Why is it that we so often get so caught up in how busy we feel, how put upon we feel, how tired we feel, that we forget how easy it can be to make someone’s day?
Every Friday I like to put up a marriage thought to help get us through the weekend! And here’s a simple one that we can put into practice RIGHT NOW–that makes a big difference!
And here’s something cool: I’m changing the way I do my weekly blog round-up newsletters. If you’re subscribed to my blog on a daily or weekly basis, then at the end of the week, instead of just getting a round-up of the posts, you’ll get extra content! And this week is a video of me elaborating on this post.
Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Just Make His Day!
Recently I saw a tweet that said:
My hubby just sent me a text thanking me for the lunch I made him. It was a really simple sandwich lunch, yet he’s grateful. Made my day!
It made me smile, because isn’t it amazing how easy it is to make someone’s day? Just say thank you! Acknowledge something that they’ve done. Smile back.
It doesn’t have to be huge, but little acts of kindness can go so far, both within our families and with complete strangers. I know I’ve been in a horrible mood on several occasions, and then I’ve ventured out of doors, and a nice old man has held the door in a shop open for me, and smiled at me, or a clerk has been particularly pleasant, and it changed my whole demeanor.
Or my husband has called home for no reason, just to say “I love you”.
That just perks me right up! And when we make someone else smile, we often make ourselves smile in return.
My husband and I practice this so much now that it’s become second nature. But when we were going through a particularly rough patch in our marriage, when we were under a lot of stress when our son was son so ill, it was suggested to us that we draw up a list of small things that the other person could do that would be kind and that would show us love.
The rules: it couldn’t involve sex, it couldn’t cost anything, and it had to be quick.
So we made our lists. They weren’t onerous things. Mine had things like give me a nice kiss when you come home, hug me a lot, ask me how my day was, bath the kids for me, write me a note. His weren’t that big a deal either: when I come home, greet me at the door. Tell the kids what you love about me. Say something nice about me to one of my friends.
And yet, as easy as these things are to do, it’s amazing how often we go through an entire day and don’t do them. We get caught up in what we feel that we fail to reach out and do something that means a lot to the one person in the world that we should care the most about.
I was talking about submission in marriage earlier this week, and here’s what I so often see: many women think they’re submissive because they let their husbands make the decisions. But if you aren’t simply being kind to your husband, and looking for opportunities to serve him and be nice to him, then you’re really missing the boat.
Practice being nice to your spouse. Say thank you. Figure out what makes them tick, and then do it. Even if you’re not feeling it. Because once you start acting it, the feelings often come. And if we get in the habit of trying to do nice things for others, we’ll likely lighten our own mood as well.
Now, want to see me add a whole new element to “just make his day”? Then sign up for my weekly newsletter and see my video this week!
What can you do to make someone’s day today? Got an idea? Then go do it! And don’t forget to smile.
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
My hubby loves it when I stop by his work for no reason except to give him a kiss. So I try to do it regularly. Usually it takes under 2 minutes from getting out of the car to getting back in, but he likes that I take the time to do it and it doesn’t disrupt his work.
Love that! When the babies were little we lived within a 25 minute walk of where my husband was working (at The Hospital for Sick Children in Toronto). When he was on call for 36 hours straight I’d often put the girls in the stroller and walk down with dinner for him, even if we only had 10 minutes together before he got paged away on another emergency. But it always made him feel better when he was gone for so long!
It definitely is a great thing to do something nice for our spouse, kids and others to build them up and make them feel loved. However, I have a hard time with this philosophy, here and elsewhere in your blog, “do it even if you don’t feel like it, as the feelings will follow”. The reason being if your heart is not in the right place you could development resentment which could lead to a very difficult place in the marriage.
In my marriage, we have had some very rough times and actually are still trying to heal from those. Through those rough times, I had read and received similar counsel in regards to do the “fake it till you make it” i.e. do it till it even if you don’t feel like it because it will become a habit and everything else will fall into place. What that did; however, created much resentment and even worse strife and separation. He was doing things and I was not responding and I was doing things and he wasn’t responding and it added to the problems we had already.
So I think if you marriage is in a good place, it would be ok. But I think a person who is struggling with issues in their marriage may want to tread lightly so that they don’t development resentment or other issues.
Just my opinion and thoughts based on what I have seen with myself and marriage.
I believe you are missing the true point. She’s not talking about faking it until you make it. When you do something nice for a perfect stranger, you don’t expect anything in return. You shouldn’t. And when you are really doing something nice for your spouse, then the same should be the norm. God loves a cheerful giver. You are called to serve your spouse. When you serve them with an expectation of reciprocating, their spirit can tell the difference and surely God can. That is where the resentment kicks in because you are expecting something in return. When you do that, you will surely be disappointed. But if you are doing those things to show love like God does for us, and you are doing it with a heart to serve, then your joy comes from simply making someone’s day and not from anticipating what they will do for you. I am truly sorry that your marriage has been difficult. But after 22+ years of marriage I know one thing for sure, when I serve my husband with a heart for pleasing God, it doesn’t matter if he does something for me or not. My goal is to please God. My husband returning the favor is simply a bonus!
My husband loves when I pack his lunch, and especially if I make his coffee. The lunch thing makes him so proud, because his friends tell him how they have never heard of a wife that does that, and cooks and cleans and changes all diapers (i do that too because he doesnt like it and i dont mind, he usually is willing to help with something i dont enjoy like dishes!). In the military wife world, at least of his career field, apparantly its rare. That plus he is proud to say that our sex life is great, when they try to pity him for being married and never “getting some”. He also likes if I wear something nice for our at home movie date night. And if I take a few seconds or minutes to show him affection throughout the day, like a kiss here, a few seconds back run or quick snuggle, in between the hectic-ness of dinner and bed time with 2 little ones. He also loves the nights when I cook dinner, since he hates leftovers lol.
The other day my husband requested a certain garment he missed seeing me wear. I told him it was packed away until summer. I wanted to just forget it. It is just clothes, he can wait a couple more months, it is too cold to wear it anyway…yadda yadda yadda. So, imagine his delight when I discreetly pulled it out of storage and put it on! Such a small thing, and while ignoring his request might not have hurt our marriage any because of other things I do for him, honoring his request likely helped our marriage by showing him I listened, I considered his desires, and I love him enough to inconvenience myself a little to dig the garment out of storage and wear it. He must have felt heard and that his opinion matters.
I love this. My husband loves to see me smile. Often, the hour between 5-6 pm (which moms often call the arsenic hour) is the worst hour of the day for a homeschooling mom. And it’s usually during that hour that my husband finishes work and comes into the kitchen.
I stop, think of how incredibly happy I am with my life, and give him a great big smile. I tell him I’m the happiest woman in the world. And I can see the his tension melt away.
And I feel better, too. Smiling relaxes the rest of your body (I leaned that in my first labor. Smiling during contractions reduced the pain).
Sheila,
I flew off the handle at my husband last night for no good reason and accused him of thinking something terrible about me which I know isn’t true at all. I’ve really hurt him and don’t know what to do to make it better. Help!
Oh, Suzanne, that’s too bad! We all make mistakes sometimes. I think all you can do is apologize and then give him space. I’ve got a post on what to do if you’re the one who needs forgiveness. It’s really focused on bigger things, but it may help you too.
My husband appreciates me made up with full makeup, long nails, and pedicures. These are easy ways to make him happy and I enjoy the pampering myself. It makes all the difference when he comes home at nightnand his wife his waiting for him, looking immaculate. You could only imagine what follows.