I’m going to open a big can of worms.
I’m getting ready for people to throw tomatoes at me and yell at me.
But, please, please, can we talk honestly about something today? I really think we need to have a conversation about the fact that our kids are becoming increasingly obese.
I’m not trying to make anyone feel badly. And I do believe that one’s character matters more than one’s waistline.
But I worry that we’re so scared to make people feel badly about their weight that we’re just not being truthful. Obesity is a serious issue in North America today–and it’s becoming more and more common and more and more extreme. My daughters were both lifeguards and swimming teachers in high school, and they were seeing kids as young as 4 years old who were obese in their classes.
Are we doing enough as a church community and as family units to set up our kids for good health? And what can we do better? Because I’ve noticed some things about teenagers and weight problems:
1. Our Kids Are Growing Up Eating Almost Solely for Pleasure
They are growing up in a culture that eats for pleasure far more than other cultures did, because we have so much food. I eat when I’m bored sometimes, too. Don’t you? You have nothing to do, so the first thought that comes into your head is, “what’s in the fridge”? Many of our children naturally think of food, too, when they’re bored, and hence so much of their social life exists around food. And because we have so much choice, food is expected to taste good because you have options. Kids snack like there is no tomorrow, whereas in previous generations it was expected you had three meals a day and maybe a piece of fruit like an apple if you got hungry in between. Sitting in front of the TV with a bag of chips just didn’t happen unless it was a special family TV night.
A dear woman I know who heads up a ministry aimed at junior high kids told me about a day she spent with several girls, where all the girls did was want to eat. They ate a huge breakfast–far larger than this woman ate herself–and then an hour later asked when the next snack was. Everytime food was brought out they grabbed handfulls of it and stuffed it in, and consumed just as large a lunch. She figures they ate as many calories by 11 that morning as she normally eats all day.
Are churches doing enough to help families set their kids up for good health? Click To TweetMany children don’t seem to have a switch that says, “I’m full now”. They love the feeling of stuffing themselves, and the idea that “I am not particularly hungry right now” has never stopped them from eating before, so why should it now?
2. Kids Aren’t Learning How to Have Healthy Relationships with Food
When our oldest (Rebecca) was around 7, a little friend down the block used to hang out at our house constantly. I still remember the day she ate her first stick of celery. She didn’t know what it was. The only vegetables she had ever eaten were carrots and cucumber. And she had never eaten any vegetable cooked (unless you count french fries).
We served her stew one night and she didn’t know what to do with it, though once she tried it she liked it.
More than was the case a few decades ago, kids are growing up not knowing about fruits, veggies, and nutrition. KFC is healthy because it’s chicken, and chicken is good for you, right? But what happens when kids grow up without any basic knowledge of nutrition and see food as a boredom-killer more than their body’s fuel is they start not knowing how to have a healthy relationship with the food they eat. Kids overeat when they’re stressed, bored, happy, or sad simply because they’ve been taught that eating makes them feel good or is the best way to reward themselves. And that leads to a lot of obesity.
Can we talk honestly about teenagers and weight problems? It's a touchy subject, but so important.Click To Tweet3. Teenage Obesity Affects the Rest of Their Lives
Being obese in childhood leads to lots of health issues, of course. But I don’t think we truly understand that it also affects kids’ lives relationally.
Here are the facts: In marriageable years, people tend to look first at appearance. That doesn’t mean that they won’t eventually look deeper, but appearance matters. And a large part of that is weight. I’m not saying anyone needs to be a size 4. But if you’re carrying an extra 50 pounds or more, it will deter your chances of finding a mate. It simply will.
Researchers have found that if a man is obese at 18, he is half as likely to be married at 40 as his average-sized peers. And men care about weight even more than women do, so it’s likely affecting women even more than it does men. In fact, other studies have found that in general, people are 20% more likely to get married if they are not overweight.
Your first instinct reading that may be to say, “That’s not fair! Men should learn to look what’s on the inside, since that’s what really counts.” And yes, I agree that who the person is matters far more than what they look like.
But the desire to be with someone of a healthy weight isn’t just that men are shallow, or a sign that a guy is looking at a woman like a sex object. The reality is that if someone is medically obese, that often means something about their lifestyle or their ability to do some activities. If a guy wants a wife who can be his partner through adventures, that’s not as much about appearance as it is just how well that woman will fit into his lifestyle.
As well, someone who is medically obese at 20 is more likely to have severe health issues later in life. So people choose to pursue people who are less likely to struggle with health problems if they have the choice.
We need to learn to talk to kids about food in a way that is HEALTHY--and that means being able to have honest conversations about the dangers of obesity.Click To TweetWe need to figure out how to honestly talk about weight problems without introducing unhealthy beliefs about food, weight, and personal value.
I like looking pretty. And because I’m married, I try a little harder. I think looking nice for your man is a good thing, because it keeps the marriage fresh, and I want him to enjoy coming home to me.
However, I certainly don’t want people to think that our self-esteem should be primarily rooted in how we look, or that we all need to be super skinny to be worth something. Enough negative messages about beauty pervade our culture that I don’t want to add to them.
Yet I know that all of us, and especially our kids, do need to understand some basic things about health and about food.
Are you in that same boat? Do you know that you need to make a change–but you’re not sure how? Until I was pregnant with Rebecca I never really thought about what food I ate. I just ate so that I wasn’t hungry. I didn’t think about nutrition at all. And it’s only been lately that I’ve realized how I treat food like pleasure rather than fuel that is also fun. There’s a big difference.
If you’re looking to make that switch in your family, so that your kids can have a great relationship with food, let me introduce you to the Ultimate Healthy Living Bundle–a collection of 62 eBooks, 12 printable packs & workbooks, 20 eCourses and 2 membership sites, worth a total of $2,235.92, but on sale for 5 days only for $29.97.
I talk about the bundles that I love whenever they come on sale because I think they’re such a great deal. You don’t have to love every item in it, but I buy them every time they’re offered, and I always find one or two things that radically change how I do my life.
I want to highlight just a few items that I’ve been reading through this week that can help you make that transition in your home towards a healthier relationship with food.
10 First Steps to Real Food will take you on the journey I went through a few years ago after I bought my first bundle. It tells you what real food actually is (basically, something that you’d recognize on a farm), and then shows you how to switch your diet pretty painlessly to stuff that’s actually healthy.
One of the biggest changes I made (and it was super hard because it went against everything I’d been taught) was to embrace real fats, like those found in dairy products, avocadoes, nuts, seeds, etc. I had grown up believing the “low fat” mantra, and it’s actually not true. It really does help!
The Well Nourished Lunchbox gives you great ideas for things kids can take for lunch (or pack themselves) to make lunch more interesting, but also a lot healthier. And they’re awfully pretty, too! Other kids will be impressed. 🙂
And there are so many more–including so many resources to help YOU get a proper relationship with food, so that you can model the right thing for your kids. Here are some that I’ve been looking through:
4 Week Fit & Strong Workout Plan–it’s basically just 10 minutes a day, and it tells you what to do each day!
Mind Your Gut Health–taking you through why a healthy gut matters, and what to do about it
Unhinge the Binge: An ecourse to help you conquer binge eating
Victory Over Emotional Eating Ecourse–let’s eat for the right reasons!
So check out the Ultimate Healthy Living Bundle–because it is a great deal at only $29.97, and it will help you move towards a better relationship with food.
….and it’s only available until Monday at midnight!
But now let’s talk, too: have you noticed this with young people? That they seem to eat to cure boredom? What do you think we can do to cultivate a better relationship between food and our kids? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I do worry about this with my kids. My oldest is 3, and meals are SUCH a battle. He essentially refuses to try any new foods. We’ve talked about food giving good energy vs bad energy, I’ve tried bribing him with stickers, I’ve tried limiting his snacks, I’ve tried having him help me prepare meals as far as his age will allow, and I’ve tried just not giving him dinner that we’re not eating ourselves. And he still refuses to even try even basic things like rice, and throws a fit at almost every meal. The only fruit he’ll eat is grapes, and tomato sauce on homemade pizza. Forget veggies. Any suggestions for what I can do to set him up for better habits? His younger brother does better so far, since I’ve given him small portions of what we eat instead of home cooked toddler meals (that was a fail with big brother), but I worry that seeing his brother will cause him to get more picky as he approaches age 2 as well.
Becky, I had a picky eater, too! And I was one. But kids do tend to eat raw veggies and raw fruits on their own. What I used to do is take cut up celery and carrots and cucumber and melon and pineapple (or whatever I had on hand) in tupperware for every time we went out. So if we were going to the library, or going to do an errand, or going for a car ride, they’d have a snack but it was healthy. When we went to our swimming lessons or skating lessons–same thing. And the kids got most of their fruits and veggies that way!
I also think just always cooking healthy things is important. Sure, kids like Kraft Dinner or Spaghetti-Os, but if you never ever cook them (and I dont’ know if you do or not, so I’m not saying you do), but if you always cook healthier versions of the same thing, then that can work.
I also found that kids often liked cold foods better than hot foots, because hot foots were often mixed together with sauces (think stews or casseroles). But my kids would eat healthy crackers and cheese cubes and cooked chicken, and that’s perfectly healthy. But I do think that simple is often better for kids. If he won’t eat rice, that’s totally okay. Rice isn’t even that good for you. Does that make any sense?
Have you SEEN what they serve these kids at the school lunchlines? It’s pretty much JUNK!
I don’t really understand this. I think it must be a Canadian/American thing. But I don’t think Canadian schools (or at least those in Ontario) serve lunch. Maybe some high schools do? I don’t know. But do you have to pay for the lunch at school? Or is it free? And do most people pack lunch or eat it from the cafeteria? And is this just high school, or younger kids, too? It’s kind of weird.
Public schools all levels usually have a prepared lunch available. There is a price, but many people qualify for free or reduced price lunches based on income. Depending on the individual family, they might take advantage of it or not. And what they serve is determined by the school, so some serve better food than others. The lunches at my son’s primary school (up through 2nd grade, age 7) are pretty good from what I’ve seen on their menus and their servings are a decent size. Eating 5 mozzarella sticks with sauce and some fruit or a vegetable on the side for lunch every now and again is perfectly acceptable.
Nope. My son would NOT eat raw veggies as a toddler/pre-schooler. Trust me, we tried.
I think all my kids were like this around that age and for *my personal kids*, it wasn’t a sensory thing or other issue of that nature, it was a training issue. There are kids for whom there are other issues, and you know your kid and if this is relevant or not. Mine had to learn that it is appropriate to eat a little of everything you’re served, and to not be a giant jerk about it. Now that my oldest is 9 1/2, youngest is 3, things are a bit better at the table. If you’re sure there aren’t actual physical issues, it is worth it to fight the good fight, that you must eat a small serving (appropriate to age, size, etc) and not be a snotrag about it or there will be consequences and you still have to eat the small serving without being a snotrag. I flat-out refuse to do the “make yourself PBJ if you don’t like what’s served” thing and I take the, when you’re an adult you can make your own choices in this area but for now, I cooked this and you’re going to eat it and I don’t really care how you feel about it because if you were in charge, you’d eat nothing but cookies and ice cream anyway, and you can call me a jerk if you want to but my kids are reasonably polite at the table and are somewhat expanding their palates….
Great thoughts, Jessica! I also should say that when I have always had a horrible, horrible aversion to peanut butter. Like, I can’t stand it being eaten in my presence. Even as a small child. And I was talking to someone recently whose son ALSO had a strong aversion to it, and then when he was 11 a friend stuck a cracker with peanut butter in his mouth as a joke and he had an anaphylactic reaction. I have so many family members with peanut allergies, I wonder if I was/am allergic as well. I’ve done some reading that aversion to certain foods may be our body’s way to guard against us eating something that’s bad for us. I had the same aversion to cheese (still can’t eat it raw), and I was allergic to milk as a kid.
But that’s different from not liking any foods. I’d just say that if it’s an aversion to one or two things, listen to the kid. If it’s an aversion to pretty much 90% of foods–then they likely need to be trained differently.
I think Jessica has a good point that it really could be a sensory issue. My brother is (high functioning) autistic and as a kid he was exceedingly picky. There was a time when he would only eat oatmeal, bananas, and chicken nuggets I think. When he was eventually diagnosed my Mom was told that this is not uncommon with children who have either speech challenges or autism, or in his case, both. I’m sure there’s more recent research on that topic and it may have nothing to do with your child, Becky. But maybe this is something for moms of picky eaters to look into.
The most freeing thing I read about the food issue was the statement that it’s the parents’ job to provide healthy variety, and the kids’ job to eat it. So I provide my daughter healthy options and don’t fight her about eating. As for trying food, there’s a Daniel Tiger episode about trying new food. Sometimes it helps to be able to say, “what does Daniel Tiger say?” vs it just being what mom and dad are saying.
I have 3 kids. When they were little, I did a lot of research into this as I was determined to do my utmost to help them with a healthy relationship with food! One of the best tips I found was from a chef who had young kids at the time himself (Bill Granger – the aussies out there would recognise the name). He served his kids a small amount of whatever he was cooking for he and his wife. Often little kids instinctively throw food they don’t recognize or like – either onto the table or floor. His one rule? Keep it on the plate! They didn’t have to eat it, they just had to let it be there. Do this several times, and after a while it becomes familiar to them and usually will start getting tasted and eventually eaten.
It works!
I love that, Mary. I’m going to remember that and recommend it to people. So just put the food on their tray without requiring them to eat it. I love it!
I understand the link between the abundance of food and eating more due to the many choices. However, I’ve worked with women for 35+years, and what I hear them saying is they are mostly emotional eaters. They get lonely, angry, and more often then not, they are sad! It fills the internal void. And I totally understand that. We are so busy trying to do it all as women and for my age and older we generally had mothers that cooked from scratch. Now with more fast foods available to us, we opt for that. It saves time and energy and sadly it’s often more cost effective. We are so disconnected today. We work at this and that to try and be and do everything then we are too tired to socialize so we text, or email or whatever. We are in the muck of this technology and I’m not sure if we know how to turn this around. God help us if we get much more disconnected.
Totally agree, Jill darling! (and my hair did great in Kenya, by the way. 😉 But don’t you think that our kids are even MORE emotional eaters than we are? I do think it’s gotten even worse, at least if I remember to Katie and Rebecca’s youth group days. We do have a huge emotional void, and we are filling it with food. I think if families could focus more on having family time together, playing board games, having family meals, that might help. But I still think we need to radically rethink how we’re teaching kids about food.
Here’s an example I’ve used a lot. I remember in grade 3 there were these two “fat” kids in my class: Edmund and Lisa. And I always felt so sorry for them. They were social outcasts a bit. I tried to play with them (or at least Lisa) and talk to them more. But it always made me sad.
Fast forward about 30 years when we were moving and I was going through all my stuff, and I found my grade 3 class photo. And Edmund and Lisa WEREN’T FAT. They were just normal looking kids (by today’s standards). I remembered them as being huge, but they would be considered average today. It just makes me sad, because I don’t know that we’ve thought enough about what’s going to happen to our kids as they get older if they grow up with an unhealthy relationship with food.
I am staunchly against focusing on weight. It does not really help people to live healthier lives to stigmatize heavier bodies or help people enjoy their bodies in a way that makes them want to live in them, use them to move around, or fill them with healthy foods. It leads to things like increased bias against heavier people, which can be incredibly harmful both in personal relationships and in being treated effectively when it comes to healthcare (when doctors focus only on weight and don’t look for alternate causes of problems). Why can we not just focus on helping ALL children and teens have a healthy relationship to food, an enjoyment of moving their bodies around, and access to a variety of nutritious foods regardless of the particular person’s weight? Also, the relationship between weight and level of activity is no where near so straightforward as you are claiming here, and partner preference is far more a result of socialization than you suggest.
Bethany, I do know what you’re saying. I do think that overweight people can definitely still be active (although they will tend to just look heavier since they’ll also be toned).
However, just because people *shouldn’t* judge by appearance that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen. Certainly it’s because of socialization, but it isn’t only socialization. The world over, people tend to have a preference for sexual partners who are of normal weight. There are certain proportions that seem to be universally pleasing, when people have done research. And this is because innately we look for mates who will be healthy, who will be able to be good parents, who will be good partners. Obesity is highly correlated with many illnesses. It means you simply can’t be as active with your kids, even if you wanted to. Merely being a little overweight–that’s obviously different. But if we have kids who are overweight who ALSO don’t have a good relationship with food, that little bit of overweight can easily become obesity when their metabolisms naturally slow.
I just know so many moms who really love their absolutely amazing kids, who are rather obese. And they can see these kids will be great moms and great dads. And they likely would be. But the simple fact is that they have less of a chance of marrying when they are really overweight. That’s just a fact. And while parents really want to love and shower affection and acceptance on their kids (and all of this is great and absolutely necessary), I can’t help thinking that one of the best things parents can do for kids is to help them have a good relationship with food. Kids become obese in the vast majority of cases because of the type and quantity of food they eat, combined with their activity level. All of these things parents can control, at least when the kids are younger. And I just hope that parents will take it seriously, because I do feel very sorry for people in their late teens and early twenties who are absolutely lovely, Christian people but who have a hard time finding anyone to date. It just seems like we’re doing something really wrong. And I do think we need to talk about it.
The thing is, there is no reason to make this about weight. I’m not sure what benefit you are seeing in emphasizing weight in this conversation. It is absolutely as beneficial to have conversations about food and nutrition with all kids, no matter what their weight. And it is good to practice healthy attitudes towards food, like not eating just because you are bored, listening to your body’s cues about fullness, eating a variety of things that do a good job of fueling your body. But it is also important to not create other disordered relationships to food, like being so afraid of eating too much or the wrong kinds that it is a relationship of stress that hyperfocuses on food or certain kinds of food as “bad.” It is also important to encourage all children to move their bodies and find ways of being active that they like and are sustainable for them. None of this is accomplished by stigmatizing certain weights or making these activities only for children and teens who are overweight.
Honestly, I feel like a lot of reasons that people don’t have good relationships with food is because we make food really hard. Like, it needs to be organic, non-GMO, grain fed and way less than you want. And I think it becomes really overwhelming to parents. When really, just aiming for serving fruits or veggies or both at all meals, having regular meal times, and helping children develop habits of moderation in dessert and other “fun foods” accomplishes quite a lot.
I agree, Bethany!
Bethany, it doesn’t do anyone any good to reject weight as an indicator of health. Because the hard truth of the matter is that it is ONE of the indicators of overall health. This whole “ignore weight” and “throw out your scales” mentality is just as unhealthy as the person who weighs themselves obsessively throughout the day or after every piece of food enters their mouth.
Having said that, I do believe natural build and genetics should play more of a role in determining what a healthy weight range is for a particular person. There was a girl I knew in college who was very athletic but had a naturally larger frame. You could tell by the way she carried herself and her high level of energy that she was a very healthy person. Some ignorant health nut may have looked at her and assumed she was heavier than she “should be”, but I never saw her as anything but healthy. So no, the particular frame or build of a person is not a good indicator of whether that person is overweight. You have to look at the entire picture. BUT even a person with a larger frame does have a healthy weight range and I do believe every person should be conscious of their own particular range. Not obsessively, but to me it is as useful as knowing your own healthy range of blood pressure. Knowing more about your body can help you care for it better.
I think it is also important to mention that sudden weight gain or loss can sometimes be an indicator of certain health issues like cancer. If you pay absolutely no attention to your weight and don’t even know what it is you may not even notice a sudden increase or drop right away. On a positive note, keeping track of weight gain during certain times of the month can help a woman to track ovulation. That’s one of the signs I pay attention to and it has helped out a lot when trying to conceive.
Very great point, Samantha!
I have a good friend who just ran a 10 km race. She’s a “bigger” frame girl, but she’s in great shape. I could not run a 10 km race, even though I’m smaller.
But the thing about people with bigger frames who are still in shape is that they aren’t carrying an extra 50-60 pounds. And they do look toned. I think the whole “well, people can be bigger and still in shape” is sometimes used to say that weight means nothing, when, like you said, it is an indicator. And body shape, in those who are fit, would still look like someone who is fit, you know?
I totally agree, Sheila. And that’s why I used that example of the girl I knew from college. It was very obvious that that was her natural build and while she was curvier she was not overweight. But there are some people who see a bigger, curvier frame and assume that person has extra pounds to lose when in reality that person already is at a healthy weight for their frame and body shape. And I’m not disagreeing with anything you said by saying that. I’m just pointing out that there are some people out there with really unhealthy and unrealistic notions about what a “healthy” body looks like. For example, I have seen my fair share of before and after pictures through the years and I have noticed that some people’s before pictures look very similar to another person’s after picture. And the person who looked like that before will sometimes even go as far as to describe themselves “fat” in that picture when in reality they were never actually overweight. At the most they were at the higher but still healthy weight for their particular build. There are some really warped notions about what fitness looks like and I am not saying that you have those or are promoting them. I’m just pointing out the fact that they exist and we need to be careful while navigating that arena. I feel like we are living in a generation that primarily either obsesses over fitness and “healthy” eating or shuns it entirely. I feel like there are fewer and fewer of us out there who actually understand that true health is all about finding the balance of staying active, making healthy choices for the most part while also allowing yourself to truly indulge from time to time. And by indulge I don’t mean overeat. I mean if you splurge and get pizza or Chinese take-out then enjoy it and eat your fill of it. I have found that eating my fill of Chinese food will actually keep me from craving it for a lot longer than if I was to just let myself have a little bit or only the pitiful “healthy choice” items from the menu.
I can’t agree with you more on this subject! I believe to eat good healthy food for us is hard in America and it has to be a lifestyle not just for the kids, not just for the parents trying to lose weight but as a family unit. I live in a farming community and grow a garden and amongst my family we get fresh meat and eggs from the animals we raise; we can and freeze EVERYTHING to help cut down the cost for one but the main reason is because all the food that we do this with is more nutritional AND tastes so much better than anything from the store. But because of the work and dedication involved in doing this it has to be a lifestyle that the family takes part in together. America is always trying to keep up with their neighbors and to do that both parents work, get tired and stressed out and so quick and easy meals (fast food) is what the parents turn to. Pair that with the poorly designed food programs in our public school system it’s no wonder our kids of all ages are not getting the nutrition they need and are going through puberty earlier and earlier due to all the additives in these fast meals. I don’t like to compare but I believe because I’ve chosen the lifestyle of food preservation and buying my meat from a butcher in bulk (1/2 a cow, 1 whole hog, 1 lamb etc) and from a local farmer that doesn’t do any unnecessary things to the animal to get the butchering weight faster; is why our family is slightly overweight but overall healthy. I’ve tried to teach some of the easy freezing of vegetables and things to friends that are interested but a majority of them comment it’s a lot of work and they simply don’t have time for it, which is what most Americans would say/do, sadly and that’s why we are so unhealthy.
We buy a lamb and a half cow every year too! I love doing that because you can get it cut any way you like as well. It does take more time to cook your own food, but I totally think it’s worth it.
I often have to pack lunches for my kids for school after looking the school menu for the week because they will state they don’t like what is on the menu for that day. When I ask them why they don’t like it a response I hear often from my son is (for this weeks instance) the meatballs don’t really taste or look like meatballs. I feel good knowing my kids want to eat something healthier from home even if it is just some deer sausage and crackers with some chopped veggies and a cookie.
Ugh, food…. After I turned 30 (4 years ago) I started having digestive issues if I overdid the junk food, which you’d think would make it easy to limit myself and sometimes it is, but sometimes it’s still a struggle. And training my kids is a daily, endless struggle, while I additionally struggle emotionally with setting them up to not be overweight like I am. I have four daughters – one more or less average (I’ve noticed her thighs don’t seem to fit pants as well as they used to but I can’t tell if this is because clothing manufacturers are agents of Satan, or if she’s getting disproportionately large), one tall “thick” (don’t even talk to me about finding pants to fit THAT kid), one Amazon tall but otherwise fairly average, and one average height and skinny.
But we have had some successes this year in reasonable expectations that I don’t have to spend half my life enforcing. I’m not sure they really NEED a 10am and a 3pm snack, but I got so sick of people asking me if they could have a snack all.day.long, that I announced nobody was allowed to ask me for a snack anymore, because at 10am, they can all have a thing out of the drawer in our fridge, which houses fruit, applesauce pouches, yogurts, and cheese sticks; and at 3pm, everyone can have something off the snack shelf (granola bars, graham crackers, vanilla wafers, Ritz, that sort of thing), as long as they follow the serving size suggestion on the box. Even my 5 and 3 year olds have come to understand these rules with the 8 and 9 year olds reading the clock. Between that and the 3 squares they’re offered and the guideline of one sweet thing a day, I feel like everyone is consuming a fairly reasonable amount of calories.
And then we all try to move a little bit each day… I’ve finally for the first time in my life stuck with getting up early to work out for over 3 months of fair regularity (minus when I had bronchitis and when we were on vacation), and Lord help me it had better make some difference…
HAHA! Your comment made me laugh. Yes, clothing manufacturers are agents of Satan, I’m sure.
That’s awesome about working out in the mornings! Way to go!
“But I worry that we’re so scared to make people feel badly about their weight that we’re just not being truthful.”
It’s the pendulum swing thing. Society swung from health-and-fitness-crazed to the body-positivity movement. The pendulum will come back to center as we realize how absurd we are being, but human nature will swing it back to the other side again. It makes it difficult for us as parents to impart healthy wisdom to our kids when the internet and the magazines and their peers are screaming one side of the pendulum excessively.
I live in a very health-conscious community, which is fine for the most part, but people (especially other women) tend to jump on diet bandwagons very easily. Right now it’s the Keto diet. If I hear one more person say “Oh, I’m Keto” I’m going to run screaming from the room. ENOUGH of these restrictive diets that cut out entire food groups and portions of food groups! ENOUGH of calling various foods “bad”! Somewhere along the way being “healthy” has led to people living in fear of what’s in their food. I can’t live like that. I choose not to live like that. I live in a place where I have access to an abundance of food and I am so blessed! There is no “bad” food, there are only foods to be enjoyed in moderation. This attitude has allowed me to enjoy holidays and special occasions with rich food without anxiety. I don’t tell my kids “you can’t have this because this is bad for you, have a carrot instead”, I try to tell them “that thing is a treat once in a while, not every day”.
Something I think would make a funny comedy bit is how what diet we’re on became the key part of how we introduce ourselves? “Hi, I’m Keto.” “Hi, I’m Paleo.” “Hi, I’m Vegan.” “Hi, I’m Atkins.” “Hi, I’m Gluten-Free.” *yes some people do have genuine gluten issues but I think we can agree the movement got a little out of hand*. I’m over here like…hi, I’m Nachos and a Beer on Friday Night???
I’m eating at your house on Friday night 🙂
🙂
Melissa, I cannot tell you how much I love your comment. I absolutely hate this whole fad diet thing that cuts out entire food groups and calls those particular foods “bad”. In my own humble opinion, people who obsessively restrict their diets in that way or who obsessively exercise to maintain their delusional idea of what a “perfect body” is are just as unhealthy as a person who is morbidly obese. True health is all about balance. If my husband and I decide to treat ourselves to Chinese food, I eat my fill of all the things I love. I don’t tip toe around it and try to order the healthy items. I eat my deep fried General Tso’s chicken, egg roll and cheese wontons without a hint of guilt because I know I don’t eat that way every day . Plus, I don’t understand what everyone has against carbs. Carbs are our body’s preferred source of energy. Does that mean we should eat a loaf of bread and an entire one pound box of pasta every day? No, of course not. But can a sandwich or a plate of REAL (not zoodles or spaghetti squash) pasta be a part of a totally healthy meal? ABSOLUTELY!
A focus on healthy eating & a healthy relationship with food, as well as a healthy, active lifestyle is absolutely important, for all of us. That is one reason I refuse to have a weigh scale in my house. Health is more than a number on a scale. Interestingly enough, the school my daughter attends has a fairly low number of overweight students. What it does have? A really scarey number of anorexic students, my daughter one of them. (Which is another reason we do not have a scale)(btw, she was anorexic before we moved to this town so she wasn’t following a fad here) We celebrated when she started wearing size 3 clothing, as compared to a size 00. Healthy eating has always been practiced in our household and yet, here we are on a journey of recovery. Please, let’s not focus on how much we weigh but focus on quietly practicing a healthy lifestyle and being aware of how much our mental health is tied into our physical health and yes, our eating habits. Very often our weight, too high or too low, is a symptom of some other very serious stuff going on.
My daughter is only 3 but I have already changed the way I speak about food and weight. I want her to grow up knowing having a beautiful heart and being healthy is most important. The scale is just a number it can’t tell you what you are worth. I want her to grow up healthy, happy and kind.
Great thoughts. And I never had a scale in the house until maybe 4 years ago! Never with the kids.
The big thing, I think, is that we don’t teach our kids that boredom=I should eat something. I truly think that’s where the root of many of our problems come–when kids are bored, we offer them food to entertain them, and they start thinking that that’s what they should do when they’re bored. Teaching kids to have a healthy relationship with food when they’re really small will reap major dividends later!
Very true, Joyce! I’ve known quite a few young women with anorexia, too, though in my neck of the woods obesity is far more common. I do think that if we practiced mindful and healthy eating, a lot of these problems would go away without having to talk about weight. People who eat healthy foods and who are active don’t tend to be very overweight. It’s just not an issue. And then if we could stop talking about how you need to lose weight, maybe we’d stop having such issues with anorexia?
Anorexia is usually not logical. I grew up in a home that valued healthy eating and mindful eating and that had nothing to do with my later disordered eating….control, fear and perfectionism did. I think that it is a stretch to say that if a person is a normal weight they won’t struggle with anorexja. That when we can stop talking about losing weight then we will stop anorexia. I was a normal active kid and a healthy eater, but distorted thinking caused anorexia.
Obesity, especially juvenile obesity is a reality, and body positivity is not improving it. At the same time, my daughter can’t have a tea party for her tenth birthday, because all of her friends are gluten free.
My children have all been fat babies who turned skinny around 3. My eldest will be ten this year, and because my mother and sister comment so much on her skinniness, she is proud of it- I worry that when she gains weight in her teens she is going to be horrified, even though it is normal. I grew up thinking I was a fat child, especially since my next younger sister was literally skin and bones, and I was wearing training bras at 8. Now looking back, my photos show I was actually thin until my teens- who knew. I also grew up with a mother who was always worried about her weight, and dieting- and not majorly overweight. She welcomed me on her diets as soon as I was in my teens, and I think it created my weight problems, to be honest. I try to keep all of this in my mind as I raise three girls, two at least with acid reflux from birth. It’s confusing.
Oh, dear, Noel, that is a lot to keep straight!
I really laughed at all your daughter’s friends being gluten free. I know I shouldn’t, but that is funny in a sad sort of way. 🙂 (And again, I know there are people who really ARE gluten intolerant).
My oldest gained weight as she got older into her teen years. My youngest was actually a little chubbier until puberty, when she thinned right out. We all do have different body shapes, which is why I think the most important thing is to focus on having a good relationship with food and with health. As long as we’re eating well and nourishing our bodies properly (which for kids especially involves healthy fats), and then as long as we’re not eating because we’re bored, sad, or stressed, we’ll likely be okay. Unfortunately, that’s a pretty tall order in our society!
By the way, Noel, did you see my article on hitting puberty early and needing a bra early? You may relate (or maybe you contributed some of the comments on Facebook!).
You’re conflating health and weight, and eating well and weight. You absolutely cannot look at a kid (or adult) and know their relationship with food. You are in fact commenting on the character of fat people when you assume they can’t control their eating. That’s gluttony, and some thin people have that vice and fat people do not.
Also, many kids don’t have access to healthy foods – cut up fruit is more expensive and difficult to prepare than crackers. Many people are struggling to put enough of any kind of food on the table, without shaming them that it’s insufficient.
I completely agree that we should teach kids to have a healthy relationship with food, but you need to leave body type out of it. God gave us body diversity!
There is no evidence that dieting will lead to long term weight loss in 95% of people, but there is evidence that obsessing over food gives kids a disordered relationship with it. Let’s look at what healthy behaviors we can work on without focusing on how bodies appear.
Hi Amanda! I totally agree that dieting doesn’t work. But eating healthy isn’t dieting. Dieting is restricting calories. I don’t think we should do that with kids pretty much ever except in the most extreme cases. But we certainly can teach kids to eat well!
Interestingly, I’ve found that since I’ve gone to real food diet I’ve spent a lot less on food than I used to. Packaged crackers can actually be quite expensive. But when you make your own hummus (which takes maybe 3 minutes), and eat it with celery or carrots, the whole thing is really super cheap. My husband’s a pediatrician who works with diabetics and dieticians quite extensively, and interestingly enough, people who eat a healthy diet usually end up spending less on food than those who consume a lot of junk food. That’s because our bodies naturally crave nutrients. When we don’t get them through food, our bodies signal “hunger”. So you can eat a whole bag of potato chips without feeling full, for instance, but only a moderate amount of hummus and veggies will do that for you. Yes, some fruits are expensive, but there are ways around a lot of that.
I’ve actually learned so much about how to eat healthy on a budget with the Healthy Living Bundles, honestly, and I can tell you that when we got rid of all canned goods from our home, our grocery bill fell a lot, while food prep time didn’t actually increase that much. It’s just about making good switches!
I also eat mostly Whole Foods, but there are a lot of people for whom they seem unattainable, particularly people who lack kitchen equipment. Reading about people who lack the protections we take for granted has opened my eyes to how much for granted I’ve taken having a working fridge, oven, etc – much less tools for making hummus!
But my biggest problem with this article is that you’ve made two ideas one- health and weight are identical. This is not accurate and it’s as dangerous for thin people as fat ones. No matter their appearance, kids should be offered healthy foods and encouraged to be active. My kids are all thin, and it’s easy to fall in this mindset that I don’t need to encourage more exercise or ration treats – we’ve got a societal blind spot that is hard to overcome.
I’m sure you’re truly concerned about people who have trouble marrying when they desire it, but you simply can’t assume it’s because of their weight and think you can forestall the problem by encouraging parents to try and make their kids thin. That’s what this comes down to! Please, encourage everyone to eat real foods and learn their hunger cues without turning it into an appearance issue.
Healthy eating and habits are so easy to talk about in the context of the middle class – but for families who are just trying to get any food at all on the table, the cheapest choices (and nearest availability) are often pretty unwholesome. Youth ministries can help stand in that gap with discreet pantries, community gardens and advocating for urban supermarkets with a full spectrum of groceries… and maybe fitness support for school athletic fees, cool and functional workout gear closets (not fitting in is a big barrier to fitness participation)… perhaps there is opportunity in the church family to help more than we think. AND – we have to stop sending the mixed messages of “be healthy and disciplined” while promoting pig-out culture in youth groups… we bait the teen ministry trap with food, sure, cause we’re smart – but it doesn’t always have to be stuffed crust pizza and soda.
Oh, I totally agree with you about youth group! It totally is a “pigout” place. I think that’s true for a lot of church functions. It always seems to be about a huge pile of food. I wonder if we can get away from that?
Our church will occasionally have a dinner meeting that is catered but no potlucks. They also only provide free water and coffee on Sundays as a regular thing instead of also having baked goods and juices available all the time too. They did this coffee bar change when they did a sermon series called The Daniel Plan based on physical health mattering as much as spiritual health. They didn’t want to say one thing and keep doing something else that was antithetical to what they said.
Yes, please, Lisa! I just saw a little free pantry today (basically a wooden box with a door on a post) and I passed what I think was a community garden while I was taking my daughter to her piano lesson and it started me thinking about ways I can feed people who are struggling to get a meal on the table. I’m considering putting a little free pantry on my property that I can stock with wholesome non-perishable food and people can just take stuff if they need it. I need to look into whether there are any regulations or anything in my municipality for that sort of thing. And partnering with a nearby school to make athletics more accessible–great idea!
It’s great to talk about this stuff, but how about we do something about it?
Wow! This hits home… I’ve always had issues with my relationship with food and even as an adult I constantly struggle. I will adopt new, good for me habits and stay on track for a while, then for some reason just derail and stay off the tracks. I am an intelligent person, I know what to do and how to do it to be healthy – why is it so hard to just implement it and put my health first? Why is it so hard for me to say that I am WORTH the effort it requires? My daugther is 11 and struggles with her weight. I try and limit the snacks at home and I NEVER say that I am on a diet or that I am fat. I want to influence her and help her but I am at a total loss because I do not want to make her feel like I think she’s fat or needs to “diet”. I have NO IDEA how to talk to her about this because it was, and I guess still is, such a sensitive subject for me. I want her to be healthy and be happy with herself and her worth – I just have no idea how to convey that to her with a healthy lifestyle change without making it about losing weight.
Have you ever listened to overweight adults talk about where and when their problem started? 99% of the time it was when they were kids and a well-meaning adult made a comment about their weight or food being “bad”. From that point on, they jumped on the diet bandwagon and haven’t gotten off since.
SO PLEASE do NOT make comments to a child about their weight. This would be such a mistake and sets them up for a lifetime of struggle.
Changes to a child’s nutrition should be made gradually over time so that they don’t even notice. And they should *never* be singled out. New choices should be made for the health of everyone in the family, not because one child has a problem. For example, my son was eating some processed foods at breakfast so I stopped buying them because “processed foods have extra salt and sugar that none of us really need. It’s ok once in a while but not every day for breakfast.” I would never say to him that he needs to watch his calories. He’s too young to bear that burden. That’s my responsibility, not his.
I bought Fitbit Ace’s for both my kids to increase their activity level. Not just for the one who I think needs help in that area because I didn’t want to single that child out and bring shame to them. All the kids have to reach 11,000 steps before they are allowed on a screen (we are working our way up gradually to 15k steps.) They think it’s fun. And they know their mom & dad are doing the same thing.
The best thing we can do for our kids is be a good example and make healthy choices as a family. Talking to kids directly about their weight – even with good intentions – is sure to result in complete disaster.
I think that’s a great approach that you have with your kids! Getting more active (with FitBits) isn’t only because we want kids to lose weight. It’s just because being active is good–no matter your weight. So we definitely shouldn’t single any one kid out.
At the same time, even though we shouldn’t single our kids out, I do think PARENTS need to think about this stuff. Not because they should lecture their kids on losing weight, but because when kids get very overweight or obese, these tend to be only a few reasons: they are eating too many calories; they are eating too much of the wrong thing and not enough of the right thing; and they aren’t getting enough activity.
On the whole, these are all things the PARENTS can control.
It’s not about lecturing your children. It’s about doing things like you said–stop buying processed foods your child likes to eat, and replace it with healthier things. Make better choices as a family. Start being active as a family. Don’t give kids food whenever they’re bored. Encourage them to read a book or go outside instead!
It’s not about shaming kids. It’s about starting to parent differently, because by and large, what we buy, how we do family life, and how we do meals has a profound effect on our kids’ health and weight. And these things do matter. So I just want parents to think about it.
This is a great topic! My relationship with food and activity changed a little while ago after the Lord had a good “sit down talk” with me about my heart issues, and I think it may help others in the Christian community:
1. I am made in God’s image to reflect His glory. Everything I do should be to that end, including eating and exercise! My vessel needs my careful stewardship because I’m precious to Him and through this body, I do His kingdom work. This means I have to be mindful about what I put into my body, not just my mind! Constantly putting unhealthy food and being sedentary (when I have the ability to be otherwise) is bad stewardship of the precious gift He gave me, and He gives life abundantly; I want to walk that way in every way. 🙂
2. Food and activity are gifts, not burdens. They are gifts for creativity and expression, as well as fellowship and fuel. Activity is not the enemy; idolizing my own abilities/vanity to bring the self glory and so robbing God of His glory the work of the enemy. Food is not the enemy; seeking after it like a sedative instead of pursuing the Lord to meet my need is idolatry, and THAT is the work of the enemy. Enjoyment without idolizing is key! Allowing Him to satisfy every need frees us to enjoy His gifts – from security in how He designed me (self esteem vs. Jesus esteem), to satisfaction in His presence and fellowship (loneliness vs. being alone with the Lord), to allowing Him to be my comfort in times of distress (relief-seeking fueled addictions vs. leaning into the pain in faith).
3. Exploring the bounds of what my body is capable of is an amazing way to revel in His daily grace that I am still here and mobile (to whatever capacity I am), and in that I offer my body as a sacrifice of worship. Not because of vanity, but because every day and every ability is a redeemable gift from Him to be used to point others to Him.
That is absolutely beautiful! Exactly.
I have so many thoughts on this.
First, I think it is important to teach all kids, overweight or down right skinny, about healthy eating. My kids have fast metabolisms and are just naturally on the slender side (they didn’t get it from me!). But I want them to learn good eating habits even if they have a low BMI (because some day that metabolism will fail them).
Second, the snack thing. I really don’t believe most kids need 5 snacks a day if they are eating proper meals. I also believe they can be taught to wait. (I’m not talking about forcing them into a meltdown of “Hanger”, but if lunch is at 12, they don’t need a snack at 11. Maybe they actually need some water.) But if they really “need” a snack, make it super healthy: fresh fruit, veggies or nuts. They don’t need to associate snack with sugar. None of us do!
Third, our bodies are meant to glorify God. I love what a previous comment said about that. We encourage our kids to be active enough that they can run 5K without stopping. We arbitrarily chose that as a doable distance where if there was a situation where they needed to help someone, they would be able to physically help out. (My husband has actually had to run up and down a mountain to help someone with double compound fractures in her legs – he was faster than the park rangers and so better able to get help.)
Fourth, we lead by example. Our kids see us choose healthy meals & snacks, but they also see us have treats or junk food occasionally. They help with the grocery shopping. They see us make it a priority to exercise and be active. They see us getting a full night’s sleep. They also see us pass on desserts if we’re full.
Absolutely, JLS! And I loved this:
This is a big one for me. I’m on the naturally skinny side, and so I never thought much about how I ate for the longest time (seriously, I used to have Coke for breakfast in all my university classes!). But then when my metabolism changed, and when I started to have health issues, it was a huge change I needed to make. And even though I was thin, I wasn’t healthy. There’s a big distinction. So I think we just need to rethink food altogether. It shouldn’t be about boredom, and we should realize that it is indeed fuel. Personally, I love food and I love enjoying food. But I enjoy it more when I also know that it’s helping my body!
These are first world problems. We have an abundance of everything including food in America so of course, it will show up in our waistlines.
However, if we have a right relationship with food, some problems can be alleviated.
As a child, we never had junk food in our house, no soda, no foolish foods. My mom cooked and we ate 3 meals a day. When I got married and had a family, I did the same thing. Turns out I was health conscious before it was all the rage.
On a different note, I do know that when children feel shame around their weight it has a detrimental negative effect. Better to never mention weight, but instead, change habits around food consumption.
There is hope – children see all the negative messages around weight. They become adults and see how it may or may not affect their quality of life. And they decide if and when they will lose weight. No one can do it for them. PS – You should read Roxane Gay’s memoir called Hunger. It may give you a different perspective on being overweight.
Great thoughts, Nylse!
I’ve worked in high poverty schools for the past few years, and I see a lot of kids who are food insecure. Kids who don’t know where their next meal is coming from will binge like you described. That programming is so difficult to overcome, because the brain is sending the message that food is scarce and may not be available the next time you’re hungry. That can definitely lead to overeating.
For the rest of it….I’m fat. I’ve always been fat, except for a bit in college where I ate under 1200 calories a day and danced every weeknight. My mom cooked real food for us every night, and junk food and candy and soda were rare treats in my house. I was still fat. My parents and family teased me about my weight, and it didn’t do a lick of good. I’m very cautious in speaking to children about their weight–IMO, it’s so much more important to talk about the nutrients in food, and staying active.
Also, I’m fat and happily married to another fat person who loves me and my body. We are encouraging each other to stay healthy and to make good choices.
I got fat on healthy food too. There’s only so much you can do about genetics.
I’ve been thinking about our food habits a lot lately and one of the things I’ve come to recognize is that I *am* an emotional and bored eater. To combat this I’ve been trying to think of things that will make me feel better that don’t include snacking. Sometimes the simplest way to fix a problem is a cookie and, fortunately/unfortunately baking is also a stress habit, but I’ve been trying to replace some of the snacking with power naps, walks outside, reading a couple pages from a book, or even a fancy glass of unsweetened tea–something that still addresses the underlying feeling, but not with food.
That’s awesome! I’m totally with you on the unsweetened tea. I’ve got all of these exotic teas that I consider a “treat” in my house so that when I want something, I can choose those instead. It often does work! And it gets me drinking more.
This is a very much needed topic! Especially the part about teaching children to have a healthy relationship with food. I know it’s hard, us having 5 kids from ages 3-15. I’m not perfect for sure, but it starts with the parents example and what they allow the kids to eat! If you don’t buy junk, they can’t eat it 🙂
Here’s my two cents. I’m Fat (so was my mother). My husband was a fat teen and still overweight to this day. Don’t overlook genetics when taking into consideration teenaged obesity.
It could also be related to a medical condition such as hypothyroidism. I have it. My family doctor told me that regular people without hypothyroidism can eat one cookie. For me, with my thyroid trouble, it’s like I ate 3 cookies. Thyroid hormones affect EVERYTHING in the body. That’s why it took me 3+ years to conceive my son…because I had undiagnosed hypothyroidism. God BLESS the OB-GYN who FINALLY tested my levels and found them to be sky high!!!
Once I started on thyroid replacement medications, I got pregnant within 3 months. And even before I was diagnosed…I had done 3 rounds of Clomid without any luck.
I have a teenaged son who is 14 and just started his Freshman year of high school He’s 5’11 and weights 205 pounds. Plays sports. It’s football season right now and he’s been playing for 3 months. Hasn’t lost weight but it’s not like he’s inactive either. Practice is every day after school. Plus he also plays basketball and baseball in the spring. He’s fat too. Just like his parents. He could lose about 15 pounds but he’s also going through puberty too..so he needs to eat. Growing boys go through food like there’s no tomorrow and will eat you out of house and home. or so I’ve been told from friends and coworkers who once had teenaged sons.
My son is a picky eater. And it’s NOT because we don’t provide him with healthy choices. We have fruits and vegetables in our house. There’s only a few veggies he will eat cooked. Corn. He’ll eat raw carrots and celery if he’s got ranch dressing to dip them in. Probably the healthiest thing he eats is the Oven Roasted Chicken Breast Sub on Multigrain flatbread from Subway. He adds green peppers, onions, lettuce, banana peppers and sometimes jalapeños to it. Won’t eat tomatoes unless it’s in sauce form. Only eats peanut butter sandwiches for lunch but sometimes he’ll eat a ham and cheese. He ate every baby food we gave him as an infant.
Still, he’s overweight. So…genetics plays a role in obesity as much as eating too much junk.
And our “friend” Lori Alexander JUST had a post on her blog yesterday regarding ‘celebrating obesity’ and how it’s apparently a sin to be fat. I just CAN’T with her. I’m pretty sure Jesus loves me no matter how much I weigh!
Also, while my Mom was a SAHM, we didn’t have a lot of money. It was RARE for us to go to McDonalds. We didn’t have any junk food in the house that I can recall and certainly no soda. Didn’t sit in front of a Video game either. My parents couldn’t afford it. Or junk food. I rode ponies with my neighbors. Was NEVER sitting in the house being lazy during the summers. Played outside, rode my bike, etc.
Yet still, I was a fat kid. I got made fun of at school because of it. “Fat Kelly-belly-with a bowl full of jelly” was just ONE of the cruel ways I was ridiculed as a kid 🙁 One day our 5th grade teacher wrote our weights down on the board in class after the school nurse weighed us. I was the fattest kid in the class, including the boys. :'(
And here’s yet another thought. WHY does a cheeseburger at McDonalds only cost $1 but a salad costs $6??
Many children who come from low income households, where the parents receive foodstamps/Govt assistance, are overweight. It’s because processed food is a LOT cheaper than healthier options such as fresh fruits and vegetables. So if you’ve only got X amount of dollars to use to feed your family…you’re gonna do it the cheapest way possible and that’s with processed high-calorie foods such as carbs.
Even in the prison system where I work..the inmates are fed with carbs. Why? Because they are cheap! A pound of spaghetti noodles can be had for 0.50 cents on sale here in the USA. Add a can of spaghetti sauce for $1 and you’ve got yourself a cheap meal. Not healthy, but cheap.
So we really need to figure out how to make healthy foods cheaper so that ALL families can afford them. They don’t call the Whole Foods organic grocery chain “Whole Paycheck” for nothing 😉
How is spaghetti not a healthy meal? If you eat nothing but spaghetti, then that wouldn’t be healthy. But the same can be said about any food really. Carbs are our bodies preferred source of fuel (and are actually very important to your diet during pregnancy) and as long as you lead a healthy and active lifestyle there is not a thing wrong with consuming carbs like pasta and bread as a part of your regular diet. I have been eating pasta regularly my whole adult life and have always been a healthy weight. Also, because I exercise regularly I find that my body actually craves carbs. I have read that low carb diets like the paleo diet cause people to become irritable and tired if they are followed for an extended period of time because it isn’t healthy for the human body to go without carbs.
I know you weren’t necessarily bashing all carbs, but I do think people need to be careful when they demonize certain food groups as though they are the source of all the problems. Carbs are very crucial to the human diet.
I would like to add this: stop eating when you are full. Never get in the habit of overeating, ever. Starting with babies. Never make your kids eat everything on their plate; let them decide when their stomach is enough. They will know.
Also offer a variety of foods (veggies, fruits, carbs, protein, etc.) and they will eat what their body needs. We’ve never had weight problems following this one rule. Well, plus I make sure we get outside and exercise an hour every day.
I believe in allowing your child to decide when they are full to a certain extent. But if one of my children takes one bite of something I know they are not super fond of (but I know is good for them) and then claims that they are full, then you better believe I will be making them eat a few more bites. If they are eating normally (in a non picky fashion) but suddenly hit the wall with some bites still on their plate, then that is a different story entirely and they may certainly leave that food there to either be tossed out (if it is only a bite or two) or put away to be eaten the next day.
As an exercise physiologist and wellness coach(ironic that I’m the one with MS), this has always been a thorn in my side. I started in the industry when the “non-fat” diet was big. I told my co-workers that I bet in 10 years, we will be a much heavier society because, once again, this diet is giving people an excuse to eat without teaching healthy eating and understanding what our bodies need. I was right. We are now in a society that even doctors do not want to tell someone that they are overweight because that is “offensive and unkind”. What is unkind is setting children up for the type of cancers, heart disease, and diabetes that will most likely be in their future. My clinic sees so many weight related cases. When my daughter was young, I didn’t give her a chance to be picky. If she didn’t like what I cooked, she could wait until the next meal. I still remember when I was at lunch with my 2-year-old. A woman came up and pointed at my daughter’s plate of cooked mixed vegetables and asked “is she going to eat that?” She then watched as my daughter ate the entire plate. She is now 14 and there is a battle for all the junk, but I tell her moderation because it is about health and not weight. She also needs to get out and move or the phone is taken away. This culture we live in does not make it easy but we are the parents and we need to show good examples and not keep crap in the house. Yes we are a diverse culture and being mean is never acceptable, but we need to start having truthful conversations with our children about health. Most people do not know that every day we wake up with a cancer cell in our body ready to multiply. Sugar is the main diet of cancer cells. Do we want to help our cancer cells grow or do we want to build our immune systems with nutrients that kill cancer cells. Ok, I’ll get off my soap box. Thank you Sheila for being brave enough to breach the topic. Our future generations need to hear it. God bless.
Thank you, Nancy.
My girls liked vegetables, too. We used to pack them in Tupperware containers everytime we went anywhere. That was their snack. And it worked fine. I think the big thing is that when they’re babies/toddlers, just don’t introduce junk. No goldfish crackers, not very much sugar, none of those lunchables. Kids really don’t need all that other stuff. And if we didn’t give them the option, they really would like veggies.
I find my girls still snack on veggies now, as adults. And they feel sick if they eat too much junk, because that’s how they grew up, as babies. It really does start young, and we have to be aware that food is about nutrition; it’s not just about not being hungry.
My 16-year-old son, who is very active, but also REALLY likes to eat, was given an iPad about 6 months ago, and his already slight pudge was increasing noticeably with the time he spent “plugged in”. In May my dad commented that he was “fat,” which upset me more than it upset my son. My son didn’t say anything, but we talked about it. I told him I was proud of him for not saying anything back to his grandpa. He said, “Yeah, I thought of saying, “Not as fat as you,” but he is right…” I could have just ignored what my son was admitting and said, “Oh, no, darling, you’re perfect just as you are!! Gush, gush!” but I’m not like that. So, I said, “Okay, yes, you’re carrying a bit more weight than is probably healthy, but it’s still just rude for someone else to say that, and I’m still proud of your reaction.” This combination of honesty about his weight but affirmation of his character appeared to be the right thing for him.
Then in June he broke his leg and spent five weeks sitting on the couch. I was very concerned about what that would do to his weight, but with a 16-year-old, any “advice” can quickly be counter-productive. Chatting with an older friend, she told me that her brother broke his leg when he was an older teenager (maybe around 40 years ago) and gained so much weight while recovering that he never recovered from obesity and died in his 40s. My intention was NOT to scare my son, but I did mention that to him, that it can be very easy to gain a great deal extra weight when one is suddenly considerably less active than usual. (As I did in the pregnancy with him, for example…)
Yes, he watched a lot of junk on his iPad, played a lot of games, etc. while tied to the couch. However, one day during dinner he suddenly got out the scales and weighed his food. He’d apparently been watching a whole bunch of youtube videos about nutrition, and was curious just how much he was eating. He was shocked. We were quiet. He weighed everything he ate for about a month. He LOST weight during the time in a cast, partly because of better eating, and partly because he stopped drinking Coke. I didn’t know he HAD been drinking Coke until he asked me to go buy him some and I refused. For the first three weeks, he wasn’t physically able to get to the store to get Coke, had bad headaches, started watching videos about the effect of Coke, then once he could hobble well enough he bought himself a Coke and immediately had a headache. So he’s sworn off of Coke and is developing a healthy attitude towards food, based on an understanding of nutrition and reasonable serving sizes. Maybe the one incident I told him about my friend’s brother helped him start taking it seriously, but the main thing, I think, was actually being educated, also helped by the fact that he was motivated to educate HIMSELF.
I don’t know how to address this in a general way, but I do agree that we’re not doing anyone any favors by ignoring the topic. It does need to be talked about, but change will only happen by personal motivation, I think. Maybe the biggest problem is that if nobody admits there’s a problem, that lessens any need for motivation?
What a great story, Sheila! And I love your response to Grandpa’s comment–commending his character, but not backing away from the issue.
I do think that ultimately people have to have their own “lightbulb moment” to get healthy, absolutely. But with teens, we have to find a way to be honest with them and to nudge them towards it. And with younger kids, I would hope that we would steer their food intake so that they get used to what healthy food feels like in their bodies!
How we take care of our bodies isn’t really about finding a mate or how we appear to everyone else. It’s about taking care of and respecting the temple of the Holy Spirit. Our bodies are a gift to us. They were given to us so that we can do God’s work and as a bonus we have a means for going about the world and living our lives and exploring God’s awesome creation. Now, I do believe in staying healthy for the sake of your family. My husband and my children depend on me and how can I take care of them well if I can’t even take care of myself? My husband deserves to have a wife who wants to stick around for a long, happy and active life together. My kids deserve a mother who can run with them, lift them up, carry them when they get tired, and go out to introduce them to God’s beautiful creation.
I agree with you, Samantha. It is about honouring God, first and foremost. The thing is, though, that most people know that, and it’s not motivating them to do anything about it. I thought that if I presented some of the other facts, maybe it would help people think differently.
Food = pleasure definitely is a big thing in North American culture, but it’s definitely there in a lot of European cultures too, and they don’t seem to have the weight problems like we do. I get annoyed by how much sugar is in EVERYTHING…way more than it used to be and I think this has greatly contributed to the obesity epidemic. So it’s definitely a mix of personal responsibility and outside factors that have caused this problem.
However, it doesn’t really take much for a person who has been naturally skinny their whole life to tell an overweight person “just eat healthy and move more.” Sometimes this does come from a good place if the person telling an overweight person this loves them and cares for them, but most often, I feel like it comes from a place of superiority and pride, veiled in “concern” for someone else. And believe me, most people who are fat try everything they can to lose weight, and then being told they they still aren’t doing enough, and they they must be gluttons and lazy and therefore have moral failings…well, that doesn’t help at all.
For me, I was a thin child, but packed on the pounds one I hit puberty. My parents fed us well – meats, veggies, fruit, healthy sides, and rarely desserts. And I played soccer and exercised a lot, and yet, still fat. It was unbelievably frustrating as a teenager and college student to be eating the same as my friends, often much less and working out every day, and STILL not lose weight. And then to have a roommate’s boyfriend tell me that I would have to “take what I could get” with men (implying that I was too fat to get a decent looking guy). Ugh, spare me. God had to do so much healing in my life to get me to the place I’m at now, where I actually do love myself. 🙂
A few years ago I read a book called Why We Get Fat and What to Do About It, and I implemented the author’s suggestions, and for the first time in my life, lost weight (about 80 pounds!). And it was so nice to finally be told (by the author) that I gained weight because my body couldn’t handle carbs or sugar, not because I was lazy and a glutton. So even though my parents fed us healthy foods, they didn’t know that my body would gain weight if I ate bread, or certain fruits, or potatoes, etc etc. I have PCOS and insulin resistance, so I gain weight really easily…lovely genetics haha! So the whole “eat in moderation” and “stop when you’re full” doesn’t really work if you have an endocrine disorder, like me.
So, all that to say, every person is different. Some may need to lay off the candy and sodas and exercise, but some may need to be super restrictive with diet due to health reasons, and a blanket statement of “eat healthy and move more” doesn’t always apply to all, and looking at someone, you don’t know what their struggles are…so it’s a hard topic to bring up. :/
Meredith, I think that’s SO TRUE about carbs and sugar. There is sugar in just about everything that we buy today that’s processed, and in most foods at restaurants. That’s why it’s so important to just eat real food and not eat all the processed and pre-made foods. Our bodies just weren’t designed for that! And all that sugar triggers so many chemical and hormonal reactions in our bodies, and can trigger addictions, too.
We just have to get more deliberate about making our own food. I know it’s a lot for people, but it really does matter. And what I’ve found is that it honestly doesn’t have to take that much time. Anyway, I hope people will consider it. It is important.
It’s so true! Once I learned that 4 grams of sugar is equivalent to a teaspoon of sugar, it’s quite horrifying to read nutrition labels. And you’re right, so much better to cook at home! Sometimes at restaurants I’ve seen salads with something like 32 grams of sugar – that’s 8 teaspoons of sugar. In a SALAD. It’s no wonder we have a huge weight crisis….!
Oh, wow. In a salad? That’s scary! (I’m glad I never order dressing. I actually prefer veggies without dressing! I know that makes me weird).
But that is why it’s so important that we teach kids to cook actual food using actual produce. It really does make a difference!