Can a massage really transform your sex life?
I’m going to be honest. Sometimes at the end of the day I’m NOT in the mood. I’ve got a ton on my mind. I’m often tense, because I’ve got lousy posture and I don’t work at a desk (it’s my own fault; I’ve tried to remedy it, but I can’t. Or won’t). I grind my teeth at night which gives me jaw pain and headaches and neckaches.
And often I haven’t taken time to BREATHE during the day. I work all day, and at night I’m working on knitting this gorgeous shawl for Katie’s wedding, and so when night comes around, I haven’t actually sat still and just focused on breathing or on relaxing. Even if I had a great day, it doesn’t mean that my brain isn’t going at a million miles a minute.
That’s where massage comes in, and that’s why I thought it would be great to talk about for Wifey Wednesday this week.
And it’s why I’m grateful for MELT Massage courses for sponsoring this post!
A lot of us women need a good 20-25 minutes before making love to turn off our brains and concentrate on the physical side of our being–to just FEEL. I’m so much in my head that sometimes it’s hard to get out and enjoy my actual body. Massage brings me back to that.
And there’s something else, too. I was just talking to a friend about the benefits of massage on your marriage, and she said this:
“You’re touching each other. One of you’s naked. It’s not rocket science.”
I think she has a point. 🙂Why massage helps your sex life: You're touching each other. One of you's naked. Proceed from there.Click To Tweet
Let’s face it: It’s a little bit easy to not be naked much together. Even when we’re making love, clothes may only come all the way off right before–you know. In fact, some clothes don’t even NEED to come off, and if we’re lazy (or cold), for many they don’t. So you don’t actually get that intimacy of touching each other’s skin.
While it’s easy to argue that women need that intimacy–since women need to feel loved in order to make love, and we need to feel cherished, and we need time to warm up–men need it, too. Of course I’ve written that men need to understand how much women need foreplay, but guys also need to feel close to their wives, and guys really do enjoy touching their wife’s body. Besides that, guys need to be touched, too! How many men have serious tension that just needs to be released?
Honestly, if I’m going to share just a little bit TMI on this blog (and I would never do THAT, right?), I’d have to say that massage gave the biggest boost to our sex life.
A few years ago I was in a slump where I just could not get in the mood. But I found that when Keith gave me a massage, it helped immensely because I had that time to both mentally process things and get rid of them, and to get my thoughts focused on physical sensation rather than my to do list. Even though it took a while, Keith was pretty hooked!
Shortly after that, we found the MELT Massage course when its creator, Denis Merkas, approached me to sponsor a post. We had already figured out how much massage helped me; we had just not figured out how to actually massage properly!
That’s where the MELT videos come in.
Each video is under 5 minutes, and focuses on learning one technique. About 6 videos form a series, and there are 3 series altogether: The Basic Strokes, the Highlights, and the Deep Tissue stuff.
Here’s how the videos work:
The Basic Strokes Series teaches you how to actually move your hands to achieve maximum impact–and maximum ooohs and aaaahs. You watch 7 short videos and learn a new technique with each one, and then at the end there’s a 15 minute video that features a routine using all your new techniques.
The Highlights Series is my favourite one. It features special massage techniques for special places–the neck, the arms, the forehead, the rotator cuff. We were actually pretty good at the Deep Tissue massage, but I found some places I didn’t even know I hurt that probably have never been relaxed my whole life. Again, after you watch the nine short videos in this series, there’s a 15 minute massage routine you can do that incorporates all the things you’ve learned.
The Deep Tissue Series focuses on how to use your thumbs to really work out knots. It’s so helpful–and at the end is a 30 minute routine that you can use on each other.
The routines at the end of each series incorporate everything you’ve already learned, and so it all builds. Each night you can feel like you’ve learned something new, but at the end of the series you’ll feel as if you’ve really mastered something.
And it doesn’t have to take a ton of time. You just watch one of the short ones a night and then practice on each other. Because you’re watching the technique, it’s easy to say, “I’ll go first, then you try it.” Or, to make it more enticing for him, let him massage you first. That way you can’t fall asleep because you have to massage him afterwards–so he won’t worry that if he massages you the night will be over because you’ll be in dreamland.
When we watched the videos, I learned that I had been massaging all wrong! Pre-MELT, we had focused almost entirely on the Deep Tissue stuff–find the point that hurts and just keep applying pressure. But that’s actually the wrong way to relax a muscle. You need to start with LO-O-O-NG strokes (Denis calls them “Long Sexy Strokes”!), warm the muscle up, and help it elongate. It actually feels wonderful!
Massage also gives abuse survivors a safe way to touch.
I was communicating with Emma, Denis’ wife who also works on the series, and she said that one of the things that surprised her after they released the videos was how many women were writing in saying, “this has really helped me break down some of the walls I put up from my abuse.” So many of us don’t like to be touched, or flinch when we’re touched, because of things that are done to us. But this delivers a 3-punch: First, it’s a safe touch, because it’s just massage. Second: It feels really good, which gives positive reinforcement. And third, it’s relaxing. So you’re actually able to relax when being touched, which to many is a huge victory!
But there’s even a fourth reason: you get to do the touching yourself. It’s a safe way to touch your husband for a prolonged period of time, and just enjoy his body, without feeling like it’s necessarily sexual (though it’s likely getting there!). Again, it’s a way to break down barriers.
Right now Dennis, who created the massage videos, has a really cool special on.
He’s created his own unique massage oil, which he’s selling at 50% off. And here’s the deal: When you buy the massage oil (which really won’t be expensive, likely under $10), you’re eligible to buy the massage videos for 40% off! But there are only 700 bottles of massage oil available–and so only 700 discounts (and it’s only in the U.S. I’m afraid!).
And if you’re not in the US, you can still get the videos right here–for 20% off until Christmas!
Just touch each other. Bless each other. Spend time naked together. It really does matter! And it can be very sensuous. Draw things out a bit. Even let your hands wander! But don’t forget the beauty of just touching each other. Sometimes we rush sex so much that we don’t enjoy the rest of our spouse’s body, and that’s a shame. When you touch everything, and when you spend time even on the back or the legs or the arms–well, it’s like all your nerves are firing. And it’s so much more intense.
So add some massage into your sex life. You’ll thank me, believe me!