Can you have a porn-free home?

I wish I could say, “absolutely!”, but I can’t. I don’t even like the title of this post, because it promises something I can’t deliver. I was thinking of “Porn Safe”, but that makes it sound like your home is safe FOR porn. Then I was thinking “Limit Porn”, but that makes it sound like there’s a safe time limit.

So here’s what I am saying: most of our kids are going to see porn. Most of our husbands are going to be tempted by porn. A large proportion of women are also going to be tempted and going to see it or seek it out at some point. Almost everybody is going to stumble across porn. There is nothing that you can do that will give you a 100% guarantee that no one will see porn.

But what you can do is create an environment in your home where a porn habit is far less likely to develop. And it’s the habit we want to avoid. And I decided that today, with Back to School upon us being a great time to institute new family habits, I thought I’d issue us our weekly challenge to create a home that’s far less porn-friendly and far more family-friendly.

The average age that kids are introduced to porn is quickly falling, to around 10. Teenage girls are becoming one of the fastest-growing groups of porn watchers. And most men battle with the temptation to look at porn. Let’s not assume that porn is something only moms of 15 or 16-year-old boys have to worry about. 

We need to fight this fight for the sake of everyone in our family. That’s the environment we’re in. Now let’s look at the risk factors.

Full disclosure: I’m an affiliate for Covenant Eyes–but that’s only because I really believe in them! I’m so glad there’s a company aiming to help protect families from porn, and I hope they can help you, too!

When do people tend to form porn habits?

When porn is easy; when they’re bored; when they’re stressed; and when they’re alone. If we can limit those risk factors, then we limit porn! And that’s what I want to stress today–have a game plan and limit those factors. So here we go:

1. Subscribe to Covenant Eyes

It’s a program that runs in the background of your computers, laptops, phones and other devices that can either filter what sites you’re allowed to go to based on each person’s profile, send accountability emails of searches or websites visited to an accountability partner, or both. And it’s not dependent on your wifi, so it goes with you, your husband or child outside of the house, too.

Look, if people know that if they search for something pornographic, an accountability partner will get an email, it reduces the risk that they’ll search. And often kids come upon porn sites inadvertently by searching for something they don’t realize sounds pornographic. Covenant Eyes makes sure that doesn’t happen. And you get one month free when you sign up with my link!

Find freedom from porn!

Live porn free - 4 Easy Habits to Become a "Porn Free" Home
Your marriage, and your thought life, do not need to be held captive to pornography.

There is freedom.

Beat porn–together!

2. Set Up a Technology Center in a Central Place

Buy a charging station where everybody can dock their phones, tablets or iPads. Then, make it a habit that at mealtimes, all devices go there so you can enjoy family time. And at bedtime, everyone’s devices return there to be charged overnight. No one has their devices in the bedroom with them! It’s late at night that teens (and adults) often start surfing the internet. And if the devices aren’t there, they can’t. Let’s get back to reading books at night or talking rather than being plugged in, since research has also consistently shown that using devices late at night makes you sleep worse, anyway–especially for teenagers.

Let’s not assume that porn is something only moms of 15 or 16-year-old boys have to worry about. Almost everybody is going to stumble across porn.

3. Turn the Wifi Off at Night

You’re allowed to, you know. And when you unplug at dinner and unplug at night, stress is also likely to be reduced because everyone will talk to each other more, and turn to more social forms of entertainment. Create a culture in your home where the internet isn’t with you 24/7, and people turn to each other instead. It will never guarantee there won’t be problems, but it will help you build the kind of family where it’s less likely. And then you’ll also have the kind of family where if there is a problem–you’re far closer and better equipped to deal with it!

4. Talk to Your Kids about Porn and How Habits are Formed

This one’s a little bit scarier, so I’ve saved it for last. This is a conversation that you can’t ignore, because it’s important. When kids see pornography at a young age, it’s really a form of trauma for many of them. It’s horrendous. It hits them like a sledgehammer, and those images stay and they don’t know what to do with them.

And since most kids see porn because they stumble across it by accident or because other kids show them, you can’t eliminate the danger on your own. It’s better to prepare them for it.

I’ve recently found two great books that I highly recommend for talking to your kids about porn: Good Pictures, Bad Pictures. There’s a younger version and an older version–the younger one for kids around 4-6, and the older one for kids around 9-12. I was so impressed with both.

The younger one equips kids to know when they’ve seen a bad picture, and gives them a 3-word strategy of what to do (that includes telling you). The older one goes through what porn is, how it can become addictive, why we may become aroused even if we don’t like what we’re seeing, and how that doesn’t make you a pervert. And it gives strategies for resisting the pull of porn. But it does it all in a really safe way, without being too gratuitous or scary. It actually presents the science in an easily accessible way, so it gives the message of steering clear of porn without being shaming.

One of the biggest reasons kids don’t tell parents about porn is because they do become aroused and they think this makes them bad people. When they know they can tell you, and when you’ve already prepared them for that, then they don’t feel like perverts. It helps it become less of a big deal–something they can fight against.

Join Me in the To Love, Honor and Vacuum Weekly Challenge

And now I’d like to invite you to join me in our weekly challenge! 

To Love, Honor and Vacuum Weekly Challenge

Become a Porn-Free Home!

Have a talk with your husband and decide if one (or more) of these habits should be instituted to help your home become porn-free. 

Don’t have kids? Talk about what to do with your devices at night, and have a frank conversation about whether temptation is an issue (for either of you!)

If you do have kids, make a game plan of how you will talk to them and what rules you will have for technology. Discuss these habits and which ones you may adopt. Above all, be proactive. This matters!

4 Habits Porn Free Home - 4 Easy Habits to Become a "Porn Free" Home

What do you do to help your family be porn-free? Do any of these habits resonate with you? Let’s talk in the comments.

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