Hi, everyone! I wanted to give you an update on my dad’s condition.
As I announced yesterday, Rebecca and I flew out to Vancouver in a hurry on the weekend because my father, who has advanced Alzheimer’s, had contracted pneumonia.
Yesterday his wife and my half-brother made the (correct) decision to stop the treatment that wasn’t really working and move towards comfort care, just trying to keep him peaceful and comfortable since nothing more can really be done.
So they’ve got him in a private room.
I downloaded a bunch of the songs you all recommended in the comments section yesterday (thank you!) as well as some Carpenters and Abba and Dionne Warwick and Linda Ronstadt (he really liked female singers of the 70s) and I’ll start playing that today.
He really can’t communicate, and hasn’t been able to for some time. And he’s still a relatively young man. Alzheimer’s is cruel.
He hasn’t really sung hymns or appreciated hymns for several decades, but I know he did when he was in his 20s, and I know that Alzheimer’s patients often can remember things from back then easier than things from today, so I thought the hymns may trigger something. Pray for that, if you will.
Being in the hospital for two days now, I’m left with several thoughts. First, most patients get far too few visitors. And that’s hard when you’ve got dementia. And the nurses can’t respond to every call. The IV machines have an alarm that goes off every time something is empty or wrong, but they don’t come for at least 15 minutes after it starts going off. That alarm is really aggravating, and it’s right by the patients’ heads.
And many of the patients on this floor just wander (because of the dementia), so they have them in chairs up by the desk, many strapped in. Others are allowed to just wander. And some who wander aren’t safe. There’s one who is screaming obscenities and who has a security guard attached to him. And the things he’s screaming are TERRIBLE. He’s insulting that poor security guard something awful (she’s a young woman), and detailing very specific things he wants to do to her. I seriously don’t think she deserves that. I think the hospital should protect its employees better. Put him in a psychiatric ward or something where people are trained and prepared for this. But nobody deserves to be spoken to like that. Nobody.
Anyway, it’s just not a nice place. And it doesn’t have wifi. I don’t know if hospitals are different outside Canada, but I’ve always said that if you’re going to be in hospital, you need someone else with you 24/7 if you expect to get proper care and make it bearable.
I’ll likely have some posts up later this week; there are some older ones I really like that I’ve been wanting to repost, since people have been asking me some questions I actually answered several years ago. So there will be things here.
But in the meantime, I’m in a hospital room, listening to Dionne Warwick and Linda Ronstadt and Carrie Underwood sing How Great Thou Art, and I’m praying that he’s peaceful.
Shelia,
I am so sorry for your and your family. I know this is a very hard time. And I know that this has been a very tough road for your family over the last few years. I am praying for you.
My heart is tender for you in this situation. My mom and I stayed with my dad the last few days of his life during a similar experience. I am so glad you and your mom have each other. That matters more than you might imagine. You two will share the memories of this time and that will encourage you and strengthen your relationship. You and your mom are now your dad’s advocates, sometimes a challenging role. God bless you as you serve your mom and dad at this special time. It helped me to think of walking with Dad to his final home and handing him off to the Savior’s care.
I have been listening to the Gaither Vocal Band–they have some great harmonies and sing a lot of hymns. Also Fernando Ortega. Prayers for your father and family.
This is timely for me, as my grandfather has been in the hospital off and on since last Monday. I was really hoping to go see him this weekend but have prior obligations that I can’t get out of. However, I need to make it a priority shortly. He’s 89 and not been doing well for the better part of a decade (just getting old), but I don’t want to regret not spending time with him that I could have.
oh, sweet sister – sending my thoughts and prayers as you travel this valley…the Alzheimer’s valley … the grieving of the parent who is not there in many ways… I always felt that Holy Spirit was still ministering to her, though, in many ways, even to the end of her life…
My mom died in 2012 after 10 years of Alzheimer’s…she too loved music and it was good to sit with her when I could and listen together to all kinds of music together…
Praying the music you both are listening to ministers to your soul and that the Prince of Peace comforts you both and fills your hearts with His presence and love…
Sheila know that many are praying for your family, sitting in the hospital like that for days is exhausting. I think it is odd that the hospital doesn’t have wifi. I can only guess maybe you are in a smaller hospital, or maybe it is a Canadian thing? Most of our larger hospitals here in Alabama have pretty decent wifi thankfully.
I think it’s a Canadian thing! I’ve never been in a hospital with public wifi. 🙁
Thoughts and prayers are with you, Sheila. And one of the sweet moments I had with my dad before he died last year was singing “Amazing Grace” to him. Then “Blue Bayou” by Linda Ronstadt.
Thinking and praying for you Sheila
Sheila, I’m praying for the Holy Spirit to fill you to overflowing for the peace and strength you will need in the days to come. Dementia is a horrible thief. It robs our loved ones of dignity, I’m praying for your father to rest and find his way toward peace. (I lost my mom many years before her body followed.). Hugs, sweet sister.
I’m really sorry for what’s happening, I pray that you all find comfort and peace in this moment
May His peace surround you. Thinking and praying for you at this hard time.
Thank you, Sheila, for sharing your journey with us and these last days with your father. My wife and I have been through this journey with a grandparent and two of our parents, and we’ve seen others go through it also. And as you say, the hospital situation is certainly not what it should be. We can say the same for some of the dementia wards of senior care facilities, which we are more familiar with. May God give you grace and peace, knowing his presence and feeling compassionate heart.
Thank you.
Sheila, I am praying for you and your loved ones. Also praying for the situation with that young security guard – that is so unfortunate. Why would they not at least insist on his support being male? Anyway, I agree with you about the need to have a family member or advocate present, having a family member who has experienced significant mental health challenges previously, and is currently hospitalized for a recurrence. May you be blessed as you seek to provide comfort and peace.
I’m very sorry for your loss, Sheila. I know that when my father died (and to a lesser extent, my mother), I mourned what the relationship should have been rather than the man himself. I was still a young adult when my father died and later as I’d see my daughters play with my husband, I’d get a little pain in the heart that I never had that sort of relationship with my father nor would I ever have that sort of relationship with him. I made up my mind right then and there that I’d stop thinking about what I could never change and focus on what I did have which was an awful lot. I married a wonderful man who has been such a blessing to me. I knew I didn’t want someone like my father but was afraid I wouldn’t choose a husband wisely because I didn’t know what to look for. Well, God in his mercy chose my husband.
Since my father’s death, I haven’t thought of him very much at all. I don’t know if that makes me a cold person or if it’s just the natural result of not having much of a relationship with him in the first place.
Hugs to you, Sheila. Thanks for sharing your journey with us.
Your story sounds so similar to mine! I’m not sure how much I’ll think about him either, but I’m glad that we can move ahead and that God has redeemed it. Thanks for your kind words!