What does the data say about women and orgasms? And how do we help women enjoy sex more?
We’ve got a quick podcast for you today that’s all about orgasms!
Or, as always, you can watch on YouTube:
Timeline of the Podcast
0:35 Joanna and Sheila discuss what makes orgasms MORE or LESS likely
9:00 We have a new patreon to help fund our research!
13:15 What happens when books DON’T say sex is for women too?
16:20 Women need to be TOLD their orgasm matters!
20:00 What if sometimes it’s about what ISN’T said?
25:42 RQ: Help, I’m experiencing painful sex after getting married!
31:20 Rebecca’s theory on why women are more horny BEFORE the wedding
36:55 Closing with a new positive review
What’s the data about orgasms?
Joanna breaks down four big stats from our survey–and there were SO SO many.
We talked about how marital satisfaction is related to sexual satisfaction–the better your marriage, the more likely she is to orgasm. We looked at what beliefs she has that can impact her orgasm rates–and cause them to plummet. And a few more other nuggets to help you see what contributes to women’s sexual satisfaction. If you want to see the rest of the data on what goes into orgasms, check out The Great Sex Rescue!
Can you help us get our message–and our research–out there?
To be frank, we need funding to pay Joanna and Rebecca so that they can work on submitting our research to peer-reviewed academic journals (you don’t get paid for that!), and to start other social media channels that we can’t monetize yet to reach a different audience.
This blog is completely self-sustaining, and I don’t need any money for it. But we’re all passionate about getting our research into more hands, and helping people in the evangelical world see what healthy sexuality should look like, and helping the academic world understand what is happening with sexuality and with sexual pain in the evangelical world so that we can do it better. For that we will need some funding.
None of it will go to me.
But we’ve got some fun perks planned for people who want to support us, even with a few dollars a month, including a private Facebook group, some unfiltered podcasts, Q&A meetups, and more!
On Orgasms: Maybe it’s what’s NOT said
Rebecca then joined me on the podcast as we looked at what is often missing in many evangelical marriage books–mainly any mention of women feel pleasure from sex, too. Perhaps it’s what’s NOT said that hurts women’s orgasm rates as much as what IS said?
Reader Question: Why does sex hurt so much?
Another big part of sexual outcomes for women, other than just orgasms, is sexual pain. No one should have to feel pain during sex–but so many women do (and conservative religious women far more than the general population). So we tackled this question:
I got married a few months ago and, while everything else about our marriage has been wonderful so far, sex has been a real challenge. Sex is often painful for me and I find it hard to want it. I often feel like I’m disappointing my husband (who is AMAZING), even though he would never say that. I just started your Boost Your Libido course, so I’m hoping that helps with the psychological aspect at least. I’ve also read the Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. I can’t tell you how comforting and reassuring it is to read that other women have similar experiences to me. My unexpected lack of interest in sex has been a discouraging kick in the stomach (I was horny AF before we got married), but reading your books and blog gives me hope.
I know you’ve already written a bit on this, but I really appreciate resources for what to do when sex hurts. Nobody talks about it, so I wasn’t prepared for it. It’s been a lonely journey so far, trying to figure out where to go from here.
We want to start by saying that it’s perfectly normal to not want sex if it’s causing you pain.
This is what we see so often in women who have pain (and this is what I experienced, too): we internalize guilt about not wanting sex, and we make the issue that we have no libido, when really the issue is simply that we’re experiencing pain, and that’s the first thing we need to take care of! So the issue is not that she doesn’t want sex; the issue is that she’s in pain! And pelvic floor physiotherapy plus reading The Great Sex Rescue to understand what contributes to pain can both really help.
Things Mentioned in This Podcast:
Any advice for this reader with pain? Any thoughts on what evangelical books DON’T say? Let’s talk in the comments!
The Orgasm Series:
- You Are Not Broken if Orgasm is Elusive
- The Orgasm Podcast
- 5 Things that Make it More Likely that She Will Reach Orgasm
- What Sex is Like for Women Who Don't Orgasm
- How Do I Not Feel Self-Conscious about what it Takes to Reach Orgasm?
- 10 Things Husbands Who Are Great Lovers Do
- Figuring out What's Holding You Back from Orgasm
- What to Say to Your Husband if He's a Selfish Lover
- The Orgasm Course Launch
- Start Your Engines Podcast: When your wife has difficulty with orgasm
- 5 Ways Husbands Can Bridge the Orgasm Gap
- Why Don't My Orgasms Feel That Great?
- All About Orgasms Podcast
And don't forget to check out:
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
The Bare Marriage Podcast is back for Season 4! And we thought we'd start with a little victory...
Vaginismus is the main culprit when women experience painful sex. But it isn't the ONLY reason for...
It's time for our next Start Your Engines podcast--the one where we talk more specifically to the...
What happens when you develop vaginismus LATER--after you've already started having sex? How is...
Do we know how to care for our pelvic floors? And why we should? We're in the middle of our pelvic...
Why do some women develop vaginismus? In the month of June, I'm concentrating on pelvic floor...
Talking about sex with your husband can be super awkward. But if you want sex to be good, you're...
We're doing something different on our podcast this week. We're giving you a sneak peek at our...