A woman’s best tool for boosting her libido is her brain.
So how can she use her brain to start looking forward to sex tonight?
I asked a number of marriage and sex bloggers and authors to give me some good ideas. And I was looking for things that REAL people do, not something you’d read but say, “that’s so impractical.”
Most of us, if we’re honest, don’t really start thinking about sex until after we’ve climbed into bed, and then the first question that occurs to us is something like, “Does he want to tonight?” We wonder what he’s thinking, rather than what we’re thinking. And then it all too easily becomes, “is he expecting anything?”
What would happen, though, if we started giving ourselves a bit of a sex pep talk earlier in the day? What would happen if we helped our brains engage before we hit the sheets? Maybe things would get a lot more fun!
Starting Early: Getting your brain in gear for sex during the day
In 31 Days to Great Sex, my fun challenge for couples (and it’s super inexpensive, too! Just $4.99 for the ebook version), I challenge women on day ? to prepare for sex throughout the day. Think those thoughts earlier, and it’s more likely your sex drive will rev!
I mention quite a few ideas in the book, and here are a few more to start trying earlier in the day:
1. Do Your Kegels!
2. Make a Date
3. Engage Your Senses
4. Imagine Your Husband
Pam Farrel, author of Red Hot Romance Tips for Women and co-author of Red Hot Monogamy
5. Run Through Your “Highlight Reel”
It’s okay to have a highlight reel–or memories of your favourite sexual times together. Sometimes they’re great memories because they’re so romantic and sometimes it’s because they’re sexy, but either way, they’ll help you think more about him!
Make it a practice that when you’re in the shower, or when you’re folding his laundry that you deliberately go over one of your highlights!
(don’t have any yet? Then try 31 Days to Great Sex!)
Let’s Get it On!: Revving Sexual Desire During Foreplay
Did you know that most women aren’t actually “in the mood” before they start making love, whereas most men are? That’s right! Women often have to start touching, think positively about sex, and only THEN does arousal start.
But you can actually start the arousal process going earlier by concentrating more on foreplay and drawing things out! Here are some ideas that help you do that:
6. Write a Sexy Quiz
Wyatt Fisher, from Christian Crush
What I like about this one is that coming up with the questions earlier in the day can help you rev your libido, too!
7. “Bless” His Body
As you begin blessing certain parts of his body, begin taking off his clothes. I doubt you’ll have to do anything more to get him excited and interested in blessing your body in return!
Carol Peters-Tanksley MD, DMin. Find out more here.
Make sure that you lead up to the main event–so that the anticipation builds! As his does, yours will, too. And one of the benefits of you being more assertive and initiating sex like this is that you’re not just waiting for something to happen. You’re an active participant, which will make your brain go in the right direction, too!
8. Focus the attention
Sometimes getting rid of a sense helps fire up the other ones!
Julie Sibert from Intimacy in Marriage
9. Pay attention!
If you’re lying there while you’re having sex, thinking about shopping lists and to-do lists and work, figuring that when he starts hitting the right spot you’ll start to feel good, I guarantee you that you won’t.
But if instead you start asking yourself, “what’s feeling good right now?”, you’ll likely realize:
Oh, that feels great!
The key to sex feeling good is to pay attention. Don’t let your mind wander. Think about your husband. Think about how much you love him. Think about his body–and yours! And you’ll find arousal much easier.
10. Understand the bigger picture of libido
Sometimes you can’t “think” your way into getting in the mood. There are other things that affect us–our hormone levels, the foods we eat, how busy we are, and how emotionally connected we feel with our spouse can all make it easier or harder to get turned on.
If you’ve been struggling with low libido, and you can’t think your way out of it, then I hope that my Boost Your Libido course can help you. Check it out here, because I know that this is a multifaceted issue that really can be overcome.
It may seem like a strange question, but what are some things you have found work to rev up your sex drive? If you’ve struggled with low libido, share what has worked for you and maybe you can help out another marriage!