Ever wonder why God made sex the way He did?
But there are some awfully cool things about the way that God made sex, too!
This week on To Love, Honor and Vacuum we’re looking at what’s so awesome about sex, and today, for Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d share 10 things that are really neat about how God made sex!
1. Women can enjoy sex even when we’re not fertile.
Seriously, do we know what a big deal this is? In the vast majority of the animal world, animals are only “in heat” when they’re fertile and ready to conceive. While our sex drives may fluctuate hormonally around the time of ovulation, etc., the fact still remains that we can want sex and enjoy sex at any time, regardless of whether there’s an egg perfectly ready. What does this tell us? That God didn’t make sex only for procreation at all!
And here’s something else cool: He gave women physical signs so that we can tell when we’re fertile and when we’re not. And the vast majority of the time we’re not. So God is saying to us, “it’s okay to want to have sex without getting pregnant. It’s okay to just enjoy it!” I think that’s really amazing.
2. We feel more sexually “turned on” when we’re emotionally vulnerable. It all connects.
We tend to think of sex as primarily a physical thing, and we certainly do experience sex with our bodies. But I think it’s amazing that our bodies respond better when sex is not ONLY a physical thing. When we become vulnerable with each other emotionally, that triggers sexual arousal. And when we pray together? Then it’s even better! That act of becoming vulnerable with each other or with God opens us up for intimacy, and it’s intimacy that’s the real aphrodisiac.
3. Women have to decide to enjoy it.
This may not seem like a big benefit. But let’s look at this for a moment.
Women’s sex drives are primarily in our brains. When we feel emotionally close and when we decide, “I want to have a good time!”, our bodies tend to follow. If we do a shopping list in our head or if we’re angry, nothing really is going to happen.
Why does this matter? Because it means that the relationship has to be on solid footing for the sex life to work. Sex is really powerful; if it were simply and only a physical drive for women, then a relationship could survive on just sex, even if the communication was terrible, we were treating each other terribly, and we were growing more distant. But because women need to make a conscious decision to enjoy sex, then it means that you both have an incentive to really work on the relationship and keep feeling close.
4. Men tend to be more “ready to go”
I know this is a generalization, because I know many of you are struggling with husbands with no sex drive. But on the whole, men’s sexual response was based to be much more automatic. Why is this cool? Because men tend to feel more urgency to connect sexually. But, since women need to make a conscious decision, it means that men will have to woo us, in some way. If they didn’t feel an urgency for sex, and if we had no incentive or impetus to “get it on”, then the relationship could become awfully boring and distant. But because of men’s drives, there’s a constant need for us to stay close.
(Again, I know this is a generalization. But if your husband has no sex drive, that really isn’t normal, and it could be the sign of something that does need to be addressed. So I’d suggest identifying the root of the problem and then getting help!)
5. A woman’s sexual response takes some time to learn
Again, this doesn’t seem very amazing at face value. Why is it so great that women don’t reach orgasm that easily? I think it’s because we have to be able to communicate and be vulnerable and tell him what we like, and he has to get to know us really well, for sex to work. Again, it’s that push that God gave us so that sex forces us to work on other areas of our relationship, and not just the physical one. The physical really only works if the other areas are kicking in. And our sexual response even shows that!
6. The most sexually receptive areas on a woman are not necessarily inside the vagina.
Why is this cool? Well, it means that sex is about more than genitals. You have to spend time touching and stroking and enjoying each other. (And it makes childbirth way less awkward!) It’s not just about two parts of the body fitting together; it’s about the whole body. And that makes it a far more holistic experience.
7. Women can have multiple orgasms that last a long time.
And there really is no purpose to this except for pleasure!
8. When we climax, we release the bonding hormone “oxytocin” which makes us feel really close to each other.
Women release oxytocin a lot at other times, too–when we nurse our babies, when we hug, etc. But men primarily release oxytocin after sex, and it tends to trigger feelings of intimacy and affection. Here’s how one reader explained it on my Facebook Page:
I think it’s pretty stinking cool that men release oxytocin, the bonding hormone, and that it’s really the only way they experience that particular biological reaction. Basically, a healthy and committed relationship literally calms and “settles down” a guy, by design.
9. When we climax, we lose control.
Sex is supposed to be something primal. It’s supposed to be an experience, not just something you can control. And that means that it’s okay to let go. It’s okay to not always be in control. It’s okay to not always be perfect, to not always act like a lady, to not always have your guard up. In fact, God specifically designed us so that if we do have our guard up, we won’t be able to climax. God designed women to have to give up control. I’m not talking bondage here or anything; I just mean that we have to be able to let ourselves be carried away by the experience, rather than directing the experience, or it doesn’t work.
Since we women are control freaks, that’s an incredible gift that God gave to us. He reminds us that we don’t need to have everything under control. That it’s okay to not think and just experience. What a blessing!
10. It’s just so incredibly intimate.
Sex is really strange. It’s two parts of the body (at least!) connecting in a way that never happens in any other social encounter. That makes it exclusive right to begin with. And it’s two very private parts of our bodies, that aren’t just “hanging out” for all to see. So making love becomes such an intimate experience. That very exclusivity makes it something so profound. It really does become “making love”, not just “having intercourse”. God could have made us to reproduce any other way, but He didn’t. He specifically created us so that to bring on the next generation, we’d be in a relationship which was exclusive, which felt so intimate, and which, at heart, is very loving.
I think that’s all amazing! Yes, sex often involves some work and frustration and figuring things out. Yes, there’s sometimes tension. But maybe that’s all part of the design! We have such powerful sex drives, but those sex drives don’t exist in isolation from other parts of our relationship. So we have this huge drive to have great sex, but we can’t really achieve that if we’re also ignoring everything else. That means that we have to keep working at loving each other. We have to keep getting to know each other better and better. We have to learn what makes each other tick. And then we can have such an amazing, fun, and intimate time with one another!
I can’t think of a better way to have been created.
Do you yearn to experience all of this amazing stuff about sex–but it just isn’t happening in your marriage?
Then you’re who I wrote 31 Days to Great Sex for! It’s 31 days of challenges that help you talk about sex, discover what makes each other tick sexually, be more affectionate, flirt more, bring the tension level down, deal with your baggage, and, of course, spice things up and learn new things! Each lesson builds on each other, and will help you grow the emotional, spiritual, and physical aspects of sex.
And it’s super fun!
I’m keeping it so cheap because I want it to help as many couples as possible. The ebook version is only $4.99. Try it today!
What do you think? Anything that I missed that’s so amazing about how God made sex? Leave it in the comments and let’s talk!