We know that contentment is of God. But can there be times when discontentment is of God, too?
One of my goals in this last week, as the Boost Your Libido course launched, was to show people that we didn’t have to be content with blah marriages. God actually wants us to be passionate, and sometimes He stirs up discontentment in us to prod us into doing something about it.
The course launch is now over (although you can still buy the course any time! Just the special is over). And I’ve been blown away by how much interest there was in this course, and really humbled. Thank you.
I’ve decided I’m going to start working on more courses, so I’d love to know any ideas you have for what you’d like to see! Just put them in the comments. Here are three I’m thinking of: tell me which one I should start first (or give me another idea, too!).
- How to Make Sex Actually Feel Good (and even how to reach the Big O!)
- How to Recover as a Couple from a Porn Addiction
- How to Handle it when HE has No Sex Drive
I’d love some feedback!
During the launch, though, I wrote a post for Gary Thomas, the author of Sacred Marriage and his newest book, Cherish, that I really liked. And today I thought I’d give you a snippet of it and then link to it, so that you can read the rest.
Every night when I was a little girl, I would drift off to sleep dreaming of one day being married to a man who would make me feel safe. An only child of an amazing single mother, I still desperately needed to know that I was loved and that my life wouldn’t be uprooted again.
I wanted stability. I wanted, in Gary’s words, to be cherished.
I’ve been married for twenty-five years now, and I can attest with every fiber of my being that I am, indeed, very safe.
But I’ve also learned that safe isn’t all it’s cracked up to be. The reason that I’m happy with my husband today is not because I’m safe; the reason I’m happy with my husband is that together, we’re living an adventure.
Sometimes in our quest for safe we forget to live. We’re trying so hard to avoid anything bad that we forget to let the good in, too.
We know there’s such a thing as holy contentment–the sentiment that the Apostle Paul conveyed in Philippians 4:12:
I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.
I believe, though, that there’s also a thing called holy discontentment, even in our marriage. It doesn’t mean that we’re unhappy with our mate. It’s that we feel that we’re missing something important that God had for us. We know that He created us for more, and we’ve been settling. And we have a thirst for God’s passion to be more real in our lives, so that we stop playing it safe and start really living.
Nowhere do I see this as much in women’s experiences as in the area of sexual intimacy.
Read the rest of the post here! It’s an important one.
What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?
Valentine’s Day may be over, but that is no excuse to slow down in the love department! How can you show your husband you love him? In this week’s tops, we’ve got some great posts on ways to spend quality time with your hubby as well as how to keep the heat rising!
#1 Post on the Blog: 10 Ways To Make Sex Feel Great For Your Husband
#1 on the Blog Overall: 20 Two Person Games To Play With Your Husband
#1 from Facebook: 50 Shades Of Grey Is Bad For Your Marriage
#2 from Pinterest: 10 Ways To Crank Up The Heat In Your Marriage
What a Week!
I just wanted again to say thank you to everyone who ordered the Boost Your Libido course. I’m truly humbled, and I pray that it helps you!
And then last night I posted this on Facebook after some negative feedback I got about the #1 post of the week (how to make sex feel great for your husband):
Am getting some complaints that I talk about sex too much on a public forum, and teenagers may see. Here’s the thing: If we DON’T talk about this, we leave a vacuum, and the world fills it. Nothing that I say on my blog is erotic or ungodly. It’s all about healthy sex in marriage. And I guarantee you that the vast majority of 12 or 13 year olds already know far beyond anything I say on the blog, because our culture has it hanging out everywhere. I firmly believe that we need MORE Christian voices here, not fewer. And I try to be as tasteful as possible. I don’t deliberately advertise to teens, and my analytics show that there are actually very, very few teens on my blog. Over 80% are married women from 20-60 (and the rest are mostly married men). So I think we need to stop with the “but teens may see it!” Yes, they may. But what I say is healthy, and it isn’t that graphic. I would prefer they didn’t, but if we try to create a system where teens can NEVER see anything, then neither can the people who really need the information. And then they will Google it instead. And then just imagine what will come up. That is why I am here. I hope you all understand!
That post has gone viral. So many encouraging comments. I’m going to save the post so that next time I’m discouraged I can just read it.
So I just wanted to say–you guys have no idea how much you encourage me. Thank you. And I hope that I can help you, too!
Have a great weekend–and do let me know your thoughts for future courses!

Keep at it, Sheila! Your posts are very tasteful, not graphic and certainly not ungodly. You are so very right, in that if we Christians don’t put it out there the teens (and anyone younger – OR older, for that matter) will fill their curiosity with Google searches. May the Lord bless you and keep you and make his face shine upon you! In Jesus’ name!
Thank you so much! (And I recognize who you are from your email that only I can see; your encouragement still means so much to Tammy and me! You were awesome to us!)
Oh goodness, would love a course on How to Handle it when HE has No Sex Drive. We’re a newlywed couple and have quickly learned that my drive is far higher than his. It’s been really challenging for me to remember that it’s not me, to not take it personally and not end up feeling rejected all of the time. Would love some good resources on how to navigate it!
Will definitely do this! Boy, I have a lot I want to do. I wonder how quickly I can do each one? Hmmmmm…..
I saw your Facebook post yesterday, and I haven’t seen anything from you that I’d consider distasteful or inappropriate for teenagers. In fact, I really wish there had been more Christian voices like yours when I was a teenager, because if I’d heard more positive things about sex within the context of marriage instead of just to not do it until I was married, maybe I wouldn’t have spent all of the years in between just trying to shut off any sexual desires I had as a single woman, because it was the only “godly” response I knew. I’m nearly positive that this is the root of why I’ve never been able to orgasm, and why I have vaginismus. So please, don’t let the naysayers discourage you, because those voices are so needed. No teenager who’s trying to follow God and his design for intimacy should have to deal with this in her future.
That being said, I’d most be interested in the first course you listed– I’m sure my husband would think that me having a higher libido would be great, but I know I’ll just get more frustrated if I don’t solve the physical difficulties first.
Becky, thanks so much for your candour! I’ve actually copied and pasted your email into a file I want to use when I create a course on vaginismus. I think I’m leaning towards a course for vaginismus, because it’s near and dear to my heart, even if it affects fewer people than all the other courses, and then likely the one on how to make it feel good.
I want to do the porn one, too, but my head’s been so full of all the things to say in the other two that I have a feeling that’s where God’s leading me first.
I would vote for the second ecourse. Porn has devastated so many marriages, and people really need tools to recover. And sometimes well-meaning pastors aren’t that helpful.
I would vote for option #1. Not because sex doesn’t feel good with my husband , but because I have trouble reaching “the Big O”.
I love all three ideas, Sheila. Esp. the last one, when he has no sex drive. I receive questions and comments from wives. It would be a super handy resource, so needed.,
Wow. I have a 13-year-old daughter and I would not have a problem with her reading your entire blog. Ignorance does not equal innocence. In fact, ignorance is often a contributing factor to innocence being destroyed. I cannot wrap my brain around keeping marital information secret and shrouded in mystery. I think the famous “big family” is proof that keeping children ignorant doesn’t prevent problems.
I think a course on vaginismus would be wonderful. I don’t need it now but the information would’ve been invaluable to me 20 years ago.
Thanks for the encouragement, Lisa! And I dreamt about what I’d say in the vaginismus course. I really think I have to do that one. I know it doesn’t apply to very many people, but those for whom it does apply are really quite desperate.
Yes! And there really are not a lot of resources out there for women dealing with vaginismus. I initially found your blog looking for ANYTHING about vaginismus and was so glad I found it.
Oh, I’m so glad! I couldn’t fall asleep last night because I was thinking of how I’d want to formulate the course, so I think that this must be my next one!
I would rather my son learn about sex from posts like yours on SM than his schoolmates. He had ‘sex ed’ last year. and brought home an ATM card–Abstinence Until Marriage..had to sign a purity pact to get the card, which gave him discounts at local businesses.
See, now I agree with purity, and I agree with waiting until you’re married. But that sounds kinda weird to me. I know businesses may want to support that (which is great), but it seems somehow, well, weird.
Thank you south for your wonderful blog! Please, please, please do a course on the first option. I have been married for a year now and I really enjoy being intimate with my husband, but the “big O” seems so elusive. I feel like something’s broken, and it’s so disappointing for both of us.