It’s time to talk to the guys today–and look at what masculinity really is!

On the last Thursday of every month I like to aim the podcasts more at men (though of course women can get a lot of them too!).

And today we tackled safe masculinity, or what true masculinity is.

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:


Timeline of the Podcast

1:30 What are safe men, and how many are there?
10:30 Habits go in pockets
13:20 Keith’s article on the ‘Effeminacy of Christianity”
22:45 Consent vs Power
27:30 ‘The Tie-Breaker’
34:35 The myth of the masculine Christ
42:20 Feminization of the church

How Many Christian Men Are Safe?

We talked about the findings from our survey, as described in this post last week on how many Christian guys are sexually safe. 

The criteria was:

  • Doesn’t watch porn
  • Doesn’t lust in any of the scenarios we gave them on our survey
  • Doesn’t believe the obligation sex message
  • Does make his wife’s pleasure a priority

One of the big things I wanted to talk about was how habits tend to go in pockets–not every church has that many guys who use porn. It’s more like 80% in some churches and 20% in others (this is just my theory; our survey couldn’t show that). So I’d advise getting to a church that IS healthy, because we did find that porn use tends to correlate with certain beliefs, so if you go to a church that rejects those beliefs, you’ll find less porn!

What is Real Masculinity?

Keith shared his awesome post on true masculinity, and it’s quite powerful to see him speaking it into the camera (or hearing him read it!)

Then Connor, Keith and I talked for a bit about how a guy shared a Facebook post of mine this week, introducing it by saying that I’m in authority and power over Keith. So we all laughed about that, because it seems as if people who believe men have to be in charge can’t picture a relationship where two people honestly function as equals. They assume that if HE isn’t in charge, then SHE must be.

Nope. You can actually function really well without a tie-breaker

After that, Keith and Connor discussed his article and what real masculinity means. 

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Things Mentioned in This Podcast:

How Many Christian Men Are Sexually Safe?

What do you think? How can we change the conversation about masculinity in the church? How do we fight back against the charge that we’re saying men are bad? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find BIBLICAL, HEALTHY, EVIDENCE-BASED help for their marriage. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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