I remember feeling absolutely embarrassed and in shock at a youth group retreat where the pastor referred to the clitoris.
His point was: “God created a part of a woman’s body where the only purpose is for her sexual pleasure.”
At the time I wanted the floor to open and swallow me up. I didn’t know what to do with that information.
In retrospect, I’m glad he said that, because two things stuck with me:
- Sex was not just about a guy feeling good
- And having sex be pleasurable was actually part of God’s intention
That’s what that pastor wanted us all to know, and he was so right. We don’t need to feel embarrassed for enjoying sex, or embarrassed for wanting sex, because God made sex to be pleasurable.
This month we’re doing some sex ed for adults. Last week I was talking about 10 things you may not know about arousal in women. And today I thought we’d look more at what the clitoris can tell us about what God means for sex, how God feels about women, and even what we can learn about God in general.
That may be a tall order for such a small body part, but it’s an important body part! And I know it may make you all feel awkward, but if God created it, we shouldn’t feel ashamed of talking about it. Next week we’ll be tackling the theology of the penis, and I’ll even give my podcast about what we can learn about God (and sex!) from how He made our bodies. But let’s start with the clitoris.
So here goes! I’ve mentioned a lot of these posts in other posts lately, but I think it’s important to have them all in one place for easy reference, so forgive me if you find some of this repetitive. It’s important, and I encourage you (I dare you!) to share this so that other women can hear it, too.
What the Clitoris Tells Us About Sex
God created a body part that is ONLY for pleasure. There’s no other reason for that body part. In men, the penis has several purposes, but in women, it’s only one. That means that sex is supposed to be pleasurable in general, but also pleasurable specifically for women. God intended for sex to be about women’s sexual pleasure, too.
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That’s not to say that you can’t use other positions; but the fact that this is the go-to position means that God intended for sex to be personal. Pretty much all other animals have sex from a rear entry position as the only position that’s possible. But God shows that humankind is different. He intended sex to be about both of you feeling close. In fact, one of the most intimate things you can do is to look into each other’s eyes at the height of orgasm, when the oxytocin (the bonding hormone) is at its peak. It does bond you!
So the existence of the clitoris, and its position, shows that God intended sex to be physically pleasurable for women, and personally intimate for both of you!
What the Clitoris Tells Us about Gender Dynamics
God could have made women’s bodies so that we get maximum pleasure from intercourse. But He didn’t. That doesn’t mean that women CAN’T feel pleasure from intercourse–I’ve written about how to find and identify the G-spot, and how to tilt so that it feels better! But in general, most women report that they reach orgasm easier from clitoral stimulation, or that they at least need a lot of stimulation (and a lot of foreplay) before intercourse if they’re going to reach orgasm through intercourse. In my surveys for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, I definitely found that many women had trouble reaching orgasm, and a lot of that was due to lack of foreplay.
So what did God intend from the clitoris? It almost seems like God must like men better, since it’s so much easier for them! But here’s my theory: while men tend to be able to reach climax quite quickly through intercourse alone, women don’t. That means that, for a woman to feel pleasure, men have to slow down and think about their wives. Sex can’t just be “animal”, where you simply have intercourse with no foreplay, because that won’t feel good for her. That means that men have to learn to be unselfish if sex is going to work well for both of you.
God designed sex to help men slow down and think of their wives! They have to pay attention to what their wives want and what makes their wives feel good. They have to study their wives. So often in marriage it can seem like women are serving men, but God deliberately made our bodies so that, if we’re going to feel good, men would have to serve women.
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What the Clitoris Tells Us About what God wants for Women
Here’s something interesting, though. While sex works best when the man doesn’t think about what he’s feeling but concentrates on what she’s feeling (so as to prolong intercourse and to make her feel good), it also works best when the woman DOES think about what she’s feeling. She has to stop multitasking, stop thinking about anything else, and just let herself feel. That’s hard for women to do, because we’re so used to thinking about what everybody else needs. But for sex to work well, we have to be a little selfish. We have to pay attention to what’s going on in our bodies.
So God made sex as a gift for women, where we’d have to slow down and just feel.
God made sex to be AWESOME!
What the Clitoris (and orgasm) Tells Us about God
The fact that we have a clitoris means that God intends for women to reach orgasm. And what does that teach us about God? It shows that God does not intend for us to feel in control at all times. We can’t orgasm if we’re trying to control everything. We have to let go and let it happen. And orgasm itself is the antithesis of thought. You can’t think straight when you’re having an orgasm. It’s almost like something else is carrying you along.
That’s what God wants us to know about passion. We don’t have to always be in control. God created sex as a mirror for what our lives with Him are supposed to be like. And He doesn’t need us to feel always in control. He wants us, sometimes, to just be carried along by Him. To just trust, and experience, and feel joy. That’s how sex can be hot and holy at the same time!
That’s pretty cool for one little body part. Think about it:
- God wants women to experience pleasure
- God wants that pleasure to be both intimate and personal
- God wants husbands to take time to please their wives and pay attention to their wives
- God wants women to not feel like they have to always be the ones giving, but to learn how to receive
- God wants us to learn not to multi-task sometimes and not to always feel in control, but to let ourselves be carried along
That’s what God wants for you.
Do you understand that?
That tells me that God loves women.
That God really cares about us, and designed sex to be something wonderful for us. That means that God cares about what we feel, and He wants us to feel like the centre of attention every now and then.
I don’t know where you are today. Maybe you’re someone for whom sex has never felt that great. Maybe you feel beaten down by God, like he likes your husband better. Maybe you feel like sex is great for everyone but you.
But I just want you to look at that list again, and remind yourself that this is honestly God’s heart for you. It’s a gift He designed for you. You are not an afterthought, where you get the crumbs that your husband leaves behind. You’re supposed to be important. That’s how God sees you. And I think that’s amazing!
What do you think? Does this jibe with what you were taught about sex? Let’s talk in the comments! And while we’re at it–any thoughts about what the penis tells us about God (as I’m getting ready for next week’s post!)?