It’s Fight the Frump week here at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and today we’re going to talk about how to find items of clothing that fit and flatter you.
We’ve talked about hair and makeup so far, because your face is where people look first. You want it to be framed well and to look great! But now let’s move on to clothing, which is often a source of great stress for women.
But first, let me tell you a story.
About a decade ago I was on a speaking tour, and when I go out of town to speak, churches often put me up at hotels. The cool thing about that is that I could watch TV, since we’ve never had cable at home. So I decided I’d try CSI, since my nephew was always watching it and I wanted to see what he was seeing.
That episode had to do with a woman, travelling alone in a hotel, who found a body under her bed.
I got Keith on the phone while I checked for corpses under my bed, and changed the channel.
And then I found What Not To Wear.
That show changed my life. It was amazing! And it was inspiring. They took women who felt dowdy and badly about themselves and showed them that they really were beautiful, because they showed them how to dress to match their personality and give them confidence.
And those women quite frequently were not the “ideal” shape. There were bigger women. Busty women. Pear shaped women. Twiggy women. But they all felt great in the end.
You see, it’s not about needing the perfect body. It’s about learning how to dress the one you have.
That’s what I want to tackle today: principles for choosing clothes that will flatter you, and make you feel good about yourself!
But first, a caveat. One reason women get upset about shopping is because they try things on and nothing looks good. But that’s okay! As we’re going to talk about tomorrow, you can have a totally versatile, functional, and beautiful wardrobe with only 25-40 pieces. You don’t need a ton of things! So if you try on 20 and only 1 works, that’s okay. Don’t give up! It’s better to have fewer pieces that are well-made and look great on you than a ton of pieces off the clearance rack that you buy because you just have to come home with something (and it’s cheaper, too, to buy fewer but more expensive pieces than tons of low-quality pieces).
So don’t get discouraged! If you need a pair of pants, you may need to try on 20 pairs. But then you’ll have your pants. And hopefully they will do you for a few years!
And you can still dress well and be comfortable. I’m going to illustrate my principles with clothes from some online retailers, just so you can see pictures of what I’m talking about (these are affiliate links). You can buy clothes that are comfortable and can still be casual, while also looking like you’re put together.
Casual and comfortable are great. Sloppy, as if you don’t care, is not. Oversized graphic Ts and jeans that don’t fit or yoga pants with holes in them are frumpy. So it’s not that you can’t be casual; it’s just that we should take pride in what we look like, and do casual well. So let’s look at how that works!
General Principle 1: Clothes Can Create a Shape
Ideally most women yearn for an hourglass shape. If you’re one of the few who already basically has one, then pretty much any clothes will look great on you. Most of us, though, aren’t perfect hour glasses. So what we want to do is use clothing to create a shape by emphasizing certain things and drawing the eye to certain places.
One reason people tend to wear very baggy clothes is because they feel big, and they don’t want anyone to see their shape. But appearing shapeless actually makes you look bigger than if you emphasize a shape. And you’ll tend to feel more feminine if you emphasize a shape than if you try to cover up your body–even if you don’t like your body!
General Principle 2: If You Want Something to Look Bigger, then Use Pattern and Texture and Fabric
I don’t have much of a bust. So if I’m going to look hourglass, I want to do things to create shape on the top part of my body. Maybe you DO have a bust, but your bottom half is still way bigger You can do that with things like ruffles to add detail, or some extra fabric to add curves, like this:
Solid V-Neck T shirt from Fashionmia
Here’s me in a ruffled top that I wear a lot when I speak! It just adds more oomph where I don’t have it. 🙂
And layers work well, too!
Fashionmia Round Neck Zips Top
If you need more width on top, you can even get away with horizontal stripes, like this cute top!
What about if you’re super busty, but you’re actually quite thin on the bottom? How do you make your bottom half look fuller? Wear flowing skirts! Choose boot cut jeans rather than skinny jeans. And try dresses that are more form fitting on top and fuller in the bottom!
(all Karina dresses are basically the same cost, but you can see them on real people and they look awesome!)
General Principle 3: If you Want Something to Look Smaller, Make it Plainer and More Form Fitting
Wait–“why would I want form fitting around my hips if my hips are huge?”, you may say! But trust me. Wearing a pencil skirt or fitted jeans, when paired with the kind of tops we’ve talked about, makes you look much smaller than if you cover your hips in a huge skirt or in baggy pants.
It’s absolutely true! Go shopping with a friend who is fashionable and let her pick the clothes for you to try on. You may be surprised!
Here’s a ruched skirt from Kiyonna Clothing, which focuses on Plus-Sized clothes, just to show you what I mean.
I would prefer the top was more flowy, but if you click through the link, you’ll see multiple pictures of real customers wearing it with tops that are more flowy, and it looks great!
One of the issues bustier women have, too, is that they don’t want to draw attention to their chest, so they wear square shaped baggy tops. It’s understandable. Especially if you’re sensitive about people staring at you there, it can be intimidating to try something more form fitting. But those sorts of tops really do make you look smaller than wearing a huge piece of fabric on your upper half. If you’re really busty, look below at some of the high waisted options.
General Principle 4: Everybody needs a waist.
Yes, those with perfect figures can get away with no waist, but most of us need our waists defined. It gives you more shape if you’re straight up and down, but it also makes you look smaller if you’re not! So try to choose basic t-shirts that are fitted, like this:
Fashionmia Fitted Long Sleeve Turtleneck
But your waist doesn’t have to be at your waist. You want to emphasize the smallest part, and for many women, that’s right below the bust. So a blouse that comes in below the bust, and then flows out from there can make your waist look a lot smaller. And it can hide your tummy!
Or you can do the same in dresses, too!
Nora Dress from Karina Dresses
Those are your basic principles for dressing your body type.
And the neat thing is that those items of clothing are actually quite comfortable (except for perhaps the super dressy ones). You don’t need to wear just yoga pants and t-shirts to be comfortable! It’s winter! Fleece-lined leggings with a tunic or skinny jeans with a tunic are super comfortable. You can get all kinds of things in t-shirt fabric or sweatshirt fabric, but they look great!
You can be comfortable and stylish. You don’t have to feel like nothing fits you. You don’t have to feel like nothing looks good on you. You just have to look for clothes in the right shape and style!
Tomorrow I want to talk about the concept of creating outfits ahead of time using a capsule wardrobe, so that you don’t need a ton of pieces to look put together. It doesn’t have to cost a ton of money or time to put a great wardrobe together. And you can plan your purchases deliberately, thinking, “I need one colour blazer and one neutral pair of pants.” But I hope that helps!
Want to Join Me in Fighting the Frump? Let’s do this, ladies! Let’s fight the frump together!
Fight the Frump: Finding an Easy Hairstyle
I’m struggling with dressing well when everything I wear needs to be nursing friendly 🙁 I have a small chest and a small figure in general (I’m 5′ and 105lbs) and am not really comfortable in v necks, so before I was pregnant would layer under them, but that doesn’t work for breastfeeding. Any suggestions?
I had like 3 specific breastfeeding tops when I was nursing! I kind of just rotated them through. But they were quite stylish and nice. They were a little pricey, but like I said, I just had 3 and I wore them constantly! I think I had a t-shirt and two long sleeve shirts, but they had those slits in them that worked great for modesty!
Some shirts work better for breastfeeding if you do layer. When you feed the baby, pull up the outer shirt and the cami will keep your belly covered. Then you can pull down the top of the cami to nurse. This is my favorite way to nurse.
Exactly! Stretchy tank top under any shirt works great… Pull up the shirt, pull down the tank and the only thing visible is your nipple for the second it takes for the baby to latch on.
H&M has some affordable nursing tanks that have a snap like nursing bras so that makes the layering even easier.
Same here with the tank tops! Just pull up the top shirt and pull down the tank. I don’t buy nursing clothes other than a nursing bra for the early weeks, but even once my milk regulates I prefer a normal more supportive bra. It’s actually not that hard to just pull the breast out of a normal bra cup.
Target used to have the best tanks but I see they changed them this year and I’m devastated. They were stretchy enough to pull down to nurse and I could even wear them while pregnant yet they always kept their shape. I’m stocking up on some new ones from Kohl’s this week (Black Friday sales start on Monday!) and hoping they compare.
Fellow Kohl’s shoppers, check out Wallflower jeans. Yes, they’re juniors, but they are stretchy, high enough to keep you covered when you bend, and super cute.
Hi Toria, I’m at home with my 3 month old right now and have been trying to work out the same problems! There are ways to layer under V necks for nursing! you could buy a nursing cami, or make one : https://blogs.babycenter.com/tips_and_tricks/diy-the-easiest-nursing-tank-conversion/ . It will flip down with your nursing bra in one easy step!
You can also use bandeaus or your belly band from pregnancy and just pull it down: http://www.thebay.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/en/thebay/seamless-bandeau-top-0009-786-1–24?site_refer=CSE_GGLPLA&gclid=EAIaIQobChMI9c-b9srD1wIV0LfACh3FuQi-EAQYAiABEgKrD_D_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds
Other shirt styles like stretchy cowl necks, button ups, henleys and half- zips work. And you can always use a regular shirt with a nursing cami underneath! For coverage, shawls/ponchos or big puffy infinity scarves help if you don’t have a cover. Using regular clothing means you don’t feel the need to replace it all again when you’re done nursing! 🙂
I bought one of those elastic belly bands to hold my pants up while I was pregnant, but now it has new life as an undershirt so I can lift my shirt to nurse. It doesn’t cover my nursing bra, I’m not ruining the neck of a tank top by pulling it down, it keeps my belly covered, and it even acts as an extension for shirts that are a little shorter than I want them to be.
Hi! I’m nursing too and really like the Medela nursing tanks from target (they have fitted removable cups which I keep in so I don’t have to wear a bra too—otherwise it’s a million layers) and tops from Latched Momma (they have a panel covering an opening for easy access breastfeeding)…with the nursing tank, it’s super easy to nurse and everything is pretty much covered up! Tunic tops (with the nursing cami underneath) or even strapless dresses or shirts with a nursing bra underneath and a button up cardigan on top have also worked well for me for church. 🙂
Also actually wearing the right size and getting pants tailored makes a huge difference. (many chain stores have a free or affordable tailor service -just ask)
You mention dressing in baggy clothes, but there is the other side of the coin… Squeezing into too small a size because in your mind you want to fit a certain number and but then you create muffin tops or sausage rolls that wouldn’t be there if you just would wear the right size. It just draws attention to all the wrong places if you squeeze in…
I am currently trying to figure out my capsule wardrobe… Too many changes in size and shape in the last 8 years with 4 preganancies. I feel like I have nothing to wear that fits just right… Most things are worn out too last few days I checked out some online stores to get some inspiration.
Oh, yes, the muffin top! No one wants that! 🙂 That’s why I love those tops that flow out at the waist (or just below the bust). They can be very flattering without drawing attention to the tummy.
And I totally agree about pants. I just think we need to not see it as a failure if we don’t fit into things right off the rack. Everybody is shaped differently, and few people honestly are “average”. So it should be okay!
I hear you about the capsule wardrobe. I’ll be writing about that tomorrow!
You do feature some very nice outfits and I am sure this is really helpful to a lot of people. Sadly none of the women featured comes even close to representing my “shape”.
However, this comment and another one below really nailed it as to why I have taken to wearing loose fitting, boxy tops even though I have long known of the principle of wearing tighter-fitting items to minimize looking big. I used to wear a lot of tighter knit tops (and I don’t actually like a lot of knit material because I overheat easily and I find it much cooler to wear linen or light-weight cotton) . However, as my stomach kept getting bigger and bigger I felt more and more uncomfortable with the way they emphasized the rolls there. To me that looked a lot frumpier than just a big, straight-cut linen tunic-style blouse wide enough to go around my chest and which then hung straight down, not necessarily emphasizing my stomach as much. So I’m not sure if the more-fitted principle *always* applies. (Though I do actually prefer the look of more fitted clothes.)
And the other option — with a high waist right under the bustline? Yeah, as another person commented, that can look just too much like a maternity top. I had one or two tops like that over time (never particularly liked them but when you have to do a year’s worth of clothes shopping in a day or two and aren’t a fan of shopping to start with, sometimes you grab it if it fits and isn’t terrible). And yes, I *always* felt like I looked like I was pregnant in those tops. And since I wasn’t, I felt extra frumpy.
But despite my grumbling this week, I have appreciated this series! I hope someday when my circumstances are different and I live where I can shop as much as I need and try on those twenty pairs of trousers until I find one that fits well, I will be able to apply some ideas from here! And I am very sure you have benefited a lot of people.
A funny story…..I like wearing shirts that have a loosely fitted bust, high waistline and then flows in ripples. I was wearing one while visiting the Creation Museum in Cinncinnati, Ohio and was last one in a long line at the ladies restroom. I don’t remember at all if I was sorta swaying back and forth on my feet or what, since I did need to use it pretty badly, but an older gentleman walked up to me and quietly said “Dont you wish they had a restroom for pregnant mommas? That would be nice of them, wouldn’t it?” Uhhhhhh…..what do you say to that???? Especially to an older man that I didn’t know!!! I just smiled and said “Sure!” 🙂 So now? Now, I struggle to wear high waisted shirts that are ruffled or has lots of gathers! And I’ve done what you mentioned not to do, I wear boxy, one-shape, no waist shirts. :-/ Need to get better about what I buy! 😉
Oh, Amy, that is so sad and funny at the same time!
Yes, it was funny! Some friends asked why I didn’t correct him, but why ruin his day?! Lol he’d feel awful and be so embarrassed, this way he had no clue. 😉
I have had the exact same thing happen to me! People will just say whatever pops into their mind sometimes.
I find that wearing the right sized bra makes such a huge difference in how clothes fit, and maintaining modesty! It’s well worth it to go out to a good store and get properly sized, or better yet, do it yourself. Some stores recommend adding four inches to the band size. This only helps, however, if you are overweight. Then go out and get some bras in that size, even if it means spending more than you would at Wal-mart. If you go to a specialty store with high quality bras and take care of them well (hand wash or gentle cycle in a delicates bag, cold, always dry flat, NEVER dryer, and wear only once before washing), they will last you a very long time. I hate spending money on myself, especially clothing, but modesty matters a lot to me and I’ve found that there is no way around having a lumpy bra/boob spillage that shows though my clothing unless I wear the right size. Your husband might just notice too 😉
AMEN! Totally agree about the right bra. I only ever handwash mine and never put them in the dryer, and they will last several years then. I only have a few but they’re really high quality and I pay money for them, but I also treat them really well.
My daughters have a small bandwidth, and it really is hard that bras start at 34 instead of 30 (many teen girls, especially Asian girls, need 28-32 band sizes, but few stores carry them). Instead of a 34A they really should be in a 30C. You can get them online though!
And all of the stores that start at 34 tell you how important the right size is, measure you at 28 or 30, and just say, “oh well, go up a couple of band sizes and down a couple of cup sizes, it should be fine.” Tell that to my drooping chest!
I’m a 30 band width too, but now that I’m nursing I’m far past a C. It’s hard enough to find my size in regular bras, and I’m currently looking desperately for something with enough support that I can nurse in. The nursing bralettes that I have don’t come close (small band with big bust does not work for strechier bra styles!), but they’re all I can find right now that will stay on ish. Wish me luck!
Have you tried Bravado! Designs Women’s Body Silk Seamless Nursing Bra? I use these bras during pregnancy and nursing and loved them!! I’m normally a 32 band and an A or B, but I felt I had enough support even when I was probably a D.
I second that recommendation! I bought on of these bras a few months ago and it’s a great everyday bra. I’m a 34B though and I bought a small so I don’t know, the band might be a little loose on a 30. I do clasp it at its widest setting though.
I haven’t heard of them! Thanks for the suggestion! I’ll go find some ASAP 🙂
Yes! Exactly! Why don’t they make smaller band sizes? Especially for all the Asian girls (not to pick on Asian girls, but they do tend towards slimmer frames, and I don’t see how many of those 14 or 15-year-old girls fit in a 34 or 36 band size). I fit a 34 band size, but I am definitely NOT the smallest woman out there. I know so many women who are far smaller than me, and stores don’t give them bras that fit. Why? I truly don’t get it.
Exactly! I’m 24 and I have never worn a ‘real’ bra in my life. I wear bralettes (my favs are the size small from Target) with the removable pads for washing. It’s enough padding to cover my nipples and make me modest. I’ve tried a few actual bras but even an A cup is only half full. The bralettes don’t push anything up, but I don’t really need the support right now because my boobs can’t sag, they sit in their little place and stay put! Maybe by the time I finally get to carry a baby full term I’ll actually fit in a bra!
This is so important! And when you are busty, wearing the right size and having proper support makes you look so much thinner. A great online option is lindasonline.com – they have every size you can think of! It is really, really important to get measured correctly at a real lingerie store (that carries everything, including 28 band sizes and cup sizes to the middle of the alphabet) – once you have been, and have tried wearing the proper size, you’ll never go back :).
I know! It really is amazing.
My absolute favorite bras are a Bali brand minimizer. Great support and shape! Kohl’s has bras on sale for $15 bucks starting a Monday. I’m stocking up!
Thanks to a commenter on Monday, I am working on the Dress Your Truth video series and that helps a lot too! It is less about dressing your figure and now about dressing your personality but it’s already helping me feel a lot more confident in what I choose to wear. Highly recommended 🙂
My issues with finding clothes that fit right – I have pretty broad shoulders, a smaller to average chest and waist, and a long torso. So hard to find tops that fit well, and flowy is not my style (I’m very type 4 in Dress Your Truth). I do have some clothes that I like and look good on me but boy do I hate shopping 😛
Also the nursing bras and tops. The struggle is real.
Hey, me, too! And I am also a type 4. 😄 In high school Home Ec class, we learned about the seasons of colors, so I have tried to keep myself in the “right” colors for myself since then, but that was almost 30 years and a whole continent away from where I am now. I want to find myself again. The Dress Your Truth course has been so much fun for me to learn. Today I am wearing a blouse in a lime green that I did not think I could do, but I paired it with black pants and a black blazer type coat over top and actually like it! Best of luck to you.
Oh, I hear you! I’m glad you’re liking Dress Your Truth. It’s great, isn’t it?
Sheila, I’ve started on the Dress Your Truth course due to the comments on these blog posts. To be totally honest, I’m really not sure about it. Here’s this woman going on about air energy types, yin and yang energy… I’m sorry but isn’t that all a little new age-y, with influences of Eastern religions? Is this course really appropriate for Christians?
I’m sorry to be the one to pooh-pooh something that people are obviously enjoying, but doesn’t this raise concerns for anyone else? I don’t think I’ll be continuing the course.
Your body type sounds just like mine. I wear tons of tank tops (with a sweater in the winter)!
Nursing access. Plus I’ve been working on losing the weight from the baby for the last 6ish months. It’s slow, but that also means that the pants I had to buy 4-6 weeks ago because I had virtually no pants/jeans that fit for the winter are already starting to sag at the waistband!
Right now I’m struggling with #4. I’ve gained quite a bit of weight over the past couple of years, a lot of it in my hips. It’s hard to show off my small waist without also showcasing my hips! Ugh! I know some of the tricks, like wearing a wider belt, and wearing it higher, and I can be pretty successful in the summer. But now it’s cold (I’m in the Northwest, so I’ll be wearing sweaters until May probably), and the look is harder to pull off with warmer clothes.
One thing that has been so good for me is a clothing swap. Some friends invited me to it years ago and it has been a life changer for me! It actually helped me fight the frump in a season when we had absolutely no disposable income. The idea is to get a large group of friends (and friends of friends) together to swap clothes. Someone will host an evening at their house (husbands and kids out of the house) where we bring our clothes that we are ready to donate. We will group like items together and then “shop.” We usually do a round or two through drawing numbers and choosing one item. Then it’s a free for all. There is a lot of trying on and plenty of advice and encouragement on what looks good on you. I usually end up with several fun new pieces. I also find that I hold onto clothes more loosely, knowing I will get some great things in return. So that dress I’ve saved that ” isn’t my favorite but I might need” goes into the bag for the next swap! We bring snacks and wine and have a great girls night catching up. The hostess will take the leftover clothes to a great local charity.
Hello Sheila, Nice and delicate informal look. Your dress up is beautiful, and I love the color game. Your shoes are cute and I love your hairstyle too. You have shared such an awesome post for finding clothes that fit and flatter. Thanks and keep sharing.
You’re right we don’t need the perfect body to wear something. We just need to learn how to wear clothes and how to make it more elegant. Thanks for such tips it’s really helpful for me and everyone.
Sheila! This is exactly where I am trying to take my IG account. After years of friends sending me pics from their bath room or store dressing rooms, I realize some people just need a vote of confidence OR a new set of eyes! Ultimately, I would love for women to snap me pictures from the dressing room and I will give them FREE advice. I agree with most of what you said. However, clothes are typically designed for “fit” models (5’9” size 4). Some brands are getting way better but we have a ways to go. They have very little hips and bottoms. I also am trying to help women our age tackle trends as well as sometimes challenge them to try things out of their comfort zone especially because they tend to dress for comfort. I’m just getting started but I love helping women see how clothing fits their body! IG @ sloaneponder. I have some great post coming up!