Could something be wrong with my husband’s man parts?
Yes, I really do write about weird things here on To Love, Honor and Vacuum! Every Wednesday for the last nine years I’ve written a Wifey Wednesday post about marriage. But lately almost everything I write is about marriage, so instead I’ve tried to focus on a different subject every week. And this week we’re talking about our bodies and health issues! I dealt with yeast infections on Monday and how women can get to know their bodies better yesterday.
But today I want to talk about when to know when something’s wrong with our husband’s body. Because let’s face it: we often don’t have anything to compare it to. How can we really tell what’s normal and what’s not? So I thought today I’d list some red flags that people should be aware of when it comes to your husband’s sexual organs!
Now, some problems are acute and bring major pain, and with those you’d probably notice that something was up and you’d get to a doctor anyway (an erection that won’t go away; a testicle twisting and turning on itself; an inguinal hernia (part of the bowel descending into the scrotum, which would be painful). But some problems don’t cause pain and aren’t sudden, and for those we may let things slide when we really shouldn’t. So here’s some you should get looked at!
If his penis is crooked when erect
A few weeks ago I wrote about “chordee“, a genetic issue where a boy’s penis slopes downward or is curved in an unusual way. It’s definitely important to have this treated when the boy is young!
But grown men can also have a form of it, not necessarily due to a birth issue but perhaps due to an injury. Scar tissue can cause a man’s penis to not be able to be straight, which can be a real hindrance to good sex.
Here’s what one reader wrote me:
Pyronie’s is a scar tissue disorder than only shows up after injury, and usually later in life (and, in most cases, the man is not even aware of the injury because the scar tissue slowly forms, until one day they say the bending seemed to show up overnight, according to the Urologist we saw). Now that my husband and I have a name for this (which is such a blessing to at least have a label to work with!), I was shocked and intrigued by a lot of the statistics I found on the Pyronie’s Association page.
About 1 out of 11 men have it, and the majority of men accrue it later in life, in the middle-age time of life (from their mid 20’s to 70’s).
It was very delicate for me to bring up the topic with my husband that something might be off (he has had this from as early as he can remember, so he thought this was the normal way a guy looks when erect), and once we went to the appointment and he saw pictures of a “normal” erection it was shocking news to him.
I think her latter point is so crucial–many men who have this have absolutely no idea that something is “off”. We just don’t have anything to compare it to. I had one woman write to me after reading The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex, where I described what an erect penis would look like, that she finally realized that something really was wrong with her husband (and they sought help).
If your husband can’t get or sustain erections–especially if he could in the past
I’ve long talked on the blog about how most new cases of erectile dysfunction today actually occur in young men, because they’ve grown up with porn and they’re not able to get aroused by a real woman. They’ve rewired their brain and it’s done a real number on their ability to even have sex.
But what if your husband COULD have erections, and then all of a sudden he stops being able to?
As men age, the chances of getting erectile dysfunction do increase. However, just because it’s more common doesn’t mean it should be ignored. Erections are basically dependent upon good circulation, because blood has to be able to get to the right place in a hurry–and stay there. If a guy doesn’t have good circulation, then hat’s going to impede erections. And not having good circulation is a bad thing, in and of itself. It could signal some heart issues, and definitely needs to be looked at.
It could also be an early warning sign of diabetes or kidney problems. I know guys don’t want to talk to their doctors about this sort of thing, but it really is necessary. And most doctors hear so much about this that they’re not squeamish about it at all. So go get the work up. It’s worth it.
If you find lumps that may feel like “pebbles” in his testicles
Please remember: the vast majority of lumps in the testicles are not anything to worry about. But if you do find lumps, please get them checked out, because they may be the first signs of several different types of cancer. Lumps, no matter where they occur, always need to be checked out. I have a good friend who discovered his cancer this way, and he’s in treatment and doing great.
And, hey, it’s always a good idea to check for lumps, too!
If his foreskin won’t move
If your husband isn’t circumcised, there are a few problems which may flare up. One is called phimosis, when the foreskin won’t retract and gets really tight. The other is paraphimosis, when the foreskin won’t go back after being pulled back. This can cause the head of the penis to get red and inflamed.
See a doctor! In minor cases there are steroid topical creams that can help; if it’s a big problem or a recurrent problem, he may need to be circumcised.
If you ever hear a “crack”
If you’re ever making love and you hear a distinct “crack” and he loses his erection, that is very very very bad. Don’t delay going to see a doctor! He could have a penile fracture, which really needs some help or you could end up with major scar tissue which can cause some serious problems.
I know I said I’d only deal with chronic problems and not acute ones, but this is so serious that I really want to drive the message home: go see a doctor!
Certain sexual positions are really more dangerous for him than others. Think of it this way: Any position where, if something suddenly got jarred would result in all of your weight falling down on his erect penis, is likely a definitely bad idea.
Examples might be:
- He’s standing up and holding you against him with your legs around him (think what would happen if he lost hold of you!).
- You’re on a counter or a risen surface while he’s standing (if you fall forward–bad idea)
Or anything where he could suddenly be jarred or bent, like:
- If you’re on top but you’re leaning seriously backwards (and could pull him in the wrong direction)
- If he’s coming completely out of you while thrusting and then re-entering–if he misses on an approach, that could be really, really bad.
If in doubt, see a doctor
I get a lot of emails from people describing things that sound quite serious. And the women ask, “does he need to go to see a doctor?”
I understand that in the United States, this may be more of an issue, especially if you don’t have health insurance or if you have huge deductibles. But this is one part of the anatomy you really don’t want to be messing with! And many things are so much better if they’re dealt with earlier. Take a simple infection. Get treated early and it’s no problem. Let it fester and you may develop scar tissue and even start creating the perfect conditions for Pyronie’s to start (where his penis gets crooked).
So, please, if you’re worried, get some help!
Now let me know: Any horror stories in your past? Or any questions you have? Let’s talk in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Oh my gosh I cringed at some of those. (The breaking.) glad you talk about the hard stuff (see what I did there!!?? Lol)
HAHAHAHA! 🙂 Oh, dear. This is a weird job, isn’t it?
Sheila,
Thanks for addressing this. Many men get so uptight about having their genitals checked by a doctor that they avoid even routine physicals that might catch non-genital related things. So guys, wise up and don’t let things go.
To add to your list: men can get varicoceles in the scrotum. It feels like a “bag of worms” (sorry, but that’s the usual description). It is generally nothing to worry about (mine went away on its own) but apparently it can be related to infertility in young men.
Also, a real genital problem for many men isn’t in the penis or testicles, but on the inside, the prostate. Men often are real squeamish about this, because the doctor feels the gland by an anal exam. Not fun, but worth it when you consider the risks. Prostate cancer is very treatable if caught early, but it’s often not diagnosed until irs fairly advanced. My dad died from prostate cancer, and it does have a family tendency, like many cancers.
Wives, your husband may think you’re being a pest when you remind him about his health. But remind him that you’re also thinking about his sexual health as well as his general health. That may get his attention.
Also, Sheila, when men start having some erection problems, they need to check with doctors about health conditions and medications that can cause problems. And don’t just go trying the latest supplements you read about on the Internet. As a heart patient, I have to be careful. What might help some men could kill me.
Great comment, Bob! Thank you so much! Absolutely agree about all of your points. And I think annual prostate exams and tests start at 50? So wives, make sure your husbands are getting checked! I know two close friends with prostate cancer right now. We need to be careful.
Actually, prostate exams often should be earlier than 50 if there is a family history. I had a prostate infection (and therefore an exam) when I was about 30. And if the prostate isn’t working, a lot of other things won’t be working as well as they should.
Another time to be careful about injury is following pregnancy. Things are a lot looser and slipping out can be a painful and possibly dangerous problem.
Absolutely! Great warning.
For the benefit of any guy that has this, I had a moderate-mild case of Pyronie’s that was successfully treated.
My urologist had me try a few treatments such as topical verapamil that were unsuccessful. Some here may be uncomfortable with this advice, but at last I had successful results when HE suggested regular masturbation combined with a penis pump. The combination worked to breakdown the scar tissue and allow healthy tissue to replace it. It is not unlike the physical therapy one goes through to breakdown scar tissue in injured muscles and joints after surgery, which I have also had. The masturbation is like the stretching and massaging of that other scar tissue used by therapists. The penis pump also stretches the scar tissue, helping it to breakdown, combined with the massaging of the engorged penis, maintained by a cock ring, to increase circulation in the damaged area immediately following the pumping session.
This was a legitimate treatment and It successfully restored me to normal over a period of time.
I hope this experience will be treated as a serious description of a real case and the information will be beneficial to any fellow Pyronie’s sufferers.
Oh, that’s great! Thank you for sharing that, Jack. I had no idea what the treatment was, and I can see how that would break down scar tissue. I’m glad there are treatments that aren’t just surgeries!
A bit of a weird question… hoping you can help me out!
At the very end of sex, in the minutes before he ejaculates, how long should my husband’s penis be “extremely hard” for? I mean, it’s hard for the duration of sex, but then seems to get even harder at the very end, which is my favourite part of sex, but it’s only extremely hard for like 2 minutes, and I’m wondering if that time should be longer? How many minutes is it average for men? Or how he/I could make it longer, so that I have a better chance of ejaculating as well? If that end part was longer I feel like I would orgasm more as well….
Thanks so much!