This is the weekend for fireworks!
Tomorrow is Canada’s 150th anniversary, so all the houses in my subdivision have little tiny Canadian flags in their flower beds (including mine, of course). And we’ll all be having parties tomorrow (although unfortunately the weather calls for rain on the big day, at least here in Ontario).
And then my American friends will celebrate just a few days later.
And I thought fireworks was a pretty good way to launch our Sizzling Summer Sex series, which is coming to you on Monday! Every weekday in July we’ll be talking practical tips, encouragement, and insight on how to make sex rock.
I tend to talk about all kinds of different aspects of marriage and parenting on the blog, but sex is really my favourite subject–largely because it’s the one I had the most problem with when I was married. I know what it’s like to want your sex life to be much better than it is, and to have no hope of how to get there.
And so I thought it was time to dedicate a whole month to it!
Sex is meant to be awesome, but it isn’t awesome automatically.
It was designed to actually take some work, so that we could also work on communication and other wonderful things. So there’s nothing wrong with you if sex isn’t working the greatest yet. You just may need a few tips, and that’s what I want to share with you now!
Because when sex isn’t working well, we can get really down on ourselves. We can feel guilty, and then ironically pull away from our spouses, because we assume they’re upset at us, too. And it can cause this downward spiral.
But what if fixing things isn’t as hard as you may think?
I hope the tips I’ll share with you this summer are ones that can really turn everything around for you! (and if you have a specific question you want me to cover, just email it to me here, and I’ll try to fit it in!)
You can always learn something new!
Sometimes it’s working fairly well, but you’re worried you’re getting into a rut. Stop worrying. After this month, ruts will be a thing of the past!
It’s harder to fix something the longer you wait
I hope that you all are just eager to jump in and make some great changes and move forward!
But if you’re unsure, I just want you to heed some warnings from some older women:
I have been very “stuck” for YEARS, but don’t really want to stay that way. I wish I would have pursued it sooner, before my menopause and my husband’s Type 1 diabetes were contributing factors. I feel like even if I could fix the libido “thing” in my head, the physical conditions are still a frustrating and discouraging reality.
I have described menopause as “nothing works, and I don’t care.” Originally the not caring was because of a lack of hormones, but it has become an emotional not caring, a shutting down. I pray for the Lord’s help to soften my heart and believe that change is possible.
That’s so sad. And I understand where she’s at. I’ve had so many women in menopause tell me that now they just can’t respond sexually, even if they want to. Things have changed too much.
What often happens with couples is that after marriage, sex isn’t that great for the wife. But she doesn’t want to say anything because she’s a little insecure and shy. Soon children come, and it’s easy to throw her energies into the kids. Sex goes on the backburner. It’s always a simmering problem that causes distance, but the kids are enough to keep the relationship going.
Then the kids grow up. And you’re left with your husband. And you realize: I’ve never really enjoyed sex. I’ve never really figured out what it is to be a woman. I’ve been cheated all these years! And she gets angry and wants to do something about it. But it almost feels too late.
It’s never too late, and if you’re in that situation, stay tuned! I’ll have some great tips for you.
But if you’re younger, heed her warning. Don’t let years go by where this isn’t great. Fix it now. It’s so much easier in your twenties and thirties than it is in your forties, fifties, or sixties!
So let the fireworks start! And I wish all my fellow Canadians an absolutely amazing (and hopefully not too wet) Canada Day for our 150th, and to my Americans, have fun as you gear up for July 4th!
Sex is supposed to be stupendous--physically, emotionally, AND spiritually. If it's not, get The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex--and find out what you've been missing.