We need to get real about women and porn use–and women and erotica.

We tend to talk about porn as a man’s issue, but 30% of porn users are female, and almost all erotica readers are female. This is serious! So let’s get serious on the podcast today (and even if you don’t struggle with porn, please listen, especially if you have daughters, because I talk about teens and porn, too!).

I hope you all will listen, but if you don’t have time, I’ll have some links and rabbit trails below so you can read all you want as well!

How do you find the older podcasts?

The easiest way is to go to wherever you normally listen to podcasts–iTunes, Google Play, Stitcher, Spotify, whatever–and search for To Love, Honor and Vacuum and subscribe!

I’ve also put a link on the menu where you can find all my previous podcast posts. Or you can just go over to Buzzsprout where I host them! (But seriously, just subscribe! It’s easier).

Main Segment: Women, Porn, Erotica–and How to Find Intimacy Again

There’s a LOT of info in this segment, and I can’t summarize it all here. But basically I looked at how a porn problem often starts for women, and how an erotica problem can start. I give some tips on what moms can do if daughters are consumed by romance novels, and then talk about how stories and novels have an ability to influence our fantasy life even more than other mediums do.

(By the way, if you have any great suggestions about novels that teenagers can read, can you put them in the comments?)

Then I look at the effects of porn on women. Unlike men, women can hide problems much better. With men who use porn, sexual dysfunction often follows. But because women can become aroused just through fantasy far more easily than men can, a woman with a porn problem can actually look quite sexually responsive.

Finally, I talk about how to stop the need to fantasize to become aroused. Please listen, because this stuff matters! And if you struggle with porn, Covenant Eyes is a great tool for women, too.

 

Prepare women covenant eyes - The Podcast About Women and Porn (And Creepy Dudes!)

Millennial Marriage: What if my daughter is dating someone I don’t like?

Becca and I decided to tackle a reader question in our segment this week! I guess it’s not technically a millennial marriage question, but we were talking about young people and dating. Here was the question:

My eldest is 19 years old and away at university. We are a Christ loving and very happy family. Our children were homeschooled and we were quite laid back compared to most families that we know. Anyway, my daughter is becoming very interested in a young man at school. He is kind and open hearted, but he does not yet know Jesus as his savior. He comes from a broken home and has lived a much different  life that our daughter. Should we intervene before they become too involved or should we trust God and our daughter to handle the relationship?

Our quick answer: you can influence, but you can’t intervene. And we talked about some great ways to do that!

(Incidentally, you may get a kick out of Connor’s text to me as he was editing the podcast):

Connor Funny Text on our podcast

And I was only kidding about that last part, by the way….

Connor’s great 😉

Reader Question: How do I Protect my Sister from Creepy Dudes?

We had a big sister writing in about how her little sister is constantly hit on–and that, plus a combination of family issues, has made her really insecure and scared of men.

 

I have a sister who is gorgeous. She works as a waitress.  She is constantly hit on by men of all ages, even in front of these men’s wives. She has been sexually harrassed and assaulted. She can’t even go to Walmart in everyday attire without men staring at her like she’s a dog. This and several other things led her to suicidal thoughts, panic attacks and all around fear of men. As her older sister, I can’t begin to tell you how angry this makes me. She is a believer, however, our dysfunctional family has left her with a rocky faith. She is in a bad relationship with a narcissistic guy, but he is the only man she feels slightly safe with. My question is this: how does a young Christian girl, who struggles with her faith, insecurity, her identity, and appearance, deal with such an immense burden of constant lust from unbelieving men? Is there anything I can do as her sister to help?

I get it. That’s a really big problem. We talked about two big things: teaching her that it’s okay to be rude to creepy people, and also that it’s important to get part of a healthy community. And invite her sister along! (The narcissistic boyfriend is a whole other problem, that’s super difficult too).

These two posts may help:

Comment: You do need to talk about issues

I loved this comment about how boundaries really can work!

That’s it for today. I hope you enjoyed it!

And I hope you have a wonderful Easter. You know, we often think about the significance of Jesus dying (which we remember tomorrow, on Good Friday). I’m not sure we truly understand the significance of Jesus rising from the dead. Once He did, He sent the Holy Spirit who can live in us and have a relationship with us. It means that we are never alone. That we have someone to guide us. That we have power to defeat some of the things that plague us in our lives.

If you’re dealing with porn, or struggling with your sense of self-worth, meditate on what Easter means. It’s pretty awesome. And I hope that this weekend you get an even greater sense of that!

Happy Easter, everyone!

SheilaSidebarAboutMe - The Podcast About Women and Porn (And Creepy Dudes!) Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
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