What does submission in marriage really mean?
I’ve actually written quite a lot about it on this blog in my posts. But recently, when I shared a “manifesto” I wrote about what it means to be a Christian woman, I started reading the comments section. And I realized there was some really good stuff in there that had never actually been in a post! So I thought today I’d take a bit of the comments section from that blog and put it in a more “readable” format about how a healthy marriage operates.
I started out by writing that what God wants is for us to do His will–that’s what we pray in the Lord’s prayer, after all. And His desire is that we be transformed into the likeness of His Son (Romans 8:29).
So that means that the way that we act in marriage should be first and foremost in accordance with God’s will, and in a way that points people to God, not away from Him.
Much of the Christian advice about marriage, though, can inadvertently contravene this. We teach women that what God wants, more than anything, is for us to obey our husband’s will. I wrote my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage partly to fight against this idea, which I think has seriously hindered marriages (and is one reason, I believe, that the divorce rate is much higher in denominations that stress this interpretation of Scripture rather than in denominations that stress husband and wife seeking God together).
So with that in mind, let’s look at a conversation between myself and a woman named Roberta to see how this can play out (I’ve edited the comments somewhat just to make them shorter!)
ROBERTA: Why is it that we are told to submit (using the same word) to authorities, to Christ, and children to parents? As much as I want to make your definition fit I can’t seem to wrestle it into place.
I also wonder about the 1 Peter passage because it says for the wife to be subject to her husband even unto calling him lord like Sarah did to Abraham. Their lives were as messy as some of ours and I just got the feeling that it was implying obedience not looking out for their best interest. I want to believe what you are saying but I just don’t see women or wives except in helpmate roles in the bible. Jesus had male disciples. Certainly I see women being important, Mary for example. But it seems no matter how hard I want to believe it the Bible tells me Jesus died for my sins and I’m as important to him as any man but that he does have different roles and responsibilities for each gender.
SHEILA: There’s so much to say to your comment, and I don’t have time to do it justice, so let me point you to one really good resource and then try to raise some questions.
Fully Alive by Larry Crabb pretty much addresses everything you’ve brought up, and you’d likely find it helpful. He also explains how “helpmeet” is a warrior term, not a lesser term. We help out of our strength; and we have something very important to offer. The fact that we are made a “suitable” helper means that we are suitable to actually help him–so our minds and our gifts are necessary.
If you look at the role of women in Acts and the epistles you’d likely be surprised by how many were leaders in their churches (Mark’s mother; Lydia; Priscilla; Tabitha; Phoebe; Syntyche; Euodia), and how many taught (especially Priscilla, who was the primary teacher in her duo).
But more importantly, I think the onus is really on those who teach that women are to obey men to justify it.
Let’s start with this:
Are we to submit to authorities?
Yes.
Even if they ask us to go against Christ?
Obviously not. (All the disciples defied the authorities).
Are we to submit to parents?
Yes.
Even if they ask us to go against God’s will?
Obviously not. See the story of Jonathan, for instance.
So are we to submit to husbands?
Yes.
Even if they ask us to do something wrong?
Obviously not. See the story of Abigail or the story of Ananias and Sapphira, for example.
So this means that God is asking us to use our brains–to actively follow God, and to, IN THAT SUBMISSION TO GOD, submit to our husbands, our parents, or our authorities.
Everything is done first and foremost in our submission to God, with the express purpose of glorifying God on this earth and being part of making His kingdom more real here. And thus we have to make decisions about whether we follow our husbands when we know that they are doing something that is not in God’s will–going far into debt; gambling; addictions; etc.
To submit blindly–which is how many people interpret the Ephesians 5 and 1 Peter 3 passages–is never modeled in Scripture. And we have no problem saying that children should not submit blindly, nor do we seem to have a problem saying that we should not submit blindly to authorities (see how much Christians are pushing back against the U.S. government right now). It is only in the marriage relationship that many people get upset and say, “no, women absolutely have to submit regardless.” I guess I would ask–what is your scriptural basis for this, given Acts 5, 1 Samuel 25? And what is your scriptural basis for saying that this submission in marriage is somehow more rigid than other forms of submission which the apostles regularly flaunted?
The only Scriptural interpretation of submission that works looking across all the different areas of submission is that submission is first and foremost to God (“as to the Lord”), and only then to others.
Interested in Hearing More About Submission?

Too often we assume that what God wants is for everyone to follow the husband’s lead. But what if God’s real desire is for everyone to follow GOD’S lead? Then the question becomes, “how, as a couple, can we best discern that?”
If that sounds intriguing, then check out 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage!
When I was a teenager I went through a real crisis of faith. I thought that God really only loved men, and I was cast aside because I was a woman. My gifts didn’t matter. That started me reading a ton of books and exploring more of women in Scripture, and understanding how truly radical Jesus was about women. It was such a faith building experience–to understand how precious I was to Jesus, and to understand why He made me a woman, and to understand how much He loves women as women.
If God is keeping you awake and you’re really struggling with this, don’t be afraid of it. God does not mind struggles and doubts; He welcomes our questions. Just seek Him out in your questions and start a journey of discovery about how God does see you, and I pray that your faith will be immeasurably strengthened in that, as mine was.
Jesus does love you, you are valuable, and He has a unique role for you, as a woman. And that’s honestly okay.
MEGAN: Do you believe submitting to our husbands includes following their will when it’s different from our own when it’s NOT a sin issue? For example, a man who wants his wife to homeschool the kids and she wants them to go to public school (or vice versa). When a husband and wife are in disagreement about something, do you believe the wife should submit to her husband and obey his choice?
SHEILA: I guess what I’d say is this: If you’re in disagreement, then there are only two options: either one of you is not hearing from God or both of you are not hearing from God.
And the biblical model is that we seek out God’s direction, and we seek agreement as believers.
So I think a far better approach would be to seriously pray and fast together, seek outside counsel together, and take some time to really work it out. If you just go along without doing the hard work, then how do you really know that you’re following God? If, after all that, you still disagree, then by all means go ahead and follow him. But I think that would be a last resort, made in sadness, because you can’t ascertain God’s will together.
But I explained that more in this post. Thanks for asking!
ROBERTA: I’m not trying to doubt you or be mean but I’m wondering why you think submitting is the last resort and sad? Would you say the same to children submitting to their parents? I don’t find that sad at all, especially to godly parents. Nor do I find it sad to submit to godly authorities over us in the lord at church. So why is it sad when it is our husbands?
Or to put it another way, and again I’m not trying to ruffle feathers, simply get to the bottom of this. You say the onus is on the ones that disagree with this theology but when I open up my bible and it says “wives submit to your husbands in all things” or “I do not allow women to teach men”, those seem to be very black and white statements. At least as black and white as there is no longer no greek or jew, man nor woman, etc.
It’s hard teaching I know, but I would feel devastated if my husband thought loving me as Christ loves the church was sad and the last resort, so why would I feel like that about submitting to him?
SHEILA: I think the question about black and white things in the Bible is a little erroneous, because the Bible can’t contradict itself. So if the Bible says “women can’t teach men”–but then gives examples of women teaching men, then it obviously cannot mean that women cannot teach men in every situation for all time. We use Scripture to interpret Scripture. So you can’t just take a verse without any context and say, “that’s what God obviously believes!” It has to fit in with the rest of what God says.
And I don’t think submission is a last resort. I think submission is what we should be doing all the time! We submit to God, and then we willingly choose to put our husband’s needs above our own, dedicating ourselves to serving him. Absolutely. We always do that.
So I’m not saying submission is a last resort. I’m saying that agreeing to do something his way BEFORE you’ve prayed and fasted, BEFORE you’ve talked to God about it, BEFORE you’ve tried to work it out with wise counsel, is simply unwise. God wants us to be unified. God wants us to seek His direction and His will. If you disagree then, like I said, at least one of you is not hearing from God. So the proper response should be to humble yourselves together and try to hear from God. When you disagree, that should be a warning sign that something is wrong.
Hope that makes sense!
And I do indeed hope that makes sense! There’s lots more in the comments section on that post. But I thought it was an interesting discussion. I appreciate discussions where everyone’s polite and honestly talking to one another, and I’m grateful for those that I’ve had on this blog. I hope you enjoy them, too!
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I just bought Helga and Bob Edwards’ workbook, The Equality Workbook. I grew up believing in patriarchy in general and then dove right in to Gothardism/Vision Forum patriarchy. It didn’t help my marriage at all. The more submissive and respectful and honoring and hard working and sexual a wife I was, the worse my marriage got!!
It wasn’t until I “rebelled” and stood up for myself, said no, set boundaries, and got a little selfish, a little feminist, and a little dare I say b**chy that my marriage has improved greatly. My husband doesn’t want an obedient servant-child. He wants a warrior wife, strong and authoritative beside him, and even sometimes going before him (then he’s got a great view…lol). He wants a shield maiden, not a cowering slave girl. He loves seeing me strong, yet respectful, independent, yet interdependent with him. My own woman, yet his wife.
We still have issues and I still struggle with Western Christianity, but it is so much better now.
It is mutual love, mutual respect, mutual submission.
There’s the thing about Sarah calling Abraham Lord. I wonder what he called her. Maybe he called her his lovely queen. Maybe they each had a special name that they called the other, showing great honor and love. It makes me smile when I think about that, considering all that they went through.
@ Ashley:
Abraham called Sarah princess.
God also said to Abraham, “As for Sarai your wife, you are no longer to call her Sarai; her name will be Sarah (Gen 17:15).
In Hebrew (Strong’s 8283), Sarah means princess.
This is a really interesting look at a bit of a controversial subject! Honestly I think you hit the nail on the head right at the end: ask God. This is the most underrated piece of advice I’d give anyone struggling with questions like these.
Sarah obeyed Abraham (1 Pet 3:6).
On the other hand, the Bible also details an occasion in Gen 21:12 when God told Abraham to obey Sarah concerning a very important household matter. God could have given the message directly to Abraham, but God chose to have Abraham obey Sarah instead.
12 But God said to Abraham: Do not be distressed about the boy or about your slave woman. OBEY Sarah, no matter what she asks of you; for it is through Isaac that descendants will bear your name. (New American Bible Revised Edition)
https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Genesis+21%3A12&version=NABRE
The Hebrew word (shama – Strong’s 8085) used in Genesis 21:12 is defined as OBEY and listen OBEDIENTLY. Strong’s Bible Concordance and the New American Standard Bible Concordance both define the Hebrew word (shama 8085) used in Genesis 21:12 as obey.
http://biblehub.com/lexicon/genesis/21-12.htm
http://biblehub.com/hebrew/8085.htm
However, the fact God told Abraham to listen to (defined as obey) Sarah concerning a very important household matter usually gets left out of the conversation about submission in marriage. It’s not as one-sided as some Christian sects make it seem.
Great point, Kim! Thank you!
I’m really glad for your perspective on this, Sheila, and your thoughts on scripture. Very needed! I think in practice this is essentially the same thing as egalitarianism, but with the word ‘submission.’ My issue with complementarianism is that the only way it works in real life is if people are more egalitarian in practice (and egalitarianism doesn’t mean ‘same’, it just means there’s no hierarchy). Your examples with decision-making perfectly illustrate what an egalitarian would do.
I really like Sheila’s take on this – particularly because she AVOIDS labels like “complementarian” and “egalitarian” and tries to take a look at the subject Biblically and without the bias of a particular school of thought. As soon as we label ourselves as, say, “Egalitarian” we apply a filter to our Bible reading. We interpret all passages on marriage through the filter of egalitarian writers and teachers and lose our ability to read the scriptures directly under the sole guidance of the Holy Spirit. Just perhaps – and this happens so frequently – the correct path lies somewhere between the two extremes.
Christians are to submit to one another (Eph 5:21). It doesn’t say that we are to submit to one another unless you’re a husband, in that case submit to everyone but your wife. Yes, wives submit to husbands. Yes, husbands submit to wives.
Therefore submission cannot be about making decisions. If every Christian is commanded to let other Christians make decisions, then no one can ever make a decision by definition. Clearly submission means something else. I think it means being vulnerable while putting the needs of others before your own.
What does this look like in practical terms? When there truly is a stalemate, you wait. You love and serve and pray and wait. Let’s say husband wants house A and wife wants house B. While you’re loving and praying and waiting, both houses sell to other buyers. You both lost the house you wanted. But you didn’t lose each other!
The two shall join and become one flesh. If you are one flesh, you refrain from acting until you agree. Truly, what earthly decision is worth upsetting your beloved spouse? What earthly choice is worth asserting your rights over your cherished one?
We’ve been living this out for over 20 years. It’s beautiful. Sacrificial love and humility, hard lessons in patience and trust. It’s absolutely worth it.
For an understanding of the Hebrew meanings behind “helpmeet” (a rather rotten translation of ezer kenegdo), Skip Moen wrote an excellent book called “Guardian Angel.” The ezer kenegdo is a military helper, a boundary keeper, and a spiritual guide.
“Therefore submission cannot be about making decisions.” Exactly! That’s what I said in 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, too. And that’s what I said in this post, about how submission is about serving and putting someone else above yourself. And you’re totally right about helpmeet, too!
Completely off topic: I noticed you have Dressing Your Truth as an advertiser! I love DYT! (The ad about 4 types of beauty.) I signed up for DYT about six years ago and it was one of the best things I’ve ever done. It’s really worth it.
I love them, too! I think I’ll write about them really soon! ๐
I think that would make a great post. My husband was just as thrilled as I was with the results of my $99 investment in DYT.
I recently read this and, like so many times before,God brought a new understanding to me. What I’ve come to learn is that Gods living word is new every time you read it and he put this particular verse in a new light for me.
It’s how to show love to our husbands. Submitting to your husband is a way to show him respect, and respect is one way most men feel love. And God commands husbands to love your wives as Christ loves the church, a much tougher roll to fill. Jesus loved and cherished the church giving it everything he had. Most women are more emotional about love. Dont misinterpret, I’m not saying men don’t feel, but women are more emotional creatures. We feel most loved when we are taken care of and cherished.
Im not saying the other ways of interpreting this verse are wrong, but could this also be God showing husbands and wives how to better show our love to one another?
I don’t buy into stereotypes. I feel most loved when my husband respects me, listens to me and involves me. My husband feels most loved when I love him. Love him for who he is, cherish him and when I step up to be his partner in the running of our home.
Me too! Thanks for saying that. ๐
Very well put about seeking God’s will together when there is disagreement. I love the way you put it, that either one or both are erring if there is disagreement and that the purpose really is to follow God and find His perfect will together rather than establishing who is in charge and putting a lot of pressure on husbands to always be right or else they’re gonna carry the consequences.
Disagreement is actually often helpful tool to refine not just each other’s characters but also to better define the why’s and how’s of the decisions we do make in the end. I am thinking here about how we came to have home births, homeschool, live where we do, go to the church we go to. All things we did not agree about initially but having to figure out God’s will together and asking many questions actually made the decision clear and build on a strong foundation. We now know that this is God’s will and we can fully throw ourselves in and support each other even when it gets difficult. If I had just ‘obeyed’ my husband in all of these decisions at the first difficulty arising I would not know how to support him through it, because my natural reaction would be to say”I told you from the beginning to do something different”. And the truth is, whether him or I was right doesn’t matter, what matters most is that we both know this is surely God’s will. Because in every choice there are always difficulties arising and we need to know we are on the right track to make it through! Submission has nothing to do with obedience rather it means to put the wellbeing of the other above our own pride, our need to be right or have it done our way. It’s seeking together the best for each other. A sacrificial and serving life, a call higher than blind obedience because of position.
I love that, Lydia! That’s how it’s worked in our marriage, too.
This is such an interesting and inflammatory topic! I generally run with the ‘rule’ that I submit to my husband if we have a disagreement about something, unless he is going against something in scripture. Apparently the Greek word for submit used in Ephesians 5:25 is a military term, meaning to put oneself in rank under another person. This is basically how I see it: God, husband, wife (then kids!) that doesn’t mean that I don’t put forward ideas and opinions, (I tend to be rather outspoken, really!) but just that once I’ve put forward my ideas, and we’ve discussed the subject, and my husband hasn’t changed his mind, then we go with his idea, as long as it agrees with His Word.
The one thing that I wrestle with in this regard is the command in Ephesians 5:25 “therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands IN EVERYTHING”.
IN EVERYTHING.
Not, in everything as long as it agrees with Gods Word. Not, just when we feel like it. No, in everything. Like the church is subject to Christ! That is a pretty huge deal!
So, if anyone can shed any light on the ‘in everything’ part of that verse, please help!
A couple of other things I noticed about this verse, it says ‘let the wives’, as in, the wives aren’t being forced into submission, it is up to the individual wife to choose to be subject to her husband. Also, it specifically mentions ‘to her OWN husband’ – it is not women being subject to men, it is about a very specific relationship between one woman, and one man.
Any help understanding the ‘in everything’command would be much appreciated!
Read Helga and Bob Edwards’ Equality Workbook. They go through verses like these bit by bit, bringing in original Greek, Hebrew, and Aramiac, including history and the original, earliest texts found to explain these verses, and to show that it was often a later text based on Platoism, translated into Latin much like a commentary, that was used to eventually create our most commonly used English bibles. But, if you compare the texts with the oldest known manuscripts (in the original languages) they are quite different. For example, the original Hebrew manuscript states that the in the story of the Levite who took the concubine in Judges 19, the concubine left him because she was angry (te’enaph) at him. The newer, translated Masoretic text based on Platoism (which our KJV and ESV Bibles are based on) says she left because she was commiting adultery (tin’aph).
This is just one example. I am finding this workbook very eye opening. Even if you don’t end up agreeing with the Edwards, the history and the linguistics is fascinating.
Thanks for the suggestion! I will definitely look it up!
My husband are I are not merely partners in life, we are partners in law. I’m not being cute, we practice law together in our own firm. We both bring a different set of skills and experience to our case, but we both want the same thing – to defend our clients and achieve justice for them. Some of our cases are very difficult. We came to a simple, inviolable rule – we do not act until we both agree on the course of action. If we hear each other out and we don’t agree what we ought to do, we go through it again – each expressing our concerns about the weaknesses of the other’s approach and trying to find the best way to accomplish our mutual goal. We try to listen respectfully. Frequently, we pray together for wisdom and guidance. Sometimes, we sleep on it and try again the next day. Sometimes, it is not easy, but the outcome is always the same. Not only do we always end up finding a point of agreement, we consistently end up devising a better, stronger plan together than the one that either of us came up with on our own. At the heart of it, I believe that this is because we are working together toward the same goal – advancing our client’s case. It is not about who is right or who came up with the idea, it is about finding the best solution to some very difficult problems. Both of us have our eyes are on something higher than our own pride or self-interest.
We try to apply the same approach to decisions outside of work. There are instances in which I think submission can mean that he makes the decision. More often, however, I think that submission is about how decisions are made and why.
Great example, Kimberly! Thanks for sharing.
What is submission? Is it doing all he says? Is it defending all he does and says? Is it protecting him? Is it being like a child to him? Is it a master-slave relationship? I know I have got to respect a man but i have never really understood what submission is.
I think it’s putting his welfare first, and genuinely looking out for him. Biblically, we are always to follow God’s will, and so that should always be our aim. And then we pursue his welfare.
Hi Sheila, I am not sure if you will even see this, as this is coming way later than this article was run, but I am wondering about something. So I just got married this last weekend, and before we were married, we had lots of discussions on decisions. Mainly because my husbands mom lets his dad make all the decisions. This is her choice, he does not force this on her and still, after many years, asks her opinion, she just typically declines and says since he is the leader he can decide. So my husband grew up seeing this and naturally thought this was the way our marriage would be. I grew up in a house where my parents always made decisions together, and while I could see that my mom trusted my dad and would follow his lead on a lot, she would always expect to be involved and make a decision together. After talking a lot to my fiance, and going through pre-marital counseling, he now sees that I am not wrong, unsubmissive, or controlling because want to and expect to be involved in making decisions. I am a pretty go-with-the-flow person naturally, but I told him that we should always talk to each other and make decisions together. We said that if we could not agree, unless a decision needed to be made right then and there, we would pray about it and continue to talk about it until we reach and agreement and only if we absolutely cannot I will leave the final decision up to him. So all of that is good I think. The thing that still bothers me is that he still calls decisions his decisions. Word for word he says “they are my decisions that we make together” and when asked about why they are his decisions, he said that it is because he feels responsible and that way, if they go bad, he takes all the blame and it isn’t on me. I think he is saying something good, but just still knowing he thinks about things as “his decisions” even though he ALWAYS asks my opinion and actually does what I want most of the time, still makes me feel uneasy. Is this reasonable? Or is this just pride on my part not liking his word choice because I don’t want the decisions to be just his, even though we make them together always? Does this make sense? I just don’t want to bring this up to him again if it is just pride or something on my part. I appreciate he wants to take responsibility and ownership, I just really want to make sure he doesn’t think he can or should make decisions without me, or pull the “final say” thing unless we literally cannot come to an agreement at all after a long long time (which I really don’t see ever happening).
Hi Grace! Great question, and I’m so glad you guys talked this all out before you were married!
Here’s what I often tell people when they start getting into disagreements like this: Stop talking about what he should call the decisions, and instead voice what you’re both feeling in the situation. What is it that you each need?
So what you need is to feel like you are a team and that he respects you. What he needs is to feel as if he’s living up his responsibility, as he sees it. Those are both legitimate needs. So now ask: how can we each make sure the other gets their needs met? How can he feel as if he’s being responsible? How can you feel like you’re a team? And when you start brainstorming about that, then the other often takes care of itself, and you both understand each other better.
So whenever you’re faced with something you disagree about, instead of arguing about THAT, take a step back and ask, “What do we each need here?” Those conversations often go much better! (And I wrote more about that here. There’s also a TON about this in my book 9 Thoughts That Can Change Your Marriage, and a lot of it is on roles. You may like it!)
Hi, Sheila.
I find you posts (and books and videos and live talks) very thought-provoking. Even though I do not always agree with your conclusions, your prolific writing on these very important topics helps me think through my own thoughts on related issues and sends me digging deeper in Scripture for answers to hard questions about marriage and motherhood.
In the introductory remarks to this post, you cited a statistic that “the divorce rate is much higher in denominations that stress [a particular view of submission in marriage].”
That claim certainly grabbed my attention, so I did my best to find the study you’re referencing, but couldn’t locate it. Google failed me, probably because I’m not entering the right search terms.
Could you please send me a link to your original source for that statistic? I’d love to dive into that rabbit hole a little further. Thanks for your help!
I’m actually working on a book on it right now! Generally, the divorce rate is highest in the Bible belt among Christians and lowest in the northeast (or Canada) among Christians. So the Christians most likely to get divorced are in the Bible belt, where churches tend to be more hierarchical and patriarchal. You’ll find that also in the general population–people who hold to these things have higher rates of abuse and higher rates of divorce. But it will be in my new book, too!
Again, Sheila, you are making a lot of claims, but are not directing me to any studies that back up those claims. Is this simply your impression? Is it anecdotal — you know more divorced Christians from the South than from Canada? Can you point me to any official studies or statistics that have been published in a forum I can delve into more deeply?
As a believer who has lived in the Bible Belt all my life and who holds to a complementarian view of marriage, as taught in Scripture, I am particularly interested in how these studies define “Christian.”
I’ve known LOTS of people who identify as Christians, but whose professed faith in no way sets them apart from the rest of the world. They talk like the world, think like the world, live like the world. There is little observable evidence that Christ has made any difference in the way they conduct their lives. We call those nominal Christians.
And indeed, nominal Christians are far more likely to divorce than evangelical Christians who actively live out their faith — couples who pray together regularly, who study the Bible on their own, who regularly attend worship services together, etc. (hereโs a fairly concise summary of those findings: http://usatoday30.usatoday.com/news/religion/2011-03-14-divorce-christians_N.htm)
My background is in math, so I know interpreting statistics correctly can be tricky at times. For instance, the idea that more Christians get divorced in the Bible belt than in Canada may have something to do with the fact that more Christians live in the Bible Belt than in Canada. If that is true, and I believe it is, then even if the rates of divorce were the same in both areas, more Christians would be getting divorced in the South because more Christians live in the South.
Author Shanti Feldhan did an excellent job of sifting through published studies on this matter in her book The Good News About Marriage. If you haven’t already read it, Sheila, it might prove to be an invaluable resource to you as you do the necessary research for the book you’re currently working on.
I have read the book, Jennifer. It is very good. All I can tell you is that studies have shown that domestic violence is higher in marriages that are heavily patriarchal, and that divorce is higher in Bible belt regions. I’ll be doing my own study on this soon, but it does bear out with what counsellors see as well–emotional and physical abuse are more prominent in heavily patriarchal families. And that should be a concern.
I don’t believe that studies have looked at this well in the past, and that’s what we’re planning on doing. So I’ll have a much better answer for you in about a year!
Here’s one Barna study that bares this out: The divorce rate among Baptists was 29% (similar to what Shaunti found) while for mainline Protestants it was 25% and for Lutheran it was 21%. That’s in line with what I’ve seen in the past, too.
In that same study, the divorce rate in the south was 27% while the northeast was 19%. So where you have the more patriarchal views of marriage, the divorce rate does tend to be higher.
And, again, these figures are inline with what Shaunti found as well.
Thanks for pointing me to that Barna study, Sheila. That’s exactly what I wanted. As the study observes, the church is obviously not doing a very good job of supporting marriages. I agree with you that this situation warrants further study and will look forward to reading what you come up with!