2019 was a watershed year for me.

I’m talking about it more in tomorrow’s post, when I share the behind-the-scenes look at how my goals and mission changed in 2019 when I finally got woken up to how much destructive teaching about sex is swirling around the church.

But today, Rebecca and I talked about it, as we shared some of the top posts from 2019, and where I hope to head in 2020. 

But first, here’s the podcast.


Our Top Posts

This week I spent some time looking back over the last year, to see what posts and podcasts resonated the most for people. Listen in to Rebecca and me analyzing some of them, but check out these round-up posts for all of the top ones!


What People Are Learning on To Love, Honor and Vacuum

I highlighted a great comment left this week by Nathan, who talked about what he was learning by reading the blog. He said:

If you ever want to start a list of “top things that people have learned on your site”, here are the two biggest things I’ve learned…

1. Despite the stereotype, Porn is NOT just consumed only by single men or men whose wives have lost interest in sex. That last one in fact is extremely rare. Often, especially among married couples, porn use predates the marriage and continues afterward. In fact, it’s fare more common that porn leads to a sexless marriage than the other way around.

2. Extensive porn use actually rewires your brain so that you PREFER to watch a screen than be with a real live woman, and in fact this site has many posts from wives who will literally BEG their husbands to have sex with them but are refused as he would rather watch porn.

Absolutely. But while these are really heavy and sad, I think being aware of the impact of porn is actually empowering, because now we’re equipped to fight it! To learn more about these things, check out:

And check out these resources, too!

COMMENT: Thank you for being a voice for domestic violence victims!

I shared an email that came in from a woman who has now escaped an abusive marriage (her husband is in jail for child abuse). But through it all, the church told her she had to stay and it was a sin to leave. This breaks my heart.

And so in the podcast I share my heart for the body of Christ. It’s real. It’s healing. But not every church is actually the body of Christ. Here are ten signs you may be in a legalistic church:

10 signs you may be focused more on rules than on Jesus

Reader Question: How Can I Turn My Marriage Around?

I want to end with this one, because it summarizes where a lot of couples find themselves. A woman writes: 


My husband and I have been married for a decade and have several young children. To be blunt, I believe we have fallen out of love. I have told myself for a while that if we just survive these years with the kids, we will be OK. 1. I realized lately that my marriage shouldn’t be surviving kids but thriving. 2. I’m not sure how much of marriage will be left to salvage. To make it all worse, I don’t believe we are attracted to each other anymore. I can only speaking for myself in saying that is the case. Intimacy has become a once a week check mark off my list. We need help and I don’t know where to even start.

I think a lot of people are there–wondering how the marriage got so distant.

To be blunt, I’ll sum up with this: If your marriage isn’t going well, it’s not going to suddenly turn around unless you start doing things differently.

If what you’re doing isn’t working, then you’ve got to find a new way of doing things.

It’s the new year, and that’s a great time to start new habits and get into new routines! And there’s an awesome resource available right now that can help you do just that. The Ultimate Productivity Bundle is filled with ebooks, ecourses, membership sites, and printables to help you build routines, get organized, manage your time, set realistic goals, map your life, overcome obstacles, review and reflect, and shift your mindset to build the life you know God wants for you–a life where you ARE thriving and not just surviving, because you’re emphasizing your priorities. 

I love these bundles and am eager to start working through this one this weekend, especially the section on mapping your life. The bundle is filled with $2800 in resources, but it’s for sale for just $47–but only until next Wednesday. Get it today for the early bird deal, and you’ll also receive the #goalcrushers mastermind course–for free. 

Ultimate Productivity Bundle

Check it out now!

Often when we get the rest of our life more manageable, it’s so much easier to work on our marriage.

And what about your marriage? Build your friendship first. 

But my best advice is to take an emotional needs inventory together. I’ve got free printables to help you with that!

That’s it for the podcast today! 

Let me ask you the question that Nathan answered: Have you learned anything surprising from the blog? Let’s talk in the comments!

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