What if discipline and spanking aren’t synonyms?
What if there was a much more effective way of disciplining your kids where you connect with their heart and it actually BUILDS your relationship?
Let’s continue our awesome talk with Wendy Snyder from Fresh Start Families today!
Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:
Timeline of the Podcast
1:10 Wendy joins the podcast!
2:50 Explaining Gentle Parenting
7:00 Gentle Parenting in action
14:30 Sheila’s experience with a tough child
20:45 Emotions are not the problem
24:00 Example for tween parenting
34:15 Strong willed children
44:30 Wendy walks through parenting advice for Rebecca
55:00 Special update + closing announcements
Main Segment: Gentle Parenting Doesn’t Mean You Can’t Say No!
In fact, as Wendy says, she likely says “no” more often! But the point is that you’re connecting with your child emotionally, building a secure attachment, and parenting out of that relationship.
Just like God works with us! It’s such a better way to parent than spanking, and there’s so much research that this actually works. Christians need to get behind this, because to me, this looks like the very heart of Jesus far more than spanking your kids to force them to do what you want them to do.
This was a REALLY fun conversation, and at the end, Rebecca asked for advice for an issue she’s having with Alex not taking off his shoes when he comes in from playing in the backyard. Wendy gave her some tips, and then Rebecca shows us an update!
Wendy Snyder is a Positive Parenting Teacher & Family Coach, helping families parent with great purpose and intention by creating healthy, respectful & cooperative relationships. She is a Certified Parent Educator of Redirecting Children’s Behavior (RCB) and an advocate for families.
You’re telling me WHAT goes WHERE?!
Talking about sex with your kids doesn’t always go smoothly.
That’s why we created The Whole Story, our online course that walks parents through the tough conversations and does the hard parts for you!
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
- Wendy Snyder’s Fresh Start Families site plus follow Wendy on Instagram!
- Fresh Start Family Podcast episode 122 and episode 123
- Sign up for Wendy’s FREE discipline class! And here’s her course for parents of strongwilled kids, and here’s her logical discipline planning guide
- The books Wendy recommended: Jesus the Gentle Parent and Heartfelt Discipline
- The book I recommended: Angry Me by Sandra Feder
- The Mask You Live in Documentary
- Rebecca’s book Why I Didn’t Rebel
- Suport our podcast! Join our Patreon and get access to an awesome Facebook group, merch, and more! And support us by buying Knix bras in Canada or in the U.S.
Do you think gentle parenting can catch on in church? How can we keep this conversation going? Let’s talk in the comments!
The Attachment Series
POSTS:
- The 4 Attachment Styles and what that means in parenting and marriage
- Do We Have to Tell Kids They're Dirty Rotten Sinners?
- Your Kids' Attachment Issues Doesn't Mean It's Your Fault
- Our 5 Love Styles and How This Affects Marriage
- How Can You Grow a Healthy Attachment Style?
PODCASTS:
- PODCAST: Attached to God--how does our attachment style to God affect our relationship with Him?
- PODCAST: Our Love Styles with Mila and Kay Yerkovich
- PODCAST: What is connected parenting (last segment of podcast) plus how research around spanking is misused!
- PODCAST: How can we raise securely attached kids?
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
So I already do about 80% of this style already and just didn’t know it had an official category.
I focus alot on empathy for my toddler, because when I was little, nobody ever taught me how to handle emotions.
Especially right now! I have moments where her touching me enrages me. And she’s absorbed some of that anger. So I have to work on now de-escalating both of us.
normally hormones don’t effect my emotions. But this pregnancy and pp have at times! So I’m not blaming her at all right now but trying to restore what my tantrums burned.
Unfortunately because she’s potty training, unless I want to erase progress, nobody else can watch her. Even daddy has been tempted and put her back in diapers. Which adds more stress because she’s only got the basics down. Not really the clothes yet, and no success with underpants.
You may not need or want this, but this is your permission to quit potty training for now if you want. It sounds like it might be adding a lot of stress when you already have a lot going on.
I’m just saying this because I wish I had quit when I was trying to potty train my oldest. I thought I should keep going once started and also thought I needed her trained because her younger brother had just been born. It was probably two years in which she was 85% potty trained but still had accidents once or twice a day. Having two in diapers is much less stressful than one in diapers and one having random accidents. I vowed I would never potty train again. My next three all ditched diapers only when they insisted on it, and it was virtually effortless on my part and over within a week or two, consistent regardless of caretakers, and they were all fully trained by three.
This reminds me of To Sir With Love.
So… What do you do if you 1) completely and utterly screwed this up and your kids are already grown, and 2) your spouse still wouldn’t be on board with this anyway, so you can’t even apologize collectively for the atmosphere of the home? I have so many regrets.
I think you can talk to your adult children anyway? Even if your spouse doesn’t agree? You have your own relationship with your adult kids, and your spouse has his. You’re allowed to have a relationship with your kids.
Ok. I notice that parenting post tend to have very little conversations in the comments in comparison to marriage posts. Thanks so much that you continue to share on this topic. When I started following your blog several years ago, I would always bristle against not spanking. It’s all I’ve ever known and was taught 100% that it is what God wants to raise children for His kingdom. I’m currently experiencing major break throughs in my own life. Abandonment, oppression, and Daddy (authority) issues. Meals are horrible here because of me.To dominate and rule with a firm hand. I’ve been convicted in the last week after reading a book recommended by my counselor Love Me, Feed Me that that relationship also hinges on attachment! I apologized to both of my children 8 & 5 a few nights ago that they know mommy has been working with a doc for 2.5yrs to help my tummy, my heart, and my mind. That Jesus has told me to change my ways with how I parent them. I will never discipline with physical pain again. They both melted into my arms. I told them I am human and will probably make mistakes as this is a new way for me to think. If I do mess up. I will come back to them and apologize. I have stiff armed my oldest since birth. Never bonded. I am starting to see slivers of hope to be able to draw her in. Maybe we can start bonding!!!
I really enjoyed this podcast as it helped in my search for a new way of parenting/discipling. I want to understand better how to connect with my children and discipline and train in a loving way. I’m really struggling with my 2 1/2 year old right now, and could really use some guidance on how to deal with him. She gave the example of her son pushing another child on the playground and how she addressed it, but it seemed like it was more of an accident, done out of excitement. What if the child hits/pushes his other siblings out of pure meanness. How do you discipline this kind of behavior. I have done things like separating him from the situation, making him apologize and ask forgiveness, but he continues to lash out in anger every time a sibling does something he doesn’t like. I can’t even cook a meal without having to go running to where he’s playing because he’s shoved his younger brother into a wall or something. I begin to get frustrated and can’t deal with it in a calm way because it’s constant.
This sounds very similar to the principles of Love & Logic (https://www.loveandlogic.com/), in case anybody wants another resource along these lines.