It’s our 100th episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, and we’re a day late!

I think this is the first time the podcast has ever been late. Figures, eh? We had some technical difficulties with the sound for half the podcast and we had to refilm. But it’s all here now!

And sprinkled throughout the podcast are some encouragement messages that some listeners sent in. We just loved those! If you sent one in and it didn’t make it, we’ll try to put it into other podcasts coming up. And you can send yours here!

But here we go, with our 100th episode!

Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:



Timeline of the Podcast

0:20 100 Episodes! How we got to where we are today
2:40 Message from a listener!
4:30 Is sex always dehumanizing outside of marriage?
13:10 Waited for the wedding vs slept with fiance
18:30 Messages from listeners!
20:45 How Focus on the Family answered a coersive sex situation
46:20 Message from a listener!
48:40 RQ: Reclaiming your sexuality after betrayal by partner’s porn use?
59:50 Final message from a listener, and finishing off with encouragement!

Main Segment: Is Sex Outside of Marriage Always Dehumanizing?

A little over a month ago, Tim Keller tweeted this out, and it made quite the stir.

He got a lot of pushback from two sides:

  • Those saying that outside of marriage people can still be committed and treat each other well
  • Those saying that inside of marriage, sex can still be coerced, shallow, or degrading

I think both camps are right, and we talked about it today.

Believing in a biblical sexual ethic (that sex is meant for marriage) does not mean that there isn’t room for nuance to be honest about what’s going on in couple’s lives. We try to tease that out today.

Keller wrote a follow-up thread which was much better further explaining what he meant, but we still think he could have gone further. All of us know couples who aren’t married but are basically committed to each other for life who have great sex, and I don’t think we have to ignore that fact, or pretend it doesn’t exist, to still believe in a biblical sexual ethic. Eric Sentell, from PS I Love You, wrote a great article showing rebutting this idea that the wedding ring determines whether sex is dehumanizing or not using our arguments from The Great Sex Rescue, and it’s worth a read!

Speaking of Dehumanizing Sex–let’s remember that sexual coercion in marriage happens

We’ve spent the week analyzing the long-form answers from our survey, and we were really saddened by how many stories of marital rape we found. Marital rape and coercion are far more common than we may believe. So Joanna, when she was trying to procrastinate this week, did some searches on the Focus on the Family website to try to find posts on rape in marriage. She found very few, and no good ones.

She did, however, find this question on the Focus on the Family Canada website:

My husband is constantly badgering me to have sex. When I respond that I’m not in the mood, he gets angry and tells me that there are all kinds of things that he does for me when he’s “not in the mood”—like going to work, washing the dishes, helping with the housework. I’ve tried to explain that it’s not the same thing, but either he isn’t listening or he doesn’t believe me. Is there something wrong with me? What can I do to smooth these troubled waters?
Focus on the Family Canada

Q&A: Sexual misunderstanding (wife’s viewpoint)

We look at how they didn’t warn about possible coercion in this answer, even though many women reading that question likely do have coercion in their marriage.

Reader Question: How Do I Reclaim My Sexuality While My Husband is in Recovery for Sex Addiction?

Michael John Cusick, author of Surfing for God, and podcaster at Restoring the Soul, joined me for this one!

How can a woman who lives with a man active in sexual addiction reclaim her own sexuality and feel good about her sexual self while waiting for him to seek recovery?

What if you're NOT the problem with your sex life?

What if the messages that you've been taught have messed things up--and what if there's a way to escape these toxic teachings?

It's time for a Great Sex Rescue.

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find BIBLICAL, HEALTHY, EVIDENCE-BASED help for their marriage. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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