Connecting with your grandkids can be tough.
They’re always on their phones, there can be weird family dynamics, and although you love them to absolute pieces, it can be difficult to figure out where you all fit in each other’s lives.
It’s Rebecca on the blog today talking from the millennial’s perspective about how grandparents can connect with their grandchildren in real, meaningful ways. I’ve been lucky enough to have grandparents who took a real interest in me and really poured into my life. Plus, as a psychology student who loves family psychology research, I recognize the importance of intergenerational family connections! So I wanted to give you 10 things that grandparents can do to help them connect with their grandchildren, whether they are 5 or 25 years old.
Let’s go:
1. Take time individually with your grandkids
Grandparents and grandkids often get into a “Christmas and birthdays” routine where the only interaction they have is at big family gatherings. So break that cycle! Decide that every month, you want to take a different grandchild out for lunch, perhaps, or have a card game tournament with just the grandparents and grandkids.

Katie and our grandpa
2. Get involved in what your grandkids are already doing
My sister was obsessed with figure skating when she was a kid. We didn’t have a TV. So my grandma started having Katie and my cousin Jessica over to watch figure skating whenever it was on. They loved it, it was a great time for the three of them to bond, and it gave them something to talk about!
Look for hobbies, interests, or activities that your grandkids are involved in that you can find a common interest in. Then make it easy to spend time doing those things together.
3. Help your grandkids get involved in your hobbies and passions
My grandma and her friend gave me and my sister quilting lessons when we were kids, and my grandma and I still bond over that today! In fact, she sewed me a gorgeous quilt for my wedding present and it meant so much more because we had shared that for so many years. That same grandma also does baking days with my cousin Jessica to get ready for Christmas!
My nana taught me how to knit, and then when she got involved with teaching women in Africa how to knit, guess what we started doing? Sorting yarn with her to put together packages for the women she was going to see.
Give your grandkids an opportunity to get to know you. Let them get a taste of what your life is like, what you enjoy doing. They love you, so let them enjoy life with you!
4. Don’t be afraid to be yourself
There are a lot of grandparents who seem to think that their grandkids will only want to spend time with them if they’re cool and hip. Now, as someone who has very cool and hip grandparents (and is pretty sure they will be reading this), I can tell you that age is not a problem.
At Katie’s wedding, one of my grandparents’ friends named Marie (who has always been an honorary member of the Gregoire clan) was the life of the dance floor–she was in a group with about five 19 to 21-year-olds dancing her heart out! Our friends were still talking about how much fun she was the next day!

Grandma, Marie, Katie and me at a photo booth at my wedding
I see so many grandparents who are self-conscious about their age when it comes to their grandkids. But let me tell you: if you are able to simply be yourself with your grandkids, whether that means teaching them quilting or doing The Twist to a Spice Girls’ song, the age difference really does fade. We just want to get to know you!
5. Watch how you talk about their parents
One of the biggest pressure points between grandkids and their grandparents is when the grandparents aren’t able to speak appropriately about the parents.
Kids love their parents immensely. So if your daughter married a man you dislike and has three children with him, it is inappropriate to make snide comments about him in front of his kids. It just is. If you have personal issues with a kid’s parents, they are completely off the table. So focus on learning to love the people who are difficult to love, even if just for the sake of your grandkids. Besides, who knows–maybe by staying very involved with your grandkids, you’ll be the good influence in their life.
6. Have grace for generational differences
There are cultural expectations and traditions that are simply different between grandparents’ and their grandchildren’s generations. When grandkids act in a way that would be rude to your generation, ask yourself–“are they actually being unthoughtful or ungrateful, or is this a cultural difference? Is it worth dying on this hill, or can I address this calmly?”
For example, my generation doesn’t do thank you cards. So if your grandkid doesn’t send you a thank you card for the presents you sent at Christmas, getting mad and guilt-tripping them likely isn’t going to help the relationship. But if they don’t say thank you at all, a simple, “I would appreciate if you called to say thank you after I send you a gift. It helps me know that you received it, that you liked it, and it gives us a chance to connect” also gets the point across. Not sending a thank you card doesn’t mean they aren’t grateful. So have grace for generational differences.
7. Look for opportunities to help your grandkids with practical things
There’s a reason “#adulting” is such a big trend right now. A lot of young adults have no idea how to run a home, have no idea how to balance a budget, and have no idea how to effectively cook on a budget.
Our generation wasn’t trained in these things as well as previous generations have been. If your grandkids are constantly stressed out about small, everyday things, offer to help. Go to their apartment and cook with them for a few hours, creating a week’s worth of freezer meals. Give them some of your favourite, budget-friendly 20 minute recipes. Help them create a housecleaning schedule, and how to do it quickly and effectively. Teach your grandkids how to change a tire, check the oil in their car, and do general house repairs.
You’ve been on the earth a lot longer than your grandkids; give them some of your wisdom! They need it!

My nana, mom, dad, sister and I in the airport out first trip to Kenya together
8. Don’t be afraid to be the one who calls first
Many grandparents live miles away from their grandkids, and staying in touch can be hard. To add to that difficulty, there seems to be an expectation that the grandkids will do all of the reaching out. But if you want to connect with your grandkids, maybe it’s time that you take the first step. Pick up the phone and call! The reality is that most people my age aren’t in the habit of calling their family members–we FaceTime or we text. But that doesn’t mean we don’t want to connect! So call, ask, “Hey! Is this a good time to chat and catch up?” and take it from there!
9. As much as possible, be an easy person to visit
Now, I recognize that family relies on each other. No arguments there! But I also know of a lot of grandchildren who dread visiting grandparents because they spend their entire time fixing up their property, doing yard work, and helping with errands. As a result, they never actually get any good visiting time in with family. It’s all obligation, no relationship!
I’m not saying it’s wrong to expect family members to help out now and again. Not at all; when my nana was living at her old house my sister and I used to go over multiple times a year simply to pick up all the twigs from her pine trees that would fall down and get in the way of mowing the lawn. But that wasn’t our only interaction with her–in fact, I think that fewer than 10% of our interaction time is spent with chores and “helping out”! And because we have so much time to spend having fun together, when Nana asks me to help out, I’m actually quite happy to and love that there’s a way I can make her life better.
If you’re living a lifestyle that puts the burden of your property upkeep almost entirely on your family’s shoulders, visiting and spending time with family will become a more stressful and tense experience. Maybe it’s time to downsize so that your time can be spent together, not just doing chores!
10. Understand that you both need each other!
There is a special bond between grandparents and their grandkids. The specific dynamics are different in every family, but having someone who loves you so very much who is much older or much younger than you are gives you fresh perspective on life. For the grandkids, it’s so comforting to know “My grandpa has been through this before, and he came through a better man.” Recognize that you have such a special place in your grandkids’ lives, and by opening up your life stories and experience to them you will make their lives all the richer.
Do you have a hobby, habit, or tradition with a grandparent or grandchild that helps you connect with them? Share it in the comments below!
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We make a point that every Sunday our kids call their Grandparents. We have been doing it consistently for the past 3 years and we rarely miss a beat – sometimes conflicts arise or siutational stuff causes a rare miss but 99% of the time they talk to their Grandparents every week. It really is good. My kids know exactly who their Grandparents are and that is important.
All my grandchildren live in other states making it difficult to connect. I started a Nana’s Newsletter where each child has their own spotlight and I can encourage them in their endeavors. They love seeing the photos I share. But their favorite part? The Nana Jokes! It is fun to see their faces (ages 2-10) light up when the next issue is in the way.
I love that, Debi!! 🙂 Such a great idea that keeps the family connected!
Debi, I love that idea! I only had my first baby last year, I’m a long way from Nana-hood but I hope I can remember that idea for when the time comes! What a fun way to keep up with each other and connect!
I’d like to highlight two things that Rebecca has said (I was born in ’86, though I really don’t relate to my generation well at all).
So on those thank you notes. Honestly, I hate them. They’re probably good for people who were not there when you received a gift, but my parents insisted that they be hand written- which was and is physically painful for me, and given regardless if you saw and thanked that person ‘in person’. So each thank you note became this exhausting ritual of carefully used words to not offend, to sound personal, and still be neatly written. I have told couples for whom I have purchased wedding gifts not worry about thank you notes for me and my husband- those are for people who care only about what is ‘proper’ and NOT if you’re thankful.
The big one however is not bad mouthing your grand kids parents. My grandparents on my dad’s side watched us for a week while my parents were out of town. We have a lot of stories from that week- the infamous tuna fish casserole that was eaten for the whole week for lunch and dinner because Grandma hadn’t checked into what we liked to eat, the isolation I had from my friends because she kept answering the phone before I had a chance to and telling them there ‘was no one here by that name’, but the worst was listening to Pap-pap bad mouth my mom. He was convinced that my dad was my advocate and my mom was doing everything she could to destroy our opinion of him. How do you tell an adult that you’re supposed to respect that the only lying and manipulating your mom does is to cover for HIS SON being a jerk to his teenage kids? I haven’t had a good relationship with my dad in over two decades (at the time it had been over seven years), but I had always treated his parents with respect and love. I will say that my relationship with both of them was permanently damaged from that week. Grandma killed it dead after Pap-pap died by making fun of my infertility (a roman catholic with eight kids making fun of a couple struggling to conceive is hilarious apparently). They’re both gone now, and most of the times I am pretty ambivalent about that fact.
Thank you for this. Just had sixth grandchild. 5 live in the same town as us. I have been saying I need a “grandma for dummies book” because I never had a grandma. My mom has not been around for her grandkids so I am often trying to figure out what is best. We see most of our grandkids weekly often times daily but I see somethings I can do better from this article. Thanks.