I’ve been having such fun talking about community this week at To Love, Honor and Vacuum, and today I wanted to give a special shout out to some of my commenters.
I really appreciate those of you who comment (and those of you who just read are precious, too, of course!) But when you comment, you let me know: there really are live, human beings who are reading what I wrote. And so often you all have interesting insights or interesting ways of seeing things that I may never have thought of! And when you share your stories, which are always unique, you can really minister to other people reading the blog.
So I picked 10 readers who have commented a bunch and reached out to them. And 7 got back to me. 🙂
If you comment a lot, and I didn’t email you, please, it’s nothing personal! I literally just took a look on Saturday at recent commenters who had a ton of comments under their belts and emailed them. So I wasn’t choosing some people over you! These people probably just commented more recently! And hopefully I’ll get another chance to feature more of you later.
But without further adieu, I’d love for you to meet these lovely ladies! I’m putting their “screen names” under their avatars (that I’ve made up), not their real names, of course. But you may recognize some screen names!
How long have you been reading TLHV?
About 4 years, I think.
How did you find me?
Recommended from a friend, who had already found you. Not sure where she found you though. 🙂
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
There is nothing too big for us to handle together, and nothing so small it can’t become a big issue if we don’t talk about it.
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
Currently we’re working on fine-tuning our finances. Our only debt is the mortgage, but we would like to be saving AND giving more. Which is going to require getting a whole lot more careful about the “little things that add up”. Also working on finding times to just hang out together. It was easier when the kids were smaller – now they want to go to bed later than we do! (Sheila says: that’s great! Next week my theme is date nights, so hopefully I can help you there!)
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
I especially like the ones about ideas for building the friendship side of marriage, and the ones on parenting teens. I bet you can’t guess why. 😉
How long have you been reading TLHV?
About 3 years.
How did you find me?
I read a post on Women living Well that a friend forwarded to me about the upside down kingdom and something relating to having children. I think your site was linked in the side bar or at the bottom. (Cool! A lot of people found me through Courtney. It was so fun to meet up with her in real life in Ohio last year, too!)
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
I don’t think anything specific. Just that I have a great husband 🙂 (Yeah, sometimes I think some of the really wacky male commenters do a lot to show the rest of us that we DO have great husbands! And some of the super sad stories do that, too. 🙁 ).
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
I’m not trying to grow right now. I’m just trying to keep my head above water. Teaching, research, dissertation and keeping a home is a lot. I’m just trying to work on my mental health and make sure we have food and at least talk every day. (That’s success right there!)
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
I like when you talk about general home keeping things and what God has been showing you in your life/ general scripture applications.
How long have you been reading TLHV?
About three years.
How did you find me?
I was suffering panic attacks and doing a google search on anxiety and marriage I came across your blog.
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
That He is the Blessed Controller and so much of life is about a heart attitude and about trusting Him. If my marriage was not meant to be, it would not have happened. While I could’ve married any particular person, the fact that I did marry my husband means it was ordained by God. Not sure if that makes sense.
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
Trust – not trust in my husband, but me learning to trust God and life and that all things will work out.
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
I love your “Because the Vow matters” types of posts, also the one about the divorcing for the wrong reasons (the two part), because given my background it speaks straight to my own insecurities about my life and my marriage.
How long have you been reading TLHV?
I’ve been reading TLHV for several years sporadically. Reading regularly about 18 months.
How did you find me?
I found TLHV from doing a search on what to do when your husband looks at porn. (Sheila says: that’s actually really common! That’s one of the most common search terms that brings people here.)
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
That he can heal anything, nothing is too big or too broken. But it has to start with our willingness to trust and be vulnerable.
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
The area of my marriage that I’m trying to grow right now is total intimacy and transparency in our needs. Specifically, telling each other what we need on a daily basis rather than being too busy to discuss or minimizing the need and convincing myself I don’t really need it. (I’m sure no one can relate to that! HA!)
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
Too hard to pick, there are so many. But I think I have to go with the topics where you discuss what submission actually means and the damage done by misogyny, whether blatant or veiled behind theology.
How long have you been reading TLHV?
2 years maybe.
How did you find me?
Pinterest – probably some parenting post. (Ah, yes. Pinterest! That’s how most people found me, but now they’ve changed their algorithms and I don’t show up in searches as easily. Sigh. I really should do something about that!)
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
That it’s about oneness, not happiness, not fulfillment, but oneness and in a way a tool to sanctify us, to make us more like Him.
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
We are trying to build a deeper spiritual intimacy or unity. To pray and worship more together on a personal level. We are both in ministry together and much of our spiritual focus was ministry only – but we are learning to share what God is doing in our hearts, the really deep stuff, and to stand together and support each other in our personal walk with God. So much of our unity was team work in practical stuff up until now.
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
I love many of the practical stuff for improving sex!
And I enjoy your rants a lot, too. I like that you’re seeking to cut through some of the muddy ground and try to find answers and truth without bending the gospel or generalizing all problems into one-fits-all answers.
I believe God’s heart is shining through your blog and writing, it is evident that you truly care to help people, and you are honest and transparent, I love the mix of practical helpful stuff and personal sharing. And you’re fun, too 😉 I believe if is a powerful thing that you open yourself and share your own journey always pointing to God and His love and desire to forgive and heal us. (Thank you! I do try to be authentic.)
How long have you been reading TLHV?
Since 2011!
How did you find me?
I found you via Courtney Joseph at Women Living Well. (Another Courtney find! I never realized those few guest posts were so important!)
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage lately?
God has shown me that He is faithful and if I put my trust in Him, it’ll be ok.
What area are you trying to grow in right now with your marriage?
We’re working on communicating better–always a work in progress!
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
I love your relationship articles–like how to grow closer to your spouse, that kinda thing. But the post that really turned my life around was one you wrote about the effect of divorce on kids–Between Two Worlds. That changed a lot for me.
How long have you been reading TLHV?
For about a year
How did you find me?
Through Pinterest. (Grrrr…That Pinterest thing again. Pinterest, why don’t you love me anymore? Psssstttt…everybody, the more you pin my stuff, the more you help other people like Eliza find me! Thank you!)
What’s the biggest thing God has shown you in your marriage?
That it’s not about what my marriage can do for me.
Have any favourite post or favourite topic that I cover?
Dissociating during sex. I had never had a name for it before! I am so grateful to you Sheila for helping me become aware in this area, and also for helping me feel less weird! (So glad I could help!)
So Where Are My Commenters From Then?
I think it’s cool that out of the 7 people I picked on a whim, I managed to get one from South Africa, one from Israel, and one from Australia–along with my fellow Canadian and some Americans.
Now, I love all you Americans. I really do. But I think often we assume when we’re reading blogs that it’s ALL American. And it’s actually not!
I love that I have such a wide variety of readers here. In fact, only 60% of my readers are American. The next biggest group is from India, then Canada, then the UK, then Australia, then South Africa, and then Kenya! Yes, I actually have quite a few readers from Africa, and I’m thrilled about that because one day I hope to go back and fund a marriage speaking tour there.
And we just booked our first stop on our Australian tour for 2018! So if any other Aussies want me to join them, email Tammy!
What About How Old Most of You Are?
From this group, it looks like it skews older than what my other stats tell me. So I guess the older readers tend to comment more! Which maybe is natural because when we get older we feel like we have more to say or something. 🙂 But I just want to encourage you–even if you’re in your 20s, you’re not alone on the blog (I think most people are under 35), so we’d love to hear from you!
UPDATE: Okay, I just realized from ANOTHER commenter that it made it sound like I only like people in their twenties. Whoops. Sorry! The biggest demographic I have on my blog is younger women, but I still have about 200,000 people every month who are over 45! So we matter, too. And I’m going to start focusing on “older” issues, as well. In fact, I have a theme week coming up in December, I think when I look at the challenges that aging bring to marriage. So I appreciate all of you! (It’s just that older people tend to comment more. Go figure).
Want Even More of a Community?
Two things: join the Facebook page! That’s where I tend to post funny pictures and funny observations.
And I also have a special group set up with their own Facebook Page, that I send regular updates to about what I’m reading or behind the scenes thoughts on the week’s blog posts, and do monthly “chats” where they can hear me and my husband talk about marriage (and sometimes our kids!). That’s for people who want to support the ministry, and help me pay for all the people I’ve hired in the last year to handle the mountain of work I have so I can keep going creating content. Check out my Patron page here! (You can join for just $5 a month, and I’ll give you access to my ebooks, etc., with that, too!)
Thanks So Much for Commenting, Everybody!
You guys really do make the blog so much better, and help me feel not quite so alone.
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Sheila Wray Gregoire has been married for 29 years and happily married for 24! She loves traveling around North America with her hubby in their RV, giving her signature "Girl Talk" about sex and marriage. And she's written 7 books. About sex and marriage. See a theme here? Plus she knits. Even in line at the grocery store.
You chose the right avatar, wearing pink often at the moment (half my maternity tops are pink) and I have brown hair usually up in a high mom bun or high pony tail 😉
That’s too funny! So glad.
Hi Sheila!
Just want you to know how I have enjoyed and learned much from your blog posts. Thank you for all that you do to help so many women and families.
Wondering if there are resources out there for older couples. My husband and I are in our 60’s and have been married over 40 years. As we age, there are many changes that we must adjust to as retirement is in the near future and physical changes. It would be good to have a better understanding of some of these changes as it can be perplexing. Our sex life has changed as well and it is difficult to know who can help understand some of these changes that frankly, are difficult for us to voice.
That’s a great question! I’m trying to start an email list for those who are “older”. Not “old”. Of course not. Just “oldER”. I can add you to that if you want! Because I know that’s a demographic that’s important, too, and increasingly I’m catching up to it. I think I’ll go put an update in the post that I appreciate my oldER readers, too!
Sheila, in defense of the “wacky male commenters” i would only say that it is highly likely that if a man is reading your blog then he is probably very frustrated. You are not seeing who he is, you are seeing years of pent up frustration.
I don’t mind the ones who are just frustrated, honestly. It’s the ones who attack me everytime that I say that a wife has the right to confront her husband on sin. That’s what seriously bothers me! Or the guys who say that a wife has no right to ever say no to sex, or that a wife has to obey her husband no matter what. Those are the ones that scare me, you know? But I do know that I have a lot of male commenters who are just frustrated, and I do feel for them! In fact, I wrote this post for them to try to explain to their wives how they feel. I hope it helps some of them!
Oh, and to be fair, some people who hold those views are also female. It’s just the male ones tend to comment more about it! But I’ve had to ban some female commenters, too, who have yelled at other commenters for daring to confront their husband on porn use. Sigh.
Chris, by “wacky male” commenters I am sure Sheila is speaking about the guys that come on here spouting beliefs that women should be uneducated, pregnant constantly, and not allowed opinions or a voice in their own home.
Yes, those ones. But I likely could have chosen better words, so Chris has a point! I honestly do feel badly for the frustrated men. It’s one of the reasons I write this blog!
Young commenter here, I’m 24 🙂 Thanks for this encouragement to comment and share — I’ve been reading your blog for almost a year but I get the posts in my inbox and have never really thought to go to the site and post a comment! I found you through the Ultimate Homemaking Bundle last year, the one with the podcast, and later picked up one of your books at the library and started reading the blog. Just wanted to say THANKS for telling me all the things I need to hear, even when I don’t really want to hear them… 🙂
Aw, you’re welcome, Hannah! And it’s great to hear a young commenter, too! 🙂 (And I love the homemaking bundle!)
heh…my Avatar is pretty close to my natural self…my hair is currently blonde and super-short, like the left side of the avatar! LOL
It was super-fun meeting you last month! Ohh Australia! That’ll be a fun trip no doubt!
Thanks for doing what you do here on TLHV.
I knew your hair was blonde! 🙂 So I told Becca to make you blonde. It was fun meeting you, too!
I’m moving towards 47 and absolutely love your site. I have grown closer to God through many of your post. Thank you!
I’m moving towards 47, too. 🙂 In fact, I keep thinking I already AM 47 and keep telling people I’m 47. Which makes me add at least a year or two to my husband’s age, too. And pretty soon I’m planning his 50th birthday party even though it’s years off. It’s like once you get in the upper 40s you automatically start to add multiple years. 🙂
I haven’t ever commented, but I thought I would since I am 23! Lol! I have never been married and am a single mom to one amazing kiddo. Anyway, I just thought I’d say I LOVE this blog L-O-V-E. It has given me so many insites to marriage and preparing myself for my future husband! You’ve definitely changed my views on sex; I never knew it was such a BIG part of marriage! My mother was always awkward about the topic, in fact I never got “the talk” just a book thrown on my bed. It saddens me because I think if I had seen sex as a positive thing (in marriage) I wouldn’t have travelled down the road I did. I plan on having an open discussion with my little one and telling him how great sex can be WITHIN MARRIAGES opposed to how it destroys you outside of marriage. Oh, also found your blog via Pinterest when looking up “preparing to be a future wife” 🙂
Keep doing what your doing and know that you are helping more than just married men and women you are helping us singles out too!! God bless ❤️
Oh, that’s wonderful, Lynn, and thank you for sharing your story! And way to go, striving to be such an awesome single mom to your little one. That’s great! It sounds like you’ve really got your priorities straight and you’re aiming for the right thing, and I hope and pray that God blesses you in every way, and that you always find the strength to keep going, even when being a single mom right now is tough. 🙂
Yes! Some of the things I read on the Internet make me run to my husband and kiss him! He and I are true partners. Not perfect but we make mistakes together or not at all. He has never fallen for the temptation to think he has authority over me. We both strive to be servant-leaders in our family.
You got my blonde pony tail right too!