What if someone you love is about to make a bad marriage choice?

Or what if your girlfriend/boyfriend isn’t treating your relationships or your issues seriously? 

We’re tackling two complicated reader questions on the podcast today! Listen in:

And you can also watch the podcast on YouTube, too! Rebecca and I filmed in my closet (we’re still getting her office set up), and then the last question Katie and I tackled when I was visiting her recently.


We tackled these reader questions about engagements

We answered two questions, including:

My 17 year old Christian niece who lives in the USA is engaged to be married this fall. Her parents and his parents are supportive of the marriage. 

My niece has been homeschooled and lives on a farm and has had a rather sheltered upbringing in a loving but strict Christian home.

She is in love and can’t wait to marry and set up home with her fiancee . Her Pastor is willing to provide some pre marriage counselling prior to their nuptials.

Extended family members are concerned for her due to her youth, lack of experience. Due to this fact she does not discuss her plans with them. She has told me but as an uncle who lives around the world from her (I am in Australia) I’m hampered in how much advice I can give her or how much I can help.

Now, what material or books can you recommend that would be helpful to this young woman and her and, to fiancee too, which would help to prepare her (and him) for what lies ahead.

What advice can you offer me as to how I can help support her and them both.

We have known each other for 5 years and we’ve been dating for 4 months. We love God and He’s been the centre of our friendship and our relationship. We know that this is what God has called us to and are planning on getting engaged in a few months and married within the year. 

My question to you comes from one of our many great talks that we had. We knew that we would have to talk about our pasts at some point before engagement and after much prayer and thinking I told her mine.  I opened up and told her more about my Porn problem, my history about being sexually abused as a young child and just how that has impacted me and my process of healing.

Now it feels awkward, at first it was awesome because it was just the two of us talking and having fun, but now pretty much every conversation has a serious side of it which is good but its really exhausting.

Another thing that happened was that she said that our relationship is going slow. This really made me think and I doth think she understands that what I have done over the past 4 months in terms of letting her being apart of my personal life, telling her some really personal things. I don’t know how to communicate that in such a way that I don’t use my history as an excuse or tell her to slow down. 

Girlfriend isn't taking my disclosures of porn and past abuse seriously

Timeline of Podcast

Want to follow along as we answer this? Here’s our timeline! (I wish I had been doing this all along with the podcasts, but I hope you find this helpful to navigate them now!) And the timestamps are slightly different because in the audio-only version Katie kindly edited out all of our “ummmmms”. And there were a lot because, well, allergies. (Seriously, just look at Rebecca’s eyes in the video!)


0:45 Reader Question: What do I do when I’m worried about my niece’s engagement?
7:15 When You Don’t Agree With Your Children’s Choices
12:00 When Your Child Walks Away From the Faith
12:50 Reader Question: She Always Wants to Talk About My Past!
22:55 Discussion on Porn Use Before Marriage
29:22 Our Response to Emerson Eggerich’s “Mother and Sons”


0:45 Reader Question: What do I do when I’m worried about my niece’s engagement?
6:50 When You Don’t Agree With Your Children’s Choices
11:30 When Your Child Walks Away From the Faith
12:25 Reader Question: She Always Wants to Talk About My Past!
22:10 Discussion on Porn Use Before Marriage
28:15 Our Response to Emerson Eggerich’s “Mother and Sons”

Are you ready for the honeymoon you always dreamed of?

The Honeymoon Course is here to help you plan the perfect honeymoon and start your marriage (and your sex life!) off with laughter, joy and fun!

Don’t make the same mistakes other couples have–get it right from the beginning! 

Links to Things Mentioned in the Podcast

We talked about:


That’s it for today’s podcast!

What resonates with you? Do you have anything you want to say to any of our readers who sent in these questions? Let’s talk in the comments!

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Sheila Wray Gregoire

Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum

Sheila is determined to help Christians find BIBLICAL, HEALTHY, EVIDENCE-BASED help for their marriage. And in doing so, she's turning the evangelical world on its head, challenging many of the toxic teachings, especially in her newest book The Great Sex Rescue. She’s an award-winning author of 8 books and a sought-after speaker. With her humorous, no-nonsense approach, Sheila works with her husband Keith and daughter Rebecca to create podcasts and courses to help couples find true intimacy. Plus she knits. All the time. ENTJ, straight 8

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