The Great Sex Rescue has launched!
We’re thrilled with the reception, and the sales figures are strong, and we’re already heading into our third printing! Yay! It’s even sold out now at Christianbooks.com, but you can still get it at Amazon (and check here for other options!)
I planned to do a happy podcast, where we did a bit of a victory lap, and it did start out that way. But it’s been a very emotional week, and by the end Rebecca couldn’t pretend anymore. So we’re just really raw with you about how demoralizing it is to see people just love our book and say what an amazing impact it’s had on them–and then have the powers-that-be still not care about hurting women. It’s just difficult. So if you listen to nothing else in the podcast, please listen to the first little bit, and then from 45 minutes on.
Also–many are asking how they can practically help us. Two things:
- ** REVIEW THE BOOK ** on Amazon, on Goodreads, everywhere! This helps TREMENDOUSLY. Seriously. And it’s such an encouragement! (Once you’ve read it, of course!)
- Keep writing to Focus on the Family, and ask them to reconsider their support for harmful books, as we outlined in our Open Letter.
Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:
Timeline of the Podcast
0:10 Our celebration chat!
6:40 This is not a Matthew 18 situation
14:10 A deep dive conversation into our research
28:35 Dr. Camden joins us for a question on kissing before marriage!
43:25 A statement on last a clip from last week
45:45 Working through tough emotions and a call for your prayers
Main Segment: Our book is live!
After two long years, The Great Sex Rescue is here! We’ve been seeing pictures on Instagram and Twitter all week of people receiving it in the mail, and the reviews have been amazing and humbling. We read a long one on air; I’ll leave a short snippet of another here:
FINALLY, a Christian book on sex that praises mutual, loving, and rocking-awesome sex for both the husband and the wife. Finally, a book that encourages both men and women to be all they can be. One that refuses to imply that all men are just animals who cannot help but have sex all the time (so wives, you better be ready for it). Where the women are considered important and also created for sex to feel amazing.
The Great Sex Rescue
Changing the conversation about sex & marriage in the evangelical church.
What if you're NOT the problem with your sex life?
What if the things that you've been taught have messed things up--and what if there's a way to escape these messages?
Welcome to the Great Sex Rescue.
A Quick primer: What do you say if people think our research is bunk?
Rebecca and I walk you through some of the common criticisms we’re going to get of our research–and what to say back! We mention four points, but here’s the most important:
People often say, ‘oh, they just found 20,000 people who agreed with them.” But what we were doing was comparing people who believed a teaching with people who did not. We could not have done the work we did if we had 20,000 people who believed all the same way. The whole point was comparing different beliefs. We had a very wide cross-spectrum of beliefs/denominations, etc., and the results were astounding.
Reader Question: I Want to Kiss My Fiance Before the Wedding!
I brought the awesome Dr. Camden Morgante onto the podcast to talk about The Great Sex Rescue–and to answer a reader question for us! Dr. Camden wrote an amazing review of The Great Sex Rescue (in which she reveals the mystery of my dedication in the book!).
The Great Sex Rescue is a long overdue correction to Christian books on marriage and sex. With both biblical truth and evidenced-based research on sexuality, Sheila and her co-authors tackle the myths that keep many Christian couples from enjoying true passion and intimacy.
Then after the mutual praise-fest, she helped me answer this reader question (and gave exactly the answer I would!):
I’m getting engaged soon. Boyfriend and I have fairly restrictive boundaries with have been painstakingly upheld, but upheld nonetheless throughout our dating. I always thought we would kiss when we got engaged. He fears kissing (he’s never kissed) will open up a can of worms of sin and sexual temptation and that he’ll sin against me and God. He wants to flee sexual immorality and feels a strong conviction about this.
I have kissed before and have a couple of reasons I would want to be able to give a kiss of excitement on our engagement day.
1. I LOVE HIM, and WHEN I GET ENGAGED I WANT TO EXPRESS THAT AS FULLY AS IS APPROPRIATE WITHIN DATING!
2. I don’t want to walk down the aisle having only kissed one guy,
not the guy I’m marrying.
3. I don’t want to share our first kiss with 200 other guests.
4. I feel like going from side hugs only to having sex all in one day will be too much. The thought of it gives me anxiety. I want to ENJOY my wedding night. Not have to think about how I’m having sex with someone I’ve kissed twice before.
5. It feels like a rejection to not kiss at engagement.
6. Kissing at engagement has always been my expectation, so now I’m battling my own expectations.
7. Imagine getting engaged and then… !!! Side hug. That’s it.
Commit to someone for life and display that with a….. !!!!! Side. Freaking. Hug. That sounds awful.
He is trying so hard to be understanding, but not knowing how to compromise given his convictions.
Please Sheila. Help. This is weighing so heavily on me. I know it’s just kissing. It’s not a huge deal. But it FEELS so huge.
Clearing up a misunderstanding from last week’s podcast
Last week we talked about two things Shaunti Feldhahn had written where it was inferred that pre-pubertal boys were experiencing sexual behavior that we do not believe is normal for children.
One of those things was from her blog:
1. It starts young. Yes, I knew men and boys were visual – but I didn’t really grasp just how visual until my son was thunderstruck by the pictures in the Victoria’s Secret shop window at age of 4. “I like those ladies,” he said, in an awed tone of voice, suddenly and completely oblivious to everything else around him. “Their bare tummies make my tummy feel good.” The male brain is the male brain from the earliest age, and as I share in Through A Man’s Eyes, that means we moms need to know how to help those little eyes be careful what they see from the earliest ages.
It’s been reported that we were claiming that this 4-year-old boy has likely been sexually abused. At no point did we state or imply that anyone had abused anyone else specifically, and we certainly are not accusing anyone of anything. If you want to go back and listen to that section of our podcast again, it’s right here–and the discussion on that started at 29 minutes.
We’re sorry if this caused offense, and again, we were not implying that anyone had abused anyone else specifically.
We were simply trying to bring attention to two important issues:
1. Parents sometimes interpret what pre-pubertal children say or do in a sexual way when they are not. Prepubertal children are not sexual in the way that adults are sexual. Yes, they are curious about things, including those parts of their bodies, but this is a completely innocent, normal developmental stage, and we need to be careful not to read things into it that are not there. Our concern is that the example she used seemed in our eyes to equate childhood curiosity with sexual desire and arousal.
2. Child sexual abuse is unfortunately a very common problem in our society, and it is important for all of us to recognize that overtly sexual behavior in children can be a red flag for child sexual abuse having occurred.
Where We’re At
And then, at the end, Rebecca kind of fell apart, and I did, too. It’s been a long haul getting this book out, and it’s difficult when the powers-that-be refuse to admit the harm that’s been done. It’s just a huge weight that we feel like we’ve been carrying. We know we’re not alone; we’re ever so grateful to you. And I think in the near future we’ll see how much you all mean to us, and how much you do have our backs. But as Rebecca shared, this is lonely and this is difficult and this is demoralizing–not because we’re being attacked behind the scenes, but that instead people don’t care and they’re trying to preserve reputation instead. That’s hard.
So we got more raw (rawer?) than we’ve ever been before. I considered nixing this, but I thought it would be good for you to hear.
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
- Our correspondence with Focus on the Family around Love & Respect and abuse
- Dr. Camden Morgante: And check out her “which purity culture myth affected you” quiz!
- The Great Sex Rescue (with links to all the different places you can purchase it!)
- Our Honeymoon Prep Course (where we help people prepare for sex on the honeymoon–and how not to rush intercourse!)
- Our spiritually homeless podcast
- Our survey methodology
Thank you for all your support. We mean it. And remember to review the book!
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
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