What makes a real man?
I’ve been talking all week about legalism in our churches and in our families, and to tell you the truth, I’m a little depressed. It takes a lot out of me, to see people choosing ways of looking at the world that have the capacity to hurt so many.
But what’s been holding me together all week is just how much fun I have with my husband, and how he believes in me and supports me and is there for me when I need him (and even when I don’t think I need him!).
My husband makes my life better.
As I’ve been talking about legalism a lot on Twitter this week, though, I’ve run into some other threads that veer towards legalism when it comes to men. The Stronger Men’s Conference is a huge Christian conference for men in April in Missouri. The trailers for it have been passed around Twitter–here’s one, here’s another. It’s supposed to help men “not be domesticated, but have dominion.”
And it features monster trucks, men wielding axes, men firing what looks like automatic weapons from the stage, lots of fire, lots of motorcycles, and lots of just hyper-masculine stuff.
All of this is to help men follow the greatest man who ever lived–Jesus.
But I never saw Jesus on a first-century equivalent of motorcycle. I saw him on a donkey. I didn’t see him with automatic weapons; I saw him with children on his lap. I also saw him making a whip out of cords and getting awfully angry at those profaning the temple, but I wouldn’t say that he was an over-the-top hyper-masculine guy. He was simply a man.
And what worries me about this “Stronger Men’s” Conference is that it gives the idea that Christian man = NASCAR, guns, motorcycles, and monster trucks. So if you’re not into that stuff, you’re somehow not a real Christian man. And what does “stronger men” mean, anyway? Stronger than whom? Women? Domesticated men (presumably the ones who don’t wield axes)?
Maybe we need a broader picture of what it means to be a real man.
I have three men in my immediate family.
One is in the military.
He rides a motorcycle. He goes hunting. He has a sleeve tattoo. He’s an expert at multiple martial arts.
David believes deeply in providing for his family and protecting his family. He takes pride in taking care of his wife. He loves being strong, but he’s also the one that all of his little cousins flock to. He’s very respectful of women, and he values being super responsible. While he may seem like the typical “alpha male” who likes blowing stuff up and riding big vehicles, he’s also very tender, and he wouldn’t have a lot of respect for anyone who knew how to shoot but who didn’t know how to properly take care of his finances.
My other son-in-law has a black belt in Tae Kwon Do, but he was also a professional dance teacher. He can teach hip hop, ballet, jazz, and so much more. He is so much fun on the dance floor!
Connor dancing at a recent friend’s wedding!
Over the last few years he’s been on a journey trying to discover what career God has for him. He’s learning to be super responsible and is on the promotion track at his accounting job, even at the young age of 23. He’s super good with sticking to a budget and planning so their family can be well provided for. And everyday he loves getting in a suit and looking sharp at work (okay, this is suit from his wedding. But I like this picture!).
Connor didn’t grow up in the church, but he’s thrown himself into their church community, serving on worship teams and drama teams, mentoring younger Christians, and reaching out to others at their church. And he’s so eager to learn more about theology. We have the best talks with him!
Because he didn’t grow up in church, though, and because and he didn’t grow up with lots of young siblings or cousins, he didn’t have experience with babies. But lately some of their friends have been having babies, and Connor’s realized he’s really good with babies. And he practices on their dog.
He’s so looking forward to being a dad! And his goal is to work half time, and have his wife work half time, so that they both can be with their kids.
And he loves his wife. In fact, he’s been the reason that several of Rebecca’s friends have broken up with the men in their lives–because those men haven’t respected them the way that Connor respects Rebecca. He shows people everyday what it means to cleave to your wife.
Then there’s my husband.
My husband has never been hunting, though he can chop wood when we’re camping, and he’s great at setting up camp and canoeing in the wilderness. He doesn’t like monster trucks. He doesn’t watch sports (not even hockey or curling). He doesn’t have a black belt in anything, but he’s not a bad dancer. He’s a real Canadian–he can spend all day outside even when it’s -25. He’s awesome with kids (he’s a pediatrician, after all!).
Keith with our daughter Katie back in 2000.
When he was a little boy, rather than playing hockey in the driveway like most Canadian kids, Keith read the encyclopedia set.
Even today, he challenges himself to learn new languages (he taught himself Swahili, and has used it in Kenya. Blogger Ngina from Intentional Today met him in person and can testify that he’s not half bad!). He learned ancient Greek so he can read the New Testament in its original. We have scientific textbooks all over the house, along with deep theological ones. He loves thinking about things.
For years my husband worked about 100 hours a week, because he spent so much time on call. On Katie’s second birthday Keith wasn’t actually on duty, but the hospital begged him to come in anyway. A 13-month-old toddler had arrived, unresponsive, from being shaken. Keith attempted several difficult life saving measures while awaiting transport to a tertiary care centre. A year later, Keith was on the witness stand testifying against the boy’s mother’s boyfriend, who was charged in his murder. My husband did everything he could to try to save him. And he still carries that grief with him. That’s a real man.
If you’re 26 weeks pregnant, and you’re in labour with a premature baby, you want my husband to be in the room with you. He’ll calm you down, take control, and save your child’s life.
Keith checking out a patient at our clinic on a missions trip in Kenya
My husband may not ride a motorcycle, but he has saved countless tiny babies–and many bigger kids, too. He has counselled suicidal teenagers, poured over medical textbooks trying to diagnose strange diseases, and comforted parents when their children didn’t make it (and attended funerals and cried at home later, too).
He knows more about science and philosophy and theology than anyone I know. He calms me down. He is my rock.
He seriously can’t cook (does that mean he’s not domesticated?), and I prefer that I do the laundry, but he’s really good at cleaning bathrooms!
And he loves nature. And he’s an amazing photographer.
He loves birds, and he’s already planned out our route in Australia when we’re there for the month of May (I’m speaking four times, and we’re birding other than that!).
One of my husband’s photos!
My husband has recently taken a step back from work, reducing his hours so he can support me and be more on the road with me. He’s proud of me, and wanting to see where God takes me does not threaten him in the least. He takes care of details so I don’t have to worry about them (and also so I don’t mess them up, because I would.) My husband is organized. Having him around helps me not have to worry.
When I am stressed because of debates on the blog, my husband can talk me down. He can ask me questions that help me realize what’s important, and show me that I don’t have to fret.
He puts his hand on me and prays every night as we’re falling asleep. Often not out loud, but I know he’s doing it. He gets up in the morning and he reads a few chapters of the Bible before I’m awake. And he loves mentoring new doctors and new medical students.
He will get up on the stage beside me at marriage conferences, and he doesn’t hold back from sharing about some of the mistakes that we have made along the way, because ministering to people about Jesus and being authentic is way more important to him than preserving some perfect image.
Speaking at a FamilyLife Conference in 2015
He is wrestling right now with what God wants him to do with the rest of his career. We have so many options and so much flexibility, and he is praying about getting more involved in overseas missions, or doing more medical work and marriage work in some of Canada’s First Nations communities. He wants to go where God is calling him.
And he is generous. He believes deeply in sharing what God has given us to benefit those who live in desperate circumstances–especially children in the sex trade all over the world.
All three men in my life are different. All love God, but all show it in different ways. And all are real men.
And so I thought today that we could celebrate the real men in our lives–the strong men in our lives–for seeking out God and showing Jesus in their own unique ways.
Will you do that with me? Will you leave a comment on how your husband is a strong man, and a real man? Whatever that looks like in your family, let’s be grateful for it! Because I am grateful for the men in my life, and how they love the women in their lives, even if it may look different.
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I love this post!
My husband is a pastor, who loves God and shows it through his life and actions. But one of the biggest ways he goes that is being a great dad to our two girls. He’s always willing to play chase, or read a book, or have his hair fixed at the “salon” that’s been set up on the living room couch. He teaches our girls Jesus’ message of loving our neighbor by actually loving our literal neighbors, and encouraging them to do the same.
He is a wonderful husband, but I appreciate so much the ways that he is a wonderful dad.
Amen! My husband was a great dad to little girls, too! 🙂
I detect a thread running throughout this week: authenticity vs image. Maintaining an image at all costs in any area = legalism. Being authentic leads to real relationships, character.
Exactly, Keith! (and this isn’t MY Keith by the way; but great name anyway!).
Authenticity is what really matters. God wants us to be vulnerable and real–real because He created us all as individuals with our own unique giftings because He had specific things for us to do in the world that only we could do. Vulnerable because then we point people to God, and not our own strength.
When we do that, God’s kingdom is furthered because the glory goes to God, not to ourselves.
Thanks for summing it up so well!
This sounds like what a DEAR lady, whom I will RESPECT until my dying breath…and beyond once said to me, ” honey be who you is, oderwise you AIN’T!!” Think what wisdom is contained in that simple, statement. I try to practice this EVERY MINUTE of EVERYDAY. It helps my wife know whom I an, down deep inside where it counts.
My husband can handle a gun better than anyone I know. He can fix what’s wrong with your vehicle, farm, garden, hunt, fish, camp, make and safely use explosives, stay calm and provide help in any emergency, plumb a house, fix almost anything that’s broken. He can also hold me in his arms for hours when I wake myself up crying over my daddy who died three months ago. He can massage away the back pain and swollen feet of my 3rd trimester. He can read scripture to me and pray with me every morning and night, cook amazing food, bring me random treats home “just because”, invest voluntary time and effort into my younger brother who is struggling so hard since our daddy’s death, tell me I’m beautiful, be affectionate in public, and drop anything to help anytime someone is in need.
He is a real man in every sense of the word, and I am so thankful for him.
Oh, that brought tears to my eyes. He sounds wonderful!
And I’m so sorry about your dad’s death. That sounds so hard. I lost my dad recently, too, but we didn’t really have a relationship. I can’t imagine how hard it will hit my girls when one day they lose their dad. I’m glad your husband can be there for your brother, too!
Yay for the men in our lives–the ones we’re married to, and the great fathers who have gone before us, too. Thanks for reminding us of yours.
Great challenge! My husband is a faithful worker – gets very favorable feedback from his coworkers and the people who receive his help with computer issues in his job. He took this job, leaving one that had work that he liked better, so that he could support our family better. He LOVES being a dad, possibly adapted to fatherhood quicker than I did to motherhood, and has always been willing to be the one in charge so I can do things, and enthusiastic about it too. He has become a great partner in keeping this home, doing his part when he’s at home without my having to ask. He has risen out of the (thankfully minor) dysfunction he was raised in and thankfully recognizes it where it was, and has thrown away nearly all of it. We are well-matched in our desires to not take life too seriously, let things go but deal with them if we can’t, and live life free of “b.s.”
I think the following exchange that I posted on Facebook when it happened while we were on our way out without kids, sums it up:
Me to Steve: So should I post, “if a married couple goes on a date and doesn’t post a selfie of it on Facebook with the caption ‘much needed date!’, did it happen?”
Steve: I was actually thinking those exact words on my way home.
Haha! I love that exchange about date nights! So true. 🙂
Too funny, Jessica! A guy who sacrifices at work so that he can make his family’s life better–I know what a great guy that is, because I’m married to one, too. That is a HUGE thing, and I’m so grateful for my guy for doing it, as you are for yours. I love men like that!
What a great challenge! My husband is tall, handsome, and sweet. He can fix just about anything, but he also likes to read and dance. He supports me in my school and my health issues, and encourages us to spend time with family. He will be the best father, and I can’t wait to start our own family! He’s learning so much spiritually and we’re growing together. He’s my favorite person, and I could talk about him forever! Thanks for the chance to wife-gush Sheila 🙂
Yay! It is so nice to grow together spiritually, isn’t it? It’s great to have a partner that you feel like you can learn with. I’m sure you guys will make great parents together!
When we first got married 16.5 years ago, I often fretted because my husband wasn’t a ‘strong spiritual leader’, whatever that means. It caused a lot of friction in our marriage because I wanted him to be someone he’s not. Thankfully, because of God’s grace only, my eyes gradually opened to how foolish my thinking was. Over the last decade and a half, my husband has been quietly faithful. He is not one to put himself out there or put his faith on public display. Rather, he is a behind the scenes guy. He has proven himself to be a faithful husband, father, friend, employee and son. He is strong, but gentle. He chops wood on our property, but then plays board games with our little girl. He faithfully gets up every morning and goes to work to provide for our family so I can stay home and homeschool our three kids. At the end of a work day, if he comes home and there’s no supper on the table, he’ll stand in the kitchen with me and we’ll throw something on the table together. He spends time with our boys, playing darts with them, playing games, talking. He has always, always made me feel cherished; he is self-sacrificing and kind to me, always puts me and the kids first. I am in tears now lol, but he is honestly the most amazing person I know. He truly lives out 1 Corinthians 13, the love chapter, to me and our kids. Honestly, I’ve come to realize, he IS a strong spiritual leader, to me and our kids. A true man doesn’t have to stand up in church and spout off all he knows about the Bible in order to be godly(not that there’s anything wrong with Bible knowledge but how you live your life matters more), like I thought when I was a naive 21 year old. What happens at home, how he treats his wife and kids, what kind of employee he is, are all what makes up a man, and I can say that my husband is a true man. Sorry for the long ramble, I just really love my husband 🙂
Don’t apologize for the ramble at all! That is a GREAT testimony to what sounds like an amazing husband and dad. We always praise and look up to the big up front guys who do these huge things, but I think the loyal guys who are there beside their wives and who are there with their kids are the real salt of the earth. And I’m glad you’re able to appreciate all that he is now, too!
Love this, Sheila! And I can attest that your husband was terrific when I met him! That beard certainly was all-man. 😉
When asked to say prayers in church, my husband offers the most beautiful prayers, showing the depth of his theological knowledge, his compassion for others, and his desire to lift others up. He also the most ethical man I know—who will not lie or cut corners for his job, cheat on his wife (not no porn), take advantage of others, etc. And I love when he counsels our sons about life and being a godly man. Oh, and he totally wants me to make enough money for him to stay home and just support me—we long for the day!
I wish I had had the chance to meet your husband, too, J, when we were in Texas! He sounds like a wonderful guy! A guy who can pray out loud well? That’s the way to my heart, too! 🙂
My husband is not one of those manly-man stereotypes either. He is not even a DIY-er, (though when it comes to a few basics, he’s got it.) He is, however, faithful to me and to the family. He is outgoing (I’m a hermit) and friendly. Many of our “roles” are divided along traditional lines–but in some ways that’s only fair, as he does work long days, and I am blessed to stay at home. He is supportive of our teens and puts in the effort to be a part of their lives. Is he perfect? No. He can have bad days, he can get grouchy, he gets tired. We all do. He is faithful and reliable at his job, and works to be the best that he can be there as well. He has earned the highest credential in his field, and is generous with free advice where it will help. He is also passionately committed to a ministry you may have heard of, known to many as Cadets (full name is Calvinist Cadet Corps, you can google it if you want 🙂 ), which is dedicated to leading boys as they grow into Christian young men.
My sister’s husband has some of that stereotype…he’s served in the military, has a motorcycle, etc. But he is also the one the small cousins go to when they want games. He comes up with creative play–energetic outside play–and they love every minute of it. He reads storybooks to the little ones.
My brother grew up making black marks on the unfinished basement wall, like many Canadian boys do. Not that he was ever on a team. He is not a “manly-man” of monster trucks and guns, he is very soft-spoken. But he is not weak or wishy-washy. He has always been a defender of the weak, and is even an employee of Compassion! (I forget his actual title).
Anyway, I think it’s great that you made this post in support of men, and what it means to be a Christian Man. Authenticity is clearly a huge part of it. I’d say it comes second to a humble, real, close relationship with God. But authenticity is part of that relationship as well, and what is inside the heart is what is lived out. Just as there is no one right way to be a Christian Woman, there is no one right way to be a Christian Man. People are created in all shapes, sizes, personalities, and types. We are all part of God’s grand design, and created to fit the place He prepared for us. We are, men and women, masterpieces designed and created by the Master Artist. As we learn and know who we are in Him, we will grow into the Man or Woman we were created to be.
That’s truly beautiful, Robin. I love your last paragraph. We are all indeed part of God’s grand design!
My husband is hilarious. He has lots of other wonderful traits (strong Christian, great dad, diligent worker), but he regularly makes me laugh until I cry. He helps make our home a warm and loving place to be. 🙂 This is a great way to end a really strong series– thank you!
I’m so glad you liked it, Emily! And you know what? Being hilarious I think is one of the best traits you can have. The more we can laugh together, the more we handle everything in life together!
I love my husband, Erik. Like your Connor, he was not brought up in the church, but watching him discover Christianity and the Bible as an adult learner is a fascinating way for me to continue examining my beliefs.
He does not watch any sports (for which I am eternally grateful), he doesn’t give a crap about cars, so long as they run. He has a beard and a ponytail, and I am two inches taller. One of the things we bonded over in the beginning is how we both got bullied and teased for not conforming to gender stereotypes.
And yet, my husband is one of the most masculine men I’ve ever met, with a truly good and gentle heart. He can be shy, but is so slow to think or speak ill of anyone – he challenges me constantly because I can struggle with judgmentalism. He is a hard worker in a job plagued with egos, and constantly gets praised for his patience, focus, and managing a heavy workload.
Erik is SO SMART. He does programming for fun and loves to find out how things work – a trait he passed down to our three-year-old son. You should see them with a set of LEGO’s. He loves to read classical literature and any practical book that describes how to do things. He is always considerate and helpful and happy to fix anything for anyone, which sure is helpful when you’ve got a toddler actively trying to tear the house down.
BIG ONE – Erik is very family-oriented. Not only is he loving and respectful toward his own family (his nephew and nieces consider him a second dad and give him Father’s Day gifts), and not only is he loving toward me and his son, he ALSO thinks it is important for us to have good relationships with MY family. He spends time with my parents and is very kind to them, speaking well of them to everyone. I think a lot of men miss this one, and it really warms my heart to no end.
Erik is a GOOD HUSBAND. That does not mean he doesn’t do anything wrong, but that when he does he puts up a fight to fix it. He is not the same man I married (and I loved that guy too!) but is constantly fighting to be more the image of Christ. I know he will continue to grow and change every year. He is gentle and kind to me and doesn’t complain about me behind my back. He prays for me and studies the Bible with me. He enjoys spending time with me and since this blog is what it is, I’ll also say that he is very kind and considerate in bed, and values my comfort and pleasure over any particular fantasy or curiosity. We have had some learning to do over the past four years, but the lack of pressure and demands and knowing that my heart is considered when we’re making love makes it easier to wrestle with issues and get to a healthy place where we can connect more regularly even as we juggle life as a young family.
Erik is a GOOD FATHER. He prays for our son, plays with him, and participates in every aspect of his care, from changing diapers to night time wake ups to fixing dinners. There is no chore in the house that is “the wife’s job” or “the husband’s job”, and we each take turns with everything according to our availability and gifts. He is far more concerned with our son’s character and happiness that crafting any image for him to live up to. I am very excited that Erik will be the father of our twins also this summer!
Thank you Sheila, for this opportunity to praise our good guys. With all the headlines and trouble, it can be easy to be deceived into thinking that all men are violent or mentally ill, and I’m sure men must read these blogs and wonder if women just really hate them and would prefer they disappeared. We do have gender issues and need accountability, but there are some truly darling men out there who are bringing honor to their Creator, and it’s important for us to see them and love on them!
Oh, that’s so beautiful! You should send this comment to Erik. And print it out for your son, too, to read when he’s older. That’s a beautiful testimony, and I’m so glad that you guys were made so perfectly for each other, and that you can see so many good things in him!
I love this post! Love love love! The world might consider my husband a “manly man”: he loves trucks, hunting, tools, sports, atv’s, dirt, and most of the things the world says make him manly. But to me, he is much more than that! He is the calm during the storm, the voice of reason, the tender dad to his little girls, the buddy to his young son, the reason I can be a stay-at-home mom, my dependable backup, the one who reminds me to take care of myself, the supporter of all of my crazy ideas, the patriarch of our home. He is so much more than what the world says he is. He puts God before anything else in his life, and to me that is what makes him a REAL man!
Good men come in all varieties. One wife may have a husband who dislikes the hobbies and interests of my husband, but her husband is no less of a man.
Thanks for the great post. I think I’ll go tell my husband how happy I am to have him and that he is who he is.
That last bit–“I think I’ll go tell my husband how happy I am to have him…” That’s what it’s all about! 🙂
Hi Sheila! I never comment on here because we are quite a bit less conservative than most of your readers and I have always been afraid of not fitting in – but I loved your post so much I just had to say something!! And I think it’s so important for young men to see that you don’t need to be all about the macho-macho stuff to be a “real” man. My husband is the kindest person I have ever met. While my heart melts when he’s wonderful to me and our family, what inspires me the most is how kind he is to people who treat him poorly. He is slow to anger and incredibly patient, whether it is with me, with his family or with our baby kitten who has trouble figuring out the litter box. He has taught me how to share my feelings and how to be emotionally present – just being around him makes me a better person. He is a scientist (so am I) and he is one of the sharpest thinkers around, but he is also truly humble about his talents. He has such a genuine passion for science and medicine, he’s my constant inspiration when I feel like not going to work. He is so supportive of my work and my choices and is always 100% behind me. If I have to work late, he makes dinner. If I’m really burnt out at the weekend, he does the laundry. I never ask him to do these things, he just quietly does it. Of course, I’m there for him with dinners and chocolate and laundry when he’s tired and has to work late! He’s such a wonderful partner and really doesn’t make marriage feel like work (even though it is!).
That’s wonderful, Jenny! And I’m glad you commented. A scientist who is kind–that’s truly beautiful.
Sincere question, what about the men and women that are christians that believe that more traditional male and female, husband and wife roles are good and of God? What about the husbands and fathers that are great husbands and fathers, but more traditional in being men. My only take away from the week is not legalistic vs non legalistic, rules vs relationship but simply who is making the rules and whose vision of legalistic is applied. I came away from the week not feeling like you were full of grace and carrying about relationship,just how the relationship was done- which was not as men leading the family being the keystone. I came away from the week feeling not freed and grace filled but oppressed by my fellow Christian. It really is just a matter of who is calling the shots and a vie for power.
Marjorie, I’m sorry that’s what you felt, because that truly wasn’t my intention. I truly don’t think it’s about power–it’s just about serving God with authenticity and vulnerability, whatever that may look like. As long as Jesus is first! Too often, though, I’ve found that some living out of faith doesn’t emphasize Jesus but instead a certain way of doing things that can feel quite constricting. I think from all the comments here and in other posts, it’s clear that this has had a profound impact for the worse for many women who grew up in certain shame-filled environments. So I just like to point people back to Jesus–let’s seek Him out. Let’s learn what He was like. Let’s aim, first and foremost, to follow Him and do His will in our own unique ways. When he is the focus (like it says in Hebrews 12:1-3), things fall into place. When other things are the focus, things often go awry.
My question for you, then, would be “What about couples who don’t follow your view of traditional male and female roles?”
There is absolutely nothing wrong with living our traditional gender roles–if you want to be a stay at home mom and your husband wants to work a 9-5 and be the sole income earner (like my mom and dad did, my mom runs this blog), you do what God put you on this Earth to do!
This legalism series has been about getting back to living out what God called us each individually to do and stop trying to put “the proper Christian” into a box. God created us all so uniquely, and has unique calls for us as individuals and families. So live out what you feel called to do–but let’s not confuse gender role preferences with what makes someone more or less holy.
A family where the wife is a doctor who provides for her family while her husband is a stay-at-home dad (like how my aunt’s family works) isn’t innately not following God’s plan just because they’re not in typical gender roles–maybe they’re actually exactly where God wants them. That’s the difference between legalism and non-legalism–legalism looks at the outside (traditional roles) as the measuring stick for a good marriage; non-legalism looks at the heart (are they following God’s call, are they showing fruits of the Spirit in their family).
I love this so much! My husband is so much more complex and amazing than the stereotypical “macho man” that I used to think I wanted. He can do that stuff, like building things, and working outside, and he spent 10 years in jujitsu and was very good at it. But at the same time he doesn’t like sports, he doesn’t hunt, he minored in theater in college and was so good at stage makeup that they called him back after he graduated to do the Beasts makeup for Beauty and the Beast! He is the most tender and nurturing man I have ever met. When he is at home our son goes to him for comfort just as often as he does to me, and my husband is the only one that can put him down for bed or for a nap and actually get him to fall asleep. I call him Martha Stewart because he can whip the house into shape in about 2 hours when it takes me all week, and he folds laundry better than anyone I have ever seen. (Seriously, his fitted sheets are gorgeous!!!) Best part is, I don’t have to ask him to pitch in because he has a gift for seeing what needs to be done and jumping in to do it! He has a broad range of emotions that he isn’t afraid to show. When we watch chick flicks and get to the sad part I may or may not be misty, but I can guarantee that he is crying! 😉 And that empathy extends to everyone he knows in real life too. I have anxiety to the point of panic attacks and he takes it in stride if I call him at work panicking or if I wake him up at 2 in the morning because I need help calming down. I have grown theologically so much since we were married and we don’t agree on some things that we used to, but he never ever makes me feel like I am bad or wrong, he just gives me all the space I need to grow and question things. I often feel guilty that I am not as amazing to him as he is to me, but he always assures me that I am the best thing to happen to him and that I am a great wife. I got married well before my friends and my husband has also been the standard that they hold up for the guys that they date, which I love!
Sorry I think I rambled. Lol I just love bragging on my husband any chance I get, and I wish that there were more men like him who realized that being a man is so much more than we are shown too often in our Christian culture.
Brag away! That’s beautiful! And a man who can fold fitted sheets? That’s gold! (I’m terrible at that, too).
I love how much he’s helped you to know more about God better, too. I love that.
My husband is a strong man because I can count on him to work hard and do his best at what he does. He also likes to cook, he bakes the best butter tarts and also a wonderful cheesecake. I can count on him to fix what needs to be fixed at home and five years ago he built a lovely addition on the back of our house.
I have a grown son that is also a strong man, even though he’s not what the world defines as strong, as he doesn’t like sports and he can’t drive as he has epilepsy. But to me he’s strong because of everything he’s been through with his epilepsy and yet he doesn’t let it get him down. He’s a very responsible employee no matter where he works and also very good with his money and staying out of debt.
To me the definition of a strong man should be somebody that is loyal, kind, and never goes up no matter what life may hand us.
Oh, I’d love to try some of your husband’s cheesecake! 🙂
And I love what you said about your son, too. I think that’s one of the things that bothered me about the conference that I was talking about, too. What about people with health issues or who are disabled? Can they not be “stronger” men? Let’s just not present one picture of masculinity, because God shows us all kinds.
And it sounds like you have two real winners there!
I love how this post has inspired several women to speak up with honor and affection for their husbands, and to speak up for their masculinity, whatever form it happens to take.
I’m hardly the hyper-masculine type myself. Much more bookish than athletic; much more interested in literature, art, and music than sports; and what I call “mechanically declined,” which makes me absurdly proud of myself when I actually manage to fix something. I don’t, in general, like the stereotypes that say that certain things (provision) are inherently masculine, and other things (nurturing) are inherently feminine. I feel that all activities can be either masculine or feminine–and yet they’re not the same. There is a certain type of nurturing that is masculine in flavor, although I couldn’t define exactly what makes it masculine.
So I completely understand and appreciate your post. I still, though, think that there is some value to the types of men’s conferences you brought up in your opening. Maybe not so much for a guy like me (I find myself smiling wryly to myself when I’m in such situations), but for guys who, I think, feel legitimately threatened by a secular culture that has been devaluing masculinity for a generation now. The kind of devaluation that comes with slogans like, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle,” with sitcoms that almost invariably make husbands and fathers idiots by contrast with their wives and children, with Western civilization dismissed as the irrelevant product of Dead White Males. And some of this attitude has seeped into parts of the church. A lot of men have little interest in church, because the decor, music, and activities are often created by women for women, even if there’s a guy preaching the sermon. (And I recognize, Sheila, that you’ve well documented other churches and branches of churches that are paternalistic and hostile toward women.)
I think that some guys who do like sports and NASCAR and hunting and explosions (okay, let’s be honest: explosions are fun) need to have validated that they don’t have to become what they see as effeminate in order to be Christians, let alone Godly or Christlike. I love the fact that you describe with affection various men in your family who all have differing ways of expressing their masculinity. Let’s acknowledge that the “hypermasculine” guy might also have a place. Maybe if we do, he won’t feel the need to denigrate women or other types of men in his expression of how he feels God made him.
I think that’s a great point, too, Keith (so many Keiths here today!)
I do think there’s a prevalent anti-male attitude in a lot of society (don’t even get me started on elementary education! And we wonder why boys don’t like school).
My Keith and I were talking yesterday, and his take is that with society changing so fast, there really isn’t any ONE thing you can point to and say, “that’s what being a man is all about!” Since women are doing so much now, it can make men feel like they’re superfluous.
And I do get the tension.
I just think the answer is to point back to Jesus, rather than hyper-masculinity. There has to be room in the church for everybody, and stereotypes about what makes a “biblical man” or a “biblical woman” can be quite harmful. Loving hunting and sports is great; loving books and poetry is great. Men in the Bible did both.
I also just want to point out that the church that is putting on this particular men’s conference is in a denomination that has licensed and ordained women as pastors since it’s inception. I actually lived in that town for ten years and attended that church for a little while during that time. I even went to and then worked at a university in the same denomination as this church. That university now has a female president and has always had women in vice presidential and department chair positions. In fact a current vp is a former mentor and friend of mine. I know from the classes I took at this university, in this same denomination, that legalism was not a part of it. In fact students with a legalistic mindset were often frustrated with the Bible classes because “this is what my parents said” or “this is what I learned at my church growing up” was not an acceptable answer. They pushed you to learn for yourself and form your own opinions and really make your faith your own. They wanted an authentic and real faith for their students and not just a passed down tradition. I even took an entire class on the role of women in both the church and in life. Needless to say this is not a denomination that in any way takes a tradition view of gender roles. From what I have seen and know about this conference it is about men growing stronger in their relationship with God, with other men and with their families. Something I think we can all get behind.
That’s really interesting, Melissa. Really interesting! Thanks for that background.
I still wish, though, that they had thought a little bit more about what they were saying. Like, what if a huge women’s conference came to town, and the only image of women that it showed was on how to cook and how to sew and how to arrange flowers? The conference may have been teaching about Jesus, of course, but everything else was about the domestic arts in their most typically feminine form.
(By the way, nothing wrong with cooking or sewing or arranging flowers! I’ve always wanted to know how to arrange flowers better).
But if you were a woman who spent your days working in a high-powered classroom with special needs kids, or sitting on the board of a crisis pregnancy centre, or prosecuting sex offenders for the district attorney’s office, or delivering babies in a hospital, would you feel that that represented you? Especially if you weren’t really a “crafty” person? I guess I just wish we could get away from the stereotypes a bit, because I think they can be toxic and can make people feel as if they don’t belong, or somehow aren’t good Christians because they don’t look like that. (And I do wish women’s conferences would focus less on crafts, too! And I say that as a serious knitter!)
Would be interesting to study Christ from the perspective of attraction. We know women flocked to him, despite no attractiveness looks-wise. A lesser talked about aspect is how he exuded confidence and authority. “Power is the ultimate aphrodisiac,” according to Henry Kissenger. That said, according to hearsay the donkey Jesus rode was borrowed from a man named Harley, lol.
Women were attracted to Jesus because he set them free! And because Jesus actually invites women to participate in his kingdom !
Ruthie, no doubt. But this also is a function of perceived authority in him to do so. They would not have been attracted to him if he were thought weak. A good illustration of this is the character of Jean Valjean in Victor Hugo’s novel Les Misérables: rich, powerful, yet compassionate toward otherwise despised women. The women of the town were attracted to him, young and old.
Amen! Women were attracted to Jesus because He saw them as PEOPLE first, like the Samaritan woman. He actually talked to her, instead of ignoring or dismissing her.
He showed them, “I notice YOU; not your body, not what you can do for me, but YOU.”
Keith, I think what distinguishes masculine from feminine (apart from the obvious physical) is how men think. Men are more data based, while women are heavily influenced by the heart. This trait makes men more suited to tasks requiring dispassionate judgement. It is no coincidence that ever since women have become part of the jury system in America, lawyers have tended to focus on emotional appeal. Recognition of this distinction, I believe, is why women were denied leadership in the early church. A man is less liable to be moved toward doctrinal compromise by emotionally charged issues. Consequently, this masculine trait is what leads men in general to lack in the area of love and romance.
Actually, Doug, women had far more to do with the very early church, in the time of Paul and right after Jesus, than they did in the church a few hundred years later! In the early church, women taught and were missionaries and were “counted among the apostles” (Junia). Paul called them his “fellow workers” and mentioned many who partnered with him. It was only later, as the church became more of a hierarchy and more of a bureaucracy, that women were asked to take a back seat.
Sheila, no doubt what you describe had to do with a lie that eventually crept into the church implying that all women by nature were covert usurpers of authority, therefore they couldn’t be trusted. They had to be placed under house arrest. The rationale of Paul, however, was based more on what we call profiling.
So you’re saying that women can’t be leaders because temperamentally we’re “off” and not suited for it? Because we’re more emotional and have hormones and such? Whereas men do a great job when they’re in leadership? Can we just stop with the stereotypes and simply say, “what is it that God is calling THIS man or THIS woman to?” And that is NOT based on stereotypes. That is based on their individual giftings and callings and interests. When you see people only in terms of stereotypes, you miss what God is doing. That’s what the Pharisees did, and it didn’t serve them well. Look instead what God is doing. All you need to do is read these comments to see the amazing things that God is doing with husbands–and He’s doing it in all sorts of different ways!
Sheila, not me. I’m saying that’s what an inspired Paul said: “I do not allow a woman to teach or exercise authority over a man.” I wouldn’t go as far as saying men do a great job when they are in leadership. Nevertheless, (1) by design it is the intended social order for man to rule, and (2) by constitution they are more suited to it. Whether or not they aspire to it is quite another thing.
And yes, I do see all the amazing things God is doing with husbands in the comments. Thanks for the conversation!
My husband is an amazing man. 🙂 He has a hard, physical job as a mechanic, is super handy at fixing about anything, enjoys hunting, has a tow tolerance for people not pulling their weight or being stupid, yet he can be one of the most generous, compassionate, and sympathetic people I know, has a passionate love for his family, isn’t afraid to help me in the kitchen or wash dishes, and does his best to provide and care for me. Reading cards from family and friends after our wedding, he was the one getting all teary-eyed and emotional- my big broad shouldered tall husband, and I was just fine. 🙂 But thats what I love about him. 🙂
Sounds like a great guy. 🙂 I love guys who cry at emotional things. 🙂
My husband is my best friend, and my first choice of people to talk to when I have to figure things out.
He’s also a great dad. From when they were really little, he’s always included the kids in whatever he was working on – even if it doubles the time the job takes. My kids all know their way around the hardware store, and love going with him. (I suspect he buys donuts on those trips, too, as a chance to sit and talk with a child one on one without interruptions – with 4 kids, we have to make an effort to create those times!)
There is also a young man in our house these days. Watching him grow, watching him seek out what God wants for his life, watching him shift from teen to adult, is an ongoing joy. 🙂
That’s wonderful, Emily! I love that he is so intentional with your kids, and that he values taking the time to teach them real stuff. Kids are so eager to learn–we miss out when we don’t enjoy those moments with them.
Sheila, this is one of your best posts. You have MANY, and this one sits right up there with others. I am tearing up, reading it.
I have had health challenges the last few months from injuries I sustained from running. My husband has been my rock. From cooking, cleaning, shopping, planning meals, serving me, to taking me to doctors appointments as I am incapacitated on many levels. He’s comforted me through the pain, understood the emotional swings. Not a single word of complaint has left his mouth.
I am tearing up because your post fits with what God has been reminding me. As newlyweds, my sweet husband seemed to have an allergy to those things that mattered to me (I’m an acts of service girl. but he just happened to loathe chores!) Over the years he has grown. But the last few months he’s literally become this husband I used to crave and cry about as a newlywed.
A lot of times we are tempted to compare our guys, and I did that a lot in the early years. He doesn’t fit the mold (his favorite thing in the world is to hang out with me, and I used to think it was odd because aren’t guys supposed to love macho stuff? Oh my dear silly heart) And yet God has a blessing wrapped up in the uniqueness of our guys. Thank you for highlighting this today. I am so grateful.
~
Yes yes, Keith has the best Swahili I have ever heard from a non-native speaker! In fact, I told Tommy that he (Keith) might have better Swahili than his because it’s not mixed up with Kenyan local slang! He’s really great and its all shocking because he is self-taught. Some of us went to school for it, and we are still about halfway decent. 🙂
Ps. I am so sorry for how you are feeling today. I have prayed for you.
Oh, I’m so glad you’re just appreciating your husband so much. That’s beautiful!
And I’m really sorry about your injury. I hope that you find some healing soon. That must be really difficult. It’s great that God is bringing good out of it in cherishing and appreciating your husband; but I do hope the pain ends soon and you’re back to full recovery!
And thank you for your prayers and for your encouragement! I read your comment to Keith, too, and it made him smile. 🙂
I SO want to go overseas and do a missions trip. Maybe when I finish Nurse Practitioner school at the end of 2019! 🙂
Being a “real man” is not about hobbies. Monster trucks, shooting guns, NASCAR, all that stuff…if you enjoy doing that stuff, whatever. But a true “real man” is measured by his character, not by the stuff he enjoys doing on the weekends.
My husband is the sweetest guy I know. I have a gem in him. He takes a huge amount of delight in planning romantic things for us! I don’t take his tender, caring heart for granted. He really cherishes me and our kids.
That’s wonderful, Melissa! And I agree. Masculinity should be about character traits, not hobbies.
My husband is my best friend. He caught my attention when we were very young through his humour, maturity, leadership skills and his love for God.
He respects and loves me greatly, shown through his words and actions. He is trustworthy. He’s worked at a job for years that has him bored to tears and has him worn down by the long physical hours, he sticks at it so I can stay home with our girl. Speaking of our girl…one of the most profound things I’ve witnessed him do is be a dad to our un-biological daughter. Its hard to put our experience into words but its an amazing one. Anyways, my husband is so proud of his girl, plays all sorts of silly games with her, takes the time to teach her about all sorts of things, he does voices for stories and makes up stories. He’s cried over her and is her biggest protector. If she’s had a nightmare in the night, she calls out for dad and he always gets up then to go sing her songs.
When others question if they could love someone elses child as their own, we say its very possible. God plucked an innocent baby girl from a vulnerable position and placed her in the strong but gentle arms of a real man, my husband. And he’s doing an awesome job of showing our girl what a real dad is made of and me (I guess our daughter is learning too) what a real husband is made of.
I’m so glad to read other women feel the same way about their husbands! and pray for the ones who may have struggled with this post.
My husband is a man’s man. He loves football season, deer season, turkey season, fishing trips, camping trips, trips to the gun range. He replaced our water heater recently. He’s fixed wiring in our house. He is the sole-income provider for our family.
But more than all that, he’s a Godly family man. He wrestles with deep theological questions. He worships God at church, at work, and at home. He loves me and our daughters more than anyone else on earth. He challenges me, is patient with me, and offers me grace daily. He confesses his sins and temptations, and seeks other Godly men as mentors.
He has also attended the Stronger Men Conference at JRC with his father and brothers. While we do not attend that church, nor any other church of that denomination, he had only wonderful things to say. He loved having a weekend full of “manly” events that he knew I would never attend with him, and he got to do it with 6 of his favorite dudes! He also told me that he worshipped God that weekend with tears streaming down his face and holding hands with his brothers. His younger brother accepted Christ at that event. While it may be a promoting a stereotype, that does not disqualify it from being worthwhile. Many men who came just for the testosterone-themed entertainment also heard and accepted the Gospel. 😀
That’s great that the conference is that powerful! I am glad of that. And your husband sounds awesome. A man who seeks out mentors–now THAT is special. And so needed! And so wise.
I can see how guys could get drawn in by the excess testosterone and then meet Jesus. And there honestly is nothing wrong with that. I just worry that there’s a strain right now in Christendom that is labelling men that AREN’T like that as not real men. Even that line in the promo: “You’re not meant to be domesticated; you’re meant to have dominion!” I’m just not sure how they define domesticated. Someone who can cook? It just seems really jarring.
I can see why many men like it. I just hope they realize that not ALL men are like that, and we shouldn’t look down on men who don’t like MMA!
My husband is a pediatric ER nurse. He has more compassion than anyone I know. He notices people in a way I can’t even fathom. No one touches his heart more than hurting girls…whether tiny babies, teenagers, or grown women. He stands in place as a good man for many girls who have never known one. He can walk into an exam room and put a suicidal teen at peace, because he sees them and really cares. He is the best daddy and the most loving husband. He can fix anything and he loves sports and beer and wings, but his identity is in his heart, not in the things he does. He is my REAL man.
That’s beautiful, Charlotte! And ER Nurse is one of the most stressful jobs there is. So great that he sees it as a real calling!
One of the things I loved (and still love!) about my husband when we met is that he just likes what he likes and doesn’t care what anyone else thinks. He is in the military, but he knits and bakes the best pies. He loves to cook, shoot, get pedicures, smoke his pipe, camp, and he owns more Nicholas Sparks books than I do.
Between the two of us, I’m more emotional, but he is the crier. He is also strong and steady and holds me together through my emotional ups and downs. He is helpful and has the heart of a servant. He did not grow up with a strong Christian foundation, so since high school he has been actively pursuing God on his own. It is his tenderness and sensitivity that allow me to be open about my true feelings and thoughts, which I’ve never been able to do before.
He cares deeply for me and our son and works hard to provide for us. He takes on a lot of the worry that comes with the finances so I don’t have to worry. He loves to surprise us and make us laugh. We love this man!
Oh I would LOVE to tell you about my husband lol.. and I’ve tried to write this comment twice and everything could I say doesn’t seem accurate enough to convey what kind of wonderful he is. We got married a year and a half ago and love him so much more now than I did then. My heart bursts to think about every way he has shown me his love- unconditional love and affection, his integrity, and kindness, and genuine way of just being. He holds a deep belief that he is lovable and is loved by God, his wife and his family and nothing else matters much in light of that. He glows. He’s consistent and trustworthy, he’s goofy and serious, he puts God and his wife first, and then his family. He serves me and (with some mild difficulty) lets me serve him. He is a leader-intelligent, decisive, charismatic in a gentle way. He’s an excellent problem solver and a visionary- he sees things not only as they are but also as they could be. And I have seen nothing and no one that seemed to shake or threaten his masculinity or security, as sweet as he is. I could go on.. but my point is that everything he is, and he believes, and the loving things he chooses to do every day are what make him a real man!!
That’s beautiful, Francie! Really beautiful. And I love how your love has grown since your wedding, too. That’s the beautiful thing about marriage–it can grow! I love it.
My husband rides a motorcycle, loves to disc golf, fish, forge and solve Rubik’s cubes. He can make delicious food and loves our three kids to the moon and back. He drives a big truck and works hard all day but the most manly thing my husband does is he meets every week with a mentor for counseling and discipleship. That is truly a God thing!
My husband and I have been married nine years, I thought we were so close. But last year, my husband was caught living in sin and my world came crashing down as I learned of all the lies, secrets and betrayal. I thought my marriage was over and that he would leave. For seven months he tried to ignore his sin and pretended to turn away from it but then he hit rock bottom. Realizing he was about to lose his family, he started intense counseling and now has a strong group of men supporting him. Last month, he truly gave his life to God! He admitted he had always faked his relationship with Jesus but now he desires to follow Him. Seeing my husband reading God’s word, talking about what he learns in counseling, and hearing him pray are the most wonderful, manly things he can do. His love for our children is stronger than ever. I am seeing God transform him into the man he was created to be. He is truly a new creation!
We have a long way to go on this road to healing. It is a very hard road to be on. But I have to believe that God can take something broken (and we are so broken) and turn it into something beautiful.
Oh, that is such a beautiful story! I”m so glad that God got a hold of your husband. And now that he’s in a real relationship with Jesus–the sky’s the limit! That’s wonderful. I’m sorry that you went through such betrayal and heartache. I really am. But I’m glad that the bad does not have to be the end of the story with God!
This is such a wonderful post, Sheila!
I really agree with you about the need to frame women’s and men’s ministries in a way that is inclusive and honouring. It’s a total turn off for my husband and I when we see stereo-typed Christian events advertised, whether it be for men or women. My husband is such a social person that even if he doesn’t necessarily enjoy watching sport and other stereo-typical ‘manly things, he might go along to watch a game with others purely to spend time with people.
My husband is just the best and I’m so grateful we married each other! I suppose he fits in with some ‘manly’ stereo types, like he loves building, tinkering and inventing. But he also makes delicious pies and is actually very good at baking too. It’s quite funny when we’ve gone somewhere with baking and people have assumed I’m to thank for the baking! I don’t think about being married to a man, I think about being married to my husband; my man. And I sure don’t want him to try and become more ‘manly’, I want him to grow to be more who God wants to him to be; more like Christ.
He is actually very Christ-like. I’ve never met a more considerate person and he is just so humble. A husband who isn’t puffed up with pride and self-importance is a joy to live with! Espcecially when you have a young family and a whole lot of stuff that needs to be done that might not be super fun.
I also love how nurturing my husband is. With our child and with the young people he works with. With anyone he meets really. I’ve noticed other commenters have talked about that too! IT’s such a big mistake to teach young men that nurturing is a feminine trait!! Think of Jesus. Think of Paul, Timothy, Barnabus, and many other Christian men in the Bible – men full of Christ-like compassion and love who nurtured the people around them.
Totally agree with you about nurturing–Keith and I were saying this exactly yesterday.
And I love this; “And I sure don’t want him to try and become more ‘manly’, I want him to grow to be more who God wants to him to be; more like Christ.” Exactly! That’s really the point. For some men, that will mean more hyper-masculine, because that’s where God’s leading them. But not all men. And let’s not make guys feel badly if they can bake a pie. 🙂
In many ways my husband is not the typical macho man. He is a fabulous cook…empanadas, carne asada, tacos, and flan are a few of his specialties. He does almost all of the home decorating because he likes it and is better at it than me. He helps with all the cleaning, is more organized than I am. A few days ago at work my co-workers were talking about how bad their husbands were at giving gifts especially early in their marriages. They have some hilarious stories. I have none. My husband always gives such a thoughtful gifts. He often buys me clothes or shoes and I always get compliments on what he buys. We tease him because he has more clothes and shoes than I do. He is so funny and makes everyone laugh. But he has some more typical “manly” qualities as well. He’s definitely more adventurous than I am which has been good for me because I have tried (and loved) several things that I would not have tried on my own. He’s good at home repairs and pretty good at car maintenance and repairs. He’s a hard worker and a good husband and father. We both love to have people over, and he is a great host. He’s more than one paragraph can summarize but our family is so grateful for him.
Oh, he sounds wonderful, Jenny! And I absolutely LOVE empanadas. I’d love to know how to make them!
While I agree with what you have written in this article; I do feel that that the MMA, motorcycle riding , tattooed burly type of a man has been vilified in the church. I work with metal, ride horses, and punch cows yet one of my friends/ mentors is a 64 year old accountant whom I have never seen without a sport coat or sweater vest and he accepts me as I am.
A vast majority of the church seems to not welcome my type and in fact there seems to be a trend in the church where the “real men” are either not accepted or have really no place to plug in within the church other than cowboy churches. The church seems to cater to women and women’s ministries more than men. Yes, traditionally men seem to miss church more than women but could this be the church’s fault? Yes, Jesus rode into Jerusalem on a donkey not a motorcycle but what people forget is it was a bronc donkey! That donkey had never been ridden! Talk about some manly stuff!
While I love to see a man be a rock star of a father to his daughter(s), he does not need to play fairy princess. In other words he needs to be the king, prince, warrior that rescues the fairy princess not a fairy princess as well. While he is trying to be a good dad he is also confusing that little girl as to what men should be.
There have been numerous articles written about the emasculation of the Christian man. Yes David wept, sang songs to his God and played the harp but he was a warrior. Who on this blog can tell me who Beniah was in the Bible? A warrior. Male livestock are castrated so they are more easily controlled. It seems that the church is trying to castrate men so they are more easily controlled rather than pointing “real men” to use their gifts, talents and abilities to further the Kingdom.
While you don’t have to do all the “manly stuff” to be considered a “real man” please don’t vilify ( I know you didn’t intend to Sheila) those of us who do.
What a great inspirational article! My husband of 1.67 years is a wonderful man. I am a Tax Accountant who works 7 days a week, some 12 hour days during tax season. Yes, I am sitting at my desk at work right now. My wonderful husband holds down the fort at home by doing laundry, going to the grocery store and being emotionally supportive of me. He is my rock and my very best friend! I am 60 and he is 58 and we are having the time of our lives. Thank you, Sheila, for the work you are doing. May God continue to bless you and the men (and women) in your life.
That’s awesome, Nancy!
I met my husband of 32 years, teaching Sunday school together. Part of why I fell in love with him is that Children loved (and still love) him, from tiny babies to teenagers! I could see His love for God in action as he loved the kids wherever we went! Over the years, many times I’ve wished his love for hunting, fishing, playing and coaching volleyball, and watching hockey could be less. But this is who he is, the guy God loves and who God shares with me.
He’s one of the hardest workers I know, at whatever job he does, an awesome cook, and my hero.
Brave and strong in hunting season, yet as gentle and caring with our 3 grandkids as he was with our daughters. He’s the guy who coached a season of high school volleyball while holding a baby, so that the teen mom could attend 7am practices when she had no babysitter. He shows God’s love in action! I am so proud of him!
Over the years, I’ve seen expectations of how men should be or act if they are Christians which did not include the guys who seem to be the target audience of the strong men conférence. I am glad there is a ministry reaching out to them
I agree with you Sheila, God loves all of our men with their various interests and strengths. We should too!
Oh, I love that teen mom story! What a guy. That’s great!
A couple of verses I’ve come across in the bible lately about being strong:
Proverbs 24:5 A wise man is strong; yes a man of knowledge increases strength
Proverbs 16:32 He who is slow to anger is better than the mighty, and he who rules his spirit than he who takes a city.
God always has such a different view of things than the world. Thankfully His ways are so much higher than ours!
Isn’t that interesting? Love that way of looking at it!
I could not love this more! Everything you talked about is why my husband hasn’t become more involved in the men’s ministry at our church! Retreats and events are geared towards the “manly man,”—they watch and play football, tailgate, go shooting, etc., and he’s just not into those things. There’s certainly nothing wrong with those activities, but for someone who doesn’t step out and make friends easily, it’s becomes another barrier to making other guy friends at church and getting involved, digging in. Thank you so much for writing this!
I’ll gladly jump on this train! My husband is a very quiet, introverted, introspective man. He is very passionate about drums and is constantly watching videos and reading books about them and looking up different kinds of drum shells and heads to get the sound he wants. He can’t just figure out what’s going on if the car is making a funny noise, but he can change the oil, and he’s willing to learn how to work on his (and my) car with his dad. He felt a huge push to learn how to work on things around the house when we got married and although he’s not the best at it I appreciate his effort. He just took a new job where he is working 50 hours a week, plus 20 at our church as the maintenance guy just so I can stay home with our baby due in May. He knows he’s going to kill himself working that much and he’s not thrilled about being put into a new environment (he’s very much a creature of habit) but he’s happy to do so for our family as we try to meet our savings goals and pay off debt. He has grown so much ever since I became pregnant and I am so proud of him. Today was his first day at his new job and I choked up a little as I pulled out behind him on my way to my own job with love and appreciation. (Stinkin’ pregnancy hormones! 😉 )
How wonderful to have a man who will sacrifice for you and for his kids! That’s amazing. When someone will go outside their comfort zone for your benefit–that feels so good.
I battle with a spirit of depression, anxiousness, and with myself who wants to be overly helpful to people, but God has given me his goodness in a husband that is a constant his shalom isn’t perfect all the time, but he’s definitely very level headed and looks at me as the apple of his eye and the sexiest woman ever. (Even on my worst days.) He’s a good teacher, and hard worker and still being the funny goofball at a moment’s notice to be right on the floor playing with our two young kids. He’s a good provider of wisdom, knowledge, and authentically lives by God first, wife, children and church. This is important because I tend to overly push myself to the point of unhealthy balances ( I’m stubborn like an ox, I need to count on God’s grace more.) He’s always wanting to learn about the world around us whether it’s politics, socially, to improve his mind and body of our family, entertainment, comics. He puts all his interests aside to make himself available to family and the people around him. He’s a kid at heart reminding me more of his dad Joe and sometimes will live vicariously through our kids which just adds so much fun and color to all of our lives. I have much to say yet it’s a miracle I have finished this post because I have little time to say words that are genuine in a post. I tend to stay quiet and listen and pray because the words just don’t come or I get discouraged from saying something. But I am thankful for all the wonderful grandpa’s, papa’ s, uncles, friends cousins and other husbands that have taken the time to speak into our lives and my husband’s life. On behalf of all these wonderful real men humbled and servants of the Most High God thank you! My Love, Ryan is my best friend and it’s because he called me his best friend first I can say it whole heartedly back. I love you and am thankful that God has given me someone i can call my better half 😉 Love you my sweetness.
I loved this post! It’s so good to appreciate our husbands for who they are, there’s no one-size-fits-all to what makes a man a man. My husband is gentle and extremely patient with our kids (and me too!), he is very mechanically inclined, he cooks and cleans better than me, and he doesn’t care for sports in the least. He has more of a passive approach to life, and can be extremely impulsive, which sometimes drives me crazy(haha!) But the most important thing that I love about him is that he loves God, and is such a great example of God’s love every day!