It’s our 100th episode of the Bare Marriage Podcast, and we’re a day late!
I think this is the first time the podcast has ever been late. Figures, eh? We had some technical difficulties with the sound for half the podcast and we had to refilm. But it’s all here now!
And sprinkled throughout the podcast are some encouragement messages that some listeners sent in. We just loved those! If you sent one in and it didn’t make it, we’ll try to put it into other podcasts coming up. And you can send yours here!
But here we go, with our 100th episode!
Timeline of the Podcast
0:20 100 Episodes! How we got to where we are today
2:40 Message from a listener!
4:30 Is sex always dehumanizing outside of marriage?
12:30 NEW SURVEY ALERT!
13:10 Waited for the wedding vs slept with fiance
18:30 Messages from listeners!
20:45 How Focus on the Family answered a coersive sex situation
46:20 Message from a listener!
48:40 RQ: Reclaiming your sexuality after betrayal by partner’s porn use?
59:50 Final message from a listener, and finishing off with encouragement!
Main Segment: Is Sex Outside of Marriage Always Dehumanizing?
A little over a month ago, Tim Keller tweeted this out, and it made quite the stir.
Sexual love--if it’s not expressed in an exclusive, life-long covenant relationship--is dehumanizing.— Timothy Keller (@timkellernyc) March 31, 2021
- Those saying that outside of marriage people can still be committed and treat each other well
- Those saying that inside of marriage, sex can still be coerced, shallow, or degrading
I think both camps are right, and we talked about it today.
Believing in a biblical sexual ethic (that sex is meant for marriage) does not mean that there isn’t room for nuance to be honest about what’s going on in couple’s lives. We try to tease that out today.
Keller wrote a follow-up thread which was much better further explaining what he meant, but we still think he could have gone further. All of us know couples who aren’t married but are basically committed to each other for life who have great sex, and I don’t think we have to ignore that fact, or pretend it doesn’t exist, to still believe in a biblical sexual ethic. Eric Sentell, from PS I Love You, wrote a great article showing rebutting this idea that the wedding ring determines whether sex is dehumanizing or not using our arguments from The Great Sex Rescue, and it’s worth a read!
Speaking of Dehumanizing Sex–let’s remember that sexual coercion in marriage happens
We’ve spent the week analyzing the long-form answers from our survey, and we were really saddened by how many stories of marital rape we found. Marital rape and coercion are far more common than we may believe. So Joanna, when she was trying to procrastinate this week, did some searches on the Focus on the Family website to try to find posts on rape in marriage. She found very few, and no good ones.
She did, however, find this question on the Focus on the Family Canada website:
Reader Question: How Do I Reclaim My Sexuality While My Husband is in Recovery for Sex Addiction?
Michael John Cusick, author of Surfing for God, and podcaster at Restoring the Soul, joined me for this one!
What if you're NOT the problem with your sex life?
What if the messages that you've been taught have messed things up--and what if there's a way to escape these toxic teachings?
It's time for a Great Sex Rescue.
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
- The Great Sex Rescue!
- Our survey! Please fill it out, women!
- Support us on Patreon--even for as little as $3 or $5 a month!
- Michael John Cusick’s Site, his book Surfing for God, and his Restoring the Soul podcast
- Tim Keller’s Twitter Thread–and check out the post by Eric Sentell refuting it, using our book.
- Focus on the Family Canada article about consent
- The Honeymoon Course
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
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