So my baby girl is married!
We had a wonderful Saturday, and I’m absolutely exhausted and spent and happy and I think I just need a good cry. But I haven’t had it yet. I keep trying to work myself up to it but haven’t quite succeeded. More on that in a bit.
I didn’t take a single picture myself on Saturday because I was just trying to enjoy the day. The photographer was amazing, but we only have a few photos so far. I don’t have any of me (but I looked awesome!), so I can’t show you those. But here is the happy couple:
And here is Katie’s side of the wedding party! Rebecca was Matron of Honour (in the sequined dress on the left of Katie):
I don’t have super high resolution of the wedding; someone took this snapshot during the vows. What was really funny is Rebecca in the background; she was bawling the whole time but she was holding Katie’s bouquet so she couldn’t get Kleenex to wipe her eyes. Jenn, standing on Rebecca’s left, was bawling too and wiping her eyes. I kept trying to catch Jenn’s attention to get her to take Becca’s bouquet so Becca could grab a Kleenex, but no avail. The other three bridesmaids held it together, but it was pretty funny.
We had a wonderful time decorating the church. Some friends of ours run Connon Nurseries in town (we’re in Belleville, Ontario) and they provided all the greenery. We were blown away by how beautiful it all was. And you should have seen the foyer!
I’ll have more pics eventually and I’ll put them up on Facebook (so follow me there!).
But I’ll just share a few random thoughts I’m having:
They wrote their own vows, but also said the traditional ones
That was so important to both of them (and I whole heartedly agree!) They each had personal things they had to promise–David to let Katie in emotionally and to support her, even with the stress of the military; Katie to support him in his job, and to always keep God at the centre of their relationship.
But then they said some beautiful traditional ones. I’ve been at weddings where the bride and groom only say ones they wrote, and one couple forgot “forsaking all others”. I know they meant it, but that’s kinda important. So I say–write all the special ones you want! But don’t forget the tried and true ones.
There is no way to have a stress-free wedding if you’re mother of the bride
There just isn’t. I had these fantasies that on Saturday I’d be able to just relax, even if it was hectic leading up, but there were all these little details I still had coming at me all day. At one point I wished we had hired a wedding coordinator (but honestly, it was already expensive enough and I just couldn’t justify spending more), but I don’t think it would have helped. Some of the stress wasn’t really anything a coordinator could deal with–family members who are causing tension; one table of 8 where 5 people just decide not to show up at the wedding, so there are 3 people sitting there awkwardly (the same thing happened at Becca’s wedding. People didn’t show, and they all happened to have been seated at the same table. If it had been spread out, it wouldn’t have been so bad).
And all the people who didn’t show at both weddings were friends of the couple in their twenties. I think young people don’t understand the importance of RSVPing and showing up if you say you will, or letting people know if you can’t? They probably don’t realize that you pay per person, and have to give final numbers ahead of time. And you do make seating charts. I almost wish at both weddings that we had invited more people of our own age and fewer of theirs, because it really seems like a lot of friends just didn’t come!
Anyway, I did have a wonderful day, but I think maybe as the parent of the child getting married it’s better in retrospect than it is at the time, because there is so much chaos and stress, even if you plan on having down times during the day (and we did) and even if you try to minimize it. It’s just too many moving parts and too many people that you feel responsible for.
But yesterday, when the kids came over to pick up some stuff before leaving on their honeymoon, David called me Mom. And I think that was my best moment.
I don’t know if I have a character defect or what but I always replay moments in my mind I wish I could change
I’ve always done this–when something bad happens, it comes back in flashes for the next few weeks or months or even years. But even if it’s not bad, even if it’s just something that was actually pretty good but now I think of how I could have done it better, then I’m always having these tiny, mini-regrets. Ways I could have done a speech differently. Ways I could have planned that better. People I should have grabbed a moment with.
I’m trying so hard to live in the moment these days, but it’s hard to appreciate the moments if afterwards you’re always second guessing yourself. It’s why I have a difficult time reading my own books–I’m always afraid I’ll find things I wish I had worded differently. I want to learn to be able to look back on memories and just enjoy them, rather than try to improve them.
I know what “falling asleep” means now, and I don’t like it
Okay, since Thursday night I’ve been having this experience I’ve never had before. Sometimes we all have difficulty falling asleep. I’ve had that throughout my life. But this is different. This is like my mind is refusing to let me fall asleep, so every time I do it jerks me awake.
You know how when you’re “drifting off” you start out by thinking about something logical and then it becomes a dream and then you’re gone? That’s normal.
What I’ve had is the consciousness of the exact moment. So you’re thinking of something concrete–say a conversation you’re having with two people. Suddenly someone turns into an elephant and you have a “falling” feeling and you jerk awake. That’s new to me, and I don’t know how to describe it except that as soon as my mind does that “dream” thing where logic stops, it honestly does feel like I’m falling and I’m awake instantly. It happens again and again, like even three or four times every ten minutes. Even if I do finally fall asleep I’ll wake up at 2 or 3 and not be able to get back to sleep.
I know I just have too much going on, but I really want to sleep again. And I don’t like that “falling” feeling when you’re going to sleep. Drifting off is good; I didn’t know that “falling” asleep actually does feel like falling. I think that’s what we must always do, only our minds allow us to fall and then sleep so we don’t consciously experience it. My mind is currently protesting, and it’s not fun. I hope this stress ends soon!
That’s why I think I need a good cry.
I’m really happy. I honestly am. I saw some friends and family I love but haven’t seen in a long time, and that was wonderful. I feel closer to some of my relatives, and even see that in the next few years our relationships are really going to grow. Rebecca had a great time, too. We’re all good. But I’m a little overwhelmed, and if I could just cry then maybe I could sleep too.
Katie did look beautiful, though, didn’t she? And she said her vows so clearly. And she’s very happy.