Many of us jump into marriage never knowing terms for various aspects of sex.
Even if we understand the basics of “the deed,” proper words and terms aren’t always taught.
This month, during Wednesday posts, I’ve been talking about sex ed for Christians. I really believe that, as the church, we need to do a better job teaching people about sex. Part of that is because, if we really believe sex is for marriage, we need to set couples up for success, instead of shaming them and causing libido issues. Another big reason is so that, if something seems off, people realize it and seek help.
Over the course of this month, I’ve covered the theology of the clitoris, the theology of the penis, and a (really important!) post about how noticing isn’t lusting. This Wednesday we’re finishing up the series with a list of terms about sex adults should know.
A big part of education is learning words for things. It’s actually been shown by many studies that teaching kids the correct terminology for their genitalia protects them from long term abuse. It’s important that we know what we’re talking about so that we can have open dialogue with our spouses. There was a hilarious dust-up on Twitter a while ago when a guy tried to “mansplain” what a vagina was–when really he was talking about the vulva. He wouldn’t back down, even when gynecologists told him he had the terms wrong. But that’s a common thing to not understand! Similarly, did you know that semen and sperm aren’t interchangeable terms? This stuff does matter.
All of this is why I wrote the Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. I wanted to put together a resource to answer questions Christians have about sex in a positive way and to help support couples, whether they are preparing for marriage or have already been married, to have the best intimate lives possible.
Do you feel unprepared for sex?
Last week, I put out a call to my team to suggest terms that adults should know about sex. Here’s the crazy thing – many of us learned a few new vocabulary words in the process! Give a look through our lists to see if there are any that you haven’t heard of.
A Dictionary of Sexual Health Terms Adults Should Know
Female Reproductive Anatomy
Cervical Mucus – Fluid released from the cervix throughout the menstrual cycle to aid sperm motility and increase the chance of conception. Tracking cervical mucus is a part of many natural family planning methodologies.
Female genitalia – Female external genitalia is called the vulva and includes the clitoris, urethra, vagina, labia majora, and labia minora. (Click here for a diagram)
Hymen – a membrane that partially covers the opening of the vagina, typically in a virgin. It is generally broken at first intercourse, which may or may not hurt. However, some are born without a hymen, and it may be broken at other times, and absence of the hymen does not mean absence of virginity.
Female reproductive system – The female reproductive system consists of the vagina (which ends at the opening of the uterus, or cervix), the uterus, ovaries, and fallopian tubes.
G-Spot – A sensitive area of the vaginal wall, located toward the front of the vagina, which, when stimulated in many women can produce orgasm. Learn how to find your G-spot here!
Pelvic floor – the muscles controlling urination, vaginal function, and defecation. They may be strengthened by doing kegel exercises and/or by the support of a pelvic floor physiotherapist. (A pelvic floor physiotherapist explains when it’s the right time to get help)
Male Reproductive Anatomy
Male genitalia and reproductive system – Male genitalia consists of the penis, testicles (which contain the testes), and scrotum.
Semen – Reproductive fluid containing sperm which is released upon male orgasm.
Other Posts on Sex Education:
Manual Stimulation – Using one’s hand to rub and/or massage a partner’s genitalia to give them sexual pleasure. Many women achieve orgasm solely through oral or manual stimulation of the clitoris.
Masturbation – Rubbing or stimulating one’s own genitals to achieve sexual pleasure.
Foreplay – Kissing, sexual touching, stimulation, etc. for the purpose of heightening arousal preceding intercourse
Oral Sex – Using one’s mouth on a partner’s genitalia to give them sexual pleasure. When the man is performing oral sex, it is called cunnilingus. When the woman is performing oral sex, it is called fellatio.
Penetrative Sex/Coitus – Sex in which the penis is inserted into the vagina.
Erotica – Books written to arouse readers. Reading erotica is often accompanied by fantasizing about the characters read about or masturbation.
Pornography – Photographs and movie clips including nude and semi-nude scenes and displays of sexual encounters intended to arouse viewers. Viewing porn is almost always accompanied by masturbation.
Components of human sexual function
Arousal – Body changes that make intercourse possible and comfortable. For men, arousal results primarily in an erection of the penis (see below). For women, arousal primarily includes lubrication of the vagina and vulva. More, however, is involved in arousal than just that, and you can see my post on arousal and women for greater detail.
Consent – Agreement by both parties to engage in an activity. Consent should be voluntary and affirmative and must be given for each sexual encounter. This also applies to what is considered “okay” during a sexual encounter – for example, whether or not a sex toy can be used. It is also not possible for a partner to give consent while they are sleeping or are otherwise incapacitated.
Erection – A hardening and lengthening of the penis that occurs when a man is sexually aroused. Maintaining an erection is necessary for intercourse to occur.
Ejaculation – The release of semen and sperm from a man’s penis upon orgasm. The fluid that is released is called ejaculate.
Female Ejaculation – The release of fluid from a woman’s urethra during orgasm. The fluid contains certain enzymes and fructose. Female ejaculation is also referred to as “Squirting.” Only some women experience this (10-30%) and it’s frequency varies from woman to woman.
Erogenous Zones – Parts of the body sensitive to sexual touch. These include the genitalia and secondary sexual features such as the breasts but also may include areas such as the ears and neck (and anywhere else your spouse enjoys it!)
Hormones – Compounds which are produced by the body to help the organs function. Several different hormones work to regulate sexual function and response, and both sexes have all hormones in different proportions. Estrogen and progesterone are women’s main hormones, while testosterone is men’s. Low hormone levels often result in lower libido. People’s hormones will fluctuate, especially women’s, which are largely controlled by the menstrual cycle.
Libido – A person’s sex drive, their level of desire for sexual intimacy.
Orgasm/Climax – The result of sexual stimulation to the penis or clitoris (or, less frequently, the vagina), an involuntary response including waves of pleasurable muscular activity and, in men, the release of semen and sperm.
Oxytocin – the “bonding hormone” that is released on climax which makes the partners feel more affectionate and closer to one another. Men tend to release oxytocin in large quantities only during sex, while women release it more frequently, especially when breastfeeding or cuddling children.
Refractory Period – The period after a man orgasms during which he is unable to achieve orgasm again. This may last for a few hours up to a day.
Semen – A fluid secreted by a male’s gonads that typically contains sperm, along with enzymes that benefit the survival and motility of the sperm.
Sperm – A reproductive cell containing half of a man’s genetic code, capable of “swimming” thanks to its tail. Large quantities are released in a man’s semen when he ejaculates.
Queef – The sound of air being released from the vagina.
A Dictionary of Sex Terms every adult should know! So often Christians grow up never hearing the proper words for things. But it’s important to know this stuff!
Anorgasmia – Inability for a man or woman to achieve orgasm.
Birth Control/Contraception – The prevention of pregnancy by any number of means, including condoms, the pill, IUDs, and others. While not birth control, pregnancy may also be avoided by using natural family planning. (For more information about birth control methods, including information on the various types, check out this post.)
Delayed/Inhibited Ejaculation – Inability for a man to achieve orgasm or to achieve it in the timeframe both partners would prefer.
Dyspareunia – Pain during sex. This may be due to many reasons, but is especially common as a side effect to childbirth. Scarification and pelvic floor trauma can be treated by pelvic floor physiotherapists. (If you’re dealing with pain during sex, take a look at what pelvic floor physiotherapy is all about.)
Endometriosis – A painful condition caused by uterine epithelial cells outside of the uterus. It is a common cause of infertility and the pain is often experienced during menstruation.
Erectile Dysfunction – A condition causing an to be unable to achieve or maintain an erection long enough to reach orgasm during a sexual encounter. Its causes can be psychological or physical.
Low Libido – Lack of sexual drive or desire, low interest in sex. (If this describes your life, we’ve got a course for you!)
Premature Ejaculation – The inability for a man to postpone orgasm in order to maintain a sexual encounter past a few minutes.
Sexually Transmitted Infection – A bacterial, viral, or parasitic infection transmitted via contact with an infected person’s genitalia or reproductive fluids.
Vaginismus – A condition that causes severe pain during sex due to a tightening of the muscles in the vagina which may make penetrative sex impossible for women suffering from the condition. The condition is thought to most often be caused by trauma or abuse. It is almost always treatable with pelvic floor physiotherapy.
Vulvodynia/Vulvular Vestibulitis – Pain during sex caused by a burning sensation in the vulva. It’s cause is unknown. It is treatable with pelvic floor physiotherapy.
There you have it! Sex terms adults should know. Did we miss any that you think we should include? Let me know in the comments! But please–don’t use slang terms. I deliberately left those out so I wouldn’t get caught in spam filters or mischaracterized by Google. 🙂
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