I am in the middle of the throes of the final packing for our missions trip to Kenya. We leave on Saturday.

It’s a half medical/half humanitarian mission. My mother and Keith are the leaders; Rebecca and Connor are coming along, as are about 20 other people. Mom and Rebecca and I will be focused on the jobs training program at one of the campuses, where they work with young women who have been rescued from human trafficking (along with their babies).

It’s our fourth time going as a family (and my mother’s ninth). I’ll still be updating the blog when I’m gone, because we’ve planned a lot of posts.

But I’m super busy right now getting some last things organized (we’re taking 35 hockey bags of donations that we’ve been organizing and weighing to make sure they’re all exactly 49.5 pounds).

Anyway, I got into a Twitter discussion last week that prompted me to write something on Facebook, which went rather viral. I was reacting to a post that told men that they set the spiritual climate of their homes, and so they had better step up to the plate.

I appreciate the sentiment, but I also see the other side. When we are told, over and over, that men must be the spiritual leaders, what happens when they’re not?

So I wrote this:

A sad trend I’ve noticed: There is a belief in many Christian circles that a husband must be the spiritual leader in the family, and then, if he isn’t leading, she feels like her marriage is substandard. What might be an otherwise good marriage is cast as something which is severely lacking, causing her to feel angry at her husband and generating distance. Scripture is filled with examples of women setting the spiritual climate of their homes (Lydia or Lois & Eunice come to mind). What’s important is that all of us, whoever we are, pursue God wholeheartedly. If your husband is not, that doesn’t mean you should slow down so that he can overtake you, or that your family isn’t blessed of God. That’s why God made you a helper–so you can stand in the gap and do something! But don’t let your expectations cause you to get angry at your husband and spiral a marriage downward. Love your husband; pursue God; teach your kids about Him.

A number of women told me that they needed to hear that message, so I thought that I would run it today!

And here are a few other posts that may help you:

Let’s not let our expectations of what our marriage “should” look like wreck an otherwise good marriage, okay? I’ve seen women justify divorcing their husbands because their husbands weren’t “godly”. Just love the man you’re with! It’s okay if you know the Scriptures better, pray more, and talk about God more to your kids. Pursue God, rather than expectations, and life will be much better!

Anyone have experience with this? I’d love to talk about it in the comments! (and I’ll try to chime in more today! Sorry I’ve been so absent the last few days. Lots of packing to do!)

SheilaSidebarAboutMe - Just a Very Quick Thought for You... Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
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