Are multiple orgasms a thing? And if so, how do you get there?
This month I’ve been focusing the blog on the physical aspects of sex–both how to make it feel physically great, and also how to address some problems that you may be having. I talked about how to find the G-spot, and we’ve had a pelvic floor physiotherapist on the blog this week to tell us what to expect and how such a physiotherapist can help.
I know these are slightly more R-rated posts than normal, but I really do want you to have a safe place to talk about these things! And multiple orgasms is a question I get a lot, so I thought I’d try to give it my best shot.
Now, one word of encouragement first. If you’re one of the ones who is thinking–“MULTIPLE orgasms? I’d settle for figuring out what a single one is like!”, I hear you. And I hope these posts can help:
Certainly it takes women longer to achieve orgasm than it takes men.
The average man can reach orgasm during intercourse in 2-3 minutes while the woman takes about 15-20. I think one of the reasons that God made orgasms to work this way is that men have to pay attention to their wives if their wives are going to receive pleasure. So men become more focused on giving rather than on receiving, when things work well. And women have to learn to communicate and tell their husbands what they like, which helps us to become more vulnerable, and increases closeness.
If everything worked automatically, then relationships may stay very shallow!
But here’s what’s cool: even though women may take longer to reach orgasm, we’re also capable of more intense ones, and we’re capable of multiple ones. So in the long run, we do make out pretty well!
How do I know if I’ve had a multiple orgasm?
Sometimes it can be hard to tell. For some people, multiple orgasms are more like one big long one, where it’s kind of peak after peak, with not a lot of break in between. For other women, they’re more distinct, with a minute or two between where the arousal dips and then starts again.
Do you find it hard to talk about SEX?
Here are just a few tips to make multiple orgasms more likely:
1. Have a LOT of foreplay
Because women take longer to reach orgasm in the first place than men do, making sure that you’re almost there before you start intercourse is crucial if you want longer orgasms, simply because he’s going to have to last beyond your first orgasm. So don’t skimp on the foreplay!
2. Don’t Pull Away or Stop Paying Attention
When you do reach orgasm, the tendency is to pull back, stop concentrating, stop paying attention, or just bask in it, because now “you’re done”. Try not doing that. Keep paying attention to the stimulation, and let yourself keep feeling the wave.
3. Breathe Deeply
We also tend to stop breathing during intercourse, or at least to have very shallow breaths. Instead, try to keep your breathing relatively even and deep. That helps the body continue what was happening, rather than switch to something else.
4. Change stimulation
If your initial orgasm is through clitoral stimulation rather than during intercourse, the difficulty with having multiple ones is that sometimes you’re too sensitive to continue touch there. So you may have to change stimulation.
In fact, even if you don’t normally reach orgasm during intercourse, see if keeping your breathing even and continuing to “ride” the orgasm can change that. Once you’ve reached orgasm, if he begins penetration, you may be able to keep it going. Make sure that your hips are tilted forward to keep the pressure on the clitoris. breathe deeply. And stay very relaxed. Let it keep washing over you, and see what happens!
5. Try start-and-stop during foreplay
To make multiple o’s more likely, try the start-and-stop technique during foreplay so that your body is accustomed to having stimulation peak and then decline. If he gets you close, and then holds off for 15 seconds or starts doing things more lightly, and then resumes again, your body gets used to this. And this can also help you achieve multiple orgasms.
It’s very hard to explain, but it mostly is an ability to “ride the wave” (that’s how J from Hot, Holy and Humorous described it once) by keeping your breathing going, getting very relaxed, while keeping focused. Just don’t pull back like normal, and see if you can extend the sensation. Sometimes it works! But if not, hey, you’ve still felt great!
Tune into my podcast tomorrow where I’ll talk more about arousal and making sex feeling great, as well as answering your questions and some other great stuff! I’ve really enjoyed doing these podcasts, and I hope you enjoy them, too!
Let me know in the comments: Any great tips that I haven’t put it here for multiple orgasms? Let’s talk!