Feel like you have no libido–as if it’s in hibernation or something?
You’re not alone!
I love talking on the blog about how libido is so much more than just physical–how it’s spiritual and emotional, too. And I totally believe that! And over the years I’ve given tons of tips on how to keep your head in the game and how to feel more “in the mood”.
But this last week I’ve been devouring some information that’s new to me about how the problem may simply be a physical one–and that’s good news, because it means that there are things you may be able to do to fix it!
When we lose our libido, we often wonder if there’s something wrong with the marriage. Why don’t I get turned on by my husband anymore? But maybe it’s simply that your hormones aren’t working properly, or you’re just too tired and achey. And that, my friends, has cures! Let’s take a look together.
Why Is Your Libido Sub-Zero?
I’ve been devouring the information in the [adrotate banner=”307″] for the last few days. It’s a collection of 83 amazing resources, including ebooks, online courses, printables, and more, that can help you figure out how to live a healthier, more abundant life. It can teach you about real food, about making non-toxic cleaners, about making non-toxic beauty products, about going to a paleo diet if you want, or about how to start addressing food allergies.
But what I’ve been focusing on is all of the resources on hormones, because I never really understood this stuff.
Today I want to share with you what I’ve learned from three primary resources: Natural Hormone Balance Guide for Women, the Healing Hormones course, and the Perfect Periods course. They’re great–and I’m not even finished going through all the courses yet. I’m just taking notes like crazy!
The Healing Hormones course is subtitled, “No, you’re not crazy!” It’s for all those women who wonder why they’re so tired and stressed and achey and can’t figure it out. To you, today, I’d say: “No, you’re not frigid!” To all those of you who wonder why you have zero libido, there may be a simple answer. You may simply have an imbalance, and that’s good news. Because that can be fixed!
What is “Libido”?
Libido is the desire to have sex and the ability to enjoy it. For women, it’s highly dependent upon how we feel about our relationship, because brain studies have found that when women are aroused, the relationship and feeling centers of the brain light up (for men it’s different areas). But it’s not only that. It’s also largely hormonal. Our “sex” hormones (progesterone, testosterone, and, of course, estrogen) prepare the body to want and enjoy sex. Estrogen “lubricates” everything. Testosterone gives us desire. Progesterone regulates all of that. So when something is out of whack, you’re going to want chocolate more than sex. It’s that simple.
So let’s look at why!
Could you simply have poor nutrition?
Nutrition is everything. All of the cells in our bodies rely on the proper food to function at tip-top level. And if they don’t have what they need, they’ll be limping along, and they’ll often favour the vital things over the not-so-vital things (sex hormones).
Causes: Even people who look healthy can have poor nutrition! If you don’t get enough healthy fats, for instance (like coconut oil, avocados, fish, nuts), then your body will crave them. Even if you eat what looks like it’s healthy, like a vegan diet, your body could be crying out for things it’s missing, like protein. If you’re busy and you’re always grabbing food on the go, you could have some serious deficiencies.
Solutions: Eat lots of fiber! Add healthy fats to your diet. Eat more protein. Eat far fewer refined sugars, because they can cause “leaky gut”, which stops the intestine from absorbing nutrition.
Could you have adrenal fatigue?
Our adrenal glands work overtime in producing hormones. But the adrenals like to play triage: they look at certain deficiencies as “Defcon 5” and will work to fix those first. And one of the hormones our bodies really need is cortisol. It gives you energy, and regulates everything else in your body on sort of a time schedule (your bowels, your sleep, your energy, your digestion). But it depends on this 24 hour clock.
Causes: Our bodies work on a clock. So light=daytime. Eating protein=energy, it’s time to wake up! Eating carbs=it’s time to rest. That’s an oversimplification, but that’s roughly how it works.
Here’s something absolutely HILARIOUS I read in the Natural Hormone Balance Guide for Women. Dr. Kellogg was a bit of a quack. In the 1800s he started a sanitorium to help people deal with lust and masturbation. And one of his main “cures” was this neat cereal that he had developed that you eat with milk. You see, this big carb intake would lull the body into a contented, placid state, and then you wouldn’t feel the urge for lust anymore.
Well, Dr. Kellogg found out that people LIKED eating this cereal, and soon it became the breakfast staple everywhere.
So let’s look at our modern lifestyles: we get up before it’s light in the winter, feed our bodies massive amounts of carbs in the morning, and then keep our bodies up at night with artificial light. And we confuse the heck out of them!
Again, there’s more to it than that. But if your body is working overtime to produce cortisol, then your adrenals will get tired and won’t produce sex hormones as much.
Solution: Eat protein for breakfast, and avoid heavy carbs (like cereal, toast, and bagels). Wake up to natural light, or get lightbulbs in the winter that mimic it. Stay away from blue light at night. Keep carbs for dinner time. Stay away from caffeine, which confuses everything.
Could you have low progesterone?
Progesterone balances estrogen and regulates the metabolism. It’s made primarily in the ovaries, but also in the adrenal gland (and if you’re perimenopausal or postmenopausal, then you’re REALLY relying on that adrenal gland!).
Causes: If your adrenal glands are working overtime, you’ll likely have less progesterone. Also, if you’re producing TOO MUCH estrogen, then you’ll likely produce less progesterone, leading to a real imbalance.
Solution: Do everything above to regulate nutrition and cortisol. Stay away from beauty products with lots of chemicals, especially shampoos and body washes. Choose things like the Diva cup or cloth sanitary pads instead of disposable ones, because they can artificially introduce a weird chemical that mimics estrogen and can mess everything up. Do some moderate exercise four times a week. Try some essential oils, especially clary sage (that one’s helped me a lot!)
Could you have low estrogen?
The Healing Hormones course lays out so well what low estrogen does to us sexually–we can have painful sex, very little lubrication, and low desire.
Causes: Age decreases estrogen, so being perimenopausal or menopausal can hurt us. Having other imbalances, as above, can also affect estrogen.
Solution: Have sex regularly! (the more you do it–the more hormones you produce! Libido is use it or lose it!). Avoid caffeine. Don’t overexercise. Add lots of ground flax seed to your diet. And add some supplements. There are so many creams and capsules that you can take to help with low estrogen that are really safe.
Could you have low thyroid function?
When your thyroid isn’t functioning really well, it tends to “bind up” the sex hormones, leaving them unable to be properly used. And then, when thyroid production is low, you start producing fewer sex hormones, too. It’s a vicious cycle.
And some studies have shown that MOST people have at least mild hypothyroidism.
Causes: When your cortisol levels have been out of whack for a LONG time, this eventually affects the thyroid.
Solution: Avoid soy. Throw seaweed into your soups and stews! Stay away from broccoli and kale, but throw in lots of Vitamin C and Vitamin E. And no smoking!
But how do I know what I have?
I know. When we start to read all this stuff, we think: “I’ve got EVERYTHING!” But don’t worry; that’s likely not true.
Here are two simple approaches:
- Eat well, with good nutrition, avoiding processed foods, caffeine, and too much refined sugar. Try to eat properly to a 24-hour schedule. Do that, and no matter what the problem is, you’ll likely start to fix a lot of it.
- Take the Perfect Periods self-assessment quiz (it’s in lesson 3). I found this super helpful. And it gives you a huge list of “action steps”, including lifestyle adjustments, food adjustments, and even supplements you can take depending on what your issue is. I’ve listed some solutions here for these issues, and most of them are found in the Perfect Periods course. But she’s got so much more in it!
I know this is a LOT of information, but I find it really empowering. If you can figure out what’s triggering some of the ill-effects in your body, then you can stop it!
And wouldn’t that be worth it?
The assumption that vegan diets leave eople protein deficient is incorrect, at least based on some of the reading I’ve done. You can certainly eat a junk food vegan diet, but that is a different issue. Check out Forks over Knives for some interesting discussion about the need for protein.
Love Forks over Knives.
I eat vegan and get plenty of protein.
Hormones are so fascinating.
And it’s honestly really scary how many endocrine disrupters are in so many products we use daily. Also hormonal birth control just really messes up everything (even though it does “cure” some symptoms for some women it really only masks the real problem by giving the body artificial hormones instead of the right nutrition and adequate sleep). It’s actually scary to think that our water supply is totally messed up with artificial hormones from birth control and agricultural use of growth hormones…
I ditched most plastic and try to buy preserved food in glass jars whenever possible because tins are lined with a plastic that contains BPA – an endocrine disrupter that mimics estrogen. Some are now BPA free just like baby plastic products but they just replaced it with a different chemical (and I wonder if the chemical gives the same properties to the plastic like BPA did then how much different will it be for our health? I don’t think it’s much different….) I switched to stainless steal water bottles and my kids eat from regular dishes (or stainless steel – like camping plates) to reduce exposure. We have almost no plastic toys (except Legos) and I don’t let my babies suck on plastic toy.
Our body detoxes somes of the environmental chemicals that act like hormones but really if we don’t cut out as much exposure as possible we basically have always a level of this stuff in us. And we wonder why now so many people have issues with fertility and crazy periods and libido. Yet it’s amazing how much can be cured by lifestyle and nutritional changes!
By the way, I try to eat a high protein diet with lots of fresh fruit and veggies when pregnant (for pregnancy #2, #3 and #4) and I have not experienced morning sickness, weird cravings, no weight gain except on the belly, and my energy levels are great for being pregnant (I am more tired then usual but not as exhausted as I felt in my first pregnancy when I was eating way more carbs, had morning sickness and strange cravings and a fat round face by the end of it). I did have a bigger appetite for bread this time around, but whenever I eat to much of it I feel super low energy and overall more crappy but as soon as I switch back to the protein-veggie diet I am up and running! And I need to be with 3 kids at home and homeschooling. Also I don’t sleep well in this pregnancy except after sex, then I sleep like a rock. Amazing how that works…
Ugh, reading all of this is just making me super stressed out. I try to eliminate toxic chemicals from the house as much as I can, and cook from scratch as I can. But I’m also pregnant right now, I’m chasing a very active toddler who refuses to eat most of what I cook (except for pizza and pasta), and carbs are pretty much the only thing I can eat that doesn’t leave me too nauseous to function, especially in the morning! I’ve bought Healthy Living bundles in the past, and found some useful stuff, but trying to balance what might actually work with my life, budget, and husband’s willingness has been very discouraging for me. So for the sake of my sanity, I think I’ll be passing this time.
A lot of the info mentioned here is theoretical at best. Rather than trying to self-diagnose, I would recommend getting your hormones checked. (Probably after pregnancy.) Pregnancy, breastfeeding, etc., throw a huge wrench in the works when it comes to hormones and sex drive, so go easy on yourself.
Aim to get basic nutrients and rest, and talk to your doctor about information like this to see what, do anything, you should address right now. ๐
And of course, stressing about your sex drive is a trigger for the sexual inhibition system (http://uncoveringintimacy.com/dual-control-model-sometimes-cant-get-mood-sex/), which puts the brakes on your ability to be aroused, so that doesn’t help.
You’re better off trying to find triggers that hit your sexual excitation system. For us, I found that frequent massages, which included discussions about our relationship, helped to build a more sex-positive context and helped my wife get aroused more easily.
I’m being treated for both hypothyroidism and adrenal fatigue. I didn’t know about the affects on libido!
I second the comment about hormonal birth control. I wished someone had told me what the effects would be. It was so easy! Take a pill and you don’t get pregnant! What they didn’t say was that I would have no libido whatsoever.
I am post menopausal and have my hormone levels checked annually.
I have very low estrogen, progesterone, and even lower testosterone.
I am borderline low thyroid.
I can’t take hormones.
I have no libido….imagine that!
Thanks for the pointers and the resources.
Anything is worth trying.
I wish someone would tell the men of the world that low libido isn’t always caused by
lack of love or some other female sinister ulterior motive. Sometimes it’s plain old fashioned biology.
“I wish someone would tell the men of the world that low libido isnโt always caused by
lack of love or some other female sinister ulterior motive. Sometimes itโs plain old fashioned biology.” YES YES YES YES YES!!!
I think this is so good to understand. So important!
I think also often the world confuses responsive arousal with no sex drive. Women tend to have less spontaneous desire for sex than men do. Part of this is hormonal, but another part is because of arousal non-concordance. Women’s physical arousal and mental arousal are often not linked. As well, it’s harder for women to tell if they’re physically aroused. For men, there’s this very clear, very prominent erection that we instantly notice. Add this to a stronger arousal concordance and the physical arousal provokes a mental arousal.
For for women, they can be physically aroused and have no idea. Plus, because their arousal pattern tends to be more responsive than spontaneous, they need something to lead them to arousal rather than just suddenly thinking “Hey, I’d like sex now”.
That’s not a problem, it’s just a difference. Too often it’s treated like an issue. Like responsive desire not as good as spontaneous desire. But, one is not better than the other, just different.
This is SO true, Jay Dee! I love the distinction between the differences of types of arousal. Very true!
Hi Sheila, I don’t know why am not receiving your messages again. Pls how can I subscribe.
I’m not sure! But you can sign up to get my emails here! Hope that helps.
I hope these tips can help encourage a healthier you.
I am curious as to what the research behind these points shows. Many of these ideas seem questionable, at best, to me.
Thanks for your blog, Sheila, and all you do. I do appreciate it very much.
This post is dated Sept 26 and its the 27th today, but already the link to the health package has expired? Is that a mistake or is the sale really over?
Yes, it is! Yesterday was the last day of the sale. It’s only a six day sale, and I’ve been telling people about it since Wednesday. I’m SO sorry you missed out! If you want to make sure you hear about the next one, you can sign up for my newsletters, and then you’ll get an email even if you miss a blog post.
So sorry again!
Ok. Hey, no problem. ๐ Thanks for letting me know, I really appreciate it! I will def sign up. Thank you!!
I don’t sell this and it’s not an MLM. I just love to tell others about it because it’s helped me and so many other women (and some men, too!).
An integrative exercise program called T-Tapp. You can google it. Created by Teresa Tapp it will not only give you a lean, beautiful body, but it is specifically designed to balance your hormones, reduce inflammation (did you know that almost EVERY other form of exercise causes inflammation?), and move your lymph far more than any other exercise. And it’s rehabilitative and can heal your injuries (I no longer have knee pain or achilles tendonitis). And it can be done in as little as 15 minutes a day, a few days a week.
I thought it was too good to be true, also, until I started doing it. She has a workout called “Healthy Hormones for Menopause Management” that can be extremely effective for ANY stage of life when your hormones are out of whack. Moody teenagers, lethargic mothers, pregnancy, perimenoapuse, etc. Teresa has been approached by Dr. Perricone and Mary Shamon and they encourage people to give T-Tapp a try. You don’t need weights, gym memberships, babysitters, or an uninterrupted hour every day (who has that?) to look and feel vibrant. You don’t need powders or pills or wraps or to starve yourself, either. If you can’t afford a DVD, check your library to see if they have them or the book, “Fit and Fabulous in Fifteen Minutes.”
Were the bonuses in the bundle available for Canadians? If so then I missed out! I know in the past, they haven’t been.
They were this time actually! Not all of them, but about 80% I think!