Is there a way to make getting “up close and personal” with your lady parts more attractive to your husband–and less intimidating for you?
I hold these truths to be self-evident:
- We all want great sex.
- For most women, intercourse alone does not provide enough pleasure for orgasm. Therefore, manual and/or oral stimulation is a big necessity!
- Many women (and many men) are hesitant about oral sex on the woman because of the smell.
Therefore, we have a bit of a problem, don’t we?
All through the month of July we’ve been doing the Sizzling Summer Sex Series, where we talk about how to make sex more fun and intimate in your marriage. This week we’ve been looking at naturally caring for our bodies. Yesterday I was talking about how we’re not supposed to smell like flowers. Your vagina isn’t supposed to smell like soap.
After all, think about it: your vagina is internal, and it’s constantly a little bit moist. That means that it will have a smell, no matter what you do. But that smell isn’t necessarily bad.
Your husband’s genitals, on the other hand, are on the outside. They’re not always moist. And so if he’s freshly washed, the scent and taste can be rather neutral. That means that oral sex on him in many ways seems easier and, in some ways, not as personal. I mean, his “man parts” are out there on display all the time. They’re not hidden. But when it comes to our “parts”, often we’re not even sure entirely what’s down there, since we can’t even see it without a mirror.
So oral sex on you is more personal, more private, and thus more vulnerable.
And it’s also a little, well, smellier.
What, then, do you do?
I’m so thrilled that Femallay contacted me and asked to be a sponsor of this blog (and thank you so much for all you do to help me pay for my assistants, Femallay!). And when I found out what they offer, I was even more thrilled, because this is stuff I can totally get behind.
I already told you about the natural, reusable menstrual products that Femallay offers–sponges and cups and reusable pads. Because some of what causes major smells in your vagina is your vagina overreacting to scented products, using reusable products instead of disposable ones can stop that right away, too.
But then they also have flavored vagina suppositories–which inserted with an applicator (it seriously is easy peasy, easier than a tampon), and these melt fast and provide you with both lubrication and flavour. You can go the fun romantic route:
Or you can go more of a fruity route:
They’ve also got watermelon, pink grapefruit, strawberry, vanilla, banana, and so many more! Check them out here.
Here’s why I think flavored vaginal suppositories are such a great idea.
First, it provides easy lubrication, and there are three stages especially in a woman’s life when she really needs that: first, when she’s just married and sex is new; second, after a baby when things are getting back to the way they were; and third, for menopause and beyond when natural lubrication is harder to come by.
And when you keep things well lubricated, too, especially after menopause, you tend to stay healthier down there! And as a bonus, many women find that even if they have plenty of natural moisture “down below,” extra oil-based lubrication and suppositories can help them climax much easier and faster than they could otherwise during both intercourse and manual stimulation, too.
But it isn’t just about lubrication. It’s also about confidence! One woman wrote this comment yesterday on my post:
I didn’t smell until after getting married/started having sex. On our honeymoon, I was like, “I’ve never smelled like this before!” and my hubby said, “You’ve never been with a guy before!” But I do constantly smell now, even though I shower or wash down there every day. I’ve been tempted to try douching, but I’ve heard people can get multiple yeast infections while doing it. Interesting about the fishy smell! I will often smell like that the morning after sex if I didn’t clean up well, but sometimes I’ll smell like that for no reason! I think my strong scent bothers me more than hubby because he’s fine with the oral!
In her case, the smell bothers her, not her husband. And she’d likely be able to relax more during oral sex if she didn’t feel so self-conscious! (And please, stay away from the douches, everybody! They’re not good for you, and over time they’ll make the smell worse anyway).
Another woman wrote this:
Would love your recommendation on any natural products he can use if he is going to go there orally. No hating on my honey, please, he just has a hard time with it and I’m all for using anything that will make it easier and more desirable for him. Married for 20 years come December!
In her case, it’s her husband that’s hesitant.
Again, this is an all-natural product that won’t disrupt the pH balance of the vagina, but will provide a different taste that may make everyone more confident.
If you’re both perfectly fine the way you are, then that’s wonderful! More power to you.
I’m all for getting as close to nature as possible. 🙂 But I also know that for many of us, we’re just hesitant because we’re nervous that it’s not that pleasant for our husbands. So here’s something that may make that easier.
And it’s also something that’s fun to get just for a romantic weekend away, when you want to spice things up a bit!
Oral sex can be great for both intimacy and pleasure
And yet couples are far more likely to have her pleasure him that way than have him pleasure her that way. My friend Paul from The Generous Husband did a big survey on oral sex a few years ago, and what he found was really interesting.
The biggest roadblock for oral sex is not men not wanting to perform it, but women not wanting to receive it. Paul writes:
Twenty-five percent are only open to it if they just showered, 17% can’t understand why he is willing to do it, and 8% say they feel gross when he does it. This is a major block to women accepting oral sex, and to enjoying it if they do accept it.
Yet 45% of men actually reported that they loved the smell, and almost two thirds reported really enjoying giving oral sex. In fact, men actually enjoy giving oral sex more than women enjoy giving oral sex! (see the rest of Paul’s results on attitudes towards oral sex here).
Certainly some husbands are hesitant, and I think in that case Femallay can help, as can trimming the hair down there a bit.
But the biggest roadblock for oral sex on her, it seems, is not husbands, but wives.
We’re really nervous that we’re somehow offensive.
I do get that. I really do. And oral sex honestly feels much more vulnerable than intercourse. You can’t see his face. You’re the sole focus of attention, and so it feels as if you’re under scrutiny. You’re worried about what you’re like down there.
But as I’ve talked about again and again in the Sizzling Summer Sex Series, sometimes we have to give up control. It isn’t about always being proper. It’s okay to not smell like flowers–in fact, men find the fact that it’s musky a bit of a turn on! And women do need more than intercourse to feel good; we were created that way.
So if this has been something your hesitant about, maybe Femallay is a good way to start trying! And you can use the code LOVE10 to get 10% off your order until July 31!
Your Sizzling Challenge!
It’s time to ask him to try oral sex on you!
Have you been hesitant? Has it been a long time? Are you just plain nervous? This is me pushing you out of your comfort zone and encouraging you to see what all the fuss is about!
Find other posts in the Sizzling Summer Sex Series here.
Let me know in the comments: Does oral sex intimidate you? Make you feel self-conscious? What do you do about it?
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I don’t have to worry about it. Hubby stopped giving me oral sex before our third child was born. (His decision and choice, not mine.)
We’ve only been married a few months, and he’s tried a couple of times – said he really wanted to – but he is odor sensitive and it grossed him out to the point I won’t even let him try any more. It was embarrassing. My question is, do these suppositories actually cover up the smell that’s there, or is it going to be fruit flavored fish? 😉 (And yes, I know the fishy smell indicates a problem, the meds my Dr gave me didn’t make it go away. )
In my experience, the scent of the suppositories is all you can smell. No fishiness or fishy mixed with fruit. They also have coconut oil in them that helps to kill fishy smelling bacteria. 🙂 They’re great for regular vulva & clitoral lubrication too, even when you’re not doing oral!
I am one of those husbands that love to please my wife through oral. As mentioned in the article, my wife is also the one who is less comfortable as she is more vulnerable and is the sole focus of attention. If a husband is willing but has a difficult time, or if a wife is insecure about her scent, these could be a great solution. It allows a couple to relax and take time to totally enjoy each other. Personally, I think the natural scent is great.
I am with you in this. Totally enjoy giving oral to my wife. I am afraid the “his night idea” will still not work on this one. Needless to say it has been a long time on my end. There is always hope but this one will take time in my marriage. Ill put it on my wish list. Thanks
Do you have suggestions on how I can get comfortable with Oral. My husband enjoys it, but I have issues with it. We’ve tried it, but he seams to enjoy it so much that I get overwhelmed. It feels great to me, but I have all this other stuff running through my head. It makes it hard to focus and then I feel like me giving in to the passion and feeling is bad.
That’s a good question! I have a post coming out next week to wind off the series that I think will help with it–how to decide to enjoy something, even if it seems odd to you. I hope that it helps!
Maybe you should try learning how to meditate. It’s not a quick fix solution, as it can take many weeks of practice before you start to feel any of the benefits. But longterm, it might help you to be able to relax and quiet the distracting thoughts you have during OS, and help you to just be present in the moment instead of feeling bad for enjoying it.
Just a thought. Meditation is supposed to have all these great health benefits anyway, so even if it doesn’t work for your specific need, there isn’t really any downside to giving it a try. 🙂
Any suggestions on techniques/how to’s for going “down there” on your husband? He is amazing for my needs/wants down there but I’d like more confidence and ideas about that for him???
MomOf7, I was actually hoping someone else would answer this. But since your question hasn’t been answered, I will share, as tactfully as I can, my experience from my wife. First, I don’t believe there is a wrong way. The visual is as amazing as the physical experience. Second, my of what was amazing was discovered by accident; the swirl of her tongue and where. We don’t finish that way, as she doesn’t like the stickiness of the ending (tried once, I certainly won’t ask her to try again). The way I please her was also discovered primarily by accident, trial and error, and experimentation. The reason why I am writing is to try to assure you that your desire to give your husband a very special gift is more important than “how good” you are at it. It is the journey with a wonderful spouse that makes the ending exciting, not how good someone is at an act. He will, or at least should, feel tremendous pleasure just knowing you care so much about him as to focus such attention on him. And I would hope it is reciprocal and he shows you special attention in whatever way you enjoy, whether oral or something else. May God bless your marriage.
Thanks for the response! I very much appreciate the feedback!
That makes me night. Thanks!
Oookay. But it kinda feels like, “Here’s something else to stick in yourself after you’ve had some awful, invasive and painful Brazilian so you can feel acceptable.” Yay! Lucky me. I wish women could learn to love our bodies. Like, for what they can do, not for someone else’s approval and affirmation. Because that would be a great gift to single women as well.
It makes me rather sad that, as a culture, we prefer fake and doctored up over just the way we are. I can appreciate that, for someone who grew up believing that genitals are dirty or or shameful, these products can be helpful. I’m still sad that they’re needed and I hope we can do better for the next generation.
Anna, I tried to reply but it didn’t seem to take.
I personally don’t get the Brazilian thing. It is something I wouldn’t encourage my wife to get.
As far as oral for your husband, perhaps it isn’t something you should do for now. I don’t want my wife to do something out of obligation and hopefully your husband feels the same about you. Every act in our intimate lives should be a celebration, not a requirement. If you find it something you enjoy with your husband in the future, great. If not, there are many other ways you and your husband can enjoy intimate time together.
Dude, don’t worry. And don’t assume anything. This is why I should never have commented.
Anna, I sincerely apologize. My intention was not to offend. I am sorry that I did so.
Apology accepted. It’s not you personally. I will talk to women all day long about sex, and always try to be as transparent as I can, but talking to random guys on the internet regarding sex goes weird places I would rather not go.
I looked at the website and all that they sell. Looks great! Especially the Chocolate Peppermint Dessert in a cup tea! My only caution would be that these suppositories contain nut products; one I hadn’t heard of and almond oil. I think it’s important to make people aware as the last thing a husband or wife wants is an allergic reaction. But otherwise, I’m looking forward to a couple of these things when I can afford to get them -[ thanks for introducing them to us!
Thanks for pointing this out! Are there similar products that do not contain tree nuts or tree-nut derived products? Thanks!
It took me a long time to let hubby do oral to me (we will be celebrating our 30th anniversary soon). I enjoyed it when he did, but there were just times I couldn’t enjoy it, (he loves it) and his beard didn’t help sometimes (shave it off? – but I love it on him – lol). I do enjoy it now but it usually has to be one of the first things we do because if I’m already stimulated it can be too much for me. Now me giving oral to him is taking much longer for me to be ok with. It is something he desired for a long time but I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. I have recently re-thought out the affection I show my husband which has taken our sex life out of this world and it is the best it has ever been, and slowly, I will be (I hope) more comfortable giving him oral (and I’m thankful he is very patient with me).
Interestingly, though it’s not the main topic of the post, men’s parts are not designed to be dry.
For most men, the foreskin keeps the glans moist (like the inner surface of our lips), and the glans is only visible when sexually aroused- not always “out there”. The inner foreskin pulls back to become part of the shaft skin and is also moist because it is an internal organ. So during sexual activity it’s mostly internal, moist surfaces that are being touched.
This is why so many American couples need to regularly use lubricants.
So, not sure if this is the best place to ask, but it seemed mildly applicable considering the topic of oral sex…
I am def ‘au natural’ when it comes to pubic hair. I don’t feel comfortable with any sort of waxing…and shaving causes horrible itching-even when I’ve just tried to ‘clean up’
I don’t think my hubby minds too much, but I feel like someone who’s lived in the jungle.
Does anyone have any suggestions? Or just let it be?