You can plan a sexy evening with your husband–naturally!
We’re in the middle of our Sizzling Summer Sex Series, where we talk about how to make sex sizzle in your marriage. And this week we’ve been focusing on our bodies–how to nourish them, understand them, and treat them well so that sex is much easier and much more fun!
And I thought today we can cap that part of the series off by looking at what we can do naturally to help us feel sexier.
Sexual desire is tied to several things: our hormones (which we can do very little about); our endorphins, or the chemicals in our brain that make us feel happy or excited; and our blood circulation (especially circulation DOWN THERE. ☺ ).
While we can’t affect our hormones too much in the short term (though we can help boost them properly by eating well), we can certainly naturally stimulate endorphins and circulation. With a little planning, you can have an awesome, sexy night with your husband.
Begin with Laughter
Laughter nourishes the soul–and boosts your libido! So curl up with your husband and watch a funny movie. Choose some funny conversation starters to make you chuckle. Even choose a 2-player board game, like Jenga, that will reduce stress and boost your mood.
Get the Blood Flowing
Next to laughter, there’s no better natural aphrodisiac than exercise. It releases toxins, stimulates endorphins, and gets your blood circulating all at the same time! Go for an after dinner bike ride with your husband. Go for a jog. Or even pull out that old Wii and play some active games on it! That will combine laughter and exercise all at the same time.
Add the Right Scents
The scents of the right essential oils often define “sexy” to us. Men, especially, tend to be partial to patchouli or sandalwood, while women often like to add a little spearmint to lighten the scent. We often enjoy jasmine and clary sage, too. So put a few drops of one or two oils in a diffuser and wait for the aroma to put you in that “come hither” mood!
Early in the day you can start by priming your libido with one of the more feminine scents, like clary sage. Then, when you’re snuggling with your husband, add those that pack a punch, like patchouli.
Here’s a nice aphrodisiac blend:
- 2 drops sandalwood
- 2 drops patchouli
- 2 drops ylang ylang
Nibble Something Luxurious
Certain foods, like dark chocolate, have long been known to be aphrodisiacs. Keep some on hand just for date nights–and don’t tell the kids where the stash is.
Add Some Spice!
Spicy things stimulate circulation, which also stimulates libido! In fact, many manufacturers now combine spicy with dark chocolate to give you a complete natural aphrodisiac. Chili pepper dark chocolate is hard to resist, and tastes much better than it sounds. Trust me.
Or for your main course at dinnertime, enjoy some spicy Indian food, as long as that sits well with your stomach. Nothing helps you lose desire faster than feeling queasy.
Warming foods also do a great job of setting the mood. A spice like ginger is both warming and circulation-enhancing, and it’s a great one to add to your main course. Cinnamon also is very warming, so on a fall night, simmer some cinnamon-sprinkled apple cider in your slow cooker and sip it throughout the evening. Or choose some herbal teas that contain cinnamon or ginger, and enjoy them throughout the evening.
Luxuriate in a Massage
Massage releases tension, but also releases toxins and endorphins.
Here’s another truth: for women, sex largely begins in the brain. While men tend to be aroused before they start making love, for women, getting in the mood tends to be a little more complicated. When our brains are focusing on other things, our bodies have a hard time following.
Starting with a massage helps you to relax and empty your head of all those stray thoughts. You can concentrate on your body again (which you’ve likely been ignoring all day as you ran around, getting things done). And that helps us to realize, “Hey! My body actually does feel good!”
And remember–you can get access to a FREE massage mini-course from MELT: Massage for Couples, right here!
Have You Heard of the Boost Your Libido Course?
If your libido is sub-zero, I want to help you BOOST it–and get to the point where you actually WANT sex!
In this 10-module video course, I walk you step-by-step through understanding what libido is, identifying your roadblocks to libido, and figuring out how to turn yourself ON again! And we look at how the brain, body, and emotions all contribute to our desire (or lack of it). It’s super fun, and right from the beginning you’ll experience HOPE that you really can anticipate and yearn for sex in your marriage!
Enjoy Each Other
Now that you’ve got everything ready, have fun together! And see how much more fun it can be when you’ve planned the night, put some effort in, and have looked forward to what’s coming!
Your Sizzling Challenge!
Get the conversation starters or board game ready, get some massage oil and some essential oils, pick up some dark chocolate, and plan a main course with ginger! Let your husband in on what you’re doing, too!
Find other posts in the Sizzling Summer Sex Series here.
Let me know in the comments: What things naturally get you “in the mood?” Let’s talk!
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I love my essential oil diffuser. Got it on Amazon for less than $20! Much cheaper than buying it thru a MLM EO company 😉
I love mine, too! Use it all the time.
Great suggestions as always! Things are not sizzling here as life is in the way. I keep reading tho to keep the simmer going…
Zero alone time is a killer.
That is really rough! Sometimes you just have to grab what you can get. We went through seasons like that in our marriage, too.
I hosted an “Essential Oils in the Bedroom” class for some girlfriends just before Valentine’s Day this year, and we made all sorts of his & hers recipes with aphrodisiac/circulatory support oils to use with our hubbies. I’ve since had multiple requests (from both parties) to make it a regular event!
That sounds really fun! I love it.
I tried putting candles and scents around me today, and the dark chocolate and was looking forward to our date tonight and it took one word from hubby to kill the mood before it even got off the ground. 😔
Dressed in something nice. New shirt, cute jeans and some heels and I came downstairs and he jokingly said “Ahhh scary!” The mood is gone. I tried so hard today too. 😐
Oh, I’m sorry! Sometimes we need to warn our husbands first that we’re doing something like that. But I’m so sorry that he didn’t react well.
I love this whole idea! And I can vouch for the deliciousness of chilli chocolate! 😂😍
Though I don’t make it a habit, an occasional glass of wine actually helps me get in the mood because it lowers my “mental walls” enough to give me permission to enjoy sexy. A shower at bedtime is also one that helps me a lot.
We have a pre-blended essential oil we use in our diffuser that buy at our local health food store that is made by NOW oils – it’s called Naturally Loveable. Smells really great.
I was able to link this to a local moms group, where one mom was complaining of no drive. I was AGHAST to see number of moms suggesting “harmless” use of “occasional” porn as long as one didn’t make a habit of it. My heart HURTS for these women.
Oh, dear. Isn’t that sad?
Very interesting ideas!
God created our bodies to respond to many different physical factors.
Males and females both produce pheromones that are a “turn-on” signal.
While I would notreduce sexual arousal to a single thing, I think it’s important to recognize this as part of God’s creation.
Unfortunately, many American men no longer have their full capacity to produce those pheromones because of circumcision.