Why get married? Are there good reasons for marriage? Or is marriage just an outdated institution?
Yesterday we were talking about some of the troubles people can get in when they first marry because we marry thinking that marriage will meet all our needs, and we have some really unrealistic expectations.
But I don’t want to give people the impression that marriage doesn’t matter or that marriage is awful. On the contrary–there are very good reasons to get married, and I think marriage is wonderful (when we do it right!)
It reminded me of a post that I ran a little while ago, which I’m going to edit and update today and run again for top 10 Tuesdays, because I think it’s important.
So let’s answer the question “why marry”?
I received this question from a young reader:
You’ve probably read that millennials really don’t feel the need to marry. I know this is a pro-marriage blog, but what would you say to those who just think marriage is outdated, pointless, and really only about God “approving” a sex life? With all the definitions of marriage changing (like gay marriage, etc), why get married? As you well know through your blog readers, most marriages are unhappy (and saturated with adultery, porn, sexless, abusive) because everyone goes into them believing you can be in love with and sexually attracted to the same person your whole life. I just don’t know that it’s realistic no matter how much everyone wants it to be. So should we as Christians be striving to be more like Jesus and Paul instead of wasting time worried about sex drives and kids and not dying alone?
That sounds like my kind of challenge: showing people that marriage IS worth it!
She’s saying that since marriage is so awful, wouldn’t it be better for Christians to focus just on ministry rather than marriage and motherhood?
If God calls you to that–sure! But I don’t think God calls most people to be single.
So here we go: my Top 10 reasons to get married.
Please share yours in the comments, too!
1. Why marry? Most marriages are happy
Despite what our reader may see around her, despite what our news media says, despite the startling number of celebrity divorces–most marriages are quietly happy. In fact, here’s what Shaunti Feldhahn found when she did her research for her book, The Good News About Marriage:
When Shaunti asks people, “What percentage of couples do you think are happy in their marriage today? Not perfect, but not just so-so roommates either?”, she has never had anyone answer higher than 50%.
And younger people tend to answer lower.
The answer is 80%.
That’s right–80% of couples rate their marriages as happy. Surveys consistently find that between 92 and 95% of currently married people would marry the same person again.
And the divorce rate? It’s nowhere near 50%. It never has been. The divorce rate for first marriages is around 28%, and for Christians it’s between 25 and 50% lower than that. So for Christians, the real divorce rate is around 15-20%.
The idea that marriages are miserable and failing is a cultural myth. It is simply not true.
And not only are most people happy; most people, when asked “what is your greatest source of happiness?”, answer “my marriage.”
So if most people are happy, and most people would rank their marriage as their greatest source of happiness, why would you risk missing out on that because you believe a lie that our culture tells us that marriage is miserable?
2. Why get married? Commitment makes relationships happier
And why are marriages so happy? There’s something about commitment that changes everything.
You can love someone and not be married. But when the relationship is ONLY based on feelings, then it’s almost as if the relationship is always under scrutiny. “Is he making me happy? Is she meeting my needs?” When feelings change, the relationship is no longer worth it anymore. This makes it much harder to bring up genuine issues, because then the whole relationship is at stake.
But when there’s commitment, it’s easier to work on problems. You know the other person isn’t going anywhere. And that’s why marriages tend to grow and remain much more stable than any other kind of relationship.
3. We grow when we’re married
Just because something takes work and there are ups and downs and there are times when we are angry and times when we are lonely does not mean that marriage is bad. In fact, I think marriage is far more powerful because it takes work.
When I married I couldn’t hide my selfishness anymore. I couldn’t hide my pride. Someone else knew everything about me–and quite frequently it was my selfishness and pride that was the roadblock to real marital bliss.
So why did God make marriage? Maybe it was to make us more like Him!
4. We were born to want to be with someone else
When God created us, He created us for community. He said, “It is not good for man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18).
I just finished reading Debra Fileta’s True Love Dates, which is a great book. At one point she’s discussing the guilt that we often put on single people, telling them, “You need to let God meet all your needs.” Sort of the “let Jesus be your boyfriend” mentality. Here’s what Deb says:
Some people are called to be single; absolutely. 1 Corinthians 7 clearly says that if we are content to be single, we should be–in order to dedicate our lives to serving God wholeheartedly. But most people are not called to be single. And we were created with this intimate longing to be with other people. That longing is not bad. And marriage is the vehicle that God made to fill that longing.
5. You have someone who KNOWS every story
It is such a blessing to walk through life with someone who knows everything about you. Sure, it makes you more vulnerable. But it also means that you have inside jokes. You have someone who understands your pain. You have someone who simply notices you.
I think this is one of the most powerful statements on marriage in any movie, from Shall We Dance (the really good stuff starts at 34 seconds):
6. Great sex in marriage is God’s design
Certainly some people can turn off their sex drives, sublimate their sexual energy into service for God’s kingdom, and live a fulfilling single life.
But God did give us sex drives.
And His design is for great sex in marriage. In fact, that’s how great sex works! Sex is supposed to be intimate physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And here’s the neat thing: the more spiritually and emotionally close we feel, the more the physical kicks in and the more sex feels great.
That doesn’t mean it starts out great. In the research I did for The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, only 20% of women had “good” wedding nights. But by years 16-20 in marriage, things are really rocking for most of us!
So why marry? Well, married, Christian women have better sex than single women–or even married women who aren’t believers.
We may not start out great, but as we get to know each other better and become more vulnerable with each other, sex gets much better.
So don’t believe the lie that we can be sexually incompatible. Great sex just takes work–and that’s part of how marriage makes us more Christlike, too!
Are you ready for the honeymoon you always dreamed of?
The Honeymoon Course is here to help you plan the perfect honeymoon and start your marriage (and your sex life!) off with laughter, joy and fun!
Don’t make the same mistakes other couples have–get it right from the beginning!
7. Marriage opens up doors for ministry
Of course when we’re single we can do things for God that would be much harder when we’re married–and perhaps almost impossible if we’re parents. A close friend of mine was involved with rescuing child soldiers in an African country I won’t name. He couldn’t have done this had he not been single.
But that doesn’t mean that only single people can do ministry! The apostle Peter, after all, was married (and his wife was crucified with him). Priscilla and Aquila are an example of a couple who evangelized together.
Marriage opens up doors for ministry because sometimes you need to be a team.
My husband and I have been on missions trips to Africa together. We’ve led a youth group. We’ve led a ministry at church. We’ve taught Sunday school. We’ve spoken at marriage conferences. We’ve spoken at parenting conferences. We’ve done a ton together.
But we’ve also done a ton separately. And now he’s the one driving our RV while I speak around North America, because there is no way that I would drive that thing!
We’re all called to ministry, whether we’re single or married. Sometimes people read 1 Corinthians 7 and think that it means that only single people dedicate their lives to God. Not true! Married people can serve as well, and often in places where a team really is necessary.
8. You have someone to share the load
Parents get older and need care. The furnace breaks down and somebody has to be there to let the repair guy in. You slip on ice and break your foot and you can’t make meals or do laundry for six weeks.
Life is easier with another person alongside you.
When you’re in your twenties you don’t realize this as much. But as you get older and health problems come, and you own a home, and your parents start to get older–you realize how much being part of a team is easier than trying to do it all yourself.
9. Having children is the greatest blessing of most people’s lives
Do some kids rebel and make your life miserable? Sure. But most kids don’t rebel.
Just like we believe the lie that all marriages are miserable, we often believe the lie, too, that parenthood makes you chronically tired, miserable, and heartbroken. Oh, and broke.
Sure there are busy seasons. Sure it’s expensive. Sure it takes a ton of your time. But if you ask parents what their greatest source of joy is, they’ll tell you it’s their family. Even though it makes them tired, costs them a fortune, and makes them worry.
So there must be something there other than just the work. And there is! It’s the simple joy of being a mother.
Me with my girls 19 years ago!
Don’t discount parenthood because people around you seem to be frazzled. If they would do it again–if they keep having kids–there must be something profound that is worth all that work. And there is!
10. Finally, why get married? Because Marriage Is a Miracle
Let’s explore this letter writer’s assumptions just a bit more. She believes that the reasons to marry aren’t valid because marriage makes you miserable. That addictions and adultery are inevitable. That life with one person is impossible.
But if that were true, then we would expect married people to show detrimental signs, and single people to be better off.
The opposite is true. Married people do better on every scale.
In the book The Case for Marriage, Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher lay out all the research on marriage, and show that it has tremendous benefits.
For men, getting married has the equivalent health bonus of quitting smoking. It adds years to your life.
Getting married also drastically reduces mental health problems. You’re healthier. You report higher rates of happiness and lower rates of depression. Your kids do better on every scale. You live longer. You make more money. You have a lower chance of heart attacks and strokes.
In short, marriage is a miracle.
So why get married? Because it’s one of the greatest gifts that God ever gave us.
That doesn’t mean it doesn’t take work. It doesn’t mean you don’t have to be careful who you marry. It doesn’t mean that every marriage will be wonderful.
But it does mean that marriage, as an institution, is worth it. Marriage can be great!
Just because our society has muddied the waters when it comes to marriage does not mean that we should throw it out. On the contrary! Why would we miss out on one of God’s greatest blessings just because our culture has made it seem ugly?
I have not always been happy in my marriage. The first few years were tough. The last few years have been a hard slog. But I can tell you that my life is richer because I am married. I am a less selfish person because I am married. I have a bigger ministry because I am married. I have so much joy because I am married–and because I am a mom. And yes, I’m even sexually satisfied because I am married! So don’t believe everything out culture tells us. Believe what you know is true.
God made something beautiful for us. Let’s never dismiss it.
Like this post so far? You should also check out:
What do you think? What are some of the reasons to get married that you think are key? Let me know in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
This article was truly beautiful and a lot of your points made me think of Tim Keller’s sermons and book on marriage. I love seeing the REAL statistics on how many are happily married and the divorce rates.
And you’re absolutely right that marriage is hard work. Sometimes very hard work. But getting closer to God and your spouse in the process is a priceless gift!
Also, thank you for stressing the joy of motherhood/parenthood! I find such overwhelming joy in my 2 little ones and as a stay at home mother their company throughout the day is a true gift from God. I think an awful lot of people take their children for granted these days and are way to focused on “getting a break”. And I think WAY too many people have the mindset that in order to have a strong marriage, you have to unload your children onto somebody else on a regular basis in order to focus on your marriage. The presence of children does not weaken your ability to have a strong marriage, it strengthens it. They are only with you such a short time too before they are off on their own. Why are people so eager and willing to give up the time they do have with them?!
This article was wonderful! As a single 29 year old women I long to be married and many married people I meet tell me to stay single, to not rush in to finding a mate because marriage is so difficult and there are so many problems. I am so tired of hearing that. I am constantly telling married people who tell me this that yes it’s hard but you get to work out those hard problems with someone. You get a wake up next to someone every morning, you have someone to call when your car breaks down or when any problem arises. When you’re single you don’t really have anyone to call you have to take care of it and it can be very tiring. All your problems are your own and when you’re married you share those problems. Singleness those who are not called singleness is very tiring. when people tell me to live up the single life because marriage is so hard don’t understand that single life is very difficult too.
I want to ask the lady who asked the original question, “Where would you be if your parents hadn’t gotten married?” Although procreation isn’t the only good thing to come from marriage, it certainly is a good thing! Obviously not everyone is married who has kids, but married people are far more likely to have kids than non-married people!
I think we inherently know (scratch that, I KNOW we know, because God created us this way) that children conceived and brought up in a loving home with two married parents tend to thrive more than just survive.
We have been married just over a year, and I love being married. Yes, it’s work. Any relationship is, and I know this because I spent 10 years of my adult life working on building friendships with ladies who I now know will be there through thick and thin (I married, at age 33, the only man I really dated). And let me tell you, I worked hard at those friendships, they hurt sometimes, and the work exhausted me at times, but the reward is 10 times greater than I could have imagined. My marriage is the same way. We work at not only being friends but being lovers and loving God, and I can only imagine that the reward will increase exponentially.
I hear that statistic about 80% of marriages are happy. I’ve also read it as in couples that were unhappy, 5 years later 80% were happy. I held on to that five years so tightly thinking if I could just work on things and hold on in 5 years it would be better. We are at 6 years of being miserable now (out of 12.5 years of marriage) so I guess we fall into the 20%.
I’m with you, Erin. So far, my wife only believes in #8 (share the load) and #9 (children) so far.
Great article in many ways but I have to ask a clarifying question on the part about marriage making someone healthier and more successful. I’m sure it does in many ways but does the research show that people get happier after they marry or that happier people marry? Did they survey single people and married people and compare the results or did they survey single individuals and then survey the same individuals after they marry? As someone who struggles with mental health issues I sometimes wonder if I will ever marry. These struggles seem to be a big reason it’s difficult to form relationships. The same might also be true of the money and physical health factors. Do people make more money and become healthier after they marry, or does financial success and physical health make marriage an easier relationship to find?
Hi Will,
It does actually show that people are happier after they marry, not just that happier people marry. People are also wealthier after they marry, and it’s not just that wealthy people marry. Marriage actually does change us. The book The Case for Marriage explains all of this really well and how they factored out some things to really see what marriage does!
That’s encouraging to hear. Thank you for your response.
Thanks Sheila, your article was what I really needed to hear. I have always been positive about the prospect of marriage but today, I noticed that my mindset on marriage was not my usual. I was feeling concerned and not really expectant. My thoughts weren’t well articulated in my mind but I was truly off. I see this article as God’s special gift to me on the very day! God bless 🙂
Oh, I’m so glad, Cherish! That’s wonderful!
This is a timely post for me, because I’ve been asking myself this question a lot – is it worth it to get married? Especially if you’re not super-eager to have kids? So, 80% of those interviewed were happily married, but how many of them were older marrieds? Because that does seem to make a difference. I *suspect* that porn use isn’t as bad in older men. But that’s just a guess, but one based on the understanding that to a certain generation of professing believer (and frankly, non-believing gentlemen), looking at porn was considered beneath oneself, and is avoided. This doesn’t seem to be the case w/ 23 or 33 year old men. Even if they might think it’s beneath them (and a lot don’t), it’s not SO far beneath them as to avoid it. So if you’re writing to unmarried 50 year olds interested in 50+ year olds, marriage might be worthwhile, but it’s a tremendous gamble for a 23-33 year old. Because such horrible behaviors have become normalized. And not just porn, that’s just an example. Addictive gaming is there, or drunkenness, etc. Throw in some male-headship/Patriarchy (or whatever the next wave of anti-Feminists want to call themselves), and you have a truly toxic situation. I’m being contrary, honestly. This is a question I’m truly struggling w/ as I wonder what to teach my children, especially my daughter.
You don’t have to respond. I’m just sort of thinking out loud, so to speak.
Argh. Meant to type “*not* being contrary…”
Oh well. Maybe I am contrary and it was a Freudian slip!
Aw, there ain’t nothin’ wrong with a little contrariness now and then. You’re just speaking your mind, that’s all! 🙂
Mina, I do think you raise a great point. The younger generation does struggle with porn much more than the older generation does. And if those same people have hyper patriarchy mindsets, the relationship most definitely will be toxic. So we do have to be careful.
I guess I’d just say that while many men struggle with porn, many men do not. And many men have won the battle. I know many in that generation who honestly have come through unscathed. And while many men believe toxic things about marriage, many more do not. If you’re around a ton of men who do, then perhaps it’s time to look for a different church community, because it is out there. It’s just not as loud.
I’ve spoken all over the country with my Girl Talk and I’ve been in so many different churches over the last few years, and I’ve seen some honest to goodness amazing ones. I know that there are lots of toxic ones, and the toxic ones are often very large. But that doesn’t mean that all churches are like that. The more I see, the more encouraged I actually am. So keep looking, and don’t give up!
Great article.
That said I have never heard or read anywhere that St. Peter’s wife was crucified with him. Please state your documentation for that claim.
From everything I was taught, the apostles who were married left their wives and families behind to follow Jesus. We believe that God provided through others for the well-being of their families.
Do you mean once they became disciples they effectively dumped their spouses permanently? I’ve never heard that before. I can’t speak to all of the disciples (although that sounds truly horrible), but Paul’s reference to marrying a believing wife like Peter had definitely sounds like a current thing to me. If Paul is holding Peter and his wife up as something he would have the right to, I’d think they must have had a decent–current, ongoing–marriage.
The earliest church literature records how Peter’s wife died. And Paul references in his letters about the fact that Peter and several of the apostles traveled with their wives–“Don’t we have the right to take a believing wife along with us, as do the other apostles and the Lord’s brothers and Cephas?” (1 Corinthians 9:5). There were also lots of couple teams of apostles, like Priscilla and Aquila, and there were also female apostles (like Junia). So it’s totally likely that the wives were there, since the early church was definitely not just male (and actually was likely majority female for a time).
Actually, there is significant disagreement among biblical scholars in regards to Junia. She certainly worked among the Apostles, being known to the Apostles, as Paul writes in Romans 16:7. Many scholars reject the claim that she was an Apostle, as do I. It seems the majority of biblical scholars view her as one who worked with the Apostles but was not an Apostle herself.
The scholars who reject Junia as an apostle are those who need to support their own theology from the Bible rather than letting the Bible create their theology. Thus the embarrassment of trying to change her name to Junias, a name that didn’t even exist, in many translations. The Junia/Junias debacle is a huge blot on biblical translations and scholarship, and it all started because of the fear of losing patriarchy.
Scholars of ancient Greek who are not Christian and have no bone to pick, theology wise, have consensus that Junia was an apostle.
Biblical scholars from the early church noted that she was an apostle, Chrysostom most often quoted.
I know! Interesting history. It seems to me that the early church was simply in love with Christ and wanted to see the world changed, and so they just focused on getting the job done. Now we’ve lost our first love, and we’re more interested in maintaining tradition or power, and then we get messed up.
Also, Aquila and Priscilla were in similar ministry roles. They were not Apostles, but worked with the Apostles. This doesn’t make there roles less important, by the way. There are many parts of the body of Christ, but all are used to honor Christ and point people to salvation.
Please send links to these early church records.
Peter was alone in Rome. He was ordered to leave, which he did. On the way out, Christ appeared to him and Peter asked, “Quo vadis?” (Where are you going?). Christ told him that He was going to Rome where “My people are being persecuted.” (FYI – I visited the Quo Vadis Church on the Appian Way.) After this encounter Peter turned around, went back to Rome, and was arrested. He was crucified upside down because he stated that he was not worthy to died in the same manner as his Lord.
Eusebius mentioned it in his history of the church in the fourth century. Just out of curiosity, why is it so important to you that Peter’s wife not be given the credit due her, too?
Sheila, I realize this isn’t a Bible study, so I would simply encourage you to look into the reliability of Eusebius, as many have called into question his version of history.
As far as the credit for Paul’s wife, I simply don’t know enough about her. However, there are many amazing women in scripture that not only deserve credit from me, but God has given them credit. He has mentioned there acts in the Bible, letting their names be known for generations.
I just don’t understand the urge to believe that Peter didn’t have a wife with him. We know from Scripture that he traveled with his wife; Jesus healed his wife’s mother; early Christian documents said that she was crucified with Peter. Why is it so hard to believe that women were present in ministry with their husbands? Especially when it was women who funded early Christian ministry, too. I just don’t see why it’s a big deal and why Eric wants to argue about it when it’s established church history.
I don’t know if Paul’s wife came with him or not. I don’t know that it matters. There are plenty of examples of women that were involved in ministries. The one that always comes to mind is the one who dealt in purple cloth. I believe it was Lydia, but could be mistaken. The important fact is that God used many people; men and women, doctors (Luke) and blue collar workers (fishermen like Peter), businesswomen (like Lydia) and the religious (like Paul). It’s not about what gender performed what function, but that every person was critical in God’s plan. This tells me that I can be used by God to fulfill His plan, despite my failures and in spite of what I think I can do on my own.
May God bless you.
Totally agree–we’re all part of His plan. (Just want to point out for clarification, though, that we’re talking about Peter’s wife. Paul wasn’t married at the time of his ministry, as he writes, although some scholars believe he may have been married before his conversion and then his wife left him).
Sorry, Sheila. It’s rough typing on a phone. Yes, Peter, not Paul.
Thank you for this great article, Sheila, actually thank you for this great blog it has been a tremendous blessing to me!
I’ve been thinking about this recently, I’ve been married almost 2 years, my husband and I are very different, I’ve been walking thru an extremely difficult pregnancy due to a rare condition that I could have died multiple times from, my in laws are often hateful and very hypocritical, they love stirring up strife, and I would say there is a lot of emotional abuse in their family (and they live 5 minutes away), every time we have to be together I just ache for there to be love and kindness where there is ugliness and bitter words (and I just try to stay out of everyone’s mess and keep some kind of peace), my husband and I had such a rough start to our marriage, we had opposite drives and on top of his low drive he was always taught by his mom that sex was a necessary evil, a debase thing and I’ll stop there. But all of this show’s that my life has been far from easy in this marriage, yet it is the best thing that has ever happened to me aside from being saved by Jesus! My husband and I are growing together each day, even though we are different we both, deep in our hearts love the Lord and want to please Him and thats all you need! We just adore each other and can’t believe how far we have come! I just want to encourage anyone else in a similar situation! Marriage is work, especially if you have lots of obstacles against you, but it is SO rewarding and fulfilling! I just feel like as we love each other more God smiles upon our lives and blesses us with more love! I truly Cherish my husband! We are in this together! What a blessing marriage is! Don’t live in fear, if God brings a godly person into your life, don’t let differences that don’t matter keep you from a wonderful, life-growing, experience! Marriage is awesome!!! It just gets better and better!
Oh, thank you, Grace! That’s great. And I’ve said a prayer for your pregnancy, too. How scary!
I longed so badly for a husband when I was single and admit I did have those false expectations that marriage would fulfill things that really only God can fill. So when I got married, I was surprised at how I felt the same in that regard, I still felt loneliness. But truly I can say that God has shaped us into better versions of ourselves through marriage and after some rough patches in the first two years, we are on our third year and all the work and tough lessons are paying off so much that we spend 95% of our time enjoying each other and each other’s company, maybe only 5% or less being annoyed with each other over stupid things, never really having big fights or spending more than an hour of time being upset at each other. The verse “two are better than one because they have a good reward for their labor” is very true to our everyday life
That’s wonderful, Ariel! Thanks for sharing your story.
I think this is a great article.
At the same time, I see some church groups idolizing marriage. The people I know who are trying to get out of horrible marriages that can’t be fixed are all from that upbringing. If a church is teaching that women were created to be a husband’s helper, and you’re not married, than you have no purpose.
So it’s important to have a balanced view.
Marriage can be wonderful.
Marriage is not the goal of a Christian.
Yes, I would agree, Lisa. Marriage is great, but it should never be idolized. Whenever we take our eyes off of Matthew 6:33–seek first the kingdom of God–we mess up. I think we’ve put a lot of things in front of God, even good things, and it makes our theology and advice really bad. I wrote about that here. (Pretty sure you read that; just leaving the link for others reading the comments! ) 🙂
I am engaged at age 51 and when people say why get married, what I say is: Marriage is a big commitment. It is hard to get into and hard to get out of, for great reason. Nothing less allows you the complete openness required for spiritual intimacy. Like you said – if it’s just a relationship based on feelings, then the relationship is constantly at stake. If you’ve said, I am your partner for life no matter what, then you get to face everything together. Thank you for your article.
Great article! I met the love of my life and we’re getting married very soon. I am so glad I found your articles, and thank you for your ministry! I had relented to a life of unhealthy solitude, thinking that somehow it made me more pious. But, in that 10 year period God has changed me, and I wouldn’t trade any of it for an easier life because He used it all to bring my bride and I together.
Thanks Sheila for your article. I came across it while randomly surfing the web for good reasons to get married. I really enjoyed the video you used in #5, it really got me thinking about what to prioritize in a committed relationship – I believe you really made the point clear. Thanks once again.
A fantastic article. My partner of almost two years has recently told me that he does not want to get married. He isn’t clear on his beliefs about God though he’s served at church for years. I am a Christian of over 20 years and still believe in marriage even after a lifeless, abusive marriage and a divorce. My partner has been through a similar experiences.
It hurts me so much to know that he thinks marriage will all be bad. We are very in love and supportive of each other. We can talk. We are so good for each other. Everything is great. Except for his commitment phobia. He is terrified of marriage.
He says he wants to be with me forever but can’t deal with marriage again.
How can I worship God and continue to sleep with my partner knowing he may never marry me or ever know the Lord?
My partner is one of the kindest, humblest and most Christlike people I know and yet ironically, he does not know the love of Christ.
Thank you for this. I am not married yet. Me and my boyfriend are almost there, I know God put him in my life for a reason, I am however battling outside influences causing the process to be hard on both of us. I loved all of your points. I just needed this uplifting advice tonight ❤
Getting married and having a family is the greatest gift of all, if you’re that very blessed and lucky enough to have it. Not many of us were never that fortunate though.
I am still a virgin at 45. I want to have been married.
I quit dating years ago once I realized I was too old for kids and even if lucky enough to find one of the 6 Christian single men my age in North America it would not be a happy or affectionate marriage.
I know old people marry all the time but feel I have been cheated out of everything that makes marriage happy. Passion/spontaneity/fun/offspring/years together.
Nonetheless I still want to marry. But why?
Are there any good reasons for a dried-up old maid like me to marry?
(I’m alone–not just single–due to Crohn’s Disease. Not because I spent my youth sleeping around. Tired of church people heartlessly making that assumption.)
Rachel, I’m sorry you’re so lonely! I really am. I feel as if I can’t even speak to that, because I haven’t walked through it, and I just want you to know that I’m sorry if I’ve ever made single people feel “less than”.
As for whether you can still get married, I know several women who have gotten married for the first time in their 40s! They didn’t have kids, but they did really enjoy their marriage (or I should say, they ARE really enjoying their marriage!). Yes, I think a passionate marriage is possible even after the children years. I don’t know what’s in your future, but passion is always possible. I do wish you all the best!