Do you ever think about how to surprise your husband?
I don’t nearly as often as I should! I know some people hate surprise parties; but hardly anyone hates the occasional little surprise! After all, a surprise just means “going above and beyond”, or “doing something unexpected”. A surprise, then, is really just being romantic.
And doesn’t that make surprising our husbands an important part of a great marriage?
I blog about marriage and sex, but I’m not the only marriage blogger out there. I’m in a great community with other bloggers where we talk, share ideas, and support each other. I thought it might be fun for the occasional Top 10 Tuesday to “crowdsource” a post, and have other people chime in. And so I’ve asked other marriage bloggers to give me great ideas for how to surprise your husband–how to go above and beyond.
I’ve got ten great ideas here. Now, please–don’t just read this list! Read this list and decide to do one of them. That’s it. Just one! Find the one that resonates the most, and decide to follow through. That’s the way we make our marriages great. Not just by reading about how to bless your husband, but by actually doing it!
So without further adieu, here are 10 ways to surprise your husband!
“Make Life Easier for Him” Ideas to Surprise Your Husband:
1. Steal His Workload
One of my favorite ways to surprise my husband (that doesn’t cost anything but time!) is to finish doing a big job for him. Especially when it is a task that I know would lighten his load if finished or make it so we can do something more enjoyable together – if I can fit it in my schedule I always try to! It’s so fun to surprise him when he comes home expecting to spend a good chunk of the weekend cleaning the garage (for example) only to find out the job is already done!
2. Burn Through Your To Do List
Right now romance has inevitably and necessarily taken a bit of a backseat. We have a toddler and a newborn, and time as a couple is at a premium. Therefore, the most romantic thing I can do for my husband is to simply empty the dishwasher on a day when I’m not struggling! Every additional chore I complete before he gets home equates to one less job for him to do, and an extra few minutes to spend as husband and wife, before the chaos of family life begins all over again!
3. Bless His Commute
My husband has a not-so-great commute, so every couple of months, I take a little bit of time to make it more enjoyable. My plan is that I borrow my husband’s car for errands and instead take it to the car wash. It’s not a big deal for me to do it (I bring my computer and work while I’m waiting.) I also slip a $5 Starbucks card into his cup holder and send him an Audible credit for a new audio book as he’s leaving for work. He works hard to provide for us, the least I can do is to make the journey a little bit sweeter (and more caffeinated.)
“Make Things Fun FOR HIM” Ideas to Surprise Your Husband:
4. Bring His Newest Fascination to Life
Here’s the thing, my husband and I don’t like Sushi. We ate it for the first time five years ago and we decided we didn’t like it. And it’s been on our never-again list ever since. Then a few weeks ago, he was “coaxed” to try Sushi at a company dinner. And now he can’t stop thinking about it! I wouldn’t have guessed his current fad if I hadn’t asked. And Sushi and smoked brisket is a riveting combination, if you ask me. So I would say dig around, find out your husband’s current fascination and then make it come true! Score those romantic love points!
5. Pose as a Client at Work
Here’s a fun one that can work if your husband has daily appointments! One day (on Jason’s last day at a particular hospital), I snuck in the back and ended up connecting with his nurses. They hid me in a room and I posed as a patient under the covers. When he walked in I jumped out of the bed!
6. Plan a Date Night Involving His Interests
One of my favorite ways to surprise my husband is to do his ideal date night, meaning I make it based on his likes instead of mine. For example if I know there is a big fight coming on (he loves MMA) then I’ll get a babysitter, find which local pub has the fight on, pay any cover charges, and surprise him when he walks through the door. He always loves these, because normally he’s subject to the girly end of the spectrum when it comes to date nights. You can get really creative with this too. Hikes, shooting, action movies, football games, etc. Just make arrangements for his favorite things and so all he has to do is enjoy!
“I Notice You” Ideas to Surprise Your Husband
7. Humble Yourself and Give Him What He Emotionally Needs Most from You
Surprises don’t have to be big and elaborate; why not surprise him with what he needs most from you — that you’ve been unwilling to give? Maybe it’s an apology for the hurtful, dismissive or disrespectful attitude you’ve had lately. Maybe it’s a verbal commitment to better prioritize your relationship or your sex life. Maybe it’s the support he needs to do things his own way. It only takes a minute, it costs nothing, but you might just be surprised how it can dramatically transform your marriage when you actually follow through!
8. Greet Him with a Kiss!
The most simple and meaningful weapon for a surprise attack is a kiss. A smile and a kiss when he walks though the door at night. A “I can’t wait to see you later” good-bye morning kiss. Make that one linger. A “I just wanted to feel you close” kiss on the cheek. This simple physical intimacy really does pour into our relationships. In the beginning he won’t be expecting it, but as time progresses it will become a beautiful hallmark of each day. A kiss is a pure, simple joy that truly brings a smile onto each of our faces.
9. Keep Track of Potential “Gifts” and Make a Wish List for Him
I LISTEN to my husband. Yes, that’s a surprise in and of itself. LOL! But seriously, I listen. When he is sharing with me something he’d love to have but likely wouldn’t spend money on, I add it to ‘his’ list. Then when it’s present shopping time, or even when I just want to spoil him with a ‘just cause’ gift, I pull out the list HE essentially created without knowing it and he is ALWAYS surprised! AND thrilled!
10. Find Some Room in the Budget for Something He Really Wants
This last one is from ME, and it goes along a little bit with #9 from Sherry. I hope you all are sticking to a budget in your marriage, and you know how much you have to spend on each category every month. And I hope you have a financial plan that will see you reach some goals in a few years–get out of debt, buy a house, pay off a house. But when we’re doing that, it often means that we don’t get to “splurge” on ourselves very often.
If you’ve been really responsible lately, and sacrificing hard, and you know there’s something he really wants, then take a month and be as frugal as you can in other budget areas so that you can find the money to buy it. And then present it to him one Saturday morning, telling him it’s all paid off, and you just want to bless him because he’s such a blessing to your family! (But remember: the blessing is not in buying the item; the blessing is in sacrificing in other budget areas so that you can do it without a credit card! 🙂 ).
Does your marriage need some spicing up–and some fun?
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 27 years and happily married for 22! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
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I already do the ones he likes. Showing up at his work would just tick him off. He doesn’t even like me calling him. His work requires 100% focus in his task with no room for error. He doesn’t need me looking for attention or checking up on him, distracting him.
I recently wore a ridiculous piece of lingerie for him. I mean, it seriously looked downright pathetic and laughable, and I had my doubts as to how I looked in it because not only didn’t I look like the barely legal airbrushed model in the ad, but the garment wasn’t exactly as shown in the ad, either. But, I put it on, struck my best pose, and he loved it. I now want to sleep in yoga pants and a t shirt for the next 3 months and not even look at another piece of lingerie until I recover from the utter craziness of that piece, but I did it, he loved it, now give me a brownie with my brownie points!! Lol!!
You’ve definitely earned your brownie! 🙂 Yes, the showing up at work thing can be difficult. It really depends on where your husband works and what kind of job he does. I’ve showed up on occasion and it’s been fun, but I do think that you need to make sure that showing up wouldn’t get him in trouble!
I know my mom showed up at my dad’s work a handful of times (not surprises, but scheduled lunches), and he enjoyed it. My husband would absolutely despise it. He also doesn’t check or return texts or calls during the day (from me). I’ve tried most of these with varying success. #8 makes me sad; after three years of my husband flinching and pulling away, or freezing and glaring at me until I backed away from the door, I finally stopped trying to greet him. And now he’s all like “why are you in your office? did you hear me come home?”
Wow, Sunny-Dee, I’m sorry. Does he have Asperger’s or anything like that? Or does he have a really stressful job where he needs to decompress? That sounds very strange to me.
Ha! I shouldn’t laugh, but that did make me laugh. No, he doesn’t have Aspbergers or anything that would indicate an aversion to touch (for example). He also isn’t particularly introverted; it’s slowing down now since a lot of his friends are either single or have moved to the suburbs, but he used to be very social and most of his decompressing was spent hanging out with friends (usually drinking).
I think it’s a handful of things. I think it’s related to the sex / intimacy issue where he just doesn’t associate physical contact with our relationship. I also think he was very used to being alone and isn’t quite sure what to do with me. I sometimes get the feeling that he picks me up and puts me down like a toy he gets bored with. I dunno if that makes sense.
Recently I came up with a new one that’s fun for both of us. When he gets up to use the restroom in the morning, I strip down and surprise him with a naked body when he returns. That’s a fun surprise!
I found myself feeling some resentment while reading these ideas. Don’t get me wrong, I know I still need to show love, and make my husband feel wanted and desired.
But I do everything around the house with very little help. I also work full time just like he does. Nearly everything we do – food, dates, purchases, entertainment, everything – is his preference. I’m simply tired and burned out. Not out of love, not out of desire – just tired.
What can I do practically to fill up my own “tank”, to keep trying to make the very small sparks in me light up and how do I pray through these feelings when I’m married to a selfish person who admits that he is and will probably never change? I’m asking because I know I’m not the only one who struggles with this.
That’s a really good question, and I’m glad you asked it.
I’m also really, really sorry that you’re so lonely. I think when you feel that way in marriage, the first question to ask is, “does my husband feel lonely, too?” Quite often when we’re lonely we assume it’s because he’s doing something wrong. But sometimes we just don’t understand each other. He may need space while you need lots of sharing, and you both interpret each other as being unloving. If he needs something from you to feel loved that he is not getting, then just figuring out what that is can help you feel so much closer.
The second thing I’d say is make sure you’re doing the two things that lead to a successful marriage–scanning for things to praise and looking for opportunities to connect. When we do these things we bring the tension level down in marriage, and we’re able to talk about other things so much more easily.
I also have a FREE five-lesson email course that can help build that emotional connection.
I will say that for the vast majority of marriages, the loneliness and the feeling disconnected is a series of small things, over time, that have led to misunderstanding and distance, and you can reverse this process.
However–and this is a big HOWEVER–there are some marriages where that isn’t the case. There are some marriages where you honestly have been attempting to show him love in the way that he needs it and the way that he has asked for it. You have been going out of your way to praise him and to build him up. You have been trying to be nice to him, to be sexually available, to do all the right things and he just is selfish, and he’s told you that he’s selfish.
If this is the case, then I do believe that a big principle that God put in place to help us learn to be more Christlike is “you reap what you sow”. If someone is consistently selfish and putting others down, then having a spouse who covers over all those problems and who is always looking for ways to make their life better is not necessarily going to help. It may even hurt, because it reinforces bad behaviour. If someone is sowing discord, then they need to reap the fact that their marriage may not be as close as they would like.
If he is consistently selfish and mean, then I don’t think you need to go out of your way to surprise him. I do think it’s worth instead reading this post on how to change the dynamic in a marriage, or, even more importantly, my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, which helps parse through a lot of these issues.
Nevertheless, I just want to reiterate that these instances are really rare. Most of us do not marry totally selfish men. Most of us, instead, get into really bad habits and patterns of behaviour where we’re each pushing each other away, and in that case, starting to plan to surprise him can be a wonderful thing to do!
Too chicken to share my name:
YES! YES! YES!
I too was resentful in reading this list. I do EVERYTHING in my household and work full time. I’m a mother of two, the youngest being two and a half years old. He does nothing but gripe about the lack of sex. Apparently, once or twice a week is UNACCEPTABLE. I get zero emotional support from him and zero affection. My needs are unmet. I go out of my way to make his life easier and I am the most thoughtful person I know. My gestures are just unnoticed or taken for granted. Recently I wrote him a letter detailing my feelings, and he didn’t even read it. We’ve been married twelve years, and so yes, we’ve talked extensively on this subject. To no avail. It’s ALWAYS a fight, and just to keep the peace, I submit to him, even though I don’t want to. I can’t stand it anymore. The pressure to have sex all the time, when I don’t want to or don’t feel like it. It makes me feel like that’s all I am to him. All I can think about is if I were single. I wouldn’t want to be with anyone ever again. Sigh.
@#hopeless & too chicken, reading your posts was like looking back at my life. Twenty one years spent trying to do it all and feeling like I’d Never be enough. Trying to be my understanding of the perfect Proverbs 31 wife. Problem was, my understanding was flawed. Sometimes in our attempt to fix we take ownership of problems/issues that aren’t ours to carry. It’s a hard and hurting place to live. First, please reach out for help. And I️ mean professional, not just girlfriends. It won’t just “get better”. A book by Dr. Willard Harley helped me during those days. “HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS: how to affair proof your marriage”
It helped each of us understand what our needs really were and gave us the vocabulary to discuss it. As the analogy goes, you can change the oil in your car every hour of every day (work really hard), but if what the car needs is gas then all that time changing the oil is fruitless.
Frequently couples hurt each other out of ignorance not intent.
And the sex thing, oh boy, my husband kept track like it was a chore chart… which is what it became…devoid of intimacy and filled with criticism because of my less than enthusiastic response. Recommendations to “make yourself more available” did not help me, only left me feeling more used.
BUT IT CAN BE BETTER!!! Go to God with it. He will show you your part and heal your heart. Healing your husband’s is not your job. That’s God’s too. He wants to do it for you. For me, it did not happen overnight. It was a long time. It’s been 5 years now. Being intentional about loving my man energizes me! He reciprocates and is affectionate throughout the day now with calls, texts, helping me, etc. IT STARTS WITH GOD AND OUR HEART CONDITION. Praying for you
I like all these ideas but I do agree that showing up at work depends on the hubby and the job. I think mine would like it but he’s insanely busy right now, and there are safety issues because his office is in a warehouse area with heavy equipment. He’s also naturally a person who is very focused when he’s at work (wish I was more that way!) so that kind of surprise might throw him for a loop.
I did buy his favorite snacks for our trip this weekend! It’s funny how excited a grown man can get about Combos, Red Vines, and beef jerky 😊 I’m excited to pull them out and see his reaction.
New lingerie never hurts either…
That’s really cute! It’s funny how when we go on road trips or family vacations we tend to buy the treats we each like, too. I wonder why we don’t do that as much in real life? I know we don’t want to gain too much weight, etc., but it seems silly to only save the stuff we like for vacations (and I do that, too!)
It is CRUCIAL to sometimes make nice surprices to your significant other. Just take him to see a movie in a middle of a week, this kind of simple gestures…
Or wrap his car in love messages aimed at yourself. Like that chick who posted a video on YouTube did.