage series, where I talked about the different personality types (that’s what she means by INFP and ENTJ).

And sometimes (I’m not saying it’s necessarily the case here) people can’t talk during sex because our porn culture has taught us that intimacy is actually a turn off. It’s anonymity that’s sexy.

But the bigger point is that it’s okay for her to express what she needs. Sex should be about her, too! And if she has a hard time with that, she can try the idea of his nights and her nights.

And, of course, my sexy dares include 8 dares that he takes the lead on where he learns how to cater to HER, too!

Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?

SPICY 1 - Our Valentine's Day Podcast! On Sexual Confidence, Mutual Sex, and More!

Try these 24 dares–plus one bonus–to take your marriage to the next level!

Reader Comments: How Porn Use Stunts Emotional Growth

I’m down in Louisiana right now at an RV park getting ready to give my Girl Talk in Lake Charles on Sunday night, so I couldn’t record a new segment of comments this week. (I recorded the podcast as a whole before I left!). So Rebecca recorded this segment for me, using some of the interesting comments coming out of last week’s post on porn and anger. 

I do think Covenant Eyes is a great tool for helping the healing process start. It doesn’t cure anything, but it does set the stage so that you can do the hard work without all the temptation. And the website has a ton of helpful resources and challenges, too, both for husbands and wives.

And remember–you get 30 days free when you sign up with my link!

That’s all for the podcast today! Normally I also post a recent comment, but I’ve been away for three weeks in our RV on a speaking tour in the southern states (I’m speaking in Louisiana this weekend!), and I recorded all of these before I left. So I couldn’t tell what the recent comments would be.

But that gives you lots to mull over. And I do hope you have an awesome Valentine’s Day.

What did you think of this week’s podcast? Remember to rate it 5 stars and write a review! That helps it get seen by more people, and I’d love to see more people find healthy resources for sex in marriage.