Yes, it’s true–you can have years in your marriage when sex is going great!

We’re talking on Wednesdays in the month of October about the different stages of sex in marriage. We’ve covered:

  • The Honeymoon Years–when sex often ISN’T actually that great because you’re figuring things out
  • The Busy Years–when kids come or life gets busy and sex can fall by the wayside

And now I want to turn to the glory years when sex is going great!

In my surveys for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex I found that, in general, those glory years tended to be years 16-24 of marriage. You’ve been together for long enough that you feel totally comfortable with one another. You’re totally committed to one another. You’ve figured things out. Life isn’t as exhausting anymore. And now things can get great!

But for some of you, the glory years may kick in much earlier, and some of you may get there much later.

But today, I want to talk about how to ride the wave of those glory years, whenever they may be, and also how to keep them going longer. Let’s define glory years as the years when she is finding it easier to reach orgasm; you have sex quite regularly and no one’s libido is in the toilet; and you feel freer in the bedroom.

You’ve figured out the things I shared last week about how to make orgasm more likely; you’ve dealt with a lot of the baggage and the porn and other things I warned about in the Honeymoon Stage; and you’re coasting. I don’t want to spend today talking about how to make sex feel good, then, but just how to make these years as great as possible, and how to prolong them.

Celebrate and flirt a lot!

If you’re like many couples, you’ve had those years (or months) when things weren’t just humming along. You’ve made those breakthroughs, and now things are going well. So celebrate! Laugh a ton. Flirt with each other. Learn to be more affectionate. PDAs are okay, and hey, you may even be able to relax more in the bedroom, you may find that spilling over into your broader life together.

Yes, it’s true–you can have years in your marriage when sex is going great!

Plan to make memories

Now’s a great phase in your life to make some major sex memories! Take that 10th or 20th anniversary trip (or whatever it may be for you) somewhere romantic where you’ll have lots of time in bed (as well as time to explore other things). This could be the honeymoon you actually wanted, that wasn’t as successful the first time around. Take a weekend away from the kids and go to a resort where you can enjoy yourselves. Buy some new lingerie! Have that time together now so that in future years, you can smile together and say, “Remember when….”

Try to hit new highs

Sex may be going great, but perhaps there are some things that you haven’t figured out yet, and now is the time to do it! On one of those weekends away, see if you can figure out how to help her reach multiple orgasms. You can even aim for simultaneous orgasm, since after all this time he’s likely able to control his own timing a little bit better. As he learns how your body works, he may be able to hold off until he feels you ready to let go. Or you can even try to see if you can identify her G-spot. Don’t make any of these things a pass/fail thing, but once you’ve figured out how to have her reach orgasm, it’s fun to try to add some of these other milestones into your sex life.

Don’t let sex get routine

The big thing I’d say at this stage, though, is don’t let sex become routine. While it may be going wonderfully now because it’s feeling good for her, sometimes we do coast on that and then, what was wonderful for a while, becomes a little stale. Especially because when women figure out what feels good, they may want to stick to that one position. But that’s where you may need to challenge yourself to switch things up a bit! Start in a different position, but then you can always finish in Old Faithful, if that works best.

We’ve created our Sexy Dares that work wonderfully for people at this stage of marriage. They help you keep that fun going, but you’ll try new things in new ways that will stop things from becoming stale. You get 24 dares–8 where he takes the lead; 8 where she takes the lead; and 8 that you do together (plus there’s a bonus dare to help you connect more outside the bedroom, too!). They’re written to appeal to what makes sex great for both genders, so there’s lots about increasing foreplay and stimulation for her; there’s lots about helping him watch and see for him; and tons about new positions or new things to try. And it adds that little spark so that things won’t get stale at all! They’re only $6.99, and you can get instant access right here:

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Keep connecting in other ways outside of the bedroom

What often brings the glory years to an end is two big changes: Life changes (like the emotional weight of becoming empty nesters; switching jobs; or hitting midlife) and health changes that often accompany menopause for women or midlife for men. When these changes come, you’ll have to be able to communicate and become vulnerable with each other in order to keep your sex life going. You’ll have to make adjustments. You’ll have to process the emotions of life changes. You’ll have to figure new things out.

That’s why you need to make sure that those “glory years” are not all about sex. What’s going to keep sex great long term is not sex itself, but your ability to talk about things and feel close to one another. So figure out each other’s emotional needs. Keep talking. Do hobbies together! Just keep connecting. A great way to do that is to figure out each other’s emotional needs. I’ve got a self-assessment tool you can do together here that can help you learn what each other needs to feel close, and help you break that down into actionable steps. Just sign up here to receive it!

I hope some of my readers are indeed in these glory years! I know many arrive here because sex isn’t working that great, but I hope that by trying some of the things I’ve been talking about, for some of you that’s turned around. And remember: if you aren’t in these years yet, it doesn’t mean you never will be. Keep up with the tips I gave in the last two posts in our series, and you’ll likely breeze through those stages a lot faster.

What do you think? How long did it take you to reach the “glory years” stage? (Or are you not there yet?) Let’s talk in the comments!


Posts in the “Stages of Sex” Series:

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