Do you have questions about sex that are super awkward?
Or even just non-awkward ones, but you don’t know where to ask them? That’s likely why you’re on this blog!
Well, in the month of July, our series is exactly that: Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor. I’ll even be hosting an AWESOME webinar where you can submit your own questions. For just $20, I’ll answer as many questions as I can, PLUS you’ll get a FREE copy of the updated and superly awesome 31 Days to Great Sex (which launches again July 14), a FREE copy of our 24 Sexy Dares, and my post-webinar report of answers to the 75 most commonly asked sex questions! Sign up here.
To launch this month, we’re doing TWO cool things! First, I’m answering a bunch of your questions in this first podcast of the month, which is cool, in and of itself.
But the second thing that’s really cool is that we’ve decided to take the podcasts to video as well! So you can listen through your normal subscription channels (and I HIGHLY recommend you subscribe!), but I’ll also be posting the video of the podcast on YouTube–and welcoming my daughter Katie to the team as she now edits the podcasts and even stars in some of them (she’s in July 16!).
So before I link to all the awesome “extras”, listen in, or watch!
And here’s the YouTube version of it!
For this podcast, Rebecca and I just tackled 5 different questions that had come into the blog:
How Do I Flirt without Feeling Awkward?
A woman writes in with this question:
I’ve been blessed with a wonderful husband who in the last year or so has been putting in some major work on himself (for various things) And he has been encouraging me to voice my needs more and to be more proactive in taking care of myself.
What I’ve found is that I am way more sexual than either of us gave me credit for because I was always waiting on him and he was always waiting on me… you see where this is going. Anyway, this learning curve has been great in so many ways, but it’s also brought to light how timid and just awkward I feel in trying to signal interest to him and build up “the mood” in myself.
I think it probably needs to be balanced with some advice for husbands too on how to respond and communicate, because several times when I’ve tried I’ve gotten weird reactions and it hits a tender spot in my heart. It makes me feel not quite safe in showing that side of myself even though I KNOW that’s not how he meant it.
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I enjoy sex–so why do I never want it?
The next two questions have a lot of similarities, so I’ll post them both first!
My husband and I have been together for a decade. We were never a “sex every day” kind of couple…we reliably had sex once on the weekends, and occasionally during the week. I think the main reason we weren’t super active in the start of our relationship was because we were both gaining weight and commuting over an hour, so we were unmotivated and tired. Now we have a three kids under 5, and we are struggling. We sometimes go a few weeks without having sex, longer in rare cases…I think what worries me the most is that we both seem to be ok with it most of the time. We’re getting healthier and losing weight, and our kids all sleep well, but it seems like most evenings we’re just so tired. In theory, we’d like to be having more sex, but neither of us is initiating, so it’s not happening. Our relationship otherwise is pretty great. We make time to connect throughout the week and have a date night in almost every Friday. When neither of us is motivated to initiate, how do we make sex happen?
While filling out your recent survey, I realized that I am extremely blessed with a wonderful husband and a wonderful marriage. Besides that, my husband is an excellent, generous, caring lover. When we have sex, I am always able to orgasm, and we have a great time together. However, we currently have sex only about three times per month. We have kids, and we’re busy and tired. I also, admittedly, have some body image issues, but overall, there really isn’t an excuse for our sparse sex life. How can I make myself want sex? It’s not an issue of bad sex, or not having my needs met, so what’s the deal?
Are you TIRED of always being too tired for sex?
How Do I Tell if Sex is Feeling Good?
Then I’ve got two women asking about why orgasm is so elusive, and what they’re supposed to feel when their husbands are stimulating them:
My husband and I have been married for just a few years, and I’ve never orgasmed. Since listening to your podcast and reading your blog I have mentioned this to my husband a few times. For a few days it’s clear he’s trying harder to please me. The problem is I’m not sure if what I feel is actually pleasurable, and I end up pushing him away and not being able to carry on. When he rubs my clitoris I feel ‘something’ but I wouldn’t naturally call it pleasure. Sometimes it’s more like pain or discomfort. I may have some shivers, but it gets to a point where I feel scared to continue, partly because I don’t know what will happen, partly because I’m not sure it’s really enjoyable. Mentally I’m telling myself that it’s pleasurable, not discomfort, but I’m not sure. After a few times of this my husband seems to give up again, and won’t focus on me like that until I mention it again. What is it I’m meant to be feeling down there? Do you have any advice for me to push through and get past the fear? I’m hoping that once I’ve experienced it once I’ll understand what the fuss is about!
My husband and I have been married for a decade, both virgins at marriage. Our love life has been increasing in intensity over last few years although I’ve only had orgasm through intercourse 1-2x at the very beginning of our marriage. Out of some complacency, some frustration and a lot of naivety, we’ve not pursued orgasm for me successfully until learning that many of my friends are orgasming with their husbands through manual stim…. I want to too!!! I’ve read your posts about orgasm but I’m having trouble not being frustrated. We’ve tried a variety of times, but not successfully. How long does it take before people are successful? And does the clitoris need continual uninterrupted stim to reach orgasm or can it be interrupted and continue to orgasm during the course of an encounter?
To be frank. if he goes right for the clitoris before she’s aroused, she’s not going to feel much of anything! We’ve talked about this in some recent posts and podcasts, but here are links if you’ve missed them:
- Arousal: The Missing Piece Podcast
- Aiming for Arousal Podcast
- The Secret to Orgasm: Listening to Your Body
- 10 Tips for Newlyweds Who Haven’t Had an Orgasm Yet
And don’t forget to sign up for our Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor Webinar!
It’s just $20, and you’ll get access to my webinar where I answer YOUR questions, PLUS a free copy of 31 Days to Great Sex (it’s launching again July 14!), a free copy of my 24 Sexy Dares, and our report of the 75 most commonly asked sex questions.
Other Posts in the Sex Questions Series:
SEX QUESTIONS SERIES: Who’s the REAL Sex Expert for Your Questions
The Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor Podcast!
10 Quick Newlywed Sex Questions You Can’t Ask Your Pastor
PODCAST: Newlywed Sex Questions Edition
PODCAST EXTRAS: Sometimes a Vagina is Just a Vagina
What do you think? Any question stand out to you? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire
Founder of To Love, Honor and Vacuum
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