The other night I was home alone, bored, so I checked Netflix to see if there were any good movies.

It told me I’d give The Rewrite with Hugh Grant and Marisa Tomei four stars, so I clicked play.

Fifteen minutes later I turned it off.

Basically, Hugh Grant’s character was a pig. He used women, he was shallow and selfish, and he had no redeeming virtues. But you know the way the story was going: he’d meet Marisa Tomei, and she’d be so amazing and so what-he’s-always-needed-but-never-found and he would change.

Why is that the plot of most love stories?

Why are we so drawn to the idea that our love will be enough to make a bad boy good?

God’s love is enough to make a bad boy good, but a woman’s love isn’t. And too many of us get married thinking that we can “fix” our husbands. Christian romance novels are awfully guilty of spreading that, too.

I’ve read so many where he’s a rough cowboy, and then he meets her, and suddenly he’s domestic. Maybe he wasn’t “bad” in the same way as Hugh Grant’s character was morally bad, but the idea is the same: he needs saving, she swoops in, and in the process he’ll completely change.

With all the movies about bad boys who 'change for her,' no wonder so many women are disappointed with their marriages! Let's stop trying to find boys to change, and just find good men instead!Click To Tweet

No wonder so many of us get married and feel cheated! Why hasn’t he changed? Why hasn’t he become this sweet, nice, romantic and domestic man? Why is he still the strong, silent type? Why is he still rough around the edges? Why, for pete’s sake, does he still FART?

Just a few quick thoughts here: if a guy is truly bad, marriage won’t change his character. Run far away from bad guys. Yes, they can change, but let God do that work first before you even think about a relationship with him.

But what if he’s just the strong, silent type?

Then if you’re trying to change him, you’ve become the bad guy.

If you can’t love him, just the way he is right now, for the rest of your life, then don’t marry him. And if you’re already married? Learn to accept the rough edges of his personality. Yes, confront about the sin; absolutely! But if it’s just that he’s quiet, or he doesn’t share his emotions, or he can be thoughtless sometimes–maybe that’s how he is. And you promised to love him.

So love him, and stop trying to change him.

If we all did that, maybe we’d have some much better, and more realistic, love stories.

With all the movies about bad boys who 'change for her,' marriages are set up to fail! Let's stop trying to find boys to change, and just find good men instead!


Instead of trying to change a bad boy, let’s start looking for men with good character to start with!

I’ve written a ton of posts about how to find a great husband, or what makes a great father. Here are some of my favourites:

1. How Can You Tell if the Guy You’re Dating Has Good Character?

He goes to church and says all the right things, but how can you tell if he really loves God, or if it’s just a mask he wears? Here are some tips to figure out if he is really on fire for God, or if it’s all surface-level.

2. 10 Tips to Help Your Daughter Recognize a “Good Guy” from a “Bad Guy”

Here’s some practical tips from the To Love, Honor and Vacuum readers on how to figure out if he’s really a good guy! So much wisdom here!

3. The Best Advice for Choosing a Good Husband

This is what I wish every woman knew going into marriage. Check it out.

4. Fatherhood Material

Sometimes a guy can seem fantastic–but would he make a good father? Here’s how to tell if someone wouldn’t only make a great partner, but an amazing father to any future kids you may have!

5. Four Things That Make a Man Husband Material

This is an older post, but one of my favourites when it comes to dating advice. So much heartache could be prevented if more girls were told to look for these 4 things. Make sure you’re not falling for someone who doesn’t mark off all four of these!

Instead of trying to find bad boys to CHANGE, here's some advice for how to find a GOOD MAN from the start! Click To Tweet
What is some of your best advice for women looking for a good husband? Share it in the comments and let’s break the cycle of trying to rescue the bad boy!
SheilaSidebarAboutMe - Why Do We Think We Can Change "Bad Boys"? Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 26 years and happily married for 21! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
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