We’ve got two different segments on today’s podcast, both regarding what it means to make your own way as a couple:

  • Another look at how to read science–and what it SHOULDN’T be used for
  • and a visit with Stephanie and Dan Holmes, the hosts of the Neurodivergent Christian Marriages podcast!

Keith and I start with another look at how people can use science incorrectly, and then we tackle a question I get asked a lot: how do we handle marriage when one spouse is on the autism spectrum? Or when a spouse has ADD or another diagnosis?

Listen in!

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:


Timeline of the Podcast

1:00 Do you have to have sex with your husband all the time to prevent prostate cancer?
8:40 But are men and women super different?
17:45 Interview with NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages Podcast hosts
24:30 What you need to know before marriage with a neurodivergent partner
28:50 Unique challenges in marriage
31:30 Expectations to readjust
43:00 Sex within neurodivegent marriages
1:00:00 Encouragement!

Segment #1: How Can You Tell if Someone is Using Science Incorrectly?

We dealt with this reader question:

What do you do when someone brings up Obligation Sex as a necessity for men’s health? There is an article (which is quoting a study from Harvard researchers) that was brought to my attention as the necessity for obligation sex…that men frequently
having sex is a necessity for men’s health. I was a bit taken aback and didn’t know how to respond. What are your thoughts?

Keith and I talked about the problems with using a scientific study in a way that it wasn’t originally intended–and also some important questions to ask about that study.

We then revisited the podcast that Connor and Rebecca did a while ago about the neuroscience around men’s and women’s brains, because Gary Thomas is pushing back, saying that he knows a neuroscientist who disagrees with the meta-analysis. We again look at how this isn’t a proper way to handle scientific research.

I’m in favour of more science and more research. But we also have to understand its uses, and we need to understand how to read it. I hope we can all get more educated in this, so that we stop using science to prove our own viewpoint, and start using it to inform what we believe.

The Neurodivergent Christian Marriage Hosts Join Us!

Stephanie and Dan Holmes then joined the podcast to talk about neurodivergence and marriage. Dan is on the autism spectrum, and this causes unique challenges for marriage. Stephanie is a counselor who specializes in neurodivergent marriages, and she’s hoping to raise awareness so that others can do this work–since counseling that helps couples not on the spectrum needs to be adjusted for those who are on the spectrum.

I know I have had so many people write to me with issues, and Stephanie would be happy to address some of those things in future blog posts, so if you have specific questions, leave them in the comments!

We talked about the different types of neurodivergent marriages; how expectations can collide with reality; how to adjust communication; how sex can be affected; and more.

Rebecca and I also joined them on their podcast a while ago–you can listen in to that here!

Dan, a pastor, and Stephanie, an LPC, met through their youth group at their home church in Charlotte, NC. After dating and courtship, they married on December 17, 1994. If ever opposites have attracted, Dan and Stephanie have worked in their marriage to leverage these differences into complementary skillsets to complete each other through their weaknesses and celebrate each other’s strengths, and hope to help other NeuroDiverse couples and families do the same.

Dan and Stephanie have two adult children, and their journey into NeuroDiversity began with navigating the diagnosis of their children to include Asperger’s Syndrome, Anxiety, ADHD, Sensory Integration Issues, and Pervasive Developmental Disorders, NOS. Through this early marriage and parenting experience, they experienced challenges and trials which put a strain on their marriage and family.

Through the parenting journey, they discovered their own NeuroDiversity, and through faith and hard work navigate the ups and downs of NeuroDiverse marriage striving to bring glory to God in their marriage, modeling emotionally and spiritually healthy marriage, and equipping and training NeuroDiverse couples to be educated and equipped for a more effective and connected covenant marriage.

Dan and Stephanie founded the International Association of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages, LLC to first and foremost bring hope, help, and possible healing to NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages. Their ministry also includes educating and equipping helping professionals, clinicians, and ministers into effective coaching and counseling strategies by first understanding and accepting the complexities of NeuroDiverse Christian Marriages.

Stephanie and Dan Holmes

Neurodiverse Christian Marriages

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Things Mentioned in This Podcast:

Finding Your Own Path as a Couple
Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find BIBLICAL, HEALTHY, EVIDENCE-BASED help for their marriage. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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