I Have to Speak About Sex…With My Mothers in the Audience!

So I know that on Fridays I always post a 400-word inspirational marriage moment, but I’m not feeling particularly inspirational today.

Because tonight I’m giving my Girl Talk in my hometown, and my mother, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law are going to be in the audience.

And my best friends, my girls’ coworkers, people who used to baby-sit my girls, people who used to teach my girls Sunday School, people who knew my husband in high school….

You get the picture. It’s a small town.

Now, don’t get me wrong! I’m actually excited that my family is going to get a chance to hear me speak and see what I do (and I wish more would be there), but I didn’t sleep well last night because I kept thinking about these throwaway lines I often put into some of my talks and wondering, “but how will that go over if SHE’S in the audience?” Or, even worse, “but how will that work if people can actually PICTURE my husband and me?”

These people actually KNOW us.

Seriously, I’ve given this talk in front of 1,000 women at the MOPS convention twice now, and in front of another 1,000 at the Breakforth convention in Edmonton, and I don’t even bat an eye. Don’t get nervous at all. It’s actually quite fun.

But talking about it in front of people WHO BASICALLY ALL KNOW YOU OR HAVE A CONNECTION TO YOU? Super weird.

It was like the time a few years ago when I was recording the audio version of The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex. I had to read the entire book, out loud, in a recording studio. And someone had to listen to me to make sure I was doing it right. And the guy who listened, who owned the recording studio, was a personal friend. It was just weird! Great guy, seriously. And he was really professional about it. But it’s still WEIRD, you know?

There are two things that worry me the most.

One is personal. In the second half of the show I share what it means to be “spiritually intimate” when you make love. And I lead into a really touching personal story about the night my son died which inevitably gets everyone crying. It’s in The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex in the chapter on spiritual intimacy, too. But it’s super touching. And I don’t particularly like sharing it because it’s one of the most personal moments of my life. But that one story has touched more people than anything else I say in the talk, and I know it’s a way of honouring God when I open myself up a bit like that. Part of the obedience takes sacrifice thing. I get that.

But telling it in front of strangers is still easier than telling it in front of people who know you. I can’t explain why, but it feels different. It feels like I’m giving up something that’s really private to me.

The second is a little different. I do it in a gracious way (I hope), and I really am not judgmental about it (I hope), but I do come out quite hard against sex before marriage. I acknowledge that most people in the audience have had sex before marriage, and I don’t talk as if I assume everyone’s a virgin at their wedding night or anything, but I do explain why that’s the ideal. And I don’t have a problem doing that, any more than I have a problem writing about it here.

And every time I speak in different towns, I know there are people who don’t share my views on God in the audience, and I figure, that’s okay. I’m sharing truth, and I’m not doing it in a harsh way, and it actually goes over really well (I have so many women who aren’t Christians still writing to me afterwards or starting to follow my blog).

But it’s one thing to do that in front of people who don’t know you. It’s another to do it in front of people who know you really well or who work with your husband. 

I don’t want to compromise the message, but it’s hard, you know? I don’t want to appear judgmental, and I seriously don’t think I normally do. But I find myself second guessing the way I say everything this morning, and I didn’t sleep well last night because of it.

(Now don’t get me wrong–I’m super glad all those people are coming! It’s a chance for me to share a big side of my life with them that they don’t normally see. And it’s a chance for me to share an important message. So I’m not hoping they’ll all stay home or anything. 🙂 I just find it more stressful than usual). 

It’s a fun evening. The women are usually laughing so hard by twenty minutes in.

I just pray it’s like that again tonight, and people won’t be super quiet because they know me and they’re picturing me or something.

Anyway, so that’s why I’m all kerfluffled (isn’t that a great word?) this morning. And if you think of me throughout the day and tonight, say a prayer for peace and that the words will come out right! Pretty please? Sigh.

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum This Week?

How are you feeling about sex?  If you need some ideas on how to get things going, or even just how to be comfortable preparing yourself, this week’s Tops have some great tips to get you started!

#1 Post on the Blog: 10 Easy Productivity Tips For A Blessed Day 
#1 on the Blog Overall: Top 10 Tips For Initiating Sex With Your Husband
#3 from Facebook: Why It’s Okay To Think About Sex
#2 from Pinterest: 5 Ways To Defeat Insecurity In The Bedroom

I’ve Got Some Great “Themes” Planned for the Next Few Weeks!

Now that my daughter Rebecca has been working for me and taking so much off of my plate, I’ve been able to step back and try to more proactively plan what I want to say on the blog and on social media. And one thing we decided to do was to have a “theme” for each week, where every post is on that theme and where social media reflects that theme, too.

I’m actually really excited about it, because it will let me go more in depth on each topic. I get so many questions emailed to me from readers, and I never know where to start. So I think this will help me focus!

I’ve got some great themes planned from now until Christmas, including boosting your libido, making sex feel great, rebuilding trust when it’s been broken, handling extended family, how to have a great date night (and why you don’t always need one), and so much more! So I think this will help the blog be more focused, and I’m excited to give it a try.

I Am Seriously, Seriously Impressed with This Teaching on Disciplining Kids

I have run so many guest posts on parenting on this blog, and I’m pretty picky on what I choose to let go up. But in the last few months I’ve had two posts from Connected Families that have just been excellent. They’ve gotten to the heart of why so much of our discipline doesn’t work with kids: we’re focusing on immediate compliance (getting them to change what they’re doing right now) instead of focusing on touching their hearts for the long term.

Everything they say is right on with my own parenting philosophy, and they have some amazing resources! I love their course that you can take online on how to connect with your child’s heart when disciplining. It’s just great. And I didn’t want you to miss it, because the enrollment is open now, but only for a few more days. I seriously haven’t been this impressed with anything to do with parenting in a long time. So if you’re at your wit’s end, or if you just don’t feel like you’ve been doing it right, please take a look. Make the change NOW, rather than waiting until things have gone even further down a road you don’t like.

Okay, that’s it for today! I’m going to go and try not to fret for the rest of the day. Pics will be up on Facebook after the event, so if we’re not connected there, come on over! And have a great weekend!