Do you sometimes wonder if everything is smelling alright “down there”?
Something I’ve never been able to find on your blog, or other Christian marriage blogs, is anything to do with women worried about the smell of their (healthy) vulva/vagina. It’s something I really struggle with and have since I was 15. I would put bounce sheets in my pants because I was afraid other people could smell me (I have very heightened senses, and I think because it’s something I’m worried about, I notice it a lot more). Now I struggle in my marriage with this (husband is great, so it’s not a spousal issue). It would be really great to have a Christian perspective.
Vaginal Smell is a huge concern for many women when it comes to sex. You don’t want him to think you’re gross, or you don’t want to be afraid that you’re going to smell funny and he’ll notice.
But I think a lot of this fear comes from this misconception about what your vagina is actually supposed to smell like.
It’s not supposed to smell like flowers.
Some people do have more smell than others.
Some women have more discharge than others, and they often have a bit more smell than others.
So what causes the vagina to smell unpleasantly?
1. Scented Soaps
All you really need to do to keep yourself clean “down there” is to rinse it with water and either a mild soap or just coconut oil, even when you’re in the shower each day. Using spray deodorants or putting bounce sheets in your underwear is a recipe for irritation or a yeast infection. In fact, if you wash a lot with scented soaps or you use douches, you can actually cause more smell because you throw off the pH levels and the vagina goes into smell production overdrive. So just keep it natural! And the same goes for laundry detergents. Sometimes it’s a good idea to wash your underwear separately, by hand, with an unscented mild detergent.
In other words, don’t add good smells to combat bad smells–instead, just be a bit more diligent with changing your underwear more often (maybe twice a day instead of once), and ensure that you are washing yourself (with something unscented, or just plain water) in the shower every day.
2. Sweat
Just like with other parts of our bodies, when sweat builds up, it can emit an odour. So wash after exercising, and avoid things that may cause excessive sweat in the vaginal area–like wearing tight underwear. In fact, even shed those panties at night and let the vagina breathe!
3. Spicy Foods
Sometimes spicy foods can throw off the pH levels. If you’re very sensitive to smell, steer clear of things with hot peppers! And some women find that onions, coffee, and alcohol can change the smell, too.
The good news is that GOOD food can make everything smell neutral again! So just add some yogurt with probiotics to your diet. Like we talked about yesterday, we need to nourish our bodies if we want great sex.
Do all these things, and your vagina will just smell, well, like you.
If you’re smelling a really “fishy” smell, though, it may be time to get checked out by a doctor because you may have bacterial vaginosis. Some STDs and allergies to condoms also can cause a really bad odour, so if something is seriously off–do ask your doctor.
In most cases, though, there’s nothing really wrong. We’re just a little bit self-conscious.
So here are 6 things you can do to help you feel more confident around your husband.
1. Keep it trimmed
Keeping your pubic hair neat and trimmed can help you feel more confident about your ability to clean yourself and help you feel more clean in general.
2. Start with a bath
If you are really concerned about smell, and you know you’re going to be making love later, why not get yourself ready by sitting in a nice hot bath? It’ll help you relax, and you’ll feel clean and fresh.
3. Try some foreplay in the shower!
If your husband takes you by surprise and you are concerned that you haven’t had a chance to clean up, why not pull him into the shower for some steamy fun?
4. Try a specially formulated vaginal lubricant
If you’re really nervous, try a product that’s specially made for the vagina–that’s natural, and doesn’t have those chemically “flowery” smells. Femallay, one of this site’s amazing sponsors, has some great vaginal lubricants that are flavored! Gotta love it. And they help sex feel more comfortable, too.
I’ll be talking about these more tomorrow, but they can add some real fun to the bedroom–and give you a bit of confidence that works way better and is far better for you than a Bounce dryer sheet!
5. See your doctor
It may seem awkward, but if you’re seriously concerned it may be time to ask your doctor. It’ll give you confidence that either everything is good to go, or it’ll give you peace of mind knowing that there’s something you can do to fix it!
6. Remind yourself that it’s OK if it has a smell!
The goal isn’t for you to smell like anything else–it’s OK if your vagina smells a bit like a vagina. Similarly to how your hair smells like hair. When you’ve just jumped out of the shower, it smells like shampoo but after it’s dried, the next day it just smells like hair again. But your husband doesn’t mind if it doesn’t smell like shampoo–it’s OK for hair to smell like hair. It’s the same with “down there.”
This is a really sensitive subject for many women. But it doesn’t have to be. Sometimes the only problem is the one we’ve made up in our head.
Your Sizzling Summer Sex Challenge Day 13:
It’s time to get more comfortable with your vagina!
Do something today that can help you feel, well, cleaner. Trim, wax, or shave your public hair. Decide to sleep without underwear tonight. Get some coconut oil, put it in a pretty jar, and add it to your shower.
And, if you’re really brave, ask your husband to show you that he doesn’t mind the smell at all!
Find other posts in the Sizzling Summer Sex Series here.
Now let me know in the comments: Do you have insecurities about vaginal smell? What have you tried to make it better?
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Great tips! I’m personally a fan of the healthy hoohoo wipes. Summer’s Eve makes a similar product. Even if there’s really no worries down there, it’s nice to feel like you’ve freshened things up a bit at the end of a long day. And it’s a product pH balanced for that area of a woman’s body. I know some other women who use baby wipes, because those are also tested for the delicate area of our bodies. And they go with the unscented ones, so they don’t smell like, well, babies.
J. Parker recently posted…Don’t Have Time to Read about Sex? Then Listen.
I use baby wipes too but then I worry about the taste. 😳 Have you ever licked your hand after washing it with a baby wipe? So gross and chemically tasting!
Great tips! Would love your recommendation on any natural products he can use if he is going to go there orally. No hating on my honey, please, he just has a hard time with it and I’m all for using anything that will make it easier and more desirable for him. Married for 20 years come December! 😉
Femallay has some great products! I’ll be talking about them tomorrow. 🙂
Thank you so much, Sheila!
The ‘fishy ‘ smell is more likely to be bacterial vaginosis rather than a yeast infection. I’ve struggled with it for a long time. Pre- marriage, I didn’t know that smell wasn’t normal. At my obgyn appointment, she assured me that if I was completely healthy, there would be little to no odor. So she gave me a prescription, which worked. .. until I stopped taking it after 2 weeks, and then the smell came back. Kind of disappointing!
I didn’t smell until after getting married/started having sex. On our honeymoon, I was like, “I’ve never smelled like this before!” and my hubby said, “You’ve never been with a guy before!” 😛 But I do constantly smell now, even though I shower or wash down there every day. I’ve been tempted to try douching, but I’ve heard people can get multiple yeast infections while doing it. Interesting about the fishy smell! I will often smell like that the morning after sex if I didn’t clean up well, but sometimes I’ll smell like that for no reason! I think my strong scent bothers me more than hubby because he’s fine with the oral!
Super great tips, Sheila! I receive similar questions sometimes. It’s funny because most of the women (I’ve heard) who talk about “the smell down there” often do so in the lines of what to use to rid of the smell. So it’s awesome to affirm women that a perfectly healthy vagina will have a musky scent AND what to do of the smell is off/too strong.
Ngina Otiende recently posted…4 Things I Would do Differently as a New Bride
I imagine some women reading this will be in the same boat as me, so this is worth commenting… My husband attempted oral and stopped because he didn’t like the smell. Smell = taste for him and if he doesn’t like a taste he gags. I had showered that day, no infections or issues, and I hadn’t ever worried about it until then. Well, needless to say this caused a lot of stress. I tried scrubbing until practically scentless; it was still an issue for him. Then I got some coconut oil and put it on my skin, but he hated the smell of coconut (so I guess I don’t just smell bad, because coconut smells amazing!) Finally, I got some coconut oil that had no scent, and I mixed it with a couple drops of an orange extract at Walmart since I knew that was a scent he loved, and that fixed the problem! It has no taste, by the way, it literally only alters smell, so if you’re struggling with something like that I suggest checking out essential oils/extracts and mixing them with coconut oil. (It’s totally safe, but DON’T FORGET THE COCONUT OIL OR IT WILL BURN LATER.)
We’ve been using Almond Oil and fractionated coconut oil(coconut oil already in liquid form) for lube. It’s organic. I bought it from Amazon to dilute my essential oil but also found it handy as a lubricant one night. No itching or burning down there as I’ve experienced with other commercially branded lubricants. And they smell like either almond or coconut, which my hubby likes, so it’s a win-win!!
I learned in nursing school the best thing to use to clean your vagina is water.Thats all I used after I delivered my son with that handy peri-bottle they give you!
It’s amazing how we’re self-cleaning, isn’t it?
I think we’re more concerned about and aware of our own smell because 1) we’re closer to ourselves than anyone else is and 2) we’re not as close to anyone else. I notice that I smell, but it doesn’t worry me and just seems normal.
For a hobby, I run/ride bikes, primarily in tight shorts. So any other time I can, I go without underwear to help feel clean and natural. It means I spend a lot of time in a chemise/sundress around the house–no complaints from my husband 🙂
As another commenter mentioned, I never noticed a smell until after I got married. And I notice the smell a lot more for a few hours after sex or the morning after. So naturally I figured the two are related.
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When I was a teen, “personal deodorant sprays” were advertised in all the teen magazines. I think the brand was FDS. I’m thankful I never got into that. I’ve always hated the fragrance in disposable pads and the like.
Switching to reusable menstrual products will also really help maintain a healthy vagina. Cups, cloth pads, or sea sponges. If you have recurrent yeast infections, reusable products aren’t recommended but natural brands of disposable products will be healthier.
Also, if you still use perfume and cologne, dropping those products will retrain your brain to find natural, healthy scents attractive. I used to love perfume. Within a short time of stopping it, I found it repulsive, which it should be.
I’m the same way! When I get rid of chemicals, I no longer find them nice.
Yes! Absolutely.
So coconut oil is all that is necessary to clean the lady parts down below?
I have a terrible problem with getting small “paper cut tears” in my skin down below. And no it isn’t from having any type of paper there; my skin just tears in my personal parts in a way that is very similar to a paper cut one would get on their fingers.
Any advice on that?
I wonder if coconut oil would help with that anyway–just because it would keep things from getting dry? Do you tense up during sex, even involuntarily, because that can cause tears. Also, even little things like fingernails not being totally clipped? Some people are sensitive and if your fingernails are long than maybe even wiping yourself can damage things?
I love this article! So refreshing! I think it’s also important to note that a woman’s vaginal scent will change throughout her cycle as well!