It’s a tragic reality that many couples are going to be faced with one member’s porn use.
We’re living in a world where we have access to the entire world on our phones. And that includes the very dark and sinful parts of the world, too, not just videos of cats playing with baby ducklings.
But if your husband is struggling with porn, is there hope? It’s so easy to relapse, and the road to recovery can seem long and overwhelming at times.
Today I have a bit of encouragement for you. An anonymous guest poster is telling you his story of the struggles he faced while overcoming his porn addiction. But you know what? He overcame it. It is possible–so be encouraged.
For a bit more than six years I have been completely free of masturbation, porn, and any sort of sexually suggestive online or TV content (actually we do not have a TV anymore).
I consider my recovery from these corruptions as complete as it can be. I have reached a point where the desire to stick to what I have achieved, and the determination not to nullify so many years with just one unnecessary action, are much stronger than the temptations in a moment of weakness.
Prior to these six years, it took me about a year and a half of struggling, of failures, of development, until I could reach my goal.
These were really difficult times. I would like to share some of the lessons I learned, and I hope it offers some encouragement.
First of all, I don’t think that it is possible to attempt this struggle without the knowledge (and help) of one’s wife. I tried that at first, but that made me feel very lonely in my fight, made it hard to explain my bad moods and frustrated attitude, and all this made me weaker–which was not a good thing. Once I explained what was going on, that hurt my wife deeply, and for very long time. It was to be expected. The fact that I was fighting with it was of little consolation to her then. She was hurt by the knowledge that I am still occasionally relapsing into these activities. That sounds bad, but it was of great help, as wanting to stop hurting her was one of my biggest motivations.
Also, in spite of her pain and the pain that it was causing me, I felt a certain relief, and that our connection strengthened a lot. Which was very important for my progress.
Here are some of the struggles I had while quitting porn use:
I questioned if what I was attempting to achieve was even possible.
To a large extent this was because of things I had read online on the topic. Now I know it is.
Longer periods, like a week or two, without sex, which can happen to any couple for various reasons, did provoke a certain level of physical discomfort and feeling of “pressure”.
I had to learn to deal with that by going to the gym (which was very needed anyway!). A good workout decreased the discomfort, and also made falling asleep in such periods not a problem at all.
I needed to find a way to distract my thoughts to other subjects.
Some people get a hobby; me, I became a bit workaholic. That actually became a bit of an issue a couple of years later, but it was a problem much easier to solve than the one it partly replaced.
I was left without my main coping mechanism for my anxiety.
It turned out that looking at sexually suggestive content and masturbation was my main mechanism (a very maladapted one) for dealing with anxiety. That was a good time to find other mechanisms, ones that actually worked: gym, more sleep, magnesium with vitamin B, drinking more water, etc.
I believe that it is important to consider looking at porn or sexually suggestive content on the one hand, and masturbation on the other, as a whole, and to try to quit them together. I tried quitting first one and then the other, and that did not work for me. That being said, I know that all people are different, and that what works for one does not for another. I think finding the right way to quit requires patience and experimentation.
I don’t know if any of this would be of use or help to somebody, but if by any chance that happens, that would be great! If not, still it was of help to me, as it is always good to externalize our struggles, and because writing this down further strengthens my commitments.
This is a hard fight, but not an impossible one.
Have more questions about porn’s effects on a marriage, or how to handle discovering if your husband is using porn? Here are some other posts on the topic:
- Reader Question: Is Watching Porn Together Okay if We Both Agree?
- You Can Recover from Your Husband’s Porn Use
- 4 Things You Must Do If Your Husband Uses Porn
- Regaining Intimacy and Rebuilding Trust After a Porn Addiction
- Discovering Your Husband’s Porn Use
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
So, when he started quitting, his wife didn’t know about it?
In that case, I wonder what gave him the motivation to quit.
I would guess it was the Spirit prompting him. To me, a guy coming out on his own saying he needs help here, would be proof of true repentance… whereas, if he wasn’t too bothered by the fact that he was living in sin, until his wife found out, he is a lot less likely to conquer it. Repentance has to come before having victory over any sin!
This particular problem doesn’t exist in my marriage, but it occurred to me as I was reading that much of this information could be helpful to anyone with maladaptive coping behaviors and habits. I really appreciate the information about nutrition and anxiety. I have been in treatment for anxiety (especially postpartum) and I’ve never been prescribed anti-anxiety meds simply because the side effects were likely to outweigh the benefits (my anxiety is not considered severe and I would agree most of the time with that assessment). I eat a pretty balanced diet including a multivitamin, but I decided to check it and interestingly, there’s no magnesium in it at all. That might be something to address, since I’m doing the stuff I learned in therapy and it’s not really helping.
I know *some* of it is a season of life issue (I have three little kids right now, only one in school part-time) but I’d rather not live this way until this season is over (and I don’t know when it will be). I, my husband, and my kids deserve better. So, I’m going to be checking that out. Thank you!
Hello Pennsylvania Mama,
(I am the person who wrote this guest post and sent it to Sheila.)
I am sorry to hear about your issues with anxiety. It is something I’ve suffered with for years. I will try to list here the things that helped me
– I think that Mg + vit. B was the biggest breakthrough for me, it really decreased anxiety significantly.
– fish oil, or, even better, eating fish
– vit. D (it was recently discovered that bigger doses are recommended, like 2000 IU in winter, if I’m not mistaken; please do not trust me on the number without double checking)
– at least a bit of outdoors every day
– at least a bit of sports every day
– identifying and quitting things that decrease anxiety short term and increase it long term
– forcing myself to drink huge amounts of water. When I get anxious, I grab the bottle, drink 1.5L in half an hour, and for some reason this helps… without long term bad effects
– ginger
– being honest with people
– choosing friends based on their good heart and positive attitude rather than based on intellect, coolness, etc.
– taking breaks, letting myself get distracted
– writing down everything I am afraid I will forget or that I want to forget, including TODOs, birthdays, heavy thoughts, etc.
– trying to relax in the evening (not sure if possible as mother of three…)
Good luck! And yes, stay away from anxiolytics: they are horrible in the long run!
I just think this is SUCH amazing advice. I didn’t have time to put much commentary in this blog post since I’m on the road, but I want to revisit it later, because I’ve been reading so much about the effects of really bad diet vs. good diet and exercise can have on defeating these temptations.
I so appreciate your honesty and sharing with us!
Thank you, Sheila! Have an great journey!
How long before you saw positive effects from the magnesium supplement? My mom has been hounding me about getting my levels tested but I wonder if I should just start taking it anyway. Starting counseling again next week, individually. Hopefully she’ll be a good one.
I believe it was rather quick, like maybe within two days (I don’t remember very well because it was around 2 years ago, and also, not sure it was the effect of the Mg, since I started vit. B combination at the same time; but I do remember that I thought then that the effect came rather quickly).
I have read that it is OK to take Mg supplement even if one doesn’t lack it: the excess is not dangerous and gets eliminated easily.
(That’s not the case with all supplements: excess of some can be very dangerous. So please be careful and double check…)
Good luck with the counseling! It can be a very, very helpful thing.
I’ve had to go on magnesium too for something else.
(Love this discussion, by the way!)
Dean, thank you for being so thorough! I really appreciate it. 🙂
By the way, I recently learned that drinking water too fast is bad for the kidneys… So I withdraw the item “drink 1.5L in half an hour” and replace it with “drink 0.5L in an hour”
PRAISE GOD for a success story! It’s not super common to hear of anyone having long term victory over this kind of thing; really a breath of fresh air. 🙂
Isn’t it?!? I was so glad when I got this email and I asked if I could share it. I thought it might encourage so many people who are going through the same thing.
Thank you for sharing.
I have struggled with porn in the past and still struggle with masturbation and “triggers” daily.
But, because of my job, there is nothing I can do about it. (Long story)
I have been to Celebrate Recovery and am currently enrolled in CovenantEyes. (The daily blogs have been really helpful)
I also have downloaded their 40 day challenge app and am doing the 30 day challenge from XXXCHURCH.
I read many sex in marriage blogs and my wife really understands and has been praying.
The step-down method has really worked for me since I was addicted for over 40 years.
I daily ask the HS to not let me do, say, or think anything stupid.
True, every man is different, but this is my story and I hope it helps someone.
Thanks for letting me share.
Art, thank you for sharing! I just want you to know that I’ve said a prayer that God will strengthen you and show you that He has your back, and that you can get through this. I’m so glad that you’re on the road to a recovery!
Hi Art,
Recently during a prayer session, asking the Lord for help with various issues of mine, I got the strong clear message of ‘DO THE NEXT RIGHT THING’. Basically, don’t look too far ahead into the future, just look at doing the right thing RIGHT NOW.
Exploring this concept further, I then asked Him how I would know what the next right thing to do was (over analysing is one of my many issues!). I then got another strong message that God is LOVE. Therefore, the next right thing to do is ALWAYS love. So at the moment I am taking my time to contemplate the ‘love chapter’ 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 to help me remember IN THE MOMENT of temptation, what the various qualities of love are. This has been helping me immensely. I think this is similar to your asking the HS to help you not do anything stupid, but with a more positive spin of what TO do, rather than what NOT to do. I hope this helps someone is some way, it has been such a huge break through for me!
I almost did not read this post because it also is not an issue in my home. But I was taking a break and wanted to read something.
So, glad I did read this. This advice is helpful to some many people well beyond porn in looking at how we deal with and alleviate anxiety and if we are doing so in positive ways. I think anxiety can drive a long list of other behaviors be they outright sin or things that are just barriers to our personal and spiritual growth.
Thank you for being transparent and sharing this.
And for me it has been a surprise, and a healing experience, to see that a good part of the comments focused on the anxiety (which was indeed a big problem for me back then) aspect of my issues. This allows me to rethink the past in a bit more positive light, so thank you.
I know! I thought it was really helpful too.
So what do you do when your husband doesn’t think masturbation (as long as he’s only thinking about me anyway) is a problem, and has had his porn issue since he was like 9? He feels guilty, and wants to beat it, but it’s to a point where basically I’m not even hurt when he tells me he’s still struggling. It’s more like “well…darn”.
I also feel guilty because our sex life is crap. Lately thought it’s not as much my lack of libido (although that’s definitely an issue), but also that my cycle is all out of whack. Two months in a row now I’ve had two periods a month. These are the first two months after getting off the pill. I have gone without the pill after being on it for a long time before and this didn’t happen. And of course it happens when we want to try and have a baby. But that’s a different issue. This month I had a period at the beginning of the month for 8 days, about 6 days with nothing, and I have been on my period basically the rest of the month. So no sex obviously. (I have an appointment with my OB to figure this out so that’s at least something) He’s asked me what we can do for him while I’m on my period, but I’m typically miserable and uncomfortable, and so I naturally don’t feel like sitting there giving him hand or blow jobs for however long it takes him to be done so to speak.
So all of that to say we’re in a bad place of crap sex life and addiction that he’s trying to fight. Any advice here? It was very encouraging to see that a man has beaten it, and to a point where he’s not constantly fighting with it.
Hi Katie,
I don’t think there is anything you can do to change your husbands mind. He has to get to a point where he is ready to make a change for God, and not for you. Keep praying for him.
I am in the process of recovery (attending Celebrate Recovery, active in a Step Study, and keeping accountability). There is a joke in my CR Sexual Integrity group about getting our 20 minute chip. Sobriety in the realm of SI is not as easy to define as sobriety from drinking or drugs. With either of those, you either partake or not. With SI, it’s all in your head, and the best one can hope for is to strive for purity. One man I have talked with who defined his sobriety as no porn, no masturbation, and no fantasy, claimed sobriety of over 10 years. I asked him if it gets any easier and he indicated that for him it had not. It was still an intentional daily choice. I’m only about 9 months into the struggle, but I’m remaining hopeful that “he who began a good work in me will see it through to completion”.
One thought that keeps coming to me from different groups is that men need to get to a point where they realize they cannot get free from this on their own. They need to figure out what it means to them to give it over to God. He is the only one who can free one from this addiction. Another thought is that they cannot do this for their wives or anyone else. They need to work to get free to please God. If they try to do this for their wives, or marriages, or anything else for that matter, there is the possibility of their motivation going away or letting them down. If that happens then where are they? The last thing is that guys cannot do this on their own. They need accountability from other men. Groups like CR (or the Conquer Series) can be really helpful.
Like you, my wife is having some menstrual issues that the Dr.’s have not yet been able to figure out. She is taking some supplements to help balance out her hormones, but has been on her period for the better part of 6 weeks now. Like you, she is not really interested in just providing “release” for me. I have to make the choice, intentionally, to not take matters into my own hands, to not pull back and isolate, and to not attempt a guilt trip. She cannot help what is going on, she is trying to figure it out, and still desires to be close, just not sexual. It bums me out some times, but I choose my response. Some days it’s harder than others.
Hello G,
For me personally things got easier after around 1 year. It kept on getting easier further down the road as I was discovering new things efficient against my anxiety. I think it is important to be passionate about purity and convinced in its benefits. And accountability is also important, of course.
One thing that helps me a lot in periods of infrequent sex is cucurbita pepo pumpkin seed oil (great for the health of the prostate).
Hello Katie R.
(I am the person who wrote this guest post and sent it to Sheila.)
I don’t feel that I am qualified to give any sort of advice, but I will share my thoughts hoping that at least they cannot do too much harm.
– First and foremost, my wife and I pray that your health issues get sorted out quickly, that the OB helps, and that you don’t suffer anymore from these frequent and long periods. The pill can have bad effects, both while taking it and for a while after stopping it, so it might be worth it to stay away from it in the future, especially since you got this issue.
– If for him this is a deeply rooted addiction, dating from way back before you met him, then there is absolutely no reason for you to feel guilty.
– Health issues, and all sorts of other issues, happen in every couple. It is just not realistic to expect that sex will always be on a nicely regular schedule. And when we have a longer period without sex, it is of course difficult for me. But that’s life. I try to take these periods as challenges, as opportunities to develop.
– Having in mind that your husband is still a relapsing porn/etc addict, pleasing him with hand jobs and blow jobs while you feel very bad might be a bit too selfless and generous. Maybe the following comment I wrote is somewhat relevant: https://tolovehonorandvacuum.com/2015/09/when-to-rebuild-sex-life-after-porn-addiction/#comment-571874
I never got into porn (thank God – there but for the grace of God go I), but like everyone else who surfs the internet, watches TV, checks out the magazine rack, etc., it is just about impossible to avoid the soft-porn come-ons. They are everywhere. There are also plenty of real live members of the opposite sex around wearing highly suggestive clothing – whatever little of it there is, anyway. It is little wonder that so many have trouble with this temptation. Sex sells, and in this economy awash with money, there is plenty of selling to do.
One little thing I have found that does help me: Whenever I see a sexually-suggestive image (or live person), I try to say a little prayer for them. I pray that they would be freed of whatever is compelling them to act this way and of the degrading exploitation to which they are being subjected. I pray that they would be transformed by Christ’s gospel, that they would live a life of holiness, and that they might find true happiness in a life of pure fidelity within marriage or chastity outside of it.
By praying for their well-being in such a way, a subtle but profound psychological shift takes place immediately. One no longer views them as an object to be used for one’s selfish gratification, but rather as a subject of Christian compassion. I have found that when I pray such a prayer (and I am not making any claims to be perfectly consistent about it, let alone that I am any better than anyone else), I do find it quite impossible to see them in the same way and follow the lure any further. The spell is broken, and I can quite easily turn away from the temptation.
I don’t know if this would work for everyone, but I strongly suspect it would – IF one is a real Christian, indwelt by the Holy Spirit. I don’t know if it would work for others, and I have my doubts that it would. I would say that if the reader is someone who is struggling with an addiction to porn and tries this without any impact at all, some serious self-examination is in order, for they need to consider whether or not they have actually made a serious faith commitment to Jesus Christ.
That is a GREAT suggestion! Thank you.
Christian Husband of 39 Years,
You expressed this so well!
I do the same thing, all the time. I think of the underestimated human being behind the sexualized image, and that makes me sad, but also hopeful that things will eventually change.
We had this problem, with God’s help it seems to be over with porn sites. Yet I notice that from time to time he still looks at sexualised images or graphic porn for may be 5-10 min. I confronted many many times. He acknowledges the problem and promises to be better, but to no avail.
Our sex life is wonderful and I enjoy it very much. Yet sometimes I wonder if he has mindmovies. And sometimes he is not gentle and not sensitive, I don’t like that and feel used.
We are trying a “hard mode reboot” – abstaining from sex for 30 days. I thought that would be helpful for him to see the problem, not to deny it.
But as I like physical intimacy I give up easily, when he asks, and I doubt there will be even 7 days of abstaining.
Actually I feel better when we don’t have sex as I’m not worried if he is using me or not. But I give up easily and then feel anxious and guilty.
Any advice for me?
There is this turning point that so many ex-addicts, regardless of the addiction, talk about, which is a moment of “acceptance” or of “Grace” or of some sort of deep change. It usually only comes after long periods of unsuccessful attempts to quit, and after fixing a lot of things that were blocking the road towards quitting. But when it finally comes, it feels like a deep acceptance that the old things are gone, and that they will not be in your life anymore, and that that is OK, that you will be fine, that you will be better.
After that moment came to me, I was never wondering about how to sneak a peak at a suggestive picture, or how to get a quick secret release – I was wondering how to become more pure, how to avoid temptations better, how to make sure I don’t end up looking at suggestive content in this or that scenario, how to eliminate more types of suggestive content from my life, how to prepare for the times when I am stressed, how to handle the longer periods without sex in a way that does not lead me to masturbation or to expressing impatience, and so on.
It was such a relief! I was no longer in a struggle with myself! I was instead on a fulfilling journey of self-improvement!
So my criteria for what a relapse would be for me is fairly strict now, and I suppose it might develop further with time.
All that being said, I am not at all saying that that is what everybody should do. Different people can have different goals, different ideas about what purity is, and so on. The two of you seem to generally be in a rather good place. Maybe the two of you should discuss where you want to go from here, what you want to achieve, what you believe in, what stops you.
Thank you so much for sharing your story. I know it will help a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing your story.
I escaped from porn in 2010 after 38 years of struggling with it. I am amazed to see other guys that are actually getting freedom on their own.
I have attended a Celebrate Recovery group for a few years and have seen many more men quit than stay in the program. I have also seen very few men actually find freedom.
Because of this my wife and I work with couples that are struggling. She has done a lot to help women come to a place of peace with themselves and the damage that their spouse has caused.
I wish that I could say that this is not going to be an issue for most women, but the statistics show that even in the church the majority of men look at porn at least once a month. It needs to be a part of every conversation for pre-martial couples. And the church needs to start talking about it more.
It is great that, after having been through this, you want to help others afflicted, and I wish you a lot of success with that! My wife and I, all we want to do is close this file (while preserving all the good habits we built during this crisis, all the closeness, and of course all my progress towards purity). This anonymous post plus comments on Sheila’s blog are going to be our one time reaching out to the world, intended to help us turn that heavy page. We agreed to take a break from the subject: not to bring it up during the second half of December (unless, of course, a relapse, or something like that, happens).
I’ve been married for 2 years now, and discussions about ED and sex frequency eventually led to discussions about his anxiety and intimacy issues, and, finally, to his porn habit. It’s been really hard and painful, but we seem to be doing some progress. At least at times. It is hard to keep hoping and believing, so I am trying to drown myself in work, and most days that works.
Regarding this article, I am wondering: why would quitting masturbation help with quitting porn? Wouldn’t it just make it more difficult? And is there really such a thing as “quitting masturbation” – after all, it’s a natural need, especially when it comes to weeks without relief, and especially for a young person.
Hi Marie! Great question. The problem with masturbation is very similar to the one with pornography: first, both involve fantasy and both involve pairing sexual release with selfishness or self-gratification rather than relationship and intimacy. Both encourage quick sexual encounters and train the body to respond to very different things than a normal sexual encounter with your wife. If a man is regularly masturbating, then, he may quit the porn (but likely not), but he will not quit the fantasy and he will only continue the underlying problem, which is equating sexual release with self-gratification rather than relationship. It rewires the brain so that intimacy and relationship is not what’s sexy. Porn users have a very difficult time seeing emotional or spiritual intimacy as sexy or arousing, even though that’s what we were designed to experience. They need to quit what they’ve been doing and give their brain a chance to readjust, and that can’t happen with a regular masturbation habit either.
I agree with Sheila.
I quit masturbation in my twenties, so I don’t think age was a blocking factor. Prior to that, it had been an almost daily thing for many years…
It can be quit just like any other habit. Nowadays, I still feel some physical discomfort/tension sometimes (after longer period without sex), but: 1. usually I do not associate it with a desire to masturbate, as this connection has been unlearned, and 2. usually I can easily ignore that discomfort, I barely notice it, as its grip on me has also been unlearned.
It can take months or years without relapsing for the brain to rewire itself in that way. A relapse greatly slows down the “unlearning” and therefore extends the period of suffering from withdrawal. I was telling myself “I want this to end, not to extend it.” After a time, the thought of how many weeks/months/years of difficult progress a relapse would erase was of big help.
In the beginning, I did not believe that such “unlearning” was possible for this particular issue. I guess I was afraid.
But I realized that quitting masturbation is essential for quitting porn, because it gives the strength and motivation to internally say a very strong NO! to any thoughts about porn, thoughts about porn substitutes, sexual fantasies, etc. No-porn makes no-masturbation much easier, and no-masturbation makes no-porn much easier, in my experience.
When a woman does not want to or cannot have sex because of sickness or hormonal dis-balance or something else, the last thing she wants to do is give her husband a quick release, or wonder if he will take things in his own hands. So I think to a big extent this is about being respectful towards one’s wife.
I came across this but realise it hasn’t been updated in over a year, so apologies for bringing it back up.
I think everything you have said Dean is amazing and only wish my husband could find the strength to do the same.
A year ago I found out my husband had cheated while on a business trip … I only found out as after many miscarriages I had further testing and they said it is possible that I have contracted a sexually transmitted infection. The day he confessed was after I backed him in a corner about it and was 2 years after the event.
Any way, I stayed and I laid down ground rules, no porn etc… he tried so hard but then everytime after a boys night he would relapse… he promised to quit and then got better at hiding it …
One night I came downstairs to find him outside down the side of the house using porn, again he promised to quit. I now have this awful feeling he will never stop, even though I have given him understanding I feel he is hiding things.
He has told me it is ridiculous for me to expect him not to masturbate and he will always have to do this without porn use.
I feel drained. Any advice?
Oh, Anita, it really is okay for you to expect that your husband will be focused on you sexually! And I’m so sorry that you’ve been through all this.
Yes, a guy will be tempted to masturbate if he isn’t having regular sex. That doesn’t mean that he will have to, though. But a more important problem, I think, is that with porn use, the brain rewires so that what is arousing is the fantasy and the image and the porn rather than an actual, living person (your wife). What your brain needs to get aroused is “more” and “new”. The new thing is so key–that’s why guys often do have affairs.
It’s important, then, that a guy start rewiring his brain the way it’s supposed to be–so that he gets aroused with intimacy, in his relationship with his wife. This isn’t an easy process. It involves quitting porn, and then it involves understanding what porn has done to him. I’d recommend that you get him to read my post on the effects of porn on his brain and his marriage, and then that you take a look at the ebooks offered by Covenant Eyes about how to rebuild your sexuality into something that’s healthy. Again, I’m so sorry, and I do hope that helps!
“He has told me it is ridiculous for me to expect him not to masturbate and he will always have to do this without porn use.”
Men are usually ready to have sex again quite quickly: within several hours, or a day, or three days. The need for release and the testosterone levels grow, and usually reach a peak after a week or two. After that the almost constant, uncomfortable, nagging feeling subsides a bit, but not dramatically.
Real-life relationships are difficult: illnesses, a spouse needing to travel alone for an obligations, hormones, menopause, pregnancy, children, depression, fights, fatigue, stress, etc. At times sex can become once per several weeks or even once per several months.
Life is hard: obligations, worries, pain, frustrations. A man used to masturbating regularly would think: it is ridiculous to think I could go through all of that with that constant nagging feeling for weeks or months, when there is so easy solution that is not hurting anybody!
And that way of thinking makes sense… until we compare it to how people addicted to other things think. Because they think exactly the same way. For men release becomes a physiological need after 3 – 4 months. The need for daily release is not physiological, it is an addiction to the dopamine and endorphin heights.
Addicts feel that the thing they are addicted to makes their otherwise very hard life bearable. It is the opposite: the addiction feeds their anxiety, disconnect and dissatisfaction with everything, their inability to live, making their life harder and harder, making the addiction worse and worse.
Several years after quitting cigarettes, the craving is almost entirely gone, with potentially very rare and weak returns driven by old triggers. With masturbation it is a bit different. After years without masturbation, testosterone would still rise high 1-2 weeks after sex, leading to feeling of need for release. But the addiction is gone and this need is no longer the unbearable nagging feeling it used to be. It feels natural and like a source of energy. And that’s how porn addiction and sex addiction can be lastingly eradicated.
I can’t believe it’s been two years since I sent this article to Sheila!
During those two years my wife and I did a lot of repairing and healing, even though there were some tough periods and ups and downs.
Probably my biggest “discovery” during the last two years was that sugar and white flour seem to be the main cause for my remaining anxiety, and that not consuming sugar and white flour also leads to not craving them. I’ve been much less anxious lately, and that helps me struggle much less with masturbation desires.
That’s amazing, Dean. And that’s so, so interesting. It’s amazing how much our diets really do influence us!