Ever feel like your spouse is just really needy? Or does your spouse think you are needy?
I’ve got a new episode of the To Love, Honor and Vacuum podcast up today!
I hope you all will listen, but if you don’t have time, I’ll have some links and rabbit trails below so you can read all you want as well!
And consider this podcast “extras”. If you want to go deeper into what I talked about in the podcast, here are some more things to help you.
But first, here’s the podcast:
Main Segment: Do We Understand Emotional Needs?
We all have emotional needs. And, because of our personalities, our backgrounds, our experiences, even our woundedness, sometimes there’s one particular need that stands out. Something that we really require if we’re going to feel safe and cared for.
Similar to the love languages idea, I go into a bit of detail on some needs and how we can fill them.
Why does this matter?
Two things: First, when you know each other’s emotional needs, you can plan to do things that fill up that need. And second, if, in the middle of a conflict, you can figure out what you each need, then instead of fighting until one of you wins, you can simply brainstorm how to meet each other’s needs. It’s far less antagonistic! Most conflicts, after all, happen because one or both of you feel as if you’re not getting your emotional needs met. When we turn the conversation towards that, then the conflict becomes something that’s more easily solvable.
To help you out with this, I’ve got an exercise you can do together to figure out your needs and find ways that you can meet them:
You can also listen to this podcast to learn more about how to resolve conflict by figuring out the underlying need!
Reader Question: What If I’M the One Who Cheated?
Today’s question is from a woman who cheated on her husband early in the marriage, and is wondering how to regain his trust. She writes:
My husband and I have only been married briefly and I cheated on him twice, with the same man, whom is also married. I did not have sex with this other man, we kissed and held each other and that is still cheating. To make it worse we actually had a connection of some kind, we spoke openly and honestly about our emotions. My husband obviously found out and is extremely hurt because I have never been able to open up to him like I had with this other man. We have a lot of trouble communicating honestly with each other. I’ve never made excuses for what I did or tried to blame other circumstances in my marriage, but I love my husband and don’t want to lose him. I’m just not sure if he will ever forgive me. He wants to work things out and so do I however if he doesn’t forgive me, we will never truly be happy. And I have tried to do everything he asks of me. I stopped all contact with the other man, I’m trying to give my husband time and space to deal with it, and I have made sure to be completely honest about my feelings and to do nothing that would give him cause to even think that I could be cheating on him again. My question is what more can I do? Or should I continue what I have been doing and find some kind of support system that I can express my feelings without making my husband feel pressured?
I’ve got a post on what to do if you’re the one who cheated here. I will say that emotional affairs are really common. And they tend to happen because we romanticize what it would be like to be with that other person. But that is just a fantasy; it’s not reality. The reason that relationship seems better is because you don’t have the responsibilities of real life.
Comment: Anyone have any great suggestions for two-player board games?
One of my most popular posts is my 20 two-player board games to play with your spouse. And I keep updating that post with new ideas as they come in, or as we play new games. And so many of those ideas I’ve had from all of you!
So I’m planning on writing another post soon with 20 NEW games (because they’re always coming out with new ones), and I’d love some suggestions! I asked on Facebook for some, and I got some great ones–Gobblet, Rivals for Catan (it’s a card game), and more. But I thought I’d ask you all as well! So leave your suggestions in the comments.
Next week I’m going to tell you a difficult story that’s been going on behind the scenes, of what happened when i tried to alert people to what the book Love & Respect is really about. But I wanted to do a practical, happy podcast today, and I hope that the segment on emotional needs triggered something in you on how you can do something small to improve your marriage.
Any other comments or suggestions? I’d love to fill up my board game cupboard!
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