I go to church because I desperately need Christian community.
In fact, Hebrews 10:25 tells us exactly that:
Do not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
We’re supposed to meet together so we can encourage each other!
What I’ve been finding lately, though, as my girls have left home and our schedules have gotten crazier with travel, is that church services don’t always give me what I long for. I know I’m going to sound selfish for saying this, and when I wrote the column I’m about to share with you for Faith Today, Canada’s national Christian magazine, it got a lot of flak, specifically from pastors. But I still think it’s largely true. And I hope that I can inspire some discussion about what church should look like in the information age, when the big thing that we’re all really missing and yearning for is connection.
(Full disclaimer: since writing this post I’ve switched churches, and I honestly love the sermons on Sunday morning. But I still wonder if the whole way that we do church services could use an overhaul).
So I’m prepared that you’ll hate what I’m about to say! But I hope I can spark some discussion anyway, because when the church format hasn’t changed in hundreds of years, while culture has, maybe it’s time we started to ask how we can best “encourage one another”, as Hebrews says?
I don’t think God ever intended that His people be bored for two hours every Sunday morning as proof of their dedication to Him.
Now I love church. I love my community; I love the fact that my daughters have other adults who take an interest in them; I love serving. I just don’t always love church services.
After all, what happens on Sunday mornings in most evangelical churches around the continent?
A pastor talks at you for thirty or forty minutes, a worship team sings for twenty minutes, an elder prays for ten minutes, and there you are, sitting in the pew, hearing your mother’s voice telling you to “just sit still and be quiet”. Meanwhile, all the friends that you are dying to talk to are sitting nearby, but you can’t chat because it’s absolutely imperative that you sing one more chorus of Hosanna.
Then church ends and you rush around, trying to catch up with at least fifteen different people, while your husband pulls on your arm saying, “we really need to go,” and your teenager claims she’s starving. And you leave the church without those heart conversations with your community.
The teaching model of services was quite appropriate in the early church and the Middle Ages–and even in some parts of the world today–when the primary need was for solid doctrine. When people hadn’t grown up in faith and didn’t have access to Scripture, they needed to be taught.
But that model has endured even though our needs have evolved. Today our primary need is not teaching; my Bible app has multiple commentaries at the click of a button.
Information is not in short supply; community is.
In our fast-paced, media-driven world, we crave authenticity and connection, two things that our modern church services really don’t deliver.
The early church didn’t have endless church services; they did life together. Communion wasn’t small cups being passed around while sitting on benches; it was people eating a meal. Of course, there were still boring sermons–Paul once droned on so long that he killed poor Eutychus, who nodded off while sitting in a window and fell to his death (Acts 20:9)–though he was later revived. Being bored in church is nothing new.
However, that doesn’t mean we should just accept it. As I’ve gotten older and my professional life has gotten more hectic, for the first time in my forty-odd years I’ve found it a challenge to get motivated to go to church, and that scares me.
When I led a praise team a few years ago, one of the biggest struggles we had was ensuring that those pesky announcements didn’t eat up too much time and deprive us of singing opportunities. I’ve now changed my mind. I think we need more announcements, not fewer. I want to know what’s going on in people’s lives far more than I want to sing another chorus. Two weeks ago a woman in my church spontaneously asked the pastor if she could share about a victory in her life, and she did so. I don’t know her well, but it was so encouraging to all of us to hear her story. Isn’t fellowship part of worship, too?
I’d love to do more rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep on a Sunday morning.
I’d love to pray in small groups in the service for the illnesses and struggles people are facing. I’d love to have the preacher speak for fifteen minutes, introduce a discussion topic, and then talk about it in the pews. I’d love to listen to evangelism tips from some of our members who are so effective. I’d love to hear from some of our young people as they struggle with what they want to do with their lives, so we can pray for them and encourage them. I’d love to read more Scripture as a congregation, pray more as a congregation, and hear more stories about what God is doing in individual lives. I’d love to feel like I had connected.
I don’t need polished. I don’t need professional music, or lovely carpets, or multimedia presentations. I don’t even need an excellent sermon. I need community, and with my ridiculous schedule and my husband’s ridiculous schedule, we can’t get it in a regular small group. So Sunday morning at 10:30 is all I’ve got.
I’m pretty sure almost everyone feels the same way–we’re just afraid to say it because it feels heretical. But I think we need to start talking about how we do church, because we’re not just losing numbers, we’re losing connection. And community was meant to be so much more.
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 25 years and happily married for 20! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 8 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
I definitely see where you are coming from with your paragraph on hearing the victories and struggles so you can rejoice, be inspired, or pray with and for others…
Being a Catholic adult has led me to appreciate Mass and I can’t imagine losing any part of it. I enjoy the silence that is so hard to find in our modern world. In fact, in the last several years, daily Mass and receiving the Eucharist daily has brought me more joy than I can put into words. I have started taking classes to help me understand my faith as an adult and now realize why each part of the Mass is necessary.
I also belong to a mother’s group that meets every other week to discuss the Gospel for the upcoming week, how it relates to our lives as wives and mothers, and a group that prays the Rosary together daily after Mass, so I am able to have that sharing you are longing for without needing the Mass and all the gifts it gives me changed.
I am in a unique situation as a stay at home mom and my children go to public school, so this gives me alone time to attend Mass, pray with and for others and take a class during the week. I do understand that working individuals and those who travel so much like you do, do not have this time or opportunity. One idea might be for your church to use social media to have a place where people could go to share their victories and struggles or thoughts on that week’s message. Not the face to face you’re looking for, but still brings you an opportunity to have that sense of community. It might even prompt people to make an actual phone call to pray with a friend or offer some advice. 🙂
My situation may sound perfect to others, but like I was telling my cousin not too long ago, I have the time to do all of this because I don’t work, but this took discipline on my part too. Spending this time at Mass or praying isn’t really socializing and when I first became a stay at home mom I chose going to a gym, meeting friends for lunch or shopping as a way to spend time without my children. Now I choose differently.
I will be interested to read other responses. Everyone’s schedules are so different today.
And I do realize a Catholic Mass is different than other church services, so I hope my comments were relevant for this discussion.
Of course! Thank you for your ideas. I used to go to a mom’s Bible study when my kids were little and it was a LIFESAVER. I loved it so much–especially because there were older women there who could encourage you. My problem is that my schedule is such that we just don’t have time for small groups anymore. And I know that we’re not unique. So many couples that I know are in the same boat. And that’s the problem–how do we make community when we only have Sunday morning?
And you know, I understand what you’re saying about the Eucharist. I think if the service had more time for quiet reflection and meditation I’d feel more connected, too. Sometimes it just seems like we’re supposed to listen rather than participate, and that’s not always what I need. Perhaps I’m the exception, and other people are getting totally fed. But I think the fact that we haven’t changed anything over the years may not be the best sign that we’re keeping current with people’s needs.
I totally agree with your comment, Ms. Sheila. I’m a single gal and grew up in a small church. I would rather have time to connect with a friend than listen to a sermon for a couple of hours that may or may not speak to me. Not everyone has the luxury of a slower pace of life where you have time to connect with people who want to connect with you. My problem is always listening to everyone else and sometimes feeling like noone asks me how I’m doing therefore it feels like I’m not connecting. I went to a different church a couple of times but it still feels like it’s hard to find community if you’ve not grown up in that church or you’re not able to participate in small groups because of work schedules. I live in an area that doesn’t seem like there’s many churches and even with the churches here they don’t seem interested in the communal way they did church back when…
I too find liturgical services to be more meaningful — like I’m “doing church” rather than sitting and listening (or not listening, I really am awful at listening to people speak unless they are super engaging). I’d like to have that + a deeply meaningful community engagement during the week. I don’t have a really clear idea about how to foster more meaningful community though. It’s something that has been on my heart a lot lately. I’d love to see a post on that if you have ideas, Sheila 🙂
Me too!
I think it’s that meaningful connection with likeminded people that we’re longing for.
This is one of the reasons why I don’t care for the current trend of getting rid of adult Sunday school classes and replacing them with “life groups”, small groups that meet in homes. I think small groups are great, but not at the cost of adult SS. My church has adult SS and thus on a Sunday morning, I have community time with people in my stage of life (ours are more or less age/stage-based), as well as corporate worship. My SS class (we started as the newly marrieds and now are people with elementary to middle school age kids for the most part) has a relatively consistent base of people who have been in the class for over 10 years and that whole time we’ve been doing “forced socialization”, or planned social events every other month or so, which has really helped me, at least, get to know people in the class and see who I “click” with. I feel like with the life groups, you could go to a church for 10 years and never really find the people that you click with.
I am really grateful that my parents happened upon this church when I was a senior in high school, as its community really is the best. I’ve talked to people who go to other churches in the area and my church gets high marks for community.
YES! That’s so true. I think if I could just go to adult Sunday School that may solve a lot of the problems. Totally agree.
Jessica, I think you nailed it. Church was a community event where small groups of people came together before the service, got to know each other, talk about the struggles they were facing, shared prayer requests and interacted with each other. It is getting harder and harder in my area to find a church that still has an adult Sunday school. The time of worship and preaching is critical, but so is the time of close interaction.
I totally agree more churches need adult Sunday school classes. The church i grew up in even switched to calling it adult bible fellowship. Having the option for a second type of gathering on Sunday is really smart. As well as small groups for people who are able to also meet during the week. Being part of a slightly larger group on sunday would be great for me too.
Agreed with all of you ladies. We have adult SS after church with about a 20 minute gap between the two where we get coffee, eat snacks and talk and catch up in the foyer with people from all over the church. Then smaller Sunday Schools meet where we start with updating what is going on, prayer request, sharing, whatever is on our hearts, pray, then we have a lesson and end with a discussion around the lesson.
I have only been going to this church 3 years and these are some of the strongest relationships we have had because they are cultivated. And the people are incredibly open in inviting people into their lives.
It really does feel like a real family. They really are my brothers and sisters in Christ.
And this is a 1500 person church, but this approach keeps us intimate with each other. The service is standard one – worship, communion, sermon. But it is the time between and in SS.
On top of that there are small groups in homes for those who are interested and mid-week bible studies.
I meant to say in my comment above this one also, that if a church isn’t going to have an adult “community” option on Sunday mornings and just has a corporate worship service, then it probably would be a good idea to consider changing up the “standard” format for the reasons you stated in your post. There’s a church here that at one point was doing something less “traditional” for their worship service, but I have the impression that they went too far in the other direction, and were trying too hard to be the “anti”-church, like we’re not your grandmother’s church, we’re cool and hip and love us please!
I get you. I actually want the OPPOSITE of hip and cool. I don’t want flashy and polished. I just want more real, if that makes sense.
I love that! Some pastors think that people want professional and polished services that are real productions. We need the “real” not the “productions”.
I teach a ladies’ Sunday School class and it has been a blessing to them and to me. Prayer requests are shared and questions are answered. I love Sunday School!
The more you guys mention Sunday School the more I think I need to get back to that! 🙂
Sunday School is what I was thinking you needed while reading your post. I get everything you mentioned missing in my Sunday School class & in Wednesday night Bible study. However I wouldn’t want to forgo the sermon & worship service. I think taking in the lessons of scripture is important no matter how long you’ve been exposed to Christianity. I can’t even count all the times I’ve either learned something or been reminded of something & I grew up in church. I’ve attended all my life. Somethings do need to change but we always need to be willing to learn.
Shelia…right there with ya. I want pastors who are in you face talking about things we all face everyday. I attend and am an active member of a church that has seemed, in the past, to be all about the the lights, fog machines, and the presentation and I am happy to report that since we have had to let our worship arts pastor go we are leaning away from that again. But I have a question, you said you use a bible app that is complete with commentaries. Which app are you using? I can’t seem to find one with commentaries.
I think it’s an interesting point. And being a working mom with 3 littles and a farm at home, I totally get the “hectic schedule” issue. BUT, I think you’re looking for church fellowship in the worship service when that’s not what the worship service is meant to be about. In our church, we have Sunday School after worship for adult discussion, we have prayer meeting on Wed where we do exactly what you’re talking about and pray in small groups in the sanctuary for half the service and half the service is announcements, testimonies, and a short sermon. We have regular ladies fellowships, men’s’ prayer breakfasts and 5th Sunday dinners, etc. that meet that need. But you HAVE to make time in your hectic schedule for it. Even if we did spend most of Sunday service chit-chatting with our friends, it wouldn’t be enough for true community. You have to put church as a priority over your hectic schedule to be part of that fellowship and community. Two hours a week is not enough, no matter how short the sermon is. And I say that as someone who grew up with no sense of church “family” and had never attended a church ANYTHING other than Sunday morning mass–it’s been a strange journey for me to grow to see the important of just setting our family schedule around Sunday AM, Sunday PM, and Wed PM church, rather than going if we could fit it in. Same with Missions conference and Revival. We used to go if we could, but now we set our weekly schedule around it unless there is a CRITICAL work issue for one of us. And our definition of “critical” has changed too. God is either first, or He’s not. 🙂
I know what you’re saying–but it’s easy to say “you need to make time for it.” The simple fact is that we’re away on the road doing ministry so much of the year, and then my husband works shifts so evenings has NEVER been possible for us for small groups, if we want to do it together. And I know so many people in the same boat. Very few people only work 9-5 anymore, so evenings just don’t work for people. I think for us it will have to be online, and then keeping up with individual friends who challenge us and provide accountability, but I still feel like the worship services are often missing an important element. It’s great if you have a good pastor, but the simple fact is that in most small towns, with small churches, the sermons just don’t necessarily challenge a lot of people. Preaching is a very important gift, but it’s not equally given. So if you’re in a big city you’re okay. You can find great sermons. But in small towns it’s not as easy. Yet sermons are one thing you can EASILY get online (we listen to a ton while we’re on the road!) So it just seems strange to me that that’s the #1 thing churches emphasize, when that’s not necessarily people’s #1 need. Does that make sense?
Sheila, I’ve been a faithful reader for several years now, and I’m deeply indebted to you for much of your wisdom and advice, but I have to disagree here, especially on that last statement. Preaching is the #1 thing churches emphasise because it’s the #1 thing Scripture emphasises. Teaching, communion, fellowship– all center on the Word of God. We desperately need community-but a community based on the truth of the Bible, and if we invert the priority of those two, we will very quickly lose our way.
I’ve seen church done well and done poorly (on both the small and dead side, and the huge people-pleasing side), and I am so convinced that scripture needs to be emphasised more, not less. You may be faithful at your personal Bible study and catching up on online sermons, but most people aren’t. But they fill their weeks with pta meetings, work functions, toddler groups, gym memberships– looking for places to belong. We don’t need ‘a’ community. We need God’s community, meeting together with Him as the focus. Ideally, it would include life lived side by side during the week, which I get is really hard for you personally. But the church service itself has a pattern (OT, NT, and historically) of being led, not just shared. That’s for a reason, and it’s a good reason.
Have you ever read Bonhoeffer’s ‘Life Together’? It’s challenging, encouraging, and short!
But I will pray for your heart in this season of loneliness. And if you ever feel like teaching in London, let me know. We’ll do coffee and fellowship!
Sheila, I have made this exact same point at church recently, in a slightly different context. We were writing the profile for a new church minister and I said something like, “preaching’s great, but, we can get books and podcasts etc that can also teach us, so I don’t think it needs to be the absolute number one priority that we need in a new minister, compared to, say, a pastoral heart.” I was roundly shouted down, partly for (imo) ‘stupid’ reasons like “but the Baptist tradition is known for it’s teaching being the most important” (as if that’s even the slightest bit relevant to what this particular congregation needs the most at this particular point in time…) but also with the only semi-convincing (to me) “that’s fine for people who are already believers, but non-believers are not going to do it, so we need to preach the gospel faithfully and with integrity for their sake” (like, true, and I hadn’t thought of that, but, even that doesn’t fully explain why the new minister needs to be like “PREACHING!!! ((pastoral))”, y’know?)
I also think new believers are more likely to come to Jesus if the church has a community feel! We really need to get past this. I was recently in a small church where the “sermon” was barely a sermon, and it was wonderful. We read the passage together, and the minister asked us all to call out the word that spoke the most to us. Then we read it a second time, and she asked us to call out the phrase that we felt God was doing today. Then she spoke on it. But it was a great time to think about the word before the real message, and I took more in on that message than any other this year. Ended up writing a viral twitter thread about it, too!
This article makes me super appreciative of my church. While it’s not perfect, we have time for personal reflection, we all take turns doing the sermon, we have Sunday school classes and meetings for men and women where we talk and share about applying the Gospel in our lives. We also have a fb page for the women to share what’s going on in our lives and ask for help when we need it.
Are you LDS? I am and this sounds like our set up! I love that there is so much opportunity for community within my church.
Yep. Good guess 😉
I here what you are saying and I too long for community. I know it won’t happen all with just 1.5 -2 hours on Sunday morning in a group of 100+ (especially for an introvert). I like the ideas of being more interactive and participatory in the service. We should be sharing testimonies/God stories more. The thought of church not being geared to “consumers” who just come watch a show and leave so to speak. I know it’s nothing new but we serve tea/coffee before and after service, with food offered once per month so people hang around and visit. Old fashioned potlucks too – right after service.
Community to me is doing life and that takes time and being available. That is more than Sunday morning. Using social media/technology to stay connected thru the week is good too – online bible studies together, facebook groups to share scripture/prayer requests/practical needs (we have a group of military moms who do this and it is cool to see) Basically though I think finding people within your church to connect with regularly and also being involved in your local churches ministry some way will help build that sense of belonging. Good discussion/thought starter!
A Reluctant Sr Pastors Wife 🙂
We became part of a home church nearly 3 years ago. We spend the Sabbath afternoon in Bible study. There is no “leader,” instead everyone, young and old contribute. After several hours of study, which never seems enough, we break for a meal, giving everyone the opportunity to catch up on each others’ lives and whenever desired, have a personal time for more intimate ministry (such as prayer). Not everyone in our group can make it every week, but that’s okay. We are still part of a family. This seems to be closer to the New Testament church than the highly organized business like model that so many churches today use. I doubt we will ever become part of the mainstream churches again.
I think what you are talking about here is Deed vrs Creed. My wife and I moved in the last 2 years and we just recently switched faith traditions. It was more a of a big deal for her than it was for me. We both came from the Evangelical background. Specifically Lutheran. Liturgy and Doctrine aka Creed is the primary operating procedure of that Church. We visited the Lutheran Churches around us and no warm fuzzies came out if it. At my wife’s suggestion we landed in a Wesleyan Church of all places. I didn’t even know what a Wesleyan Church was. I thought it was Methodist. Well sort of except it’s not 🙂 What struck me was exactly what you talk about. Testimony from the people. Not every Sunday but fairly often People will stand up in my church or just before they sing or even sometimes during a sermon, or pretty much when ever they want to and make statements about their faith. They may air a struggle, or a they may tell a part of their story that re-enforces why they believe Jesus Christ is their savior. I find it totally awesome and moving. Coming from the Lutheran Church that as a child I recall if you breath too loudly you were looked upon with disfavor, this is a HUGE change for me/us. Oddly enough my brother who is an Ordained Lutheran Minister shares this same struggle. You are right. The topic is a hot button. I gave up communion in the manner I am used to in addition to a belief I was brought up to believe about communion for the Church I am in now. For many it’s a deal breaker. For me testimony is the next thing to evidence and proof of God. It is like he is talking to me personally. My second favorite part of our Church is our Pastor. How he delivers his message is so important to me. His method stirs up in me the life of Jesus Christ. The way he delivers the word moves God within me. The small nature of our Church gives the feeling of the concepts of what you are talking about. In addition, we have fun. We laugh at our church. They still sing and sometimes too long. The Pastor still gives long messages that can seem to go on for ever. I am not sure I would use the word bored. But I certainly get it. Essentially you are talking about a congregational Sunday School Church Service. I like your concept. Where do I sign up? – Sheila – I also want to tell you that I have been reading your blog for some time. There is a story behind it to. about 6 years ago I was looking for ways to improve my marriage due to the damage I caused. I searched the internet and it turned out looking back now I was still not well in some ways. I found many of the Christian blog websites. One of them was yours, and many others that you affiliate with. I somehow got attached to one that was actually evil. I was looking for people to help me and eventually I was directed to look at porn to help my marriage. I did not do it and immediately figured out I was being scammed. It is really sad that there are people out there who use bible versus to play with peoples heads and use them for their sexual games. Anyway, I backed away from all concepts of internet use for marriage help. 2 years ago I came back and figured out that some of these people are real. I started reading your blog again this time realizing you are the real deal. I am so thankful for the work you do. I admit I started reading your blog because well…you promote more sex for men. I also started to realize that your blog is helping me identify with my wife. Pretty much what I read here aligns with the way it works with me and my wife. So I kept on reading. I started to apply the concepts and guess what? It works! I have been progressing positively in my marriage, my faith and in my closed circles of men I help with addiction to sex. What is transpiring in my life is that I am looking for people to talk to. I am looking to get outside of my closed circles and stand up and tell my story. I want to tell the world that Jesus Christ died for me and you. I have been rescued from myself. It is so wonderful. I still struggle just like anyone else with temptation, selfishness and whole host of other issues. But man I got it made. I have been given the dream. Why do I deserve it? I really want to apologize here because I feel it may look like I want to take over your blog lol. I just really want to share my story with people. When I share my struggles and successes with others God shines his light on me even more. The gift of doing his will is so profound. ok..well – thanks for reading. totally off topic…
Too funny, Phil–we recently switched to the Wesleyan church after my daughters started attending one in Ottawa we really liked! So we found one closer to home. 🙂
I’m so glad that you found this blog and that you’ve found it helpful. I’m also so glad that so many men are here. It really does make me feel great that I’m a safe place for men, too.
And I do hope that God opens doors for you to be able to share your story more. I think it’s an important one!
We all crave relationships with other Christians. We do need more social time together because we can’t bear one another’s burdens if we don’t know them but…. we still need worship time together. I hear people say worship isn’t about us but about God. I don’t completely agree because we are called to meet to edify each other but God should be our main focus. Singing praises to Him should touch our hearts. We take communion every week to remember Jesus and his sacrifice. That is def not boring. Don’t you tell us to focus on our husbands even when we aren’t in the mood because he needs that but it sounds as if you are OK with taking away the focusing on God. I also disagree with not needing teaching because information is at our fingertips. Many years ago I think most people knew who about Jesus but not so much anymore. Our country is much more diverse with different religions and with so many people with no religion. Also a good sermon can not only teach but it can also inspire us to be better. Maybe we are bored because we are so overloaded with stimuli everywhere else we don’t know how to just sit still and truly listen. It also helps to have a preacher that is a great speaker who challenges us to live for Christ.
Can I get an AMEN!!! It’s like you’ve been sitting around our family dinner table for the past few months, because these are EXACTLY the points I’ve been talking about with my family. As a husband and father, I feel like I’m failing as a spiritual leader because I can barely get myself to go to church these days. Not because I don’t want to be in community, but because it has become so formulaic that I have a hard time even connecting to why I’m there.
I met with one of our pastors last year, and I asked him why church has become like this. The bible is messy, Christianity is messy. Christ’s ministry was anything but formulaic. So why has church gone the opposite direction? He didn’t have an answer, and I don’t think he agreed with me, actually. I do believe one part of it is that the church structure has changed. More staff, bigger building, higher costs. When you have to bring in X amount of dollars to make it work, changing things up sounds very risky. That’s just one aspect (in my opinion). I also think we’ve become so conditioned that anything different feels odd and a bit intimidating.
Great post!
Here’s where I think the real problem lies…church was God’s idea and “we” (the church or Christians) often think we should get to set the agenda based around multiple different factors. He gave us the method and the means to “do church” (and worship) in His Word. And I’d encourage any believer to scour the Scriptures to discover what all that includes and then if you’re not going to a church that has that, find a different one (even if you just did!) Anytime I scour the Scriptures for information like this I find what I was so sure I was right about, I have some repentance to do on my side too. (But hey, that’s just me.) I’m not saying your assessment is wrong or bad, just that there might be more there for what God intended worship to be than just the cravings you or I have in the season of life that we’re in. I’m literally in this process right now so would you consider joining me in digging into God’s Word on worship and church?
This is exactly what I’ve been thinking recently. We have access to endless sermons online and via podcast apps. So many wonderful online women’s communities and bible studies. I need somewhere to feel connected face to face with others. And I don’t know why churches started going away from Sunday school, because when you work full time it’s next to impossible to make it to a life group. The problem with Sunday school is there’s more of a time constraint and it’s mostly dedicated to bible teaching like the sermon, rather than praying for and encouraging and coming alongside one another. Ultimately, I think you are spot on that church hasn’t changed to fit cultural changes. We have so much virtual community and access to knowledge, but not near enough true in-person community.
In the messianic synagogues we go to church on the Sabbath day (Saturday) and it’s really delightful, because afterwards we always have a potluck for the members and the community where people can share there stories and then there is all different types of classes you can take to learn Hebrew. which is the original language of the bible. That would be awesome if the church’s could do that.
I can understand the boring part. While I don’t think church should be “entertaining”, I do think it should be engaging. However, it sounds like you just want it to be a big social time for people. Time to catch up with those and pray for those you haven’t seen all week because of busy schedules.
But if we really look at this biblically, the people met each day at the temple and in homes (Acts 2:46). So even if the church was open 7 days a week, would we actually make time to meet with each other? Would we actually make time to visit people’s homes? No. Because our schedules.
So we’re at the point where we want the church to fit our lives. Because our desire to connect with people trumps the time to connect with God because we’re so deprived of people throughout the week. So singing that last verse of Hosanna becomes a chore instead one more verse to declare the very thing angels proclaim constantly in heaven.
If everyone is so tired of the boredom, sure, the folk could be more engaging. But it’s not the church’s fault we’re so community deprived.
I don’t really know if it’s about having a big social time as much as feeling like you’re plugged into a community. The church is made up of more than the pastor and the worship team, but often that’s all we hear from on the Sunday morning services. And when you look at the early churches, that was not the case. So although yes, they had much more a community lifestyle and we need to make that a priority, I also think that the church is not an inflexible establishment. Even just look at the differences in church services across the world!
It would just be nice to see churches involving the members in the Sunday service, too, so that we can all know what we’re doing in the rest of the week! Let’s hear from Sally who started that ministry for single moms who need affordable daycare. Let’s hear from Bob who’s running an inner-city team to help kids in high-crime neighbourhoods. Let’s just make church about more than a 30-minute sermon and routine singing.
I’m interested in the comments regarding Sunday School. I grew up with Sunday School and I really never liked it. It always felt very formal and uncomfortable — not the kind of place where I would grow relationships and really experience community. I don’t know what it was — it was in classrooms with fluorescent lights, it felt like school, I was always with people my own age and I was really shy, it was more teaching than growing in community. I like home groups largely because they meet in homes and focus more on community. I totally get how Sunday School could potentially meet those needs in a more convenient way, but I feel like they structure and atmosphere of them would need to be a bit different to really fit the bill.
I agree–and I think that adult Sunday school needs to be different than child/youth Sunday school for just that reason. Often it’s easy to group all the 20-25 year olds together, then all the 25-35 year-olds, etc. I personally love my small group, as well, but would SO prefer if we could all meet up before church on Sunday, or even after, in the afternoon, because it’s so hard to make everyone’s schedules work out. Also, with Sunday School versus home groups, there’s versatility in who you meet. Depending on which class you take, you meet different people.
But if it becomes too much like a lecture, or just like you’re back in high school, yeah–definitely need to make it more personable.
A thousand times YES, Sheila! We belong to a wonderful church, but for us, our CHURCH is from 5:30-8:30 every Thursday night. Our small group meets each week in someone’s home. We have a potluck every week. We have 11 kids running around (and when the weather is nice here in North Idaho, we have half the neighborhood joining those 11 kids in the backyard). We open our Bibles, we talk, we laugh, and we go deep. We encourage one another. We laugh and weep together. We have walked with each other through some pretty big highs and lows over the last 2 1/2 years. We are family. Our church has 3 8-week small group sessions. But we don’t follow that, because how can we go deep with that schedule. So we just go — every week, all year. In the summer it looks like a bbq in the backyard each week. We watch each other’s kids. We give each other money when someone has a need. This is my church. I am so grateful.
We just got this comment from a woman who would prefer to remain anonymous:
I will start by saying I think true community is so important! God has been challenging my husband and I to make sure we are fostering real community and having people over to our home. So many are craving real ness and inviting people in your home for dinner is a great way to have your home be used for practical misistry and community. I also believe small groups can be such a wonderful experience as long as people are safe and free to be real. However, what I’m about to say will prob get some major push back. Most of the way the American church is run is like a business now. I get with our current American model it has to be that way but this is sad and we are loosing the heart of community and true real craving for Jesus. I will say in full disclosure I go to a church that has a heart for others and I do help and volunteer and think my church truly does have the right heart. I’m actually very close to the pastors wife and we have wonderful community. That’s one thing we have absolutely done right. However I think in almost every American church American “christinese” creeps in even mine! I think that’s one reason we have so many christians but few conversions and such the outside world Christianity looks hypocritical and fake. It’s sad and there is no one fits all answer and we shouldn’t give up because of this but charge on. However, I think our churches as a whole really does look much like the acts church . A good book on this subject I have found is reimagining church by frank viola.
I have been reading your blog for at least three years and you have so many amazing things to say. And while I agree with you that Fellowship is so important to Christians and something many are longing for, I have to disagree with you that you only have 10:30 am on Sunday. I have been reading She Reads Truth by Myers and Williams. In Chapter 8, she is talking about being too busy and not having time for what she feels like she really needs that day. But then she hears the Holy Spirit say to her “All of time is Mine. You have what I give you.” Praying that you will make time to fill yourself up so that you can keep blessing those of us who enjoy your blog!
Our new pastor is really trying to help us build community in our church with more gatherings outside of church time – like socials and leaders meetings. I feel awful that we haven’t been participating all that much but honestly I’m **too tired** for all that jazz. We are busy (like most families are) – homeschooling, working, and making sure we maintain our relationships with family. Does that make me selfish or just aware of my limits?
Hmmm, the answers to this dilemma will vary as much as the people that are responding – as is evident!
Sheila, you say you need more community and rightly so! because you’re on the road a lot connecting with many different folks but none that are your “home” fellowship, so to say, where you really get to know each other well. Others are getting their community connection because they are in a place in their life that allows for it but are yearning for something else in a different area. Different needs in different seasons for different folks!
We just had this discussion a month ago in our church. We just can’t get it all right for everyone, and this is how we learn to live in community, by doing a lot of give and take in the process of “church”. One is the finger, the other the head…we won’t all “get” each other and need the same thing. In our church we have folks who would love much more singing because it’s a very personal connection with their Lord, and would prefer less sermon time. There are those, however, who would LOVE more sermon time because that’s their connection to the Lord and learning more about him. Others thrive on sharing one on one their personal walks with the Lord. So, it’s a real give and take just like in real life with all other situations and people we encounter. Everyone is free to choose their location for fellowship but should do so while still showing much grace and understanding to those who don’t think or do likewise.
I would also like to suggest that big towns or cities do not guarantee great speakers, nor does an online spot guarantee that for any pastor. We have many small towns in our province and in them exist many good pastors who are doing a great job of leading their sheep! Also, there are those churches that have grown exponentially and come across as too organized and formatted (for some). Some of the churches in our area look like that but they do a great job of speaking to the masses, so to say – bringing in many that would otherwise not enter the door of a small church. The more “entertaining” approach brings them in but they also offer many evening courses for spiritual growth, plus small groups that make them feel at home. In really comes down to choosing what works best for any one family, and it won’t look the same as the next.
God bless you, and may you all find a community of Christians to connect with to encourage each other, to spiritually grow AND bring many more seekers to Christ!
My sweetie and I look for small group engagements (we travel some too, so I know how hard this can be). We have Skyped with a couple weekly for years. We became friends and then moved away from each other. We didn’t want to lose the friendship, so we’re Skype friends now.
When we’re at our home base we gather at the local coffee shop, have weekly “family night” with extended family (and often friends), and attend a small community church with plenty of small group opportunities. In the past we have done home church.
You have to be intentional about it, but it can be done. I think it’s key to look at your lifestyle and brainstorm ideas for possible ways of connecting in the small.
As someone who was nearly driven out of the church altogether by the extreme paternalistic viewpoints of a certain church my family had been attending for many years, a sense of community among all believers, not just among the leadership, is a big desire for me. I would appreciate going to a church where I could have more than just the pastor’s and elders viewpoint. My faith is fragile at this point and finding a church where Sundays are more about building connections than following a program is very appealing to me.
I have felt the same way many times about the style of service we attend. I was introduced to a different style by my husbands family which I have come to appreciate. They are called chapels or assemblies. Sunday morning starts with a Breaking of Bread service in which the men will share from the word of God from which they have been studying and reading. A song may be requested to be sung. It is believers encouraging each other in the Word of God, prayer and closing with communion. They do not have a paid pastor. They will have those with the spiritual gift of teaching bring inductive bible teaching in the second half of the morning after the breaking of bread service. In between the two services is a coffee break time of about a half hour in each community and friendship is built. They also train the young men to participate with scripture reading and devotions – to equip them to become spiritual leaders for their homes. I don’t need to go to church to be entertained by a polished music group or a charismatic teacher. I need to be encouraged and equipped to by a christ follower everyday.
I just want more community in general. We commute to work, church, the shopping centers. Our kids are bussed to schools across town. As a stay at home mom, there are no other stay at home moms. The neighborhood is largely quiet and empty. No one is home.
While I love my church and the people are friendly, I have been there for over a year and still feel like a guest rather than a congregant. Part of it is my introversion and social anxiety. Part of it is the other ladies….friendly, yes, but we just don’t really connect. They have their long-term gal pals and bffs. I just don’t fit in. And perhaps the biggest problem is that we live a fair distance from the church and church community.
I would love to live in a fairly like-minded community with corner shops, small local schools, and community churches.
To me, church isn’t about community. It is about worship. We have Sunday school right before church service. I know other churches do it after or at night, but THAT is the time for community. You are comparing apples and oranges. You have to have BOTH. And to be honest, even that isn’t enough. If relationship and community is just that one hour, you do not have it. What you are hungering for is a group of people that do life together. Our modern day life isn’t very condusive to that. I know you travel a lot, and that makes it difficult as well. You need to get 3 or 4 couple friends and MAKE time. Church services were never meant to do what you describe.
I go to a Pentecostal church. And honestly, I can’t relate to a lot of what you said in your post. Maybe part of it is because my church is small enough that I know all the regulars.
But here is what one of our services look like: Those who can, come a little early for a time of prayer before service starts. It’s very common to see people praying together. Then we sing worship songs. This is a time to praise God, and receive something from Him. We clap, raise our hands, even cry. The preacher generally gets excited, and we are excited too. When he finishes, the whole church goes to the front, and everyone prays together. Sometimes this lasts for a while, praying with several people with different needs.
We also have an occasional church potluck or similar social event.
No church is perfect, but I think mine does a good job of engaging people rather than making them feel like spectators.
Our church has announcements/ prayer for specific things (students moving away to get jobs, a ministry, a missions trip, joining the church, baptism etc.) and testimony and congregational prayer (which is often sharing victories, struggles and testimony of some kind) built into the service. We also have adult Sunday school, Sunday night fellowship where they meet and play games and discuss the sermon, various bible studies, home fellowship groups (led by an elder) etc. We also have potlucks once a month directly after service and meals of 8. We don’t do programs. We don’t have a staff, not even a secretary. The only people paid by the church is the pastor, the associate pastor and *maybe* the custodian. The rest is all volunteer work. If nobody volunteers, we don’t do it. No biggie. We don’t have a worship team; we have several different ones, but it’s not really a big thing. Just people playing guitar/ violin/ piano/ saxophone/ drums/ and singing. If the church gets big enough to need two services (around 300), we plant another church. They did it about 5 years ago and are getting ready to consider it again.
I disagree with you about not needing teaching. There is a lot of information, and people are really terrible at filtering it. If people were good at filtering information, fake news wouldn’t be a thing. I honestly feel like people have gotten worse at finding the relevant information and filtering it. You might not notice so much cause you homeschooled, but I teach Chemistry Sophomores/ Juniors (college). These are STEM majors. You will not believe how many of them cannot look up the correct mechanism for something to save their lives.
Teaching sound doctrine is absolutely essential. There are many, many unchurched people who become new believers in our church About 60 -70% of them are college students from the various campus ministries. A *lot* of them only came to Christ in the college. You can’t just turn these people loose and hope they magically find good teaching and are able to separate the good doctrine from the iffy and truly wacked out teaching that is out there. Our pastors systematically work through bible books, mostly biblical exegesis + application + gospel message/ challenging you to be more Christ-like. This is actually the first time in my life my pastors are telling me things I didn’t already know.
I also don’t agree that people’s needs have changed. People’s basic needs have always been the same. What is wrong is America’s obsession with efficiency and numbers and statistics and performance and the tendency to treat people like robots. We are not robots. We don’t need to be polished and church should not be a numbers game. It should simply be people following Jesus.
Our church is doing a lot to try and foster discipleship and community. They are very intentional about it and I think they are doing a great job 🙂 I’m really sad that I’ll have to move when I finally graduate. But I didn’t know that functional, healthy churches existed. They do. And they are great.
Sheila, you are always telling us we are in control of our schedules and we should arrange them according to our priorities. I find it a little funny that you are now the person protesting that it’s not that simple. It isn’t. But the fact of the matter is that community and authentic, deep relationships can’t happen without time (which you are also always telling us). So the problem might be partly your church. But it could also be that you need to travel a bit less. #Just saying#
We are doing Life Together by Dietrich Bonhoeffer in our theology reading group. Maybe you could suggest it as an Adult Sunday school class and use it to start a conversation about these things in your church.
I hear you about most people not knowing very much, Alchemist! I really do. Your church sounds amazing! I think I do want to see if we can make headway with an adult Sunday school. But I still would like more testimony time and more time to hear about other people in the congregation like you mentioned.
Just a quick note…something I’ve noted while reading through the comments.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but it seems as though you Sheila, and others are wanting to connect more with other believers. Which is good! I humbly suggest though, that the time to connect with others is not during the worship service. This is the time we have set apart (well, actually God has set apart) to come to God, as He has welcomed and called us and worship Him. To be reverent, joyful, convicted, and encouraged.
The time to pursue relationships horizontally can be done at another time.I think there is too much of a temptation to draw the attention to ourselves anyways…and the time for that is not during church. God is enough. So…arrive early, stay long!
Oh, one more thing…one of the beauties of worshiping God together as a congregation is that we are also “fellowshipping” as we worship one God, sing the same songs, take in the same sermon, etc.
Hi Elizabeth,
Thanks for your comment. I’m not sure, though, that it’s entirely about connecting with other people. In any given church there are only a few dozen that you will ever know with any kind of depth. But there are so many other people’s stories that I would love to hear! One of the best way to encourage each other is to hear other people’s stories and pray over other people. You may never talk to them in person, but it’s so great to hear what they have to say. Like, we have some people in our church who are so gifted at neighbourhood evangelism. I would love to have an update from them say once a month, even just for five minutes, to hear how things are going and how we can pray for them. There are others in our church going through some really tough family situations or health concerns. Again, not people that I may ever know personally. But I’d love to know what God is doing in their lives and I’d love a chance to hear a report and then get to pray for them. Or we have some young people who are so talented–I’d love to hear from them more.
Does that make sense? It’s not just to talk to people or have friends; it’s also to feel as if you’re a part of something bigger, where God is working in all kinds of ways that we may not even know about in the same community, but we can celebrate each other and pray for each other! Teaching I can get online. But knowing what God is doing specifically in my community–in the hospitals, in the businesses, in the neighbourhoods, in the immigrant groups–that’s something I can only learn in church. And if I can feel more a part of it, then I can pray better. And it would encourage my own faith as well!
But so often you could have the exact same service anywhere in North America. I’d like something where it’s uniquely routed to where I live. Where there’s a real reason to go, because otherwise you’d miss something important about what God is doing in your community. That’s more what I’m talking about, if that makes sense.
Preach! I have a teen, an 8 yr old and a 4 yr old…. Most of the time, I don’t get much out of the service. I do want the community and there also needs to be a little polishing at times. If we don’t, we become dull. A balance of both will go a long way! 🙂
But church is about worshipping God and learning about him, not social time. It sounds like the only thing you are willing to give up is your two hours of church. That’s a big red flag to me. Church is the most important thing, and only 2 hours a week. We find time to do things we really want to do. If evenings don’t work, get together with friends for breakfast or lunch. Make hospitality and relationships a priority. Don’t sacrifice the most important thing, give up another commitment, and make the time.
I’m not saying I want social time, though, Becky. I’m saying that I want a time to encourage one another and to hear about what other people are going through. And I don’t mean people that I know personally, either. Some of my most blessed times in church have been hearing from people I don’t know and that I would never be in a small group with–but hearing what God is doing in their lives or hearing how they need prayer for something. Does that make sense? You can never get to know all the hundreds of people in a church; in any church you’ll likely only know closely a few dozen. But having a chance to get an insight into more people’s lives and hear what God is doing in your community–that’s so encouraging!
Sheila, I am a pastor and I totally agree with you. We were on vacation, went to a church and during the service I wanted to make a comment, stand and clap for the music, engage with people, but everyone was absolutely quiet. I told my wife, we have to have a more interactive church. We now have three fellowship times, before, middle and after. We have people give praise or prayer during the service. I even encourage speaking up during the service with comments, not the amen, hallelujah, etc. but heartfelt content based comments. I am always looking for more ways to make connection. Give me some ideas!!
I love that, Mike! I know one of my pastors, during each sermon, would ahead of time ask a congregation member to share for about 5 minutes about one of his points. If he was talking about evangelism and praying for a neighbour, he’d have someone who had brought a neighbour to church and seen that neighbour grow come up and share. If he was talking about one of Jesus’ illustrations about the eye, he had an ophthalmalogist give some more insight. If he was talking about planting seed, he’d have one of the farmers come up. It was just neat because it was a way of getting to know some of the other people in the congregation and getting an insight into their lives, too!
Great ideas. That put some thoughts in my head. I could get a person once in awhile to illustrate a point. I will have to think ahead to my sermon topics and ask ahead.
We attend a small Southern Baptist church, 125 people on a good Sunday. We do much of what you are saying you want. Toward the end of each Sunday morning service we usually end up praying in small groups over those in need of prayer. Our pastor strongly encourages sharing the weeks praises as much as prayer requests. Sunday night and Wednesday services have a tremendous amount of congregational discussion. Initially reading your post/article, I was not sure where you were going, but I agree. My family and I are blessed to be part of a body of believers with such a sweet spirit.
That sounds very idyllic!
In our Philippine mission, I used to preach for an hour every week, & then we’d break up into small groups for 30 minutes after each sermon. Group leaders were entrusted to discuss applying the message to our lives, as well as to facilitate prayer for one another.
Now I preach for 30 minutes, with 1 hour of small-group time.
Teaching PLUS community!
Plus discipleship, in 2 Timothy 2:2 style!
2 Timothy 2:2 says:
“And the things you have heard me say in the presence of many witnesses entrust to reliable people who will also be qualified to teach others.”
I forgot to mention, after small group time, we all enjoy a meal together. Since the people are very poor, this is often the only nice, big meal they get all week. And the fellowship is amazing!
I love that, John! Maybe I should move to the Philippines. 🙂
You are certainly welcome! 🙂
Wow, First I want to say that I love your blog. I’ve been reading it for years and occasionally comment, but usually don’t feel like I have much to add. I did respond to one comment above about Sunday School and believe that you would find much of what you crave in a Sunday School class. But I also disagree with a lot of what you said, and feel the need to voice my thoughts. I don’t know if you’ll read it or not. It may seem harsh, but that’s not my intention. I really think it’s just a matter of needing a reset.
1: I’m glad you found a church where you are happier. I recently changed churches after attending the old one for 20+years. It was hard to make the change, but I’m so grateful to have found a new church home, where I actually feel at home.
2: Community is important in a church and if you don’t have it after spending time working on it, you need to find a new church. I love my Sunday School class, and my Wednesday night bible study. That is where I feel like I’m really building community relationship’s within my church. We share struggles, testimonies, prayer request’s, and the list goes on. Sometimes we don’t do a lot of digging in the lesson’s. It becomes more of a guided discussion, where we encourage one another, receive encouragement, and form close relationships with others in the class.
3: And I’m afraid this part will hurt, building a community takes time. If you can’t devote time to it, then you will never build a true community. Also you should not sacrifice worship and learning for community. There is a lot of information available, that is true. However, not all of that information is scriptural, and if you don’t have the knowledge of how to discern truth, or where to find it, then it’s very easy to be deceived. It’s also easy to ignore it, if you are not constantly seeking it, or being confronted with it. As a marriage blogger you have seen how false teaching about the bible can hurt marriages. Many haven’t heard the truth, and can be easily deceived by false teachers. No one wants that happening to believers. I’m sure you agree with that.
As one who has grown up in church, read the bible all my life, studied for fun, and never turned away from God, I can truthfully say that I still don’t know everything. I become complacent in my understanding, and at times forget truths that I have already learned. I also have a tendency to study what I find interesting or easy to learn. Not necessarily what I need, or truths that I would have to wrestle with. That is where the worship service and sermon help me the most. I don’t get to pick and choose what the topic is we are going to dig into. I don’t get to dictate weather or not I want to deal with my sins or failures. That choice is made by a pastor that prayerfully studies the scriptures and gives us our sermon for the week. I fully believe that the Holy Spirit can influence the sermon so that needs are addressed for members of the church.
With so much time on the road, it is harder to build a community. I believe many churches miss the opportunity to build communities online through social media. While that would not work for everyone, it may work for you. You might try searching for a online group, or encouraging your new church to build an online presence for you and others in your situation. You have to devote time to building relationships, but we have a lot of tools at our disposal today that help with that when you can’t physically be there.
The reason I finally left my old church is because there wasn’t a lot of real teaching. I loved the people there, but having community ended up not being enough. I was working every time the doors were opened and I was one that helped when there was a need outside of church. I still help those people. I love them, and yes, they are a part of my community. However, I was getting nothing out of the preaching, and I wasn’t learning anything in SS since I was often teaching children then. There was also a lot of judgment between members that was left unchecked, that I believe good teaching or preaching could have combated. It became to easy for some members to “see the splinter and ignore the beam” because they were never convicted.
My new church (I’ve been there 3 months so it’s still very new) has really good teaching, and works hard on relationships between members. We also host boy scouts meetings, WIC meetings, school fundraisers, and extend a helping hand where ever a need is seen. It doesn’t matter if people attend or not, if they need help, someone tries to help. I love that. We have families with members who are extremely disabled, or learning impaired, and everyone welcomes them. The people in my new church love others, and truly wish to extend God’s love to everyone. I don’t believe they would be so gentle and compassionate with others if the teaching was ignored. It would be to easy to be blinded by pride.
Just wanted to say to everyone–thank you so much for all your helpful comments! I’ve tried to reply to some, but we’re on the road today driving a long way in our RV, so my internet has been sporadic. If I didn’t get to yours, it’s nothing personal. I’m going to read them all later! But thanks for all the feedback.
Just wanted to encourage you that I think your article is spot on.
Put something in the crockpot. Invite folks back after church for lunch. Starving teenager and fellowship addressed simultaneously. And fellowship grows so much better at home than in a church building.
You know, I used to do that all the time when the kids were little on Sundays! Great idea.
“Amen, sister”!
So true. If by chance you haven’t yet read a book called Unchurching by Richard Jacobson, I HIGHLY recommend it. I think you’ll find that a lot of his insights about church today really resonate. One point that particularly struck me was that our way of “doing church” today actually more closely resembles the Old Testament way of doing things, with the people sitting and listening while the book of the law is read to them. I think for those of us under the New Covenant that’s kinda sad.
That’s interesting, Sharon. Hadn’t thought of that before.
I agree with you about “polished” being unnecessary. But my husband is a pastor, and you wouldn’t believe the number of people who very strongly communicate their desire for services to be polished and perfect, and when they aren’t, how he heard about it!!!! We live overseas now though and the small local church we are discipling here does church differently according to their own cultural preferences (we have strongly encouraged that- no need to impose our western ideas of how church should look on them! Take the theology and add in cultural preferences from there is what we think!) I love how they choose to fellowship together. And yes, meals are often a part of church. It’s also a great way to naturally attract people to church on a Sunday morning. Coming for a meal is much less threatening than a church service in many cases. You get to talk to people and see them do more than sing songs and listen to a sermon. And small groups aren’t a realistic option for people here since we are so rural. People travel from rural locations to get to the church in town. So it’s really important that Sunday actually have community building times as a part of the service. I like your thoughts here. I can remember too many times leaving church and not having gotten to talk with the people I really wanted to talk with, because my kids needed lunch, etc.
I think you mentioned a point that hasn’t been brought up before–what NEWCOMERS experience. Those who say that we should just worship God and Sundays are for God, not for us, do have a point, but then I always wonder: “What does someone just walking into this church experience?” I think if there’s a natural way to connect, or if they at least feel as if they get some insight into the lives of some people in the congregation, it would feel more welcoming and like a community.
And I can’t believe people asked for polished! (Well, I can, but that’s sad). That’s so the opposite of where I’m at!
You must have been hiding in the bushes recently when my dad and I had this EXACT SAME conversation. I read and study Scripture daily. I teach my kids from the Scripture daily. I want to gather together for community and engagement – that is what CHURCH is supposed to be. I recently attended a writing conference (which was more of a retreat) where a good portion of the event was devoted to engagement. The last night we sat around a round table and laughed, cried, shared – lives were LITERALLY changed (and challenged). We did more Church in that moment together than I have experienced in the brick building on Sunday’s in years.
You have inspired me to write more about the power of Church when it is focused on community, connections, and engagement – because it is ALL about relationships.
I think you have some very good points. I feel the teaching is very important but if we are supposed to be the “family” of God then we need to spend time with that family. I facilitate a Bible Study during the week and even there because of everyone’s schedules we are usually watching the clock. We have been known to go over by as much as 30 minutes because of the sharing going on during the Bible Study however, that is not appreciated by all.
The only reason I go is to praise The Lord with others and take my kids to Sunday School just to get to interact cuz they are homeschooled. I can’t stand the sermons : too short, wishy washy, out of context, eroneous, blah blah blah. Even songs at times are silly. Just give me JESUS like Spurgeon did!!!
I love this.
I grew up Lutheran. There was a service at 8 and 10:45. Sunday school and Bible study at 9:30. Coffee and doughnuts from 9-9:30. Sunday morning always included fellowship time.
Our small group meets at our house on Saturday night. We have a potluck meal as part of it. I can’t imagine not being a part of a smaller group. It’s so important for me.
I partially agree and partially disagree.
I agree that God did not intend for us to be bored for two hours every Sunday. Over the last few years I have had the opportunity to visit a number of churches besides my home church. I keep seeing similar patterns. Having a paster that “talks at your for thirty or forty minutes” is not useful. The common practice of a pastor opening with a funny story or an over-long episode from his or someones life to set the stage; reading through a section of scripture and then dancing through a couple of alliterated points loosely connected to the scripture lacks any meaning for me. Every service seems so shallow as to be almost useless. I do accept the need to do my own bible study, which I do. I also have several podcasts of good teachers that I listen to in the car and at the gym. But I think there could be a depth of community built by a group of people hearing the same solid truth together especially if the sermon contains application to their lives.
I also think the typical period of singing where where overly loud music is used to pump everyone up while singing a set of new songs every week is not conducive to worship. I mostly feel like the song team is performing rather than leading worship. Honestly, the theology contained in most of the songs appears to be more me-centered than God-centered. I long for a true time of worship because I do not have a good alternative to that.
I disagree with you in that I would hate to see Sunday morning turned more ‘community’ oriented. As an introverted male I hate having to run the gauntlet of greeters to get in the door on Sunday morning and I hate the five minutes to ‘turn around and greet your neighbor’ after the first song is sung. If Sunday morning worship service incorporates more small group activities I will run away screaming. However, I do have a ministry that I serve in and that is my effective small group. As I work with a small group of men to teach a set of boys classes I do build the relationships and develop the community I need.
So yes I think much of the Sunday morning worship service experience is broken but I don’t really think that trying to turn it to build more community as a main part of the service itself is the answer.
Read the article, thought about reading the comments (but there are 78, and I just don’t have that kind of time), and decided to share what I’ve also been thinking for a long time.
Now my father was a preacher, and I really like our church’s preacher. However, for the life of me, I cannot figure out why over half the service is still a long sermon. I love worshiping and my church does an excellent job of including a lot of scripture in the service, but I get more Bible instruction and insight from our classes where the preacher might give his deep knowledge, but we’re all discuss what we know and how we apply it. These days, with all of us toting around Bibles (plenty of us on our phone, thus having it all the time), there’s a wealth of information and encouragement among the Body of Christ itself.
I really wish we’d rethink our main service, but I don’t feel like it’s going to happen when the people who design the service are those who gives those 30-minute to one-hour sermons. We’ll see.
Yep! That’s what I think, too, J. It’s just time to rethink what our purpose is and how we can best encourage each other.
YES! Good stuff, and I appreciate hearing this from others.
I felt like this for years until I discovered the One, Holy Catholic and Apostolic Church, one year ago. You will find through a bit of easy research that the Catholic Church is The church founded by Christ himself 2000 years ago. They didn’t, and we don’t just gather to hear some guy’s sermons, we gather to hear the Holy Word of God and to receive the Holy Eucharistic ( the body and blood of Christ). We are a community related by the Eucharist, not by someone ‘s personal interpretation of scripture. Best thing o have ever done – and I was an Evangelical for many years. Now o know the TRUTH.