Yesterday, here in Canada, was Bell’s “Let’s Talk” day. It happens every year, and it’s a country-wide day to raise awareness for mental health and to encourage people who are and aren’t struggling to reach out to their neighbours, family members, friends, and coworkers to help increase community among people.
Often it can be really difficult to talk about mental health issues. We chase so many things all at once, trying to be perfect in so many areas, that to admit that we’re struggling can seem like failure.
I am so excited to have Sarah E. Ball today on the blog talking about her journey with mental health throughout her marriage. She’s got so much truth to speak, and has dedicated herself to helping women along this journey! So glad to be able to share her writing with you today!
I had never eaten so many S’mores and Jujubes in my entire life. Canadian girls don’t diet when it comes to camping. One morning, after we had returned home from our weekend of campfires, hot chocolate and marshmallow binging, I stared at my treadmill, determined. “It’s just you and me friend, you better undo what I just did and make me sexy again.” I set it to I’m-gonna-die-skinny mode and I ran hard. Ten minutes into my run I felt like I couldn’t catch my breath so I slowed down to walk.
I stepped off the treadmill trying to take some deep breaths as I counted my pulse. Woah, that was a fast heart rate, I thought. My chest began to feel heavy and tight and my throat felt like it was constricting. I could pass out at any moment. I grabbed the house phone and looked around the house, trying to think of the best place to lie down, in case I died. “I think I’m having a heart attack” I told myself. I fell limp on the couch and started to shake uncontrollably; unable to speak, only mutter, I called 911.
Three paramedics came marching in. Ugh, I thought to myself, I’m going to die on my living room couch in my workout clothes, smelling like campfire and they send the cute paramedics?! After their investigation of my symptoms they said, “Sarah, we don’t think anything is wrong with you. We believe you are having a panic attack.” I was humiliated. How could it be a panic attack?! I wasn’t even thinking of anything stressful or terrifying, I was trying to jog off my diet of sugar, corn syrup and artificial colouring!
My husband came home right away, tucked me into bed with my newly prescribed bottle of Ativan, and we both agreed that I had been under a lot of stress and that after a good nap I’d feel better. But I didn’t feel better. I began having panic attacks multiple times a day. I had developed generalized anxiety disorder and harm OCD. And just like the bible verse says in Proverbs 12:25 (anxiety in the heart of a man leads to depression), I eventually spiralled into suicidal despair and it lasted almost a year. You can read more of story here.
My mental breakdown was incredibly hard on my marriage and both my husband and I were shell shocked. I was after all, the strongest, most faithful woman he had ever met. Was this our new future? How was he going to handle all the responsibility with an ill wife and maintain his own health? How would our children be affected? Others supported us the best they could but no one really knows how to handle the mentally ill. “I’m so um sorry your wife is…um…sick and…um…losing her mind?” My husband became my greatest support and it was integral in my recovery.
Yes, recovery.
After a year of doctors, therapists, rest, support and most of all God’s hand and guidance I fully recovered and now I have devoted my life and writing to helping others recover and find the hope and tools they so desperately need, that I so desperately needed. I am about to publish book Fearless in 21-Days – A Survivors Guide to Overcoming Anxiety and I have just opened the doors to my very first online course called The Fearless Traveler Course. – A Guided Tour For Christians Battling Anxiety.
We pursue so many things as women. Beauty, status, a great figure, a ‘perfect’ family, a great marriage but what I want to really urge you to understand is that having a healthy mind should be a greater priority than a sexy anything else.
Some of you reading this are in different stages of mental health. You’ve been blessed with a healthy mind. Some of you aren’t battling a mental illness but you know your mind is not as healthy as it should be. Some of you reading this are crying because my story is yours right now, some of you have lived with mental illness your entire life and don’t even know what a sexy brain looks like anymore.
No matter where you are in your mental health walk, my challenge for all of us is to make a shift from putting external things, wealth, beauty, acceptance, even people pleasing aside and begin to focus on building healthy habits for a healthy mind!
Here Are Three Tips To The Sexiest Brain Ever!
1: Rest
Is rest your four-letter word? It used to be mine. With 5 children, multiple church responsibilities, marriage, blogger, self-imposed super mom, rest to me was a sign of weakness and I showed no mercy. When I became mentally ill, rest was one of my greatest weapons. Learning to rest meant I had to give up on a few major attitudes:
- Pride, because no one else could do these things as well as me.
- Control, because I had to make sure things were done well and disobedience, because God never asked me to take on certain things to begin with.
Now when I feel a lot of stress coming on, my first defence is rest. Which means, trusting God to take over the treadmill, delegating to others what they will excel at and reminding myself I’m not super human.
2. Responsibility
Mental wellness can be greatly affected by things we have no control over. For example, trauma, childhood learned behaviours, genetics, chemical imbalances, hormones and more. I was a mixed cocktail of all of the above. As much as I had to accept that my mental illness was not my fault, I also had to accept the truth that no one else could ‘fix’ me. I had to take responsibility for my health. I now know that no matter what cards are stacked against me I am responsible to do the best that I can for my own mental care and health.
3. Rumbling
Reading Brene Brown’s book Rising Strong has given me a new word for that yucky stage in life where we are stuck emotionally. I was a suck-it-up-princess gal, the queen of shove it down until you forget it, but our bodies never forget trauma, sorrow or grief. It will eventually catch up to you. It may show up in a physical illness, or in anger, in our marriages but more often than not it will show up in mental illness. I have learnt that when I am faced with a trial, trauma or grief I drop down and give God 10! Learning to grieve, be vulnerable and ask for support is not weakness it is indeed the bravest act of humanity and the healthiest for our brains.
Take a moment today and ask yourself: On a scale of 1-10 how well do I take care of my mental health? Am I resting, am I rumbling and am I taking responsibility? If you recognize that you are not where you need to be, take a moment to plan how you can make it a priority in your life.
If you are battling moderate to severe anxiety I would love to help you discover some powerful insights, lessons and tools in overcoming this crippling illness. I have created an online course for Christians who want to be set free from fear. Don’t worry I’m not going to pat your hand and tell you to ‘just pray more’ or tell you to ‘give it to God’ These are real, practical and powerful tools to help you on your road to recovery. Check it out here: The Fearless Traveler Course.
How do you handle mental health issues in your marriage? What do you do to maintain good mental health? Let’s chat about it in the comments!
Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
Thank you for posting this. It’s so good for people to talk about. So many of my friends and I (all moms) have or are struggling w/ depression or anxiety. Some of us are medicated, some are not.
I agree with all the info here, but wanted to add another component: nutrition. It’s a grossly neglected topic, or misunderstood.
1. We need high-quality protein to make amino acids *(see note below). Your brain needs amino acids.
2. We need high-quality fat (omega-3) to make hormones. Your brain needs hormones. You need more than you probably realize.
A book that covers this in-depth is _The_Mood_Cure_ by Julia Ross. I can’t recommend it enough! It explains the hows and whys, and gives you a plan that includes your day-to-day diet and a supplement regimen, even addresses how to exercise to support your endorphins w/out triggering a cortisol reaction. It’s also very easy to read. I devoured it in one evening, then re-read it the next day!
One interesting thing about this post is the opener – junk food. Julia Ross writes “a high-sugar, low-protein diet can trigger stress reactions without our even realizing it…” (p 78).
I am *not* saying you shouldn’t go on meds. That’s not for me to decide. I have been informed that meds may take weeks to kick in, and the thing is, if you strictly abide by the recommendations in the book, the nutrition can take only weeks to kick in. So if you’re not suicidal, it might be worth trying out first. If you *are* going w/ meds, please, please still follow the diet in the book, and any supplements your doctor oks (don’t expect him/her to be gung-ho, just make sure there aren’t any contraindictions. MDs are woefully under-educated in nutrition.) Please, order this book right now. It may be available through your library (or inter-library loan), or you can find inexpensive used copies. I got mine used through Amazon for about $4 or $5. But it’s so amazing I think it’s worth just paying full price for and getting *instantly* on your e-reader.
While you’re waiting for it to arrive, go ahead and order some high-quality magnesium. I’ve found magnesium malate to be both high quality (high rate of absorption) and money-value. Magnesium glycinate is wonderful (glycine is so good for you, as well as the magnesium), but in my experience is more expensive. The mag you buy from the drug store is most likely magnesium oxide, which is fine but has a much lower rate of absorption. If you haven’t been taking mag yet, start low and work your way up, or you may give yourself the runs. (sorry, but it needed to be said 🙂 )
*On protein (1): “Only animal sources of protein contain all twenty-two possible aminos.” (p 112)
TL:DR ?
In addition to above info…
1. stop eating refined sugar or other refined carbs (since they convert to sugar)
2. Eat more animal protein
3. Eat more omega-3 fats
4. take a high-quality magnesium supplement such as magnesium malate
Julia Ross’s book _The Mood Cure_ is amazing.
Here’s a 7 minute vid interview w/ Julia Ross (if that’s ok) on how to use nutrition/supplementing to re-build your body’s store of nutritional building-blocks for endorphins and other hormone regulation.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0Edv3hYOpA&index=2&list=PL3348D444F08A4F09
Thanks for your perspective on nutrition. I agree that nutrition is very very important for our mental health.
I caution those who have severe anxiety to not put all their healing efforts into nutrition though.
Some have anxiety and depression due to trauma, a broken past, chemical imbalances, thyroid etc… I think it’s so important to always treat the whole self.. body,mind and spirit.
I see and meet a lot of people struggling who put so much emphasis on nutrition, chiropractors, oils, vitamins etc and not on their thoughts, emotional healing and relationship with God.
You are right. Diet helps but is not a fix everything. Plus certain dietary changes help one person but make no difference in another. Yes I have assisted my body with the things I eat but that does not erase my emotional past.
“I agree with all the info here, but wanted to add another component”
Sometimes I don’t know why I comment
Hey, I think you raised a great point! I’m all for nutrition, too, and I’ve been telling someone close to me who has anxiety that she really needs to look at refined sugar. 🙂
But I’ve also been encouraging her to see a counsellor. So like Sarah says, I think they’re all important components, and no one said anything bad or needs to feel badly about it! 🙂
I apologize if I came across as being preachy to Mrs. Ball in particular. I like the post. It’s helpful. When I typed “You” I was using the word in the “people in general” sense.
Didn’t come across preachy at all Mina, really appreciated your input.
Nutrition is so important when it comes to mental health! One of my best friends has had better results taking a potent dose of Omega 3s than taking anti-anxiety meds. Vit D and a calcium magnesium zinc combo significantly reduced my PMDD every month, so much so that the cal mag zinc went on sale BOGO free and my hubby came home with 10 bottles! I kid you not! ? And a B complex has greatly helped my energy levels when I am feeling depressed. I now take a great multivitamin that has all of those so I don’t have to buy (or swallow!) them all separately anymore. Vitacost.com has some great, affordable options for those interested in supplements. Trying to eat in a way that prevents blood sugar spikes and dips is important, as well as staying well hydrated! I work alongside of a lot of moms with PPD and when they are struggling I always ask, “When is the last time you’ve had something to eat/drink?” Thank you for sharing, Mina!
While these things help me greatly, I do want to note that I have also had to use medication for severe depressive episodes with harm OCD like Sarah talks about. I can’t recommend good nutritional habits enough when it comes to mental health, but I also don’t believe it will be enough for everyone. Interestingly enough, I also just started a bioidentical hormone replacement therapy after my doctor and I found I have some pretty notable imbalances. I’m not even 2 weeks out and I feel SO much better already; I can’t wait to see what I feel like when my levels are where they should be. I have some thyroid issues I haven’t determined how I want to treat yet though. Our bodies are complex indeed! We need to treat the body, mind, and soul, and sometimes I feel like Christians can be too quick to skip the body piece to the puzzle!
Thank you, Kay. I believe in counselling, and when applicable, medication. I believe in dealing w/ the underlying issue. I agree w/ the original post.
I was posting about something that was life-changing for me, and because it’s one facet of mental health that I often see neglected. I don’t think nutrition alone will save anyone. I don’t think counselling alone will save anyone. I also strongly believe in prayer, though I didn’t say anything about it. I don’t think meds alone w/ save anyone. I believe in a multi-faced approach to health. I posted about one aspect that I though might help others. Thank you again for your time, and sharing your experience.
I didn’t read preachy into anything you said. I read passion. You have found something that has made a huge impact for you and you want to share that with others. Your heart wants to help and that is a wonderful thing. I am personally excited to see your post. I have dealt on and off for reads with depression and recently have been diagnosed with anxiety. I have actually read The Mood Cure and had totally forgotten about it so this was a perfect reminder for me. I think nutrition is one of many pieces to the puzzle and everyone’s puzzle is different. I started with weight loss, got sick and tired of being sick and tired. I started eating health and walking my new puppy. I’ve lost just over 60 pounds with 20-30 more to go. I feel so much better and my self confidence is higher. I am also seeing a counselor and psychiatrist and am taking meds.
To Satan Ball, your comment about how the course isn’t a give it to God kind of thing sold me. I hear that all the time about so many different issues. It’s a pat answer as Sheila would say. I have prayed about it and done Bible studies and turned it over to God so many times it’s not funny. I’ve been told it’s Satan trying to keep me from truly giving it to God. People who haven’t been through this just don’t understand. My husband asked me the other day what kinds of things stress me out. Umm, let see, getting out of bed for one can be a total stressor sometimes to start with. He was shocked because I do so well as covering up how I really feel. I can’t wait to check out your course and Mina, I’m going to see if I still have that book somewhere and get it if I don’t.
Should have proof read, that should be Sara Bell, autocorrect changed it to Satan. ??
I really appreciated this. Very good read. I’ve struggled with panic attacks (and many other anxiety related things) since I was a girl. I too have pushed things down and lived in denial of it. Mild to severe postpartum depression after my three babies. I’ve only recently sought out help and counseling, and boy, I had no idea how bad things really were. I’ve always been health conscious and careful to eat healthy and up to date with the latest and greatest nutrition information. That has helped. However, it’s like that only put a bandaid on my real problem: unresolved childhood trauma. I could relate to a lot of what you said. And I’m so thankful you’re talking about this. So many of us don’t dare to speak up, because that would look like we’re “struggling” or “failing” or “needy”. Depression and anxiety are big taboo subjects in both social and church circles, and that needs to change!!
Hi Sara
It’s so surprising how many young moms, career women, Christian women and men who struggle with this issue. You are no alone in this. I am starting to see a shift in churches beginning to address it in a healthier way and remove the stigma but still so much more has to be talked about.
What i will never understand is how Christians can charge people for such advice. The bible says we should support and encourage one another, not charge them for it. I’m currently struggling with anxiety and i know that once i am through this i will be able to help others so much more than if i’d never experienced it myself. I will absolutely 100% NEVER charge anyone for any advice i am able to give. As soon as you put a charge on your advice, you leave a whole group of people unable to access that advice. It is so unChristian. It would be like Jesus taking payment before letting people listen to his preaching.
I can’t afford to pay for your course i’m afraid so I’ll struggle on and hopefully some other Christian out there has the compassion to give me some advice without charging me for it.
Rebecca, I’m really sorry about your circumstances. But here’s what I would say about Sarah.
To run a website costs a great deal of money.
To upload those videos on the web costs money.
To have the time to research this material means that you can’t work at a job.
This is what Sarah does. It’s the same as someone else going out to a job. You wouldn’t expect to work at a restaurant for 8 hours and not get paid. Well, the only way that Sarah can get paid for all the hours that she put into this is to charge for it.
If we value things, we do pay for them. And Paul very clearly said that a “worker is worth his wage.” Paul got mad at people for expecting Christians to NOT be paid. If we don’t pay for help, then there simply won’t be as many qualified people to get it because they will have to work at other jobs, rather than creating products that can help people.
Let’s not forget that Jesus, too, had people with Him who supported Him financially. He wasn’t doing it for free exactly; He had people who were paying for the disciples’ lodging and food and what they needed.
But as for your situation, if you’re really hurting, then I do hope that you have a church body that you can reach out to and get some help! I do feel for you. But please remember that Sarah is in the same situation: She, too, was struggling. She, too, needs financially to put food on the table for her family. I do wish you all the best.
I really appreciate your #3 point. So many Christian women feel compelled to “suck it up” and make like everything is OK when it is not. If you weren’t sick before you will be after a few years of that. Crying out to God first, then communicating with those around you in a godly way is the best. Sometimes we can effectively communicate to others, but God is always there.
I deal with depression and anxiety (which can be such a nasty one-two punch!) and a year and a half ago I went through an outpatient recovery program at a psychiatric hospital because I had also spiraled out of control. For almost six weeks, I went during the day Monday through Friday. I learned a lot there. For one thing, I think Christians are too hesitant to seek out non-faith-based help. I think I was the only Christian in the room most of the time. But that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. There were no appearances to keep up. Everyone was just REAL. We all came from different backgrounds and had different experiences in life, but that taught me something else – mental illness is no respecter of circumstances. Mental illness doesn’t care how “good” your life is. That was part of my problem. I have a loving husband, two great kids, a comfortable home…my mind would whisper to me “What the heck is wrong with you? Your life is great, you should not feel this way!” Well you can have all of those things and more, and still deal with mental illness.
The biggest thing I learned was how active of a role I needed to take in my own recovery. Medication definitely helps, but I needed to change my thought patterns and behaviors. I couldn’t keep doing things the way I had been doing them. It says in the Bible to “take captive every thought” and that is what I had to do. I had to learn to evaluate, “Is this real or is this the depression/anxiety talking?” I had to learn to communicate where I was at and what I needed. I have to practice good self care and be my own advocate. If I’m at a place where I know I will not be able to handle a situation well, I either decline to participate or I tell someone I trust I’m struggling and I need a little support, and that I will likely need some time to decompress afterward.
The depression and anxiety are not gone by any means, but if my brain were a car, they used to be in the driver’s seat, and now they ride in the trunk.