Here at To Love, Honor, and Vacuum we use a lot of stock photos.
And that’s for a very specific reason: we get a ton of traffic from Pinterest. In fact, Pinterest is one of the #1 ways people find this website. Facebook is another big one–we need photos for that, too. So we need high quality graphics that are clearly about the post in question.
And since I write about sex a lot, that can get awkward.
So I thought as a quick homage to the past year and to get us ready for the next one, I’d put together this quick list that hopefully makes you laugh while also pointing you to some great posts.
Before we get to the list, I want to explain two things:
1. Yes, I really do need to use stock photos, including photos of couples in bed or that are clearly about sex.
These graphics that we create help bring people to this site–many of whom may not have heard about God’s desire for marriage and sex before. So it really is a ministry in and of itself! I know some readers would prefer I didn’t use photos, but Pinterest is my #2 source of traffic, with around 5,000 a day. Even though Google brings in many more, the Pinterest readers tend to stick around. And I’m very passionate about getting good information about sex and marriage out there, and this is one of the best ways to attract people. And I can’t do it without good pictures!
2. Although I definitely need to say sorry to some of these poor stock photo models, others I really don’t feel so bad about.
For example, I’m pretty sure this guy could have predicted how I would use his stock photo:
Yup. Not many other contexts that photo would work in. But if you’d like to check out the post, you can do so here!
So let’s jump into it!
Here are stock photo models whose pictures were used with awkward captions they likely never could have anticipated.
10. This woman who isn’t physically satisfied
Pretty sure this wasn’t what she was signing up for when she took that picture. But if you’re in a marriage where sex is just “ho hum” when it comes to physical pleasure, check out the post here!
9. This man who was likely told “look sad” by his photographer and now is our blog’s face of health-related erectile dysfunction
Seriously this could have been used for a lot of contexts. And he got ED. We’re sorry, sad guy.
If your husband does experience ED, please check out the article! It outlines some health problems that are related to ED and why ED may actually be a warning sign for something more serious. Check it out.
8. This guy who wants something gross in bed
He probably thought this would be for something like “When communication breaks down in a marriage,” or “How to Resolve Conflict.” And he got… that.
Guy who wants something gross from his wife, we’re sorry.
Now, if your spouse asks for something in the bedroom you’re just not OK with, this post is for you. And I really think it can help!
7. This confusing couple who want to…how shall I say this?…lend themselves a hand
To be completely honest, we’re not sure what this couple thought this photo would be used for, but we’re pretty sure it wasn’t that.
To the angsty back-to-back couple, we’re sorry.
6. This adorable little girl who I seriously hope has never actually seen a sexy photo of her parents
Honestly, though, isn’t that the best photo ever for that post?
To the shocked little girl, I’m so sorry. But your face was just too cute, we had to use the photo!
If you want some guidance on how to handle when your kids see a photo they shouldn’t have seen, read the post for some advice!
5. This woman who is shocked to find out she’s ruined her sex life
This graphic is so far from what she could have realistically expected this photo to be used for. Maybe she was hoping for, “90% off makeup brushes!” or “You wont’ believe the health benefits of this item you likely already have in your pantry!”
Instead she got “You’re the reason your sex life isn’t great.” And we’re sorry, shocked woman with curls.
But if you are in a sexual rut, or you’re dissatisfied with how sex is in your marriage, can I ask that we be honest with ourselves? Sometimes we need to look inward and see if WE are doing something that’s harming our sex lives or our marriages.
4. This guy with the misshapen penis
But to the stock photo model, you have our sincere apologies. I hope that you were able to bring some people the information they were looking for!
3. This man and his dog who were simply out for a hike in nature
And now seem to have achieved new emotional, spiritual, and psychological heights since quitting masturbation.
To the man in nature with the sunset in the background: we’re sorry.
This post is really quite an interesting take on how chronic masturbation can impact a marriage. Check it out!
2. This woman who simply wanted to look like a princess decorated in flowers and ended up on a post about vaginal smells
This is another one of those cases where the photo is just so incredibly far from the content of the post that it adds a whole other layer of comedy.
To the beautiful woman with the flowers: we apologize.
But seriously–if you are curious about vaginal care and what it really SHOULD smell like “down there,” read the post.
1. And the finale, this guy with a sore wrist
This one just takes the cake. His face is perfect. The reader question is amazing when paired with this photo. And the whole thing is just not what he expected.
This guy is the poster child for, “Become a stock photo model they said; it’ll be fun, they said.”
To the guy with the sore wrist: we’re sorry! But you just had such a great expression you gave us no choice.
So there you have it–those are the top 10 stock photo models I need to apologize to from this past year or two.
We were killing ourselves laughing while finding these photos–my daughter and son-in-law were perusing the archives and had to narrow down the list quite a bit. So there are more out there, that’s for sure!
Did you see any others you thought were funny? Let me know which ones they were and we’ll have a laugh together!
Thanks for such a great year on the blog–and I’ll see you in 2019!