It’s the last Thursday of the month, so we’re talking to men today!

Although, of course, women will enjoy this podcast too! But we’ve looking specifically at helping guys realize when there’s some repair work to do in their marriages.

We’ve spent the last two podcasts with some basic sex ed teaching on the sexual response cycle and contraception. We want to help you get this right from the start. 

But what if you didn’t? What if you messed up? And how do you talk to your kids about that, too?

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:


Timeline of the Podcast

0:10 New book coming soon!
3:45 ‘What if I started my marriage off poorly?’
7:30 Reader letters
14:45 You cannot equate these two needs
24:40 The difference growing up outside the church
31:15 Research: Sex Frequency in marriage
39:20 Interview with Carl Thomas: How to talk to kids about sexuality
1:00:10 Keith’s final thoughts + Encouragement

Main Segment: Why Guys Often Don’t Realize They’ve Messed Up

Because our church culture teaches guys that they need sex the way newborn babies need to be fed in the middle of the night or the way an invalid needs water brought to them, men often don’t realize that they are being the selfish ones. They’re taught this is an absolute need they have, a life and death need, and so if she doesn’t want sex, that must mean she’s being selfish. 

Here’s a letter that a guy recently sent me after our podcast on how guys should consider a wife’s needs postpartum

You say you think sex should be about both people. But that is NOT what you teach. You teach that women’s needs outranks men’s needs at:

4)after childbirth
6)or pretty much anytime there is an issue

Which when you add this up can easily get to 50% of the first 15-20 years of marriage. Now if your 50/50 the other 50% of the marriage it ends up being more like 75/25 if things are well and there are no issues. Issues can tilt it even more.

Why do you think so many are telling you it’s misandry? Why should everyone listen to you when you say it is misogynistic but you don’t have to listen to them? Your teaching almost at every turn considers the intentions, motives and spiritual life of women a positive light and men in a negative light.

I’m a happily married man. My wife thinks your every bit as evil as I do. This isn’t personal. I just believe your ruining tens of thousands Christian marriages in just the first generation and a multiple in the second generation.”

(Normally I correct the spelling and grammar mistakes but I left these ones in for fun).

Keith and I explain why, yes, her needs should take precedence on the honeymoon, and her period, and postpartum, and menopause, because she’s the one who is in discomfort and pain. This really shouldn’t be rocket science.

But then we share stories from other men with similar attitudes, and talk about how that starts a chain of events in many marriages that can wreck her libido and wreck sex. So we tackle what men can do when their attitudes have sent their sex lives in a downward spiral.

We cover this at length in The Good Guy’s Guide to Great Sex, too, and that book launches March 15! Honestly, I believe that THIS is the sex book that men need. Please pre-order, tell your pastor, tell your counselors, let them know that this resource is out there and that it’s healthy!

The All New Guides to Great Sex!

Available now!

Imagine building a great sex life--from the ground up!

What would it look like to build a picture of sex that was MUTUAL, INTIMATE, and PLEASURABLE FOR BOTH--with no harmful messages?

Welcome to the The Good Guy's Guide to Great Sex and the ALL NEW Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex.

Get them NOW!

And let's make these the go-to wedding shower gifts!

How Do You Talk To Your Son (or Daughter) about Porn–or Sex?

Carl Thomas from XXXChurch joined me. He took it over last year and has changed direction, and I love his approach (he finds Every Man’s Battle harmful as well). He’s recently written a book called When Shame Gets Real, and I read an early copy and endorsed it. One section I really liked was the open and frank way he described talking with your son about masturbation or  your own past porn use. I asked him on the podcast to help coach parents through this. 

When Shame Gets Real

We all know what it’s like to look into the mirror only to feel overwhelmed with regret and shame. For some, it’s a daily occurrence. But for those who’ve compromised their sexual integrity, it’s an ongoing reality.

In this book you’ll find a refreshingly blunt and candid conversation about sex, porn, and masturbation, that pulls no punches and reveals a clear path to freedom from sexual shame and sexually addictive behavior.

Things Mentioned in This Podcast:

When Men Have Messed up their Sex Lives Podcast

How do you think male entitlement has affected marriages? How can men bridge the gap if they’ve messed up? And what do you think of Carl’s take on how to talk to your kids? Let’s discuss in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find BIBLICAL, HEALTHY, EVIDENCE-BASED help for their marriage. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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