When Do We Know If We’ve “Arrived” As a Couple?

We all know that marriage needs constant care and constant growth, but have we ever actually “arrived”?

Every Friday I like to write a short, 400-word inspirational piece on marriage to give you ONE thought to take you through the weekend. This week I want to share with you some thoughts I’ve had as I get ready for our 25th anniversary!

Sheila’s Marriage Moment: Are We There Yet?

When my mother was 43 she was diagnosed with breast cancer. While it was initially terrifying, we’re so thankful that she sailed through with flying colours, and recently celebrated 30 years cancer free. At the 25-year mark I threw her a “Glad You’re Not Dead” party. Some thought the title was crass. But I was glad, and I figured there was no point in beating around the bush!

This month my mom and our daughters are planning a 25th anniversary party for Keith and me (our actual anniversary is in December, but that’s a lousy month for a non-Christmas party!). My mom asked me what theme I wanted. And as I thought about it, I came up with another thought that some may consider crass.

I chose “Are we there yet?”

When we first got married, that’s what I was constantly asking: “Are we there yet? Have we arrived? Are we grown up? Are we happy?”

And as I asked those questions, it seemed the answer was always “no”. I was searching for happiness and validation through my marriage, and the more I did that, the more dissatisfied I became.

Over the years my perspective has changed, but the question hasn’t.

I still ask, “Are we there yet?” But what I mean is, “Have we really learned to love? Have I grown in Christ so that I can support you fully, even when I’m busy with my own ministry?”

I want so desperately to be the kind of woman who will make a great wife for Keith. I’ve stopped waiting for my marriage to be perfect, and I’ve tried to run after God to change me instead.

And it doesn’t stop there. I wonder “Are we there yet? Have we passed on the things we want to our daughters? Have we breathed into the next generation?” After twenty-five years together, my marriage seems more about a legacy than a big unknown.

I know, though, that this isn’t the end of the changes in perspective. One day, I pray that Keith and I will still both be here to grow old together, to ask, “Are we there yet? Are we ready to see God’s face? Can we welcome the new and say a peaceful good-bye to the old?”

“Are we there yet?” was once asked with anxiousness, with doubt, and even with a bit of guilt. Today, to me, it’s a challenge to keep looking towards the future, and to keep building the kind of legacy we want to leave.

So are we there yet? No, I don’t think so. But the exciting thing is that we’re always getting closer!

What’s #1 at To Love, Honor and Vacuum?

To get some new posts on the board, we are going to look at some 2’s and 3’s!  What are you bringing into your marriage this week?

#1 NEW Post on the Blog: What Do You Do When Your Teen Refuses Church?
#3 on the Blog Overall: 50 Most Important Scripture Verses To Memorize
#2 from Facebook: When Christians Make It Sound Like Sex Is Only “For Him”
#3 from Pinterest: 5 Ways To Defeat Insecurity In The Bedroom

We’re Heading Back to Canada for Thanksgiving!

This is our Thanksgiving in the Great White North, and Keith and I have put our RV in storage and are heading home today, flying from Phoenix to Ottawa. Looking forward to seeing our girls at the airport, and my mom when we get home!

When you’re reading this I’m likely on a plane. And gearing up for jetlag. So I’m not going to write a lot of “catching up” this week. I’m going to head to bed early. But I wish you all a great weekend, and for all you fellow Canadians, Happy Thanksgiving!

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