When it comes to toxic people–and toxic marriages–do we have the courage to walk away?
Alice had endured being married to Alex for over 20 years. She had kept trying to make the marriage better–being nice to him; keeping a nice house; studying all about being a good wife. But regardless of what she did, his narcissism increased. He had an affair, but he promised he’d never do it again and they stayed married.
Alex’s selfishness increased, spending money on whatever he wanted, while Alice spent less and less to try to keep their debt under control.
Ten years later, Alice attended a Christmas party at his work, and noticed how he was acting with one of his female co-workers. Alice was wearing clothes that were a decade old, because she hadn’t been able to buy anything new to compensate for Alex’s spending. But here was this woman dressed glamorously, and obviously sharing an intimacy with her husband that couldn’t be explained away.
She confronted him, and made it clear that she would be leaving.
That’s when Alex started damage control. He told everyone at the church about his “crazy” wife with her mental illness and instability, and “asked for prayer”. He would share more and more about how she was becoming increasingly crazy, in the guise of “prayer updates”. When he filed for divorce, the church rallied around Alex. And then, a few months later, he asked for prayers of rejoicing because he had found this wonderful new woman to share his life with–the very woman he’d been having an affair with.
Alex was toxic. He ruined their marriage. And he “murdered” Alice’s soul; Alice’s reputation; Alice’s calling through this selfishness and toxicity.
That’s one of the stories that Gary Thomas shares in his newest book, When to Walk Away.
In that book, he explains how Jesus kept His eyes on His mission and did not let others derail that mission. He walked away from toxic people, and allowed others to walk away from Him without chasing them down. I talked about the book at length in my podcasts around Christmas, and it’s so good I’d like to dedicate a post to it today. I thought it would fit nicely near the end of our series about iron sharpening iron. We’re supposed to help refine each other. But when that doesn’t happen–when someone is toxic to you–then it’s okay to walk away.
If we’re going to live as Jesus did, then we need to learn when to walk away.
Arwen, one of my wonderful prolific commenters, gives this ringing endorsement to the book:
Reader Comment
You introduced me to Gary Thomas who has become one of my favorite Christian authors. He recently wrote the greatest book i have ever read (outside of the Bible), When to walk away, i read that book crying because it spoke to MY life so much.
It really is awesome. Gary’s been trying to find a path through the mire in Christendom where we emphasize too much the preservation of marriage, and not enough the sanctification that marriage is supposed to inspire. And it was partly his struggle in saying loudly that we need to permit divorce for abuse and enable people to walk away from marriage that led him to write this book.
I’m going to share a few gems that I got from the book, and summarize little bits, but this is one book you need to get. It’s tremendously profound, rooted in Scripture, but also a relatively quick read because he includes so many fascinating anecdotes. Let’s get started with Gary’s main points!
Gary’s journey towards recognizing toxicity
Gary opens the book talking about his own journey. He was being attacked online, and no matter how much he tried to explain himself or reason with people, it wasn’t working. He finally realized:
When To Walk Away
Toxic individuals feed off misunderstood piety and are enabled by false Christian guilt to spread their attacks far and wide…
I’ve focused only on playing offense when it comes to ministry. No one taught me about playing spiritual defense. The very idea seemed “unchristian”….
When writing about marriage and parenting, I stressed playing a good offense: love, serve, sacrifice, and cherish. I didn’t stress enough the need (sadly) for some couples and individuals to play a little defense…
[What the evil one often does is] urge us to pour most of our God-breathed love, intention and goodwill on people who actually resent it and who will never respond to grace.
And that’s when he made this realization:
Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us.
How does understanding the reality of toxicity and evil affect how we see evil?
The reason that Christians get so messed up when it comes to toxic people is that we forget the reality of evil. We want to see the best in everyone, because we think that’s being kind and good. But to serve Christ is to realize that we are in a spiritual battle; it’s to acknowledge how much sin has ruined the world.
Ignoring toxic people is to ignore evil. It’s to pretend that the fall never happened. It’s to cooperate with evil and even protect evil rather than confront it…
“It is a horrific thing for a man or woman to finally admit that they married an evil, toxic person. Think about it for just a second, and you can imagine how much of a nightmare that must be….Such brothers or sisters in Christ need the church’s support more than ever, yet they often feel this support pulling away, as if evil doesn’t exist or matter. “Try harder and pray more, and your marriage will get better.”
Too often that has been the message the church has given people, because we’ve forgotten Jesus’ warning about wolves. We treat everyone as if they’re sheep. But we forget that Jesus said that there will be wolves among us. And wolves are not sheep (John 10:12).
How do we get our own perspective right when it comes to handling toxic people?
You realize that you have a bigger calling–the mission that Jesus has given you. And you should not allow your energy, your emotions, your time to be derailed by toxic people, because Jesus didn’t. He always kept his eyes on His mission, and He left people when necessary. Gary explains:
Toxic people aren’t just difficult people. They’re not “unsaved” people. They’re not merely unpleasant people. The toxic people we’re talking about in this book are the kind of people who are basically taking you down and destroying your mission. They deflate your enthusiasm and make you feel like you’re going crazy (thus making you feel like you have nothing to say to others), and they are masters at eliciting shame, guilt, and discouragement.
Jesus didn’t focus on toxic people; he put his energy into training and helping reliable people . He didn’t even stop Judas from stealing from the offering! He just put his energy into the reliable people around Him.
Gary contacted me when he was originally writing this book, and asked about how I handled abuse online. I sent him several quotes, which made it into the book:
For years I’ve been twisting myself into knots trying to come to terms with how some people who say all the right things about the gospel can be so hurtful and so discouraging to my ministry. Then I realized—I’m judging people too much by what they say they believe rather than how they act. Jesus said we will know his servants by their love, not by their doctrine (though doctrine is, of course, important). Too many preach Christ out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, and not out of love for the world and for God’s children. In some ways, that realization caused great grief: how could our churches be filled with such instruments of discouragement? In other ways, it caused great relief. I don’t need to satisfy everyone who calls themselves a Christian. I just need to draw close to Jesus so I can hear his voice about my own calling. And in the end, I’m not responsible to answer to someone else just because they call themselves a Christian.
After laying this groundwork, Gary spends several chapters looking at specific relationships.
Sometimes to follow in the footsteps of Jesus is to walk away from others or to let them walk away from us. – Gary Thomas
What do you do with toxic parents?
Gary tells the story of Austin, who grew up with toxic, abusive parents. As he grew older, he became a Christian, got married, and had lovely children. His parents were reaping the consequences of abusing their kids, and were lonely. They asked to see the grandchildren for the weekend, but their behavior had not shown improvement. Austin held firm. Gary writes:
His parents said: “Aren’t Christians supposed to forgive? I thought you called yourself a Christian.”
Toxic people are masters at lecturing Christians over how they are “supposed” to behave. Even though they may have never acted like a Christian themselves, they love to hold Christians to the way they assume Christians are supposed to act. Their entire Bible has fifteen words: “Forgive as God has forgiven you, and judge not or you too will be judged.”
In families, we need to grieve our loss rather than trying to spend time fixing toxic relationships. If there’s even a 5% chance that your kids are in danger, you act according to the 5%. He gives great advice in the book about dealing with toxic siblings, toxic parents, and even how to talk to them when you need to draw boundaries. It’s highly practical if you’re struggling with this.
How do you handle toxic adult children?
But what if the toxic people are your own adult children? There’s little that’s more heartbreaking.
But Gary reminds parents that parenting is not your primary mission anymore. Don’t let adult kids, who don’t even appreciate what you’re doing for them, derail the other good you could be doing. And ESPECIALLY don’t let toxic adult kids cause you to ignore your good kids!
“Don’t make the reliable children pay for the unreliability of their siblings. Also, don’t make your own mission for God pay for the toxic selfishness of your child.”
You’ve likely seen these dynamics in families you know, too: good kids get ignored because parents pour all their time and energy and money into the toxic one.
Do what Jesus did: Invest in the reliable kids. They need you, too, and they will take the things you bless them with and use them to bless others. They won’t squander your love and attention and money.
When do you walk away from a toxic marriage?
Here’s where I love Gary’s heart. In a way, this book started when he wrote his big blog article Enough is Enough, calling out the evangelical church for dooming people to abusive marriages, because those churches valued the institution of marriage over the well-being of the people in it.
Throughout the book, Gary gives real-life examples of toxic marriages where the person (whether husband or wife) had to be free to leave–and also shows where the church has often failed spouses in these situations. In the Alice and Alex story that I shared above, the church believed Alex’s version of events.
“The only reason Alex succeeded (in a limited sense) is because a naive and uninformed church cooperated with him. If I were a senior pastor who refused to hire Alice primarily because she was divorced, I would be an accessory to the murder of her ministry.”
Gary’s concern for the spouse married to someone who is toxic shows throughout the book. And he gives great examples of drawing boundaries in marriage. In a different relationship he recounts, Rachel was married to Barry, who was very controlling. Gary counseled separation, with Barry allowing Rachel to determine if they talked and when.
“I later told Barry that he’d know his heart had changed when he wouldn’t want Rachel to come back to him if that meant she’d be controlled.”
That relationship could be saved, and was. But not all can, and we we need to become wise and discerning. Many toxic people act like they repent and say all the right words, but it’s not genuine.
Some people don’t want to repent in humility; they just want to retain the “platform of abuse.”
And then Gary explains how he sees divorce, marriage, and toxicity:
A toxic marriage isn’t just frustrating; it’s also destructive. It’s marked by unrepentant, controlling behavior from which the spouse refuses to repent…
In the face of unrepentant and unrelenting evil, divorce can be an effective tool rather than a weapon…
Because evil exists, we need to condemn the cause of divorce rather than the application of divorce.”
This is a message the church needs to hear, loud and clear, and it’s wonderful to hear it coming from the pen of someone who has written so many great books about growing your marriage.
You should not allow your energy, your emotions, your time to be derailed by toxic people, because Jesus didn’t.
Some key things to remember when it comes to dealing with toxic people
You can’t change them. They play by different rules, so don’t play their game. You owe God your allegiance first, not anyone else. It’s better to spend time with reliable people than to be derailed by toxic ones.
But in everything, keep this at the forefront of your mind (something I struggle with a lot):
“In resisting toxic people and acknowledging them, never let yourself become like them.”
Dealing with toxic people is something all of us need to learn. We’ll all encounter some, but we can’t appease them.
And that’s why, sometimes, we need to just walk away.
It really is a great book, and I think will help many people focus on what Jesus really wants for their lives.
Do you have trouble walking away? Do you have toxic people in your life? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Wow! The timing on this is incredible. Shortly after Christmas my husband and I went “home “, to see my parents. I of course let my brothers and their families know we would be back and that we would love to see them. Unfortunately my older brother is still being a brat and acting like we don’t exist. So they did not see us, or meet my 2 babies. And I came to realize I can’t make that relationship work. I can make them take the effort to see us. And I have to let it go. I have tried myself into knots in the past, making sure we saw them. Driving hours to catch a few crumbs of time. And I am done. I love them but no more working so hard to try for something they don’t even want. Ordering the book asap.
I’m sure you’ll love it!
I’m so excited for this book. I hope my ladies’ group studies this book next! Thank you for the review!
This book was a game-changer for me, as I continue to heal from my toxic parents. And it’s given me some great resources to help others who are dealing with toxic people and marriages and situations.
The irony is that I’m pretty sure my parents also would recommend this book to people! From things they’ve said to me in the past, they’d consider me the toxic adult child from whom they’ve had to distance themselves, so that they can minister to their good children (you know, their favourite kids whom they can still control!) They would read this book and be proud of themselves for walking away from me. Anyway, it’s absolutely not the book’s fault!
(I also cheered when I read the parts where you were quoted!)
I agree that at times one needs to just walk away. Two examples come to mind. I’m on the church board and we had a couple we referred to as “our problem children”. They were sucking the life out of our pastor and actually drove away a good family. We were debating cutting ties with them(they were in conflict with another couple) when God intervened, they had a hissy fit and walked out in a huff. The pastor and board are now able to help others as all our energy is not going to one couple. The other is my wife’s sister, but that would take too long. Another time, perhaps. Trucker Dave
I thought almost the same thing, Lizzie! I already feel I am the one that takes the blame and who they think is now, at least, “lost” because I stood up to them, tried to call this evil pattern out (unsuccessfully) and left the church I was in with them. (There was a lot of fall-out from this. Very hard.) I think this ends up happening to most who tries to stand up in an unhealthy situation – they end up being the one who is supposedly the wolf.
The church is not good at recognizing this table-turning and so – as I see it, it runs rampant; as does the inability to see evil and not call it good and vice versa. Trying to instill wisdom in my children while not getting them entrenched in these sorts of entangling beliefs, and without them feeling the brunt of the effects of this in my family is not easy… Christians need to be aware of these distinctions! It is one of the reasons I so appreciate Sheila’s blog!
Lizzie, that’s funny, isn’t it? Often the people who really are toxic think we’re the ones who are toxic, since we’re the ones “being mean” by drawing boundaries or calling them out on what they’re doing. I’m sure that Focus on the Family and Emerson Eggerichs considers me toxic, for instance. But that’s okay, because we’re not responsible for what others think, and the advice is still good!
Lizzie I commented down below about this pheomenon and i’m sorry i skipped over comments first! It is common for toxic parent to play favorites 🙁 I’m glad you provided this perspective. I grew up with a gparent who played favorites with his kids and grandkids. It’s no fun.
Oh Lizzie! I’m so glad you said this, because I thought it was just me! I never knew what a normal family dynamic was until I married. My in-laws were wonderful, loving Christian examples of what a respectful family should be. I tried drawing boundaries with a toxic parent, but was called selfish and ‘holier-than-thou’ by them. I would cry to my husband, pray, and just try to ignore it. Fortunately, in my situation, other family members recognized the truth and called them out without me having to do or say anything. It is still not a good situation, but I know I have done everything I could. Prayers that your situation improves.
Great topic! Yes, sometimes you just need to walk away from toxic people, whether family, friends, co-workers, etc.
Heartbreaking story about Alex and Alice, but even worse is that fact that some churches still say “Stay in the marriage no matter what”, because the appearance of morality is more important than hurting souls. Also just as bad are the ones who believe that anytime a marriage falls apart, it must be the woman’s fault.
Isn’t it nuts the way that works? If she cheats, she cheated. If he cheats, she “must not have been taking care of things at home”.
If she’s hard to get along with, “that poor man, he needs to put his foot down”. If he is the rude overbearing one, she just needs to be more submissive.🙄🙄🙄
You sure nailed that!
Good points. And if marriage is important, why cheapen it by holding up a false version? Abuse is not the same as a loving, mutual relationship. When someone demands that an abused spouse act like nothing is wrong, they cause harm not only to the abused person, but also to the institution of marriage itself, which they claim to be protecting.
Does he also address toxic church situations? This is so widespread, and I’d like to read more about it. I plan to read the book regardless.
Not per se–as in a church that may be toxic altogether. But he does talk about individuals who find churches toxic.
Your timing is providential, Sheila. I’ve cut ties with some beyond toxic family members (those who say that abuse isn’t a big deal), but am struggling with the ones who are merely… less toxic. The former category is, well, not easy, but the decision is simple: I am not going to expose my son* to people who think that it’s okay to threaten other people’s lives, hit them, terrorise them, or otherwise do things that would land one in jail if done to a pet.
But I struggle with the people who are just downright hurtful but not violent – those who seem incapable of respecting me. I think that less drastic boundaries are likely in order, with moving towards cutting ties if those boundaries aren’t respected.
(*He’s here! He’s wonderful beyond all belief – a sweet, curious baby who seems to have been smiling from the start. It’s such a privilege to be his mom.)
Congratulations, Jane! Blessings on you and your sweet little man!
Oh, congratulations, Jane! That’s wonderful! I’m so enjoying my little grandbaby, but it’s amazing how quickly the newborn days fly by. Enjoy them! And take pictures of yourself WITH the baby. We take so many of the baby, but trust me–you’ll look back and wish you had more with him.
And I’m really sorry you have family members like that. That’s awful–and so draining.
Jane, it’s a tough call on the “almost toxic” people, maybe some partial boundaries, limited time, only in public places, leave if it gets too much, that kind of thing.
And great news about the baby’s arrival!
I can’t recommend this book enough, seriously! I have never highlighted a book so much while reading. There were so many gems in their it needed to be highlighted so that i can flip to it easily and memorize it. Great review Sheila!
Congratulations Jane on the little one! Having to cut ties with toxic family is never pleasant. Wife’s family has considered me dead for years. Why, one may ask. Here’s why. We chose not to go to our gay niece’s “wedding”. My wife’s sister, who is this girl’s aunt took it personal. How she managed to make someone else’s wedding to be about her, I don’t get it. Wait! I do get it. Narcissism. Wife and here sister still talk, but nothing deep. It’s sad to think I probably won’t see them again in this life and I have doubts about the next. To end this on a happy note, we have a great church family that we love and loves us. Trucker Dave
I need to read this book. This is good timing for me. God has been teaching me a lot about this thru this past year, I am learning that it’s not enough to just be unconditionally loving and accepting of everyone, I need wisdom from God. My personality tends to see the best in everyone and I am extremely empathetic, like extremely!!! My SIL is a narcissist (and from all my recent studies what is a narcissist except someone who makes themselves “god”, -they demand you follow their rules and worship them and then they change the rules! And don’t even think about asking them to follow their own rules). She has abused and lied and treated me like absolute garbage and I just kept quiet and thought if I just love her and give her more time/gifts/service she would come around. All while being stabbed a million times in the back. After so many lies we pulled away but didn’t make a scene, (my husband and I catered her wedding one of many things we did for her), in typical narc response she was furious that I pulled away, she and her husband presented us with a four page document of all possible scenarios of me being around her and exactly how I should act in each scenario along with ugly and untruthful emails. My husband and I have apologized for everything we could think of, we’ve done everything she’s asked over the last several years (I stopped wearing jeans because they offended her, my husband and I made sure not to be affectionate around her as it made her upset, etc, and I could say so many more). We walked on egg shells around her, did everything she asked but the abuse just got worse. I had to come to the realization that she was using me as feed for her narc needs. That’s where I have really been broken, I couldn’t believe that someone could be so evil and lie so much and yet claim to be “very spiritual” “I am pure,” -these are things she often told me while pointing out some “horrible” thing about me. It was hard to look it directly in the face and call it what it was. I have had to realize I fed a lot of it in the name of loving and forgiving. Like you said she says “you haven’t forgiven” (while also saying she never did anything wrong???) And “don’t judge” and “true love bares all.” I’ve heard of other people commit terrific abuse and say but”love covers all sin” to those they have abused. I see a lot of selfishness me first in our world. But my response to it was not correct, I’m learning that I need to be wise as a serpent and harmless as a dove. I told a friend I feel like the last 5 years of my life have been wasted trying to please and do everything for this wicked person, I see how it was a distraction from serving the Lord. Don’t make the mistake I made, ask the Lord for wisdom for who to love and serve. And what does love look like, it doesn’t look like pulling the knife you just stabbed me with out of my back and handing it to you to do over and over again. At a family event things got ugly her yelling and saying we lied (we weren’t) I just wept and wept (especially because all the family feeds her and gives her her way), she was almost gleeful seeing my deep pain. That understanding that abusers love and thrive on causing pain is extremely painful and makes something I will never understand. I have been completely crushed and my health has broken down as well. God is healing me and teaching me. Every day I have to remind myself, liars lie, abusers abuse, that’s what they do, that’s who they are. I can’t do anything to change them. I’m thankful for this article.
Not the only one, almost my sister. I realized it was never ending and I could either learn strict boundaries or cut her off completely. I cut her off because she knew no sacred lines and I knew it was the only real option. Now as far as her wrath, I’m basically the only one free of dealing with her drama. It’s nice to be free! And the best part was seeing how it bothered her, after she found out. (Almost a year into my not speaking and ignoring her, I said something to someone about it being good and she immediately started the campaign to win me back. I refused and it felt so good)
Grace, I can so relate to your comment, except for me it’s been my elderly live-in mother-in-law that’s been the narcissist. Only this past spring (after almost eight years) did I come across information on narcissism and realize it wasn’t that I’d been a bad Christian, not loving and giving enough—I was dealing with someone for whom not even Jesus was enough! So much weight came off my shoulders, and I’m slowly learning to put up boundaries. The information on boundaries by Drs. Cloud and Townsend is helpful, as is the information by a self-professed and diagnosed narcissistic sociopath, H.G. Tudor. I’ll be reading this book on toxic people as well. May the Lord continue to guide us both in all wisdom and love in this strange journey!
The church has yet to come to the understanding that divorce is not a sin. I know thats a new idea but please let me repeat.
Divorce is not a sin, it is the consequence of sin.
The church treats divorce as though it is one of the ultimate sins and it is not. Divorce is simply the consequence of someone’s sin. Sometime’s not even the person seeking divorce is the one who sinned. Perhaps if we learned that truth we would seek the root cause and stop focusing on the consequence we are trying to desperately to avoid.
I am not advocating every marriage sin needs to end in divorce just that we need to realize divorce itself is not the problem.
That’s a very good point. It’s the things that people do to CAUSE the divorce that are the problem.
If you decide to end the marriage, one think to suggest is that you look back over things, and ask yourself “were there signs of trouble that I ignored”, so that you can better prepare yourself going forward
Exactly! “Divorce is not a sin, it is the consequence of sin.”. And sometimes it’s the consequence of one person’s sin, and sometimes it’s the consequence of both. But when it’s only one, let’s not blame both!
Sheila, I get your point about the underlying sins of divorce, but how do we reconcile that with what the Bible says about God hating divorce and about the two reasons for divorce (adultery and desertion by an unbeliever)? Generally, narcissists are not believers (and desert the marriage in many ways besides just physically) and often commit adultery, so perhaps a marriage to a narcissist automatically qualifies for divorce, but I think you have to be careful in not swinging too far in the other direction. There’s a case to be made for better (more boundaries-oriented) premarital counseling and for separation (over divorce).
Theresa,
That’s exactly my point. The bible never calls divorce a sin. And allows it because of our “hardness of heart” that phrase is the bibles words. Most times the sins that lead to divorce create hardness of heart where it is almost impossible to foster good will towards the other. But yes Balance in everything is important NO ONE is suggesting divorce should be the quick go to. Divorce should be the last option that only the ones in a marriage can make those choices…. My point is that as the body of Christ we need to stop treating divorce as the ultimate sin and shaming those who have gone through one. There is nothing a person can do to remain married if the other one wants out. Often those going through divorce didn’t choose it.
The bible does NOT say that God hates divorce. That is a paraphrase of what we think it says. In Malachi, the context is that God hates when a wife is deserted and left destitute by a husband who claims to be a godly man and who covers up his violence against her.
Yes, exactly. That’s the context of the verse entirely.
“And ESPECIALLY don’t let toxic adult kids cause you to ignore your good kids!”
Ouch. While I agree with the sentiment here I have a problem with the ‘good’ kid/’bad’ kid dichotomy expressed. I was specifically reading about toxic families that basically pick a ‘bad’ kid and turn them into the scapegoat for everything. This may have been a narcissistic trait? I don’t recall.
But yes, by all means set boundaries with toxic people, kids or no. But maybe think for a second on how they got to be the ‘bad’ kid and if there are some toxic family dynamics at play first. This is especially needed if they are not adults yet or are very young ones who are still enmeshed in the family.
I have some complicated thoughts on Gary Thomas in general and some of this does read as people being ‘mean’ to him a bit, but I’m open to seeing what he has to say on this.
I think the terminology between good and bad kid is maybe not the best one. However, in my family, I was the ”good kid” who had good grades, didn’t get in trouble, etc. After one of my brothers died of cancer when we were teenagers, my other brother started to constantly get in trouble. He would even run away. My parents were always chasing him. Always bailing him out. We’re still bailing him out even now in our thirties. While he was going through his rebellion (caused by depression after our brother died) and getting all of my parents’ attention, I was also going through depression. I had suicidal thoughts. I even had a plan. Through the grace of God, I didn’t go through it. My parents never really allowed me to come to them (they were focused on their grief and making sure my brother didn’t get in serious trouble). They found out about my history of suicidal thoughts at my baptism at 22 years old. To this day, we are still helping out my brother. To this day, my issues are not addressed. I love my brother. But he does make terrible decisions. And all the focus is on him. As the ”good” kid, you are often forgotten because the ”bad” kid keeps screwing up…
Yes. I was picked to be the bad kid and scapegoat. It was reinforced in so many ways.
It was a way for my Narc Mom to deflect her behavior.
I hated being the bad kid, but then just became it.
Praise the Lord for rescuing me, but not before repeating it in my own children and also marrying a Narc.
I don’t know how to repair the damage. The Ex has brainwashed the kids to hate me. I’m not even in theirs lives for 10 years beyond the Divorce.
Now, I’m an alienated parent and still the scapegoat.
Only God can straighten out this mess.
Marriage is not just about living together. It’s a partnership. Married couples have to work together to make their marriage work. Thank you so much for sharing this! God bless us all!