New Year’s Resolutions are upon us! And one of the most common resolutions has to do with health.
That’s probably appropriate, because sooner or later, you are going to have to deal with your health.
Over the last three years, I’ve increasingly been confronted with the fact that I don’t move enough. My back kept going out–specifically my lower back. When my husband and I would go for hikes, I’d find that about 45 minutes in I’d be in incredible pain. And I thought to myself–I don’t want to live like this.
I started going to a massage therapist, and that would help temporarily. But the problem would return, because it stemmed from two things: how I sat during the day, and how I would stand when I did stand. I didn’t have a strong core, and my posture was all wrong.
After vowing for years that I would exercise more, I’ve finally started. I’m not doing high intensity stuff or anything. It’s more just an awful lot of stretching and a lot of core strengthening. And when we were in Costa Rica in December, I was able to hike without too much pain. My neck has stopped hurting. And my headaches have decreased.
I’m in my 40s. I could skate by with terrible posture in my 20s and 30s. But not anymore.
Our bad habits catch up to us.
Often they do so very slowly–we stop being able to walk as far, and then when we stop exercising as much, our endurance gets even worse. The idea of running out to the park with the kids starts to seem like so much work, so we become homebodies. Maybe your husband teaches your kids to ride bikes, while yours sits, gathering dust, in the basement. Because you just can’t keep up with the kids anymore.
You tell yourself that it’s just that they have more energy because they’re younger. A lot of your friends find all of this tiring, too. You’re not alone.
And so your life just gets more and more sedentary.
Your weight starts to creep up–maybe 5 pounds a year. But over 10 years, that’s 50 pounds. Over 20, it’s 100 pounds. Now moving becomes even harder. And so the downward spiral accelerates.
Each Wednesday in a month I like to talk about a particular marriage subject. And for the new year, I want to ask us this question: Are your daily habits preventing you from living a big life?
I believe that God created us for so much. We were meant to live in relationship with others. We were meant to have a big impact on this earth. In fact, there are specific things that God has planned, just for you individually!
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. (Ephesians 2:10)
But what if your daily habits are preventing you from living out the plan that He has for you? I’ll be talking later this month about time wasters, video games, and even pornography. But this week, over the next three days, I’d like to talk about our approach to health.
What if God has given you an amazing marriage, but you just aren’t able to enjoy it to the fullest extent because you don’t have the energy to do things together anymore, and sex has even become more difficult because of the excess weight that you’re carrying? This stuff matters.
When I was in Costa Rica last month, I saw this plant:
It was beautiful. I couldn’t believe how big it was. Can you tell what it is? (I know my ridiculous face is so distracting, but just look at the flower in the background.)
Yep. It’s a poinsetta plant. That spindly little thing they sell at grocery stores around Christmas, that often loses all of its leaves and looks kind of pathetic by the time December 25 rolls around. THIS, apparently, is what a poinsetta is supposed to look like, in its ideal state.
That’s what I’m talking about. Does your life resemble the spindly poinsetta, or the real poinsetta? Many of us are living very small lives. We’re still blooming, and we’re still pretty, but we’re not thriving the way we were meant to, because we aren’t giving ourselves the right conditions.
It’s very difficult to talk about weight in a healthy way.
I understand that some women have heard body shaming issues their whole lives, and this has triggered eating disorders. I am in no way trying to say that only a certain body type is acceptable, or that a husband has the right to get upset if you’ve gained weight. In fact, I once really went off on a commenter on this blog who said that his wife had “defrauded” him because she had gained 25 pounds since they married. That’s ridiculous. We do gain weight as we age, and especially after we have kids!
It is not my intention to “fat shame”. And I know that many of you are already feeling badly enough about yourselves.
But can I say something a little harsh?
Feeling badly will do no one any good.
And sometimes we excuse ourselves from addressing the issue because we say, “this is making me feel badly about myself, and I’m not supposed to feel badly about myself, so I’m going to stop thinking about it.”
But this is not about what you look like. This is about how we use one of the most precious resources we have–our bodies. It is with our bodies that we hug our children. It is with our bodies that we make love to our husbands. It is our bodies that carry us as we serve others.
I had to start stretching and exercising, every single day, just to stop the pain. I have to train myself to get up and move at least every hour when I’m working, or else I get headaches, largely from the muscles in my neck tensing and then those muscles triggering spasms all around my skull, through my temples, and into my eyes. It’s a huge hassle. But I simply don’t have a choice if I want to enjoy life and be able to have the energy to do what I want to do.
Feeling badly about it won’t do any good at all.
But making a plan will.
How to Think Differently About Getting Healthy
The main thing is this: Change your habits. I’ve been reading a book called Atomic Habits which has changed the way I think about this.
The author opens the book by talking about the British cycling team in the 90s, who were just so terrible the government was thinking of pulling funding. Then they got a new coach, who simply analyzed every tiny thing that went into cycling well, and decided that they would make each and every thing 1% better. And that team ended up becoming the best in the world, and winning the Tour de France.
It often isn’t huge changes that make the biggest difference. It’s taking everything you do and try to improve it by 1% all the time. So you don’t have to change your complete diet and start going to the gym 9 times a week and master yoga. But do something more today than you did yesterday. And do it repeatedly, in the same way, everyday.
I haven’t started a major exercise routine to help with my back. I’m doing small things, bit by bit, everyday. And I’m building up. Once you add small habits, it’s easy to build on them. And I’ve managed to keep going, far more than I have at other times in my life, for two reasons:
- I’m starting small, addressing small changes
- I know that if I don’t do this, the pain will get worse
I’m being realistic about what I can do. But I’m also being realistic about what will happen if I do nothing.
Many marriage problems are caused by poor health.
When you don’t sleep well, you get irritable and cranky. When you don’t eat a well-balanced diet, you get lethargic and you’re low on energy, and often burdened by headaches. When you carry too much excess weight, you don’t have energy to do the kinds of activities that could help you have fun and build your friendship. When you get out of shape, your libido often drops.
All of these things compound on each other.
Maybe one of the best ways to love your spouse this year, and to treat yourself right, is to decide to make small changes to your health.
Sometimes I think women resist doing this because we can feel righteous, saying things like “I know that beauty is on the inside”, or “I’m not going to give in to our culture’s influence, and I’m going to love myself just as I am!”
No one is saying that beauty is not on the inside, or that you shouldn’t love yourself. But can I just ask you to love yourself enough to do the hard work of getting healthy? God has given you these few decades on this earth, and He wants you to live them to the fullest. If you’re married, God has given you a husband to love, both with your heart and with your body. Can you love God enough, and your husband enough, to treat your body well?
Yes, it’s inconvenient. It will mean changing the way you cook. It will mean eventually having to meal plan. It will mean having to work up a sweat. You won’t get to do what you naturally want to do, all the time. But life is not supposed to just be about our comfort. Life is supposed to be about our growth, our potential, our giving.
You’re supposed to be that big poinsetta!
I don’t want to tell you HOW to get healthy; all of us have to find our own systems. So find new habits you can do, that you build on everyday. Start small. Do them repeatedly. And see what happens!
Let me know: Why is it so hard to talk about our relationship with food? What small changes have you made that really add up? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
For your back: Reformer Pilates, reformer Pilates, reformer Pilates!!! I injured my back in a car accident a few years ago and did not take good care of myself afterward. My sciatic was sooooo messed up. After spending a weekend at a retreat in excruciating pain, I started to look for solutions. I knew I hadn’t taken good care of myself and I needed to make some changes. I found a great Pilates studio and now almost two years later I go three times a week for an hour and it has changed my life. No more sciatic going out!!!
I’m in a place right now where I am not happy with my weight. I’ve successfully lost weight in the past, but this time around it just feels so darn difficult. There are days when I’m like “my weight is my weight and today I’m not going to be anxious about it” and days that are more “Ugh I’ve become a fat cow and I don’t even want to go out in public”. I’m stuck in a cycle of extremes. I’m working on having a healthier dialogue with myself.
Yes!!! I second the Pilates suggestion. I actually own a reformer at home that I use 2-3x/week in addition to going to classes 1-2 x/week just to keep up my form and memorise the flow routines. I also love the wunda chair for building core strength. I’ve tried lots of exercises (traditional cardio, swimming, HIIT, yoga, etc) and nothing has helped strengthen my core and get my body to resemble my ideal like Pilates has. (The closest second to Pilates was swimming and it and hiking are still my favorite forms of cardio).
I love swimming, too! Hate regular cardio, but I could swim like anything. I just hate getting wet in the cold in Canada, and the chlorine does nothing for my eyes. But I do love pilates!
Yes! I’ve started a pilates program and it’s really working well. I really love pilates. I find I do work up a sweat with it, too. I used to be so flexible when I was a teen (really good ballerina) but I’ve lost it all. But I’m slowly regaining, and it’s fun!
I think a healthier dialogue is so important. I think it’s also okay to realize, “this is work. this isn’t easy. It is difficult.” Doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t do it; but I think when we give ourselves permission to think of it as hard, it’s actually easier to do without beating ourselves up.
Hey there Sheila – Maybe I can help you get this conversation going. I am 5′ 9ish and normally 190lbs. Years ago I hit 210. It was due to a health issue that I completely missed because I was still in a fog in my addiction to sex. ( I was actually blocked from scar tissue from a previous surgery) One thing that I used to do to as part of my unhealthy patterns was go around the kitchen and eat. Eat in weird patterns. I would eat uncooked hot dogs, a bowl of cottage cheese then hit the chips and other salty foods and jump back and forth to anything I could just eat and didn’t have to cook such as a can of tuna then follow it all up with half a gallon of ice cream covered in chocolate sauce with a good amount of chocolate chips on top and don’t forget the whip cream! Of course I would get sick afterwards on the loose bowel side. I did this quite a lot. The problem though for me wasn’t really food. It was dysfunction of the mental state if you will regarding my addiction and maybe even bipolar. I was just using food as a stop gap “to feel better”. When I stopped acting out sexually the food thing became more of an issue for a while. When I finally had enough of getting sick from the food binges I stopped that too. I like how you used your own back issues as a way to relate. Because really….all our problems come down to whatever the issue is and how we respond to it. So in my case the bigger issue was sex addiction and the food issue was maybe a switch too addiction or additional issue that needed addressed. I had to address the bigger issue first of sex addiction before I could start on the rest of my problems. Addressing too many problems at the same time is not a good idea. For a guy like me, working on to many things on myself at the same time makes me crazy. I like the 1% concept. Pick your biggest issue and focus on it 1% at time. That seems so reasonable. Recently I had a manic type state hit me. Poor Grace – it really scared her. Thankfully while my behavior was odd I did not do any damage to anyone or anything. I decided that the trigger for this event was actually illness that turned flu and bronchitis. However, seasonal lighting is definitely an issue for me and I believe was factor as well. So I decided to try something different. The 1% concept is actually what it is. I got me a dawn simulator. So instead of being jarred awake in the morning by an alarm, now I get 30 mins of light before I wake up. I am only on day 2 and day 1 didn’t go so well lol. But I am feeling the difference today. Maybe only 1% but I feel it. I think the hardest part of this topic is admitting to yourself that YOU have a problem. It is amazing to me how someone can sit and talk about someone else’s crap and how screwed up they are when really they are the same way if not worse and have’t even got a clue. So to me the hardest part is just looking at yourself and admitting YES – I DO HAVE A PROBLEM. and then…YES – I must suffer a bit and make a change to improve my life. Not only for me but my spouse. When we do this not only for ourselves but our spouse as well, that is when we start to release self centeredness and our immense selfishness.
“I must suffer a bit and make a change to improve my life.”
So key! I think we believe it should be easy, and if it’s not, we beat ourselves up and figure we can’t do it. But it is difficult. It does take work. But that doesn’t mean that it’s work we shouldn’t do. Being hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing. I’m actually talking about that big concept when I launch my podcast next week!
I think the key to health is to divorce it from all the “and’s”. Health AND beauty, healthy AND trim, etc.
For me, if there is even the tiniest inkling of “I hope I LOOK” better, I will get discouraged and fail when I try to change. When I focus on less pain, more energy, better sleep, better sex life, and getting all the blessings this body was designed to give me, its much easier to see short term progress and stay excited.
Even the most beautiful people in the world have days when they feel ugly. If you are only working to free yourself from feeling ugly you will never win – that battle IS mental, not physical. But if you’re fighting for your health you can definitely claim ground.
That’s very well said, Sarah. I like that a lot!
Oh, thank you thank you thank you for this series, Sheila!!! I’ve been so looking forward to this for months since you first announced it!
As indicated in many of my comments, this is the biggest (pun intended) issue for my husband and me in our marriage. He’s morbidly obese (6’0” and currently 325lbs though his highest mid 2018 was 340-350lbs). He knows he needs to lose weight, get his blood pressure under control, and become more active. His goal was to lose 100lbs by his 30th birthday at the end of 2019. For all of this past fall, he was talking about how he was just fed up with his body and how he looked forward to making some big changes come the New Year.
Granted, between summer/fall and the end of 2018, he did start focusing on his portions more and lost 20lbs in 5 months. But as I’ve witnessed, 20lbs is nothing for him. He can lose that amount pretty easily but then gained it all back and more once he goes back to his old eating habits.
Now that the New Year is here, he seems to have already lost the motivation he had just several months ago. I’ve decided that, unlike what I’ve done in the past, this time I’m not going to say anything about his habits and the goals he said he wanted to achieve. I’m just going to continue living my healthy lifestyle and subtly share your January posts with him. He knows he needs to change, but I find that me constantly bringing it up and reminding him of things he’s said or goals he’s wanted to achieve just end up making him feel discouraged (even if I say “you can do it” and the like). So I’m not gonna say anything, share articles and scriptures about habits and how our actions effect our lives and the lives of those around us, and let him do him at his own pace. Hopefully he’ll achieve his goals before he’s 40, since his “fit by 30” goal I think is unrealistic given his current mindset (unless God miraculously changes his mindset or opens his eyes and has him do a 180 turn around to how he views his health and body and how those both effect his effectiveness for. Christ too… that’s what I’m praying for).
That is so hard! I was thinking of you when I started planning this series. I think finding a system that works is so important, rather than just getting fed up with yourself and telling yourself, “I’m going to change.” Doesn’t work.
What finally worked for my husband was intermittent fasting (my mother found that an amazing thing, too!). I can’t do it; my metabolism is totally different. But they eat one day on one day off. It’s great for them. Another thing that helps is just only having certain foods in the house. But I think sometimes people are so scared to try because nothing has worked, and they don’t want to change their lives that much.
Eventually people hopefully get fed up enough to look into a system–not a gimmick, but a lifestyle–that they can stick to. Because that’s the key. It has to be something you can stick to. For me it’s exercise everyday; for my husband it’s fasting. We’re different. But there’s nothing else that will do it other than finding the right system and habits to put in place.
That’s very true, Sheila. The functional medicine doctor who we went to go see when we were having trouble conceiving our first child actually told us that for my husband’s body, fasting would probably work pretty well. I’ve always had eradic blood sugar (even as a child and teen even though I was always 5’6” and in the 120s-130s), usually erring on the side of hypoglycaemic. So for me and my body, I know IF doesn’t work for me. I cook AIP/paleo at our house (plus some gluten free grains now that I’m pregnant again cuz I need the extra carbs to feel full); that’s just a lifestyle way of eating for me now since I feel so much better eating that way. My husband eats that way at home too, but likes to go out for fast food or a huge 20oz steak with mashed potatoes and maybe some broccoli (we recently moved to TX so steakhouses are plentiful) with his coworkers for lunch pretty regularly. He used to do that even when I made his lunches for him and would either also eat the lunch I packed or toss it out if it was something he wasn’t super excited about. I found out he used to do that about a year ago, got super upset at him, and haven’t packed him any meals since. There are always plenty of fresh leftovers in our fridge, chopped lettuce and veg to make a salad, and sunflower seeds (since he’s allergic to all nuts, peanuts and sesame), so he now has to make his own lunch. I’m done wasting my time putting in the thought and effort into meal prepping for a man who doesn’t even eat it sometimes. He knows how to assemble a healthy meal. He knows he should have his plate half filled with greens/vegetables. His biggest habit to break now is 1) actually measuring out his portions especially for protein, 2) drinking 5L/day which is what a man his size needs if he wants to be well hydrated and lose weight, and 3) not eating out more than 1 meal per week. I’ve told him all this before. He knows what he needs to do. This year, I’m going to try shutting my mouth 90% more than I currently do and praying instead of verbalising my every thought concerning his weight.
Hey Elle! It’s nice to know I’m not the only fit wife with his issue. Seems like everyone I know (woman) is the one with the weight issue themselves and their husband is the one who is frustrated with their weight.
Hi Natalie! It must be so scary watching your husband essentially dying from something completely preventable! I totally understand how you would be so scared that you would ‘nag’ him about his health, and try to fix him in any way you can! I totally get it!
On the other hand, I am an emotional eater. I struggle with my weight (although I am far from extremely fat or unfit, sometimes just being mid range is a curse in itself, as it is easier to convince yourself that you are doing ok!) anyway, slight digression! What I wanted to say was that I often feel really hurt when my husband makes comments about my weight. Even if those comments are true, they still leave me feeling like a failure. And someone who feels like a failure is never going to win at something as hard as getting their emotional eating under control! So I fully support your goal this year not to nag him about his health!
One thing that I DO find beneficial is when my husband or friends share with me areas that they struggle in, and then we can support each other. Maybe you’ve got the healthy eating thing down pat, but I bet there’s some area of your life that you would like to improve in, something that you struggle with. Perhaps a way to help your husband would be to let him know that you struggle too, and then he will gradually become more able to share his struggles with you, and be more open with you. Become his safe place, not his judge (not trying to be harsh, just something that works for me – my husband struggles with anger). The confidence that comes from having a supportive spouse can make you feel like you can do anything!
Hopefully you will also find the support that you need, so you are fully able to support him.
Also, has he tried Keto? I think it is a pretty man friendly diet (steak, bacon, cheese, eggs, what’s not to love?) and I have seen a lot of people have success with it. I have just started it, so I’m not one of the success stories, but it might be worth a try!
I do intermittent fasting, but instead of o e day on, one day off, I eat between 11am and 8.30pm. This has helped me because I no longer give myself permission for late night snacks, and it means I don’t have as many hours to eat in, so I can be a bit freer with calories consumed during those hours.
Thanks for the suggestions, E. I used to nag him up till a couple years ago about his diet and activity level… and by nag, I mean doing so in a not very nice, often condescending way. (Example: on our honeymoon to Hawaii when we were in Honolulu hiking up to the top of Diamond Head (keep in mind this was when he had just lost 50lbs and gotten down to 250lbs for the wedding to prove to me that he was serious about his health because I told him I wouldn’t marry him otherwise, so he was in the best shape then that he’d been in since we first met sophomore year of college – 5 years earlier), he was SUPER sweaty and slow and huffing and puffing up that crater. And I kept on saying “c’mon honey, hurry up” because I wanted to get there in time to see the sunrise & we were already pushing it. He finally got a little upset and said “I’m going as fast as I can. Stop telling me to hurry up. This is hard!” And I made some comment like, “Well, if you were in better shape, this wouldn’t be so difficult” which, like true, was definitely not the right thing to say 1) on our honeymoon, 2) to a man who’s always struggled with his weight, and 3) to someone who had just lost 50 of his 100lbs goal. I’m sure that discouraged him. Being the very blunt person that I am, I still find it hard to not say things that are harsh but true. In my mind, having the truth smack you in the face is a great way to find motivation to change (at least it is for me). But for him (also an emotional eater, as he was raised to be), I’ve learned he sometimes needs to be told things gently and sometimes needs me to say nothing at all.
Thankfully, we’ve always had a very open line of communication on all topics between us since we first started dating. He knows I’m on his side. He knows I want to do everything I can to help him achieve his goals. But he’s also told me that sometimes it seems like all I want to do is talk about his weight and talk about how he’s doing and feeling with any progress he’s made so far or what plans he’s been making mentally on how to achieve his new goals (like the New Years goals he just made). I think over the years I’ve just worn him out on the subject. So I’m going to stop researching personal trainers for him & men’s Bible studies & different diet plans (yes, we’ve tried keto. He said he felt too restricted on it) & sending him articles on all the health and sexual benefits of losing weight because he may read them but never takes them in and internalizes them like I know he needs to do. All I’m going to do is show him this series of Sheila’s & tell him one last time what I think a prudent path to take would be concerning his weight/weight loss/health, and then I’m not going to say anything for the rest of the year and see what happens. Hopefully it was only my interference all along that was discouraging him, and that by me taking a step back, he’ll step up to the plate and do what needs to be done.
Also, concerning emotional eating, I think a large part of it is actually a spiritual battle, not a physical or even a mental one at all. In my husband’s case, he became a Christian shortly after we started dating (I’ll admit, I did missionary date him) because he knew I wouldn’t date him for long or ever marry him if he weren’t a Christian. However, once we became a Christian, he didn’t & never has gone to a men’s group or men’s Bible study or done any in-depth reading of the Word on his own. Sure, we go to church together on Sundays and he used to be one of the main sound guys for the Sunday services at our old church before we moved, but he doesn’t have nearly the Biblical knowledge I do (having grown up in the church, gone to a Christian elementary and jr high school, & having accepted Jesus personally for myself when I was 10). Even basic Bible stories I find he sometimes doesn’t know. I think, for him, a good chunk of his eating issues comes from not only his emotional eating habits that he’s had since he was at the very latest 8 years old (though probably since birth I’d guess), but also his spiritual walk with the Lord which, 7 years later after receiving Christ, is still in its infancy. He uses food in a lot of places where God should be filling that role. Today’s article reminded me SO much of him and his habits! https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2019/01/losing-weight-together-helped-marriage/
That’s why I’ve been pushing him to join a men’s group at our new church, now that his daily commute is 90% less than it used to be and he now has more free time. I know a lot of his problems would be solved by replacing Jesus for food, and that being around a good group of guys (who I’m sure at least some have dealt with the same issues) would be great for building him up spiritually. Thankfully with the New Year, our new church’s small groups are restarting and taking on new members, so we both plan on getting involved more and getting into the Word more so we can both grow spiritually (sometimes I’ve been desperately wanting to do for a year but wasn’t able to for various reasons that would take too long to explain here).
On the intermittent fasting topic, even fasting between supper and breakfast the next morning (no snacking in the evening) gives great results!
Natalie, my hubby’s in that same weight range (but 4″ shorter), and he’s 30, so some similarities there! 😉
I loved everything about this until the last paragraph when it turned into a sales pitch. I know you do this to make money but I’ve been turned away by the frequency of sales posts over the last year.
I am sorry about the sales pitches–and I do provide a LOT of stuff for free. Right now there are about 2,700 posts up on this blog, and I write 5 posts a week, at about 1500 words each, so that’s the equivalent of about 7 full size books a year. Plus I’m launching a podcast next week, which will also be free. I really do try to provide content that anybody can access, and one of the great joys I have is that I rank so well on Google for really important things like porn and marriage, and people are showing up here to get help.
But I’ll tell you something–the costs for running the blog at the moment, with all the hosting, the images, the staff, the security, the newsletter subscription, etc., actually are now over $5500 a month. I don’t think people understand how much it costs to run a secure site when you get as much traffic as I do. And so frankly, I do have to sell things to generate income and cover the costs. I’m also aiming to launch a number of products this year which may enable me to turn off ads on the mobile devices. That’s a huge goal of mine, because I don’t like the ads, but I don’t currently have a choice if I’m going to continue to hire help–and I simply can’t do this alone anymore. There are too many moving parts. So I just want people to know that this is actually quite an expensive endeavour, and when you do buy things through my links, it helps me!
Wow! I had no idea it was so complicated to keep your blog going! Great work!
I lost 40 kg (almost 100 lbs) 7 years ago. My strategy was to find the good in diet and sports, to find ways to enjoy them, and to give myself different choices, pleasant and healthy at the same time. After you lose weight the fight is not over, keeping it is just is hard, if not harder. So it is very important to learn to enjoy healthy eating and moving. If it is always a struggle, willpower will not be enough when life gets tough.
That is so true, Dean! I’ve aleays had a sweet tooth and a love of sugar. But I noticed my body started to charge around age 19-20, and I couldn’t process the pasta and heavy sauces and baguettes and pastries and cakes like I once could. That’s when I totally changed my diet and essentially eliminated all of those from my daily diet, now only having them during holidays and special occasions. I feel lighter and more energetic, even though I haven’t lost any significant amount of weight. If my body had never told me to stop with the sugar, I’d never have the motivation to eat as strictly as I do regularly. I think the people who struggle the most are those who haven’t reached that place yet of experiencing feeling better from a better diet. Until that happens (or a serious medical issue arises), it’s extremely hard for most to continually turn down the delicious foods they love.
However, I will also say that totally detoxing your life from junk and eating only clean real foods for a several months (often 8-12 months) is what it takes to come to this realisation. And that part does take determination. And usually, people won’t stick with something for that long unless there’s a health/medical reason for it.
This has been one of the hardest things for me! I’m so frustrated at the weight I gained in the last couple of years. I know a lot of it was because my marriage was a wreck, and after the divorce I wanted to focus on emotional health more than my weight. I’m so ready to make some healthy changes for my body. Sure, I want to be a smaller size, but this is really about how I feel. This winter I’ve had headaches and sometimes migraines more days than not. My #1 trigger for that is sugar. I’m ready to not be in pain!
Thank you for having the courage to broach tough subjects like this. I totally agree with you, it’s important to be healthy.
One book that has really helped me is The Daniel Plan, Rick Warren talks about how important it is to be healthy physically and mentally so we will be in our best condition to serve God. Our family is really working on being healthier this year, it’s only been a few days but we are doing pretty well so far and will hopefully keep it up and be able to get the kids on board too!
That’s great! I honestly think one of the best gifts you can give your kids is a healthy lifestyle. It sets them up so much better for the future.
I had just had my 2nd child at the age of 23 and was completely bedridden. I was a “healthy” weight but I had extreme fatigue, dizziness, bloating ect. I tried a couple different diets to reset my body, but they only helped a little. About 8 months postpartum I came across the “Blood Type Diet” by Dr. D’Adamo. It. Saved. My. Life. It’s eating foods that are beneficial for your blood type and avoiding foods that do harm. I also found out that I’m Very allergic to wheat and that that unknowingly contributed to me almost losing my job from the extreme fatigue and dizziness. You can be a healthy weight without being healthy and this diet had given me life back. I just had my 3rd baby at the age of 25 and NO Postpartum Depression/excess weight/extreme fatigue all due to this diet balancing my hormones and healing my body. If you’re interested, you need to actually get his book because there is A LOT of false info out there about this diet. Also, the Facebook groups for the blood types are FANTASTIC resources for questions or sharing recipes. I do not get anything for endorsement lol! I just feel like I found a Holy Grail so to speak and want to share it.
This is so true–“you can be a healthy weight without being healthy.” Absolutely! It’s all about nutrition, too, and how your body metabolizes things (and some people don’t metabolize in the same way). Glad you brought that up! And I’m so glad that you found a solution to your fatigue. That is so debilitating. And that’s what I want people to know–often it’s not your fault. There’s nothing wrong with your thought patterns. You’re just not fueling your body the way it needs to be!
Hi Sheila!
I love your poinsettia analogy! This really is at the heart of what I hope to help people see more clearly. That you can’t fully walk out your purpose and do those amazing exploits you’re called to do when you don’t feel well. It’s not about looking cute in a bathing suit, it’s about having the physical strength, the cognitive and emotional clarity that is needed to strategically execute the plans God put on your heart. I love this post – so profound!
First I’ll start with myself. My eating can use some improvement, but most days I’m “good”. I don’t know if I’ll ever see “fruits” from this tho. No matter how hard I work or how much food I cut out (sugar) I don’t lose weight anymore. I gained 30 lbs while on a particular antidepressant and haven’t been able to budge the scales since. Everyone in my family sees how hard I work for no weight loss. Sometimes I give up. BUT, this summer some bloodwork showed high cholesterol (I also have PCOS which hinders a lot of areas of health). So, I jumped back on the exercise wagon. I can’t make it about weight. Makes no sense that I can’t lose since I don’t eat gluten and most dairy (food intolerances)-that alone cuts out so many calories!
My husband is pretty resistant to exercising. I also recently realized he was eating a LOT of junk. He has high blood pressure (takes medication). One day he accidentally took a lower dose and his bp was at stroke level. I’ve started pushing the exercise now but it’s hard. It’s hard enough to push myself day in and day out! I hoped an initial push would get him going. But I have to ask him daily “what is your workout today?” And he will not exercise if he has any pain of any kind. So frustrating to me. But I can’t not do this for him. He will end up having a stroke. Plus his family medical history is abominable!!! I tell him I’d like us to enjoy our retirement!! (Were in our mid to late 40s)
I’ve got PCOS too! I also had to change my mindset from “I want to lose weight” to “I want to be healthy and feel better.” I took up running and weightlifting and cut out dairy and sugar. I haven’t lost an ounce of weight (actually gained thanks to the added muscle) but boy I sure do feel awesome! I can carry my 30 pound child with little effort, go on hikes with her, chase after her, and do all kinds of fun stuff. This body doesn’t fit what most people envision as “healthy,” but it sure can do some really great stuff.
That’s amazing! I really do think it’s about health. As we create muscle, we’re just able to do so much more.
Hey Sheila, I love that you’re addressing health and the effect it can have on many facets of your life. But I don’t love that we’re equating health with weight loss. Lots of studies have come out in the past few years showing that it’s ridiculously hard to lose weight and that diets don’t work long term for most people and focusing on weight has negative health outcomes(here’s a peer reviewed one: https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9).
Personally, I’ve had the most success maintaining long term healthy habits by focusing more on what my body can DO and how I FEEL instead of what I look like or what the scale says. For example, I feel better when I eat a balanced nutritious diet (I run better too!). I amaze myself when I add weight to my deadlift or shave a few seconds off my mile pace. I don’t run and lift weights to lose pounds or inches, I run and lift weights for the sheer joy of it, for the pride I feel in accomplishing stretch goals, and for the sense of empowerment I have after finally making peace with my body through exercise.
This blog post in particular has been so helpful in changing my mindset towards health and exercise, plus body image to boot: https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9.
Best of luck in healing your back! You never really notice how much you use certain muscles until they hurt.