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It’s a tragic reality that many couples are going to be faced with one member’s porn use.

We’re living in a world where we have access to the entire world on our phones. And that includes the very dark and sinful parts of the world, too, not just videos of cats playing with baby ducklings.

But if your husband is struggling with porn, is there hope? It’s so easy to relapse, and the road to recovery can seem long and overwhelming at times.

Today I have a bit of encouragement for you. An anonymous guest poster is telling you his story of the struggles he faced while overcoming his porn addiction. But you know what? He overcame it. It is possible–so be encouraged.


Is it possible to quit a porn addiction? Does your husband use pornography? Here is some encouragement: one man's story of how he quit porn and how your husband can, too. Read through for the full article:

For a bit more than six years I have been completely free of masturbation, porn, and any sort of sexually suggestive online or TV content (actually we do not have a TV anymore).

I consider my recovery from these corruptions as complete as it can be. I have reached a point where the desire to stick to what I have achieved, and the determination not to nullify so many years with just one unnecessary action, are much stronger than the temptations in a moment of weakness.

Prior to these six years, it took me about a year and a half of struggling, of failures, of development, until I could reach my goal.

These were really difficult times. I would like to share some of the lessons I learned, and I hope it offers some encouragement.

First of all, I don’t think that it is possible to attempt this struggle without the knowledge (and help) of one’s wife. I tried that at first, but that made me feel very lonely in my fight, made it hard to explain my bad moods and frustrated attitude, and all this made me weaker–which was not a good thing. Once I explained what was going on, that hurt my wife deeply, and for very long time. It was to be expected. The fact that I was fighting with it was of little consolation to her then. She was hurt by the knowledge that I am still occasionally relapsing into these activities. That sounds bad, but it was of great help, as wanting to stop hurting her was one of my biggest motivations.

Also, in spite of her pain and the pain that it was causing me, I felt a certain relief, and that our connection strengthened a lot. Which was very important for my progress.

Here are some of the struggles I had while quitting porn use:

I questioned if what I was attempting to achieve was even possible.

To a large extent this was because of things I had read online on the topic. Now I know it is.

Longer periods, like a week or two, without sex, which can happen to any couple for various reasons, did provoke a certain level of physical discomfort and feeling of “pressure”.

I had to learn to deal with that by going to the gym (which was very needed anyway!). A good workout decreased the discomfort, and also made falling asleep in such periods not a problem at all.

I needed to find a way to distract my thoughts to other subjects.

Some people get a hobby; me, I became a bit workaholic. That actually became a bit of an issue a couple of years later, but it was a problem much easier to solve than the one it partly replaced.

I was left without my main coping mechanism for my anxiety.

It turned out that looking at sexually suggestive content and masturbation was my main mechanism (a very maladapted one) for dealing with anxiety. That was a good time to find other mechanisms, ones that actually worked: gym, more sleep, magnesium with vitamin B, drinking more water, etc.

I believe that it is important to consider looking at porn or sexually suggestive content on the one hand, and masturbation on the other, as a whole, and to try to quit them together. I tried quitting first one and then the other, and that did not work for me. That being said, I know that all people are different, and that what works for one does not for another. I think finding the right way to quit requires patience and experimentation.

I don’t know if any of this would be of use or help to somebody, but if by any chance that happens, that would be great! If not, still it was of help to me, as it is always good to externalize our struggles, and because writing this down further strengthens my commitments.

This is a hard fight, but not an impossible one.


Have more questions about porn’s effects on a marriage, or how to handle discovering if your husband is using porn? Here are some other posts on the topic:

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